Subject: [FFML] Re: [FIC][Warriors Redemption][R1/2, B-tech Fusion]
From: "Gary Ee" <garyee@mbox4.singnet.com.sg>
Date: 12/13/1999, 9:07 AM
To: "Jeremy Evans" <ianmakabe@hotmail.com>
CC: "FFML" <ffml@fanfic.com>

Some snippage here and there.


                 Warriors Redemption

Typo: Warrior's

                    By Jeremy Evans

I'd like to thank Francis for pre-reading this for me.



Disclaimer: The wonderful people at FASA own Battletech and all related
material.
The Amazing Rumiko Takahashi owns Ranma 1/2 and all related characrters.
I did not write this to make any money, only for entertainment.


-----------

 3056
 Planet "The Rock"
 Smoke Jaguar occupation Zone

 Star Commander Ranma entered the briefing room. He was 6' 1' with
 well-defined musculature, blue eyes and a handsome face. His dark hair
was
 fairly unremarkable except for the  Pig-tailed which reached down to mid

Typo: pig-tail 

 back. He was dressed in a blue/gray jumpsuit, with the patch for his
unit
 the 'Hunters' over his heart. He took a moment to scan the room, nodding

Grammar: nodding his greetings/ nodding in greeting

 greetings to the few warriors he was on friendly terms with. The rest he
 treated to his usual indifference.


 Ranma took a seat near the back of the room so as to be left alone
during
 the bidding. As he sat down an elemental entered the room looked at him
and

Punctuation: entered the room, looked at him and

 scowled. Ranma smiled smugly at the taller man, who then turned away in
 disgust. "That was not very smart." Ranma turned around and sighed.
Before
 him stood his superior officer, Star Captain Ariel. She was what most
would
 consider pleasing to the eyes, with her dark brown hair, chocolate brown
 eyes and lithe form. But her eternal frown ruined the effect her
features

You cannot start a sentence with the word "but" as it is a conjunction.
"However" might be a better word.

 could have had on someone. "Why do you say that Star Captain?" She sat
down in
 the seat next to him. "Elementals do not like being beaten by
Mechwarriors. 
 I doubt it will be long before you face him again, and this time he will
be 
 out for your blood." Ranma shrugged, "Then it will take me a little
longer 
 to beat him."

Same old Ranma.

 
 Indeed it was. The two Star Colonels dressed in the ceremonial fur of
the
 Jaguar, approached the pool. The two men glared at each other and waited
as
 the lore master went through the final rituals. Once done the senior
officer

Punctuation: Once done, the

 made his opening bid of units.


 The object of the bidding was a Kurita planet that Intel indicated was
being
 set up by the Dragon to stage raids into Jaguar space. All ready 2 merc

Typo: "Already" NOT "All ready"

 units were on planet along with one house unit. The two merc units were
the
 Jurian Guards composed of about 2 companies of mechs under the command
of
 Captain Yosho Misaki, and the Lunar Senshi composed of about 2
companies, of
 mostly aging inner sphere mechs, under the command of Major Usagi
Tsukino.

"This planet is a place of peace and prosperity! Attacking it is a sign of
evil! I am the pretty vested mechwarrior Usagi Tsukino! In the name of the
Dragon, I will punish you!" 

 Neither group had any experience fighting the clans. The only house unit
on
 planet was composed of more experienced warriors but their new Commander
 Captain Kuno had yet to see combat. With all this it was believed that
this
 mission would be a cakewalk.  Despite the evidence to support this Ranma
 still felt uneasy about the whole thing.


 "You are concerned with something Ranma, Quiaff?!" Aerial brown eyes
stared

Punctuation: quaff, no capitalization. 
Typo: Ariel's

 at him intently.

 
 "Aff Star Captain."  He points to the screen showing the bidding. "I do
not
 think we are taking this mission seriously enough."

If you are telling this story in the past tense, stick to the past tense.
Do not revert to the present tense unless a character is speaking.
 
 Her frown deepened. "Our opponents are nothing more than worthless
 freebirths! My Trinary alone could handle the scum!!"

As above, this story is written in third person, as such you should always
write in the past tense.

 He shakes his head. "Those free birth have beaten us on more than one

Typo: free births
There were only a few major Clan defeats like the Battle of Luthien and
Tukayyid.


 occasion. They do particularly well when we underestimate them, which is
 what we are doing now." He waves a hand at the screen which shows the

typo: waved

 opposing commanders final bid, which consists of 3 Trinaries of mechs a
star
 of Aero fighters and elementals. "If you ask me that is cutting it a tad

Typo: aerofighter. Compound word

 close." He refolds his arms and waits for her reply. "We can take them
with
 less." She turned from him to watch the finale bid of their commander.
Ranma

typo: final

 shook his head before turning back to the screen.
 

 Their commander smiled in triumph as he bid only one trinary and two

Translation: two trinaries and one star. 35 mechs.

 binarys  of mechs. The bad feeling in Ranma's gut suddenly grew worse.
Ariel

typo: binaries

 nodded in approval as she saw her trinary was still in the fight, though
down 
 one star. She then turned to face Ranma. "That is more than enough to
handle the
 mission. In fact I will be surprised if we do not completely rout the
dogs

Punctuation: In fact, I

 with that!" Her frown lightens somewhat as she turns back to watch the
 opposing commander concede the bid. After the final rituals, most of the
 mechwarriors began to file out of the room. Some to prepare for the
coming
 battle, others to simply return to their posts.

 Ranma gets up to go when his commanders' voice stops his movement.

typo: commander's.

 "Star Commander, you will come to my quarters tonight." He sighed "May I
ask
 why I am to be..graced with your company this evening?" She turns to
look
 him up and down. "Mission preparation will not allow me to couple for
 sometime and my duties have not allowed me to do so for a while all
ready.

Typo: already

 We also have a few things to discuss. You will come to my room tonight,
 Quiaff." he looks at her, the response ' Hell No!!' briefly came to his
 mind. He sighs,  "Aff."

 *****

 Ranma looked at the naked form of Ariel lying atop his bare chest, his
arms
 wrapped around her. When he realized he was holding her he quickly
dropped
 them to his side. As his eyes gazed at her and his mind went over what
 they'd done it took all his
 restraint to keep from shuddering. No matter how much he enjoyed sex
during
 the act, he always felt miserable afterwards. Especially when it was
with
 her. Coupling with his commanding officer was not high on his list of
fun
 things to do and nothing happened this time to raise his opinions of it.

grammar: opinion

 She stirred and looked up to face him. A frown was no longer on her face
 but nor was it a smile. Satisfaction, that's what it was. She was simply
 satisfied with how it went. She slowly lifted herself off him and
plopped
 down next to him." You continue to amaze me Ranma."

 He gives her a look some where between surprise and curiosity. "May I
ask
 what you mean by that Star Captain?"

 "You hate coupling, don't lie I see it in your eyes. For whatever reason
you
 continue to deny other females the pleasure of your body except for me
and
 the only reason I may enjoy it is because I can order you to. Still when
 ever we do couple you all ways satisfy me."

Typo: always

 Ranma blinks before answering, "I am trained to be the best at what ever
I
 do. No matter how much I dislike it."

And that training was probably with his sibko. I understand that most True
Born explore their sexuality during their adolescent years with their
sibkin.

 
 Her eye brows raised "Oh really? Then explain your performance as a Clan
 warrior!"

 Ranma turned a withering glare on his commanding officer. "If you
question
 my skill you need only look at my codex.."

 She snorts derisively "Ranma, you do have a lot of kills to your record.
But
 in all most all of them your opponent survived the destruction of his
mech.
 Sometimes it seems as if your doing your best not to kill the pilots! I
can
 understand this in intra clan battles but we are fighting inner sphere

punctuation: Inner Sphere

 Freeborns!! You should be aiming for the cockpit, not avoiding it!!!

 His face takes on a tired expression. "Star Captain, the great one
himself

Punctuation: Great One. Since he's referring to Kerensky with this title,
it ought to be capitalized.

 taught us the evils of waste. A captured live inner sphere mechwarrior
can

Typo: Inner Sphere

 do some work within the Clan. A dead one cannot."

 She shakes her head "Nonsense! We have more than enough willing people
in
 the other castes, we do not need more!" her eyes narrowed "Also, I said
Clan

Tell that to Phelan Ward.

 warrior, I am not questioning your skill but your devotion to the Jaguar
 Clan!!"

Clanners do not refer to themselves as the "Jaguar Clan". 


 She shakes her head, and then straddles him and bends down to the point
 where her nose hovers just above his. "I was not talking about that."

Oh my.

 ******

 The door opened as Ranma entered his quarters. His bed was disheveled
and
 had numerous documents on it. Most dealing with new battlemech
development,
 troop movements and political stability in the innersphere and a few
books

Typo: Inner Sphere

 on Martial Arts. Unlike the floor, his walls were bare. Ranma stripped
as he

Punctuation: martial arts

 headed for the bathroom, activating it he stepped in and let the stream
of
 hot water massage his tired muscles.

 Ranma looked at his hands. "Serve the clan to the best of your abilities
and
 Kerensky's dream will come true." He repeated the words of his long dead
 mentor Nadoka. The one woman who had actually meant something to him. He

Typo: mentor, Nodoka

 closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. His old mentor had always
said
 that by being the best he could eventually complete the mission Kerensky
had
 given the clans. So, was that it? Embrace his clan and its ways and
 Kerensky's plan would be served?

 An image of a young girl with soft brown eyes and a dollish face who
 entered his mind. He remembered meeting this girl during training to be
a
 mechwarrior. Her name was Isis; she was one of the freeborns in training
 to be a warrior. Ranma saw very quickly that she lacked the talent to
 make the cut, but she was one of the kindest people he had ever met. He
fully
 expected to see her moved off into the Scientist CASTE and become a

Typo: caste. No need for capitalization. .......doctor or nurse..........
Ditto.

 Doctor or Nurse. He even once joked with her that the next time he saw
her would
 likely be when he needed patching up after a fight. He saw her a lot
sooner
 than he expected.

 It was right after his trial to be a mechwarrior. He had succeeded in
 destroying two battlemechs earning him the rank of star Commander. He
was
 the only one of the four cadets from his Sibko to pass the test. He had
 freed himself from his ejection seat and was walking toward the drop off
 point when he noticed a group of freeborns standing around something. He
 hesitated a moment. After all a few minutes earlier and they were trying
to

Punctuation: After all,

 stop him from reaching his mech as a part of the test. Unlike others
Ranma
 was unarmed as he had forgone hand weapons and used the trees to slip by
 most of the freeborn guards and the rest he quickly knocked out with his
 hands. Curiosity winning out he pushed his way through the crowd and
froze
 when he saw what was at the center. It was Isis and she was bleeding
from
 several bullet wounds. He began to act before he knew what he was doing;
he
 picked her up into his arms and bolted for the drop point all the time
 calling for a medic. He was almost to the med truck when she got his
 attention by caressing his face. He looked down and saw her smile at
him,
 and then she closed her eyes for the last time.

 "No.  No!  No!!"  Ranma's fist smashed into the wall as more images of
 brutality filled his mind. Images of clan mechwarriors stomping on the
heads
 of downed inner sphere mechs, the annihilation of unarmed civilians, and

Typo: Inner Sphere

 finally the halo vids of Edo, Turtle bay. Watching as deadly bolts of
energy

typo: holo-vids

 rained down on the defenseless cities. Seeing men, women and children
simply
 cease to exist under the withering bolts caused him to shudder.

 Barbarians. That's what the clans were. Technologically advanced
Barbarians.
 A mockery to all the great one had stood for. Kernesky must be spinning
in

Typo: Great One........Kerensky

 his grave. Well no more. He would find a way to make Kernesky's dream a
 reality. With this thought Ranma grabbed a bar of soap and began to
cleanse
 him self in more ways than one.

-----------


 Planet "Otaku"
 Kurita Space, above the truce line


 Ranma did a final systems check on his mech, a sleek Conjurer, as the
drop

I am none too sure of this but I thought Conjurers came into service on
3062? 

 ship entered the atmosphere. Two weeks after his decisions, he still had
no
 idea of how to accomplish it. Years of Clan conditioning left him at a
loss
 of how to effectively fight back.

 More jostling. The drop ship dove into the atmosphere. Not long before
 combat would be engaged. He checked the displays on his Conjurer, all
green.

 The ways of the Clans. Even  Nadoka had been taught to work

Typo: Nodoka.

 towards the betterment their clan. Well his only concern now was for the
 people under his command. Once he got them through this, he would find a
way
 to start repairing the damage that'd been done to Kernesky's dream.


Typo: Kerensky

 With a finale jolt the drop ship touched down. The bay door lights went

Typo: final. Boy, my hands are tired.

 green, as the doors opened, showing the planets night sky. The vanguard

Typo: planet's

 units quickly moved out, eager to engage their enemy. Ranma's Star a
waited
 their turn.

Typo: awaited. Do not trust the spell-checker, the spell-checker is not
your friend.

 *****

 The battle was going well. The enemy had been engaged earlier than
expected
 but had very quickly begun to fall back. When this happened the clan
 mechwarriors pressed their attack. Emptying Ammo at their targets at an

Typo: ammo.
Clan tactics are dependent on quick victories, that was why they lost at
Tukayyid. It seems that the Smoke Jaguars still have not learned their
lesson yet.

 impressive rate.

 All this did nothing to soothe the feeling of unease Ranma had about
this.
 In fact it made it worse. Unlike his Star, most of the others were not
 designed with more energy weapons than Ammunition based ones. So even
though

Typo: ammunition

 they were winning, they were rapidly running low on ammo.

 It also didn't take long for Ranma to notice that they'd been drawn into
a
 valley. The Warriors at front missed it but being near the rear and not
in
 any immediate action Ranma was able to see this. "Strike Star I have a
bad
 feeling about this one. Stay on your toes." As confirmations came in he
 shook his head. "Since when did I start to think like a Nova Cat!" It
was

"Ready hazy, try again."

 at that moment that missile fire rained down on the mechs near the
front.
 Ranma checked his sensors and cursed. Another 5 company's of mechs were

typo: companies

 cresting the top of the valley. Some began their descent while others
 started to fire their long rang weapons from where they stood. Add to
that,

Typo: long ranged
Typo: Added to that.

 a couple of lances of aero fighters were closing in as well. "Maybe
there is

Typo: aerofighters
Aerofighters are organized into flights and squadrons, not in lances.

 something to their visions after all!"


 The Star Colonel was one of the first to succumb to missile fire from
the
 inner sphere mechs. Next was the 3rd then 2nd in commands. Finally his
own
 Star Captain was in charge. She quickly ordered the clans into a
formation,

Typo: Clanners

 likely intending to charge the line and go out in a blaze of glory. It
was
 not to be as her last transmission was cut short as a Gauss rifle round

Typo: gauss.

 slammed through the cockpit of her Cauldron Born.

 Ranma realized with a sinking feeling that he was in charge. "My first
 major command and it has to be this!" Ranma flipped on the unit address
 system. "All units move back through the entrance, and regorup. We will 

Typo: regroup

 find better ground to fight them on." Several commanders grumbled but
obeyed.
 The damage that was being inflicted upon them made them a bit more
likely to listen. As

It was always easy for commanders to get their subordinates to obey when
the situation looks completely FUBAR. When the subordinates are not
panicking of course.

 the clans fell back Ranma's unit kept the path out clear as several of
the

Typo: Clanners. You are referring to people, not the Clan itself. Besides,
I thought that only Smoke Jaguar forces where attempting to seize this
planet.

 descending mechs tried to block their retreat.

 Ranma saw a squat Jagermech rip off the arms of an all ready badly
damaged

Typo: already

 Nova with its AC 20s. He dropped his targeting reticule on to the mechs
left

Typo: mech's

 arm and fired. One Large pulse laser and two medium pulsars burned away

Typo: large
Typo: two medium pulse lasers.
Clanners do not use contractions, quaff?

 armor over the enemy mechs arm. Ranma activated jump jets rising into
the

Typo: mech's

 air as the other pilot tried to track him. He landed between the other
Nova
 and Jager. Firing again he managed to amputate the left arm of the mech.
 This caused the pilot to stagger as they tried to compensate for the
lost
 weight. Ranma fired his Streak SRMs, they slammed into to the gaping
hole

typo: streak

 left by the lose of the arm. The mech began to topple as the ammo began
to

Typo: loss

 blow. The pilot managed to eject as the mech went down.

These mechwarriors obviously never heard of CASE systems.

 Ranma quickly ordered the badly damaged Nova to get moving. He took a
 moment to scan the battlefield and was saddened by what he saw. Aero
 fighters and LRM mechs rained death on warriors, while their Mech
brethren
 finished off what was left.  In one place a stocky Grim Reaper and
humanoid
 Battle Master were laying waste to any Clan mechs in their path. In
another
 a bulky Gunslinger and Atlas were double-teaming a War hawk, while up on
the
 ridge a red and white Salamander along with a blue and white Catapult
rained
 death upon the retreating Clan mechs. Finally a Bird legged Penatrator
was

Typo: bird-legged

 trading shots with a Thor till a Nightsky snuck up on the clan mech and

Typo: until

 caved in its cockpit with its..Huh, Since when did a Nightsky have Axe
heads
 shaped like a Spatula?


Since Ukyo became a mechwarrior.

 His scan of the battlefield showed that he was pretty much the only mech
 left the area. The others had all ready gone through the pass or were
 destroyed. Triggering jump jets, he quickly caught up with his
retreating

Typo: Triggering his jump jets.....

 Clansmen.

 *****

 "What do you mean get aboard?" The confusion and anger was evident
 in the younger warriors voice. Ranma sighed and once again reminded
himself to

Typo: warrior's

 choose his words very carefully. "I mean, get aboard so the drop ship
can
 get you out of here."

 "We are Jaguars!! We do not retreat!! We will fight these Inner sphere
freebirth

Typo: We are Smoke Jaguars! They do not refer to themselves as just
"Jaguars"

 till our deaths! If you will not lead us."

 The pig-tailed mechwarrior cut him off, "Enough! If you surats wish to
dishonor
 yourself and weaken the Clan then disobey my order and die senselessly
on
 this rock! However, if you truly wish to serve the Clan you will get
aboard
 the Drop ship." Ranma pauses a moment to let his words sink in then

Typo: drop ship

 continues. "The ability to learn from past mistakes, yours or others is
a
 talent that is greatly needed and in horribly short supply within the
Clans.

Seyla

 Learn from our mistakes today, take that knowledge back to the Clan and
we
 will be strengthened in the long run."

 The other warrior said nothing for a long moment. Finally he spoke in a
very
 strained voice. "We will board the drop ship, but I will see you in a
Circle
 of Equals when we get back, Star Commander!"

 Ranma smirked "If I survive the day stravag, I will gladly give you
another
 opportunity to learn from your mistakes." With that he changed Comm.
 channels and ordered his Star into a defensive formation.

Typo: comm channels

 His rear monitors showed the remaining 18 mechs quickly boarding the
drop
 ship. Unfortunately enemy missile fire was all ready raining down on
their

Typo: already.

 position. His Star held their position in face of the advancing inner
sphere
 warriors. Ranma's large pulse laser burned away at the chest of a blocky
 Centurion. The other mech swung its torso away to prevent his assault
from
 setting off the missiles stored there. The mech then staggered under the
 assault of twin gauss rifle rounds fired from a Galahad piloted by one
of
 Ranma's Star Mates. Regaining its balance somewhat its AC-10 vomited
fire

Typo: star mates.
Punctuation: .....its balance somewhat, its

 and metal at the Galahad, chewing through the armor over heart and
staring
 to munch on the its ferro tanium bones.  The pig-tailed warrior then

Typo: munch on its ferro-titainium

 triggered his Medium pulse laser and Streak SRM's. The laser destroyed
the

Punctuation: medium......streak

 last of the other mechs armor, while the missiles slammed into the

Typo: mech's

 undetonated ammo stored in the mechs chest setting of a chain reaction.
The
 other pilot ejected as internal ammo explosions tore the mech apart

 Ranma checked his sensors and noticed the others stars were all ready
 aboard. He triggered his comm. "All right, we have done our part for the

 glory of Clan Smoke Jaguar today. Break for the drop ship." Ranma turned

 his mech to run when he saw a missile swarm slam into the left leg of
one 
 of his Star mates. The other's Nova plowed face first into the ground. 
 Ranma fired at the attacker a Javelin, then moved to assists his fallen
comrade.

Typo: attacker, a Javelin,.......assist......
 
 As he used his mechs hands to lift the other to his feet he triggered
his
 Comm. "Can you make it?"

Typo: comm

 A moment passed before the other warrior responded, "Neg, Star commander
 I have a damaged leg actuator, I don't think I can move fast enough.
Leave me

Clanners do not use contractions. Ever.

 behind."

 He shook his head "Neg, I will cover while you go to the drop ship."
 Without waiting for a replay He turns to face the opposing force and

Typo: he

 charges. The enemy's fire is quickly drawn to Ranma as he becomes a more
 immediate threat. The other's mech stands still for a moment before
 finally limping for the drop ship.

 ****

 Ranma moved his Conjurer through the thick forest foliage as quickly as
 possible. Between his Anti-Missile system and the trees obscuring him
from view he

Typo: anti-missile system. Weapon systems do not have capitalization in
their names.

 was able to dodge LRM locks from the Catapult, Salamander and Archers.
 However, this did not mean he could relax as a Gunslinger, Atlas, and
Owens
 were currently hunting him.

 Since the drop ship had left, leaving him behind 20 minutes ago, he had
been
 engaged in a running fight with one of the groups of mercenaries. He had
 finally taken to the forest to prevent the support mechs from raining
 missile fire down upon him. But that didn't stop the two assault mechs
and
 the light from coming after him. So far his speed and jump jets had
allowed
 him to stay safely out of the way of the larger mechs weapons, however
the
 light mech was able to land a few hits. Not causing him any real damage,
 more like it was trying to piss him off enough to go after it.

That's the idea of piloting an Owens. Hey, you've got only four SRMs, its
not like you can fight you own battles.

 "Stravag! These inner sphere are very persistent!" As if to confirm this

Typo: inner sphere-----> Freebirths. No own refers to the Inner Sphere
natives that way.

 two Gauss rounds tore through the foliage in front of him. Arresting his
forward

Typo: gauss

 motion and pulling a 180 while swinging his torso to the side, he
dropped
 the targeting reticule onto the offending mech and fired. Two medium
pulse
 lasers burned away over the mechs heart. The Atlas fired most of its
lasers;

Typo: mech's
Um, an Atlas carries only two large lasers.

 a few struck and boiled holes in his leg and torso armor. The Owens
charged
 in firing missiles. A few struck doing no real damage. Ranma paid the

Punctuation: ....charged in, firing missiles.

 warrior back with a blast from his large pulse laser.

 Ranma was getting ready to fire again when he noticed the mechs pulling
 back. He blinked, and then the missile warning went off. He checked his
 scanner then looked at the retreating Owens outside. A sense of doom
 descended upon him as he realized that it had been carrying a NARC
missile
 beacon. He swung his Large pulse laser in line with the rear of the
mech.

Typo: large. I'm asking for overtime pay for this.

 Too late 40 LRMs slammed into his mech causing armor to fly in an
impressive

Where are the arrow IV missiles? They rule! Forty missiles? Must have been
one of the Archers.

 light display. Amazingly Ranma kept the mech on its feet.

 As he staggered to straighten up the Gunslinger hove into view. The
enemy

Punctuation: straighten up, the....
Typo: hovered

 mech aimed all its weapons at Ranma's mech. Ranma's hand hovered for a
 moment over the eject button. He grit his teeth and hit it. The hot
evening
 air slammed into him, as he was sent skyward just ahead of the
Gunslinger
 firing its weapons at his mech, which was all ready falling back. All
the

That is what mechwarriors call an "alpha strike". Scary isn't it?

 weapons hit their target. The two gauss rounds blew through the core
housing
 and out the other side, causing the mech to go critical. The force of
the

Actually, it probably ruptured his fusion bottle. Good bye cruel world.

 blast knocked him out as his chute deployed.

 ****

 Ranma stared at the wall of the cell, it'd been about 6 hours since he'd
 been captured and moved to this cell on the main base. 4 hours since his
 debriefing at the hands of the base personnel and some of the merc
heads.
 Four hours of sitting and thinking. Trying to decide whether or not to
commit 
 suicide

 <Why did I eject?>

Its called survival instinct.

 Ranma leaned back and stared at the far wall. He knew why he had ordered

 the retreat, he knew why he had stayed behind, but he did not know why
he
 chose a life of servitude instead of an honorable death. 

 The door to his cell opened to allow in a very pretty young women
carrying a
 tray with food on it. She was dressed in a conservative blouse and
dress.

Um, she's wearing a blouse and dress at the same time? Where is Kasumi's
apron?

 Her hair was pulled back in a long ponytail down to her waist. She had a
 serene smile on her face. This unnerved Ranma. He was used to smug,
 calculating, and even feral. Serene was new and totally unfamiliar. He
gave
 her a wary look as the door closed behind her.

 "That's right you're not to familiar with our customs." She takes a seat
in
 the corner, folding her hands on her lap. "I guess that's something
you'll
 need help with if your to live among us."

Typo: you're
 
 Ranma tensed up "I have yet to decide whether or not I will be living
amongst you."
 Kasumi blinked as his words sank in, "Oh my! Why would you want to do
that?" Ranma 
 looked at her for a moment before he turned back to his food, "You would
not understand."

 Kasumi watched him eat for a bit before responding. "If you wish to kill
yourself 
 I cannot stop you. However, it would be a waste to lose someone with
your skills." 
 Ranma Hmphed, "The same skills which caused me to get captured by your
people!" Kasumi smiled

Typo: hmphed

 "Dosen't that simply prove the superiority of the inner sphere cause?"
Ranma froze at this, 

Typo: Doesn't.....Inner Sphere

 the inner sphere did have one unified cause and that was to stop the
onslaught of the Clans. 
 To stop an outside force from invading their space, a task Kerensky had
meant for the Clans.

Hahahaha! The Inner Sphere united? That's a JOKE! Liao could not care less
and Marik only helped because his son is a "guest" on New Avalon in NAIS.
When Victor Davion lauched with the task force bound for Strana Mechy, Sun
Tzi Liao seized the oppurtunity to declare himself the First Lord of a new
Star Legue. 

An alliance formed to combat a common enemy rarely survives the destruction
of said enemy. Theodore Kurita had it right when he described the leaders
of the Inner Sphere as mad children.

 The corners of his mouth tugged upward a bit at this. He inclined his
head towards Kasumi,
 "You are correct. It would be neglagnt of me to turn my back on a
superior purpose." <especially

Typo: negligent

 one endorsed by the great one himself.>

Typo: Great One.

 Her bright smile was turned up  a few notches. "If you need any help
adjusting
 to life here..."  He shrugged "I will admit I am not familiar with Inner
sphere customs, 
 but if it will make everyone around me feel more comfortable I will make
an effort to learn."

 She nods. "I am curious, I saw some of the Bsttle-Roms from the battle.
 You could easily have gotten away, why did you stay behind?"

 He shrugged "One of my people was down and would not have made it if I
had
 left. So I covered for him."

 She blinks "Oh! Isn't that an usual practice for Clan warriors?"

Typo: unusual

 He smiled wryly "Depends on the Clan, but in general it is."

 Kasumi's nodded as she got up. "Well, I must be going. I do
 wish you the best in whatever happens though. Farewell."

 She is about to step through the door when something finally clicks in
his
 head. "Thank you for the food."

 She turns to face him and amazingly her smile brightens even more. She
 bows "You are most welcome." She then turns forward and leaves.

 As the door shuts behind her Ranma resumes digging into the food in
front of
 him. Mentally shoving aside the thought that he just passed a test.

 *****

 An hour later Ranma was laying down on the bench in his cell staring at
the
 ceiling when he heard voices outside his door. He sat up as the door

Welcome to Shinji land.

 entered and a tall, brown haired, mustached man entered followed by a
very short
 old women with a knarled wooden Kane. The two pulled up chairs to him as
the

Typo: cane.

 door shut.

 The man extended his hand. "Hello Son! I am Captain Soun Tendo of the
 'Nerima Maulers'.  Ranma glances at the hand  before he glares at the
 man before him "Son?!".

 Soun slowly rubs the back of his neck and laughs
 "Sorry, old habit!"

 He looks at the older man for a moment longer before turning to the
wizened
 old women next to him, with an expectant look. "I'm Sao-shao Cologne of
the
 'Amazons'"

Isn't Sao-shao actually So-sha?

 Ranma's eyebrows knitted in concentration before recognition lit his
face.
 Cologne chuckled a bit. "I see you've heard of us."

 He nods "The Clan had a few reports that dealt with you." Her eyebrows
 raised a bit "Really, What did they?"  Ranma thought for a moment.
"Sao-shao

Typo: "Really, what did they say?"

 or Major Cologne of the Amazons. Former Liao warrior, hired by Natasha

I would say "recruited" rather than "hired".

 Kerensky. Was a part of her Black Widow Battalion before they returned
to
 the Wolf Clan. Since then she has been recruiting and training other
Liao
 warriors in an attempt to replace the Black Widow Battalion." He looked 
 up and saw a bemused expression on her face. "Not bad, young man. Not
fully 
 correct but very close."

 He did not like the appraising look she was given and decided to move
on, "I
 have a question." She says nothing but shifts as if to hear him better.
He
 goes on  "Why are you recruiting Liao warriors? There are plenty of
 mechwarriors who have fought the Clans in FedCom and Kurita space. Why
 recruit the inexperienced ones, especially of a nation that hates the
 Dragoons guts."

Typo: Dragoon's

 Cologne sat quietly for a moment before responding, "There are many
bright
 and eager warriors among in the Capelin confederation who do not agree
with

Delete word "among".

 their leaderships decision to avoid conflict with the Clans. They are
 willing to put aside past differences for a greater good. Does that
answer

And the almight C-bill.

 your question?" He nods "Good."

 Soun clears his throat, "Well, we should get down to business. Ranma, if
I
 understand Clan law correctly you are now someone's bondsman right?" he
nods
 "Okay, now how is that determined."

Punctuation: determined?
 
 "Whoever is responsible for bringing me down is my Bonds master."

 Cologne smiles "Well that's solved." She turns to Soun " It was my unit
and
 its aero fighters that allowed us to crush the Clan forces. It was also
my
 LRM units that fired on his mech."

 Soun looked at the elderly women "Yes but it was my mechs that cornered
him
 and targeted him for yours!"

 The two glare at each other for a moment, then Ranma regains their
attention
 by clearing his throat. "Actually the warrior who delivered the killing
blow
 is my master. That would be whoever was in the 'Gunslinger'." Soun
smiles

Ack, they put Akane in a Gunslinger. I'm going somewhere nice, safe and
deep to hide now.

 brightly as Cologne frowns. "Excellent! That was my daughter Akane." He
 turns to Cologne "I believe this matter is settled."  She shakes her
head,
 gets up and heads for the door "Fine, but if you should ever change your
 mind young man there will be a place for you amongst our unit." With
that

Punctuation: .....young man, there

 she exits through the now open door.

 Soun motions for Ranma to stand; he then grasps his hand and gives it a
firm
 shake. "Welcome aboard Son!" and with that motions for Ranma to follow
him.
 The two exit the cell, and make their way through the base. As they pass
 workers and techs a thought occurs him. "Excuse me sir, who was the
warrior
 in the Owens. He is probably the fairly responsible for my mechs

Punctuation: ....Owens?

 destruction." Soun gives him a funny look and Ranma decides to explain.
 "Akane delivered the killing blow but he made that possible. I am simply
 curious as too who it is that managed to tag me with the NARC Beacon "
Soun
 nods in understanding "That was one of our new recruits, an expert in
 hit-and-run. I think his name is Shinji Ikari."   Ranma notices that
they've
 exited the building and a hover car is waiting for them next to the
curb.
 Without preamble the two men enter the vehicle and drive off into the
 night.

Hey, my suggestions for the EVA pilots made the final cut. Cool.
 

(hopefully) Only the beginning....



Author Notes: 


Well that's the first chapter. I have the 2nd and 3rd outlined but 
I'll want to get a good start on two other projects before I write 
those. Also If anyone wants to have fun writing a story involving the 
other merc units on planet be my guest. I simply ask that you don't kill
them off.
C&C Welcome.

I ought to put Hino Rei in a Firestarter.
 

Battlemech: 16 meter tall, walking war machines. These puppies have ruled
the battle
fields for over 300 hundred years. A light mech can raze city blocks in
seconds. Nothing can

Almost. Try raising a city block in an Urbanmech.

stand against a battlemech except maybe another mech.

Or Cassie Suthorn of Camacho's Cabelleros. Or an Elemental. Or an Aerospace
fighter. Or Lemming Hordes of SRM infantry. Or........

Aerofighters: Fighter planes capable of combat in and outside atmosphere 

Guass Rifle: A weapon that fires large slugs at amazing speeds by
acceleration it through a

Typo: Gauss

series of magnetic rings.

LRM - Long Range Missile

Typo: Long Ranged Missile.

SRM - Short Range Missile

Typo: Short Ranged Missile.

Inner Sphere - A collection of over a thousand worlds colonized by
mankind. During the late
21st century man began movement into outer space. The various areas of
controlled space 
were eventually brought under the rule of the Star League by a new
weapon, The Battlemech. 
For many generations mankind expierenced a golden age of peace and
prosperity until the 
ruling house was wiped out by a man named Steffan Amaris, Who tried to
take control of the 
Star League. The Army of the Star league, under the Command of General
Kerensky declared 

Typo: command.

war against Amaris . The various houses stayed out of the war and waited.
Eventually Amaris was defeated, 
but each of the various lords then declared themselves the new First Lord
and a series of wars 
broke out between them. Fearing that his people would be drawn in,
Kerensky lead them out of
the Inner Sphere with a promise to return when the Inner Sphere was in
danger. For 300 years
the various succesor states have been battling for control, only the
threat of the clans has
caused a loose alliance.

Federated Commonwealth - A mix of 2 nations, the Lyran Commonwealth and
the Federated Suns. Joined
by marriage in 3025 the new nation is a mix of American and Germanic
practices.

Draconis Combine - The System of government is based on Feudal Japan.
However, there have
been changes in the government and fighting style due to clan onslaught.

Capellan Confederation - Based on ancient china.

It would help if you detail which family rules each Successor State (you
left that term out too.). I think that some folk might be rather confused
by now.
 
Com Star - Created to make sure that intergalactic communication is
possible. Saved the Inner Sphere
from the clans by earning a 15 year truce during the battle of Tukyyaid
against the invading Clans.


Clans - They are the Children of Kerensky. They live by a Martial Code
and
are determined to see a there version of his dream come true. It has been
determined that

Typo: "that" not "a there"

the Clan that reaches Terra will be THE CLAN and rule all the others.
Also they have superior
weapons and battlemechs compared to the I. S. on average a 4 to 1 weight
ratio is needed for the innersphere
to have an advantage against the clans

Warden: Believe it is there job to protect the Inner Sphere.

Crusader: Believe it is their job to conquer the Inner Sphere and rebuild
the Star League.

Jade Falcon: Hide bound, with a stubborness rivaled only by the
characters of Rumiko Takahashi. 
Prefer single combat in any battle. Will not change their battle tactics
or ways under any circumstance.

Wolf: The most tactily flexible of the Clans. They are also the only
Warden invading Clan. They seek

Typo: tactically.

to reach terra first so as to protect the Inner Sphere from the less
benevolent clans.

Smoke Jaguare: One word: Vicious. Known for horrendous brutality on and
off the battle field. 

Typo: Jaguar

Trueborn: Born from the clans eugenics program. They combine the genes of
successful warriors to produce
the best more and better warriors. Trueborns are grown in canisters
lovingly refered to as the
"Iron Womb".

Freebirth: A person born of the natural union of two people. In other
words born through Sex. 
Natural birth is a moral sin in most clans.

Clan Cuss words

Stravag, freebirth, surat


I left out a lot but this should be enough to help the people unfamilar
with B-tech get by.

Overall nice story but it needs a lot of pre-reader attention to iron out
the rough spots in spelling and grammar.

Regards,
Mechamorph
Lieutenant AFFC


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