Hiho, Vince!
Sorry this is late but I've been out of touch with the FFML for the past
few days.
The grounds of St. Hebereke's were extensive and well-
landscaped, but Ranma was swift and knew them well; she found
St. Hebereke's looks strange tho it's probably grammatically correct;
how about just 'The grounds of St. Hebereke'?
Akane after only a few minutes, sitting in a secluded spot by a
small fountain decorated with a stone faun.
Heh. Cute play on the school's name.
Had the school not
been a girls' school, it might have been a favored venue for
couples; as it was, Akane had it to herself.
Hmm. Don't Japanese schoolgirls tend to sit in pairs or larger
groups? This venue would still be good for that.
*Oh, good, curry.* Akane's
lunches hadn't made anyone sick for quite a while, but there were
still some things she did better than others.
Despite all the changes and improvements, successfully beating Ranma
up still headed the list and cooking still ranked at the bottom of the
list. :)
"No problem," Ranma said, blushing. "Besides, you had my
lunch...."
Swat! "Ba-a-ka."
Perfectly done. :)
"It's not Musabetsu Kakuto."
Isn't it Anything Goes? Weapons training ought to be part of that.
"Maybe it's not Saotome-ryu, but it's definitely part of
Tendo-ryu. I've always done kendo, and kenjutsu, and kyudo.
Father taught me yari and naginata, too." Sword, bow, spear, and
polearm: all the old--
Hmm. Is the closing " in the wrong place? Judging from the response
from Ranma below, it seems that it should come at the end of the para.
"Weapons." Ranma's voice was disgusted. "A true martial
artist doesn't need weapons."
//
"Hey, I can use 'em!"
"No, you just fake it brilliantly. You'd use them better if
you practiced." Akane lit up suddenly. "I could teach you!"
Ranma can't just be faking it; he has too much knowledge and pride to
do that. I tend to hold the idea that for him to successfully dodge all
of Mousse and Kuno's attacks, he has a good knowledge of the weapons
he's facing.
Still.... Ranma
suddenly caught the shinai between two fingers and held it,
smirking. "Now what? Woop!" He dodged Akane's side-kick.
Heh. Shades of the Bakusai Tenketsu block.
"Scissors stop shinai? Funny way to play janken," Nabiki
observed, sauntering into the dojo.
Nice scene with Nabiki, btw.
"Dammit, why'd it have to rain NOW, of all times?"
"Oh, stop it. You're the one who didn't think we'd need an
umbrella."
"Bah. An umbrella makes me look like Ryoga."
"What's that got to do with it?"
"Uh...." Ranma glanced at Kuno, then back at Akane. "Not
here, okay?" She addressed Kuno. "Uh, we need to, uh, confer
with our dark master.
Ranma pulled out his mobile telephone. "Oh, Nabiki..."
"Oh, I see. Even though you're sure to win, it's not
honorable to stake something you don't have." Akane thought for
a moment. "But if you don't have it, what happened to it?"
"Last I saw, Pops had it," Ranma said grimly.
Tsk. Wonder how much he got for it. :)
Genma looked up at Ranma and Akane, standing over him. In
eerie unison their battle auras flared darkly around them, making
their eyes seem to glow in contrast. He gulped. The sound of
cracking knuckles echoed in the small room.
Followed by cracking bone and pained cries for help. :)
"How come you know so much about pawnshops?" Ranma asked
Akane.
"I don't, really, but Kasumi does. How come you don't?"
Oh dear, that's a terrible indication of the Tendo family finances.
"Oh, God," Sato moaned. "Tendo Kasumi's sister and Saotome
Nodoka's daughter-in-law. 'Trouble' doesn't begin to cover it.
I'm going to hell for this, I just know it."
Nabiki appears in a puff of black smoke. "Oh, I heard that hell is a
great spot for tourists at this time of the year. Fortunately, I happen
to have a free ticket with me."
Akane broke into a smile. "Go, Kasumi! I knew you could
find someone better than Taro-kun!"
Hmm. Have to agree with Gary on this one. It seems slightly insulting
to Kasumi; after all, Taro is her choice.
Ranma's eyes widened. "But I--" She stopped suddenly,
understanding.
"Yes. Now you're not a guest any more; you're one of the
family. So I can be a bit more, mmm, open."
"So now, Ranma, can I offer you a massage?" Kasumi asked in a sultry
tone.
"'I would be glad to discuss the matter of a certain katana
with you at your convenience.' It's signed Kurumazaki Kotaro."
Akane frowned at the name; that certainly was an odd choice of
kanji--
Hmm. I know that name means something but my dictionary refuses to
tell me anything. :(
Ranma smirked. "Maybe I should have come as a girl after
all, then, assuming this Kotaro guy likes girls...."
"Then again, he might prefer coming on to me as a guy-- Brrr."
"Over my dead body," Akane told him. "You're married now.
No more flirting with guys who don't know you're not a real
girl."
"Jeez! Bad enough you're jealous of other girls, but guys?
Gimme a break!"
"Aww, but, Akane, it's just so much fun to tease them."
Akane shook her head. "Are you sure you're not really a girl, Ranma?"
"Hey!"
The man smiled politely. "I am Masanori, Kurumazaki-san's
vassal.
I'm not sure that 'vassal' is the appropriate word here. Vassal
assumes some degree of personal power as well as holding land for a
greater lord. Masanori seems more than a servant but not to that degree.
Akane laughed in delight and clapped her hands. "Oh, how
cute! I'm no good at origami; they all come out looking like
rocks."
"Yeah, origami's gotta be related to cooking and swimming," Ranma
added.
I don't need to describe what follows, do I?
"He's blind, you baka!"
'you idiot' would suit me as well.
"I'm afraid Akane-san is correct," Kotaro said, holding out
a little red paper cloud complete with thunderbolt.
Cute and perfect.
Kotaro shrugged. "I collect fine blades. I have some small
skill in their use, being the heir to the Kurumazaki Tobiuo-ryu
of kenjutsu."
Again, I get the feeling I'm missing out on the translation. Perhaps
a glossary for such things might be in order?
"Everything except students." Kotaro laughed a little. "It
seems that the ryu will end with me, though; there's no one left
to grant me my mastership, and I doubt any students would come to
learn from a blind master anyway."
Tsk. The Japanese should know better with the legends of blind
swordmasters and such available to them.
"Both. I also practice iaido, as an aid to contemplation.
I have plenty of time for contemplation." Kotaro's voice was
Iaido or iaijutsu?
"Sorry for the disturbance," Akane said tightly to Kotaro
and Masanori. "Excuse me." She stomped back out, dragging an
unconscious girl in bogu by the pigtail and carrying a mask and
shinai in the other hand.
Kotaro and Masanori exchanged glances... or, rather, a
glance. "I'll just see them out," Masanori volunteered.
"By all means."
This is so perfectly Ranma 1/2 that I could cry. :)
Ranma's face twitched, then settled into a hard, confident
smirk. "You're on." Looking into her cold gray eyes, Akane felt
two conflicting emotions: the now-familiar electric thrill of
Ranma taking her seriously, but stronger than ever before... and
the visceral knowledge that if Ranma really did take her
seriously, she would have all the chance of a rabbit cornered by
a tiger.
"Eh, what's up, doc?"
*You're thinkin' too much.* It was Ranma's sensei-voice in
her head, and in its wake the froth of her thoughts vanished like
so many soap-bubbles. A decade of Musabetsu Kakuto and kendo and
six months of Ranma's idiosyncratic tutoring came together in one
instant flash of void.
*sniff* If only Musashi were here to see this moment.
"BECAUSE I CAN'T!" Ranma roared. "You KNOW what I gave up
to get this good! If someone who didn't sacrifice the way I did
can be BETTER, then it was all for NOTHING!" Dead silence
answered him. His tortured glance raked over the shocked faces
of his small audience. He dropped the shinai and darted out the
open doors of the dojo into the spring sunshine.
Ouch. Painful moment of honesty here. Excellently done, Vince.
"Yeah? You say 'vile' things like that about ME all the
time! You're always talkin' like I'm gonna screw Kodachi, or
Ukyo, or SOMEONE, any chance I get!"
Eh, no Shampoo? Thought she'd rate as Numero Uno sex kitten. :)
"Jealous? Who'd be jealous of a--" Ranma began
automatically.
"You would!" Akane burst out, cutting him off before he
could say something they'd both regret.
Ranma more than Akane, of course. :)
"YOU would! And after
all the things you said to ME because I was jealous! Sure, it was
easy for YOU, you had girls chasing you everywhere you went! No
one was chasing ME!"
Hmm. Selective memory on the part of Akane?
"Ryoga, then."
Akane shook her head. "He's just a friend. And besides, we
haven't seen him in months."
"Besides, he could have crushed me with a hug-- Brrr."
"Nothing." Akane frowned again; now that she thought of
it.... "Ranma, how come you haven't made a move on me since that
time on our honeymoon?"
"What?! Sure I have! I--"
"No, you haven't. Every time, it's me grabbing you and
dragging you to bed."
"I'm sorry, Akane. It's 'cause I got zip sex drive."
Akane held on. Her delighted anticipation was making it
difficult to think. *He really does want me, he really does
think I'm sexy!* "Um, home's the other way...."
"Well, there's a love hotel over there..."
"What, did you think I had Ryoga's problem? Momma's house
is closer," Ranma's voice said over the rushing wind in her ears.
Doh! He's too cheap for that. :)
His hands blurred and suddenly Akane was naked; her kendogi
and underwear fell in a pile on the other side of the room.
Happosai's training finally pays off. :)
"What about it?" Ranma's voice was more cautious than
challenging.
"Ranma... I don't want to be your... inferior. Your
subordinate. Your sidekick.
Zelgadis sighed. "Am I fated to be Lina's sidekick forever?" He looks
up from the ground and spots the large Ranma 1/2 crowd watching him with
large sweatdrops. "Oh sorry. Wrong series."
"That's because you don't think they're important. For you,
everything you're good at is important, and everything you aren't
isn't," Akane said carefully.
Hmm. This reads a bit oddly. Perhaps:
"That's because you don't think they're important. You're good at
everything you think is important and terrible at everything you think
isn't."
"We can both win this one... I hope. I challenge you to do
just what I did," Akane said clearly. "I challenge you to admit
that I can teach you something important, and let me do it."
"I don't wanna! Can't make me! Bii-dah!"
Guess they have matured a bit from the marriage. :)
"I don't believe this. The one time I want a guy to feel my
tits, and he won't," Ranma said in disgust. "Jeez."
"Yeah, Akane's the only one I want to feel my t--"
"Ranma!!"
She stomped
over to Kotaro, unbuttoning her shirt, and grabbed the hand that
wasn't holding a bokken. Goosh! "There. See? I mean, get it?"
Cute moment. :)
"HAAAAA!" Tak-tak-tak! Tak-tak-WHACK! "Kote!"
"Point and match!" Masanori called.
I'd have liked to have seen the match.
"We could try demonstrating the curse... no, if he hasn't
got it by now, he never will. Honestly, how someone can ignore
something like that when it's right under his nose-- are you all
right?"
suggest: 'right under their nose'
Ranma, still coughing, waved his hand.
Akane frowned momentarily, wondering why the first cough had
sounded like "P-chan", then shrugged, dismissing the matter.
Heh.
"Hmm... with a little effort, we could make this a really
memorable occasion for Kuno-kun. I'll go make a couple of calls.
Leave all the details to me; you just be ready to go over there
and have fun kicking some Kuno butt."
Ranma smirked.
"Sure. I'll have fun kicking Kuno's cute butt. Ack! Wait, Akane! I
was only kidding."
The fair Tendo Akane also wore kimono for the occasion.
Tatewaki's eyes narrowed as he noticed that the cut of her
'wore a kimono' perhaps
"You could start a collection," Kotaro said, rising. "At
this rate, it won't be long until Kuno-san runs out of
katana...."
'runs out of katanas....' or perhaps 'runs out of them....'
Ranma half-smiled. "Hey, Akane. I was thinking." She
paused to see if Akane had a wisecrack for that, but wild horses
couldn't have dragged a jibe out of Akane at that moment.
Groan. Pun-ishment required, me thinks. :)
---
Closing Comments:
An excellent chapter as always, Vince. The amount of research done for
the chapter was obvious and definitely improved the quality and
authenticity of the story for me. No real problems that I could spot.
The only problem I had was that Kotaro comes across as too nice. In
R1/2, that's very rare - I think Shinnosuke is the only one that comes
to mind. Even his blindness doesn't make him, well, weird enough for
R1/2. On the other hand, it's about time that Ranma and co finally meet
someone 'normal'. Perhaps he has a dark secret hidden away?
Anyway, hope this helps.
Phil.