"Not while that bastard Marcus has Akane and my
family!" growled Ranma, shaking his head. He grimaced as a
twinge of pain shot up his side. "I'm going to (gulp) I'm
going to save them, or die trying."
You know, the two options are not mutually exclusive.
"Nope. I figured that if Nabiki were allowed the live,
"to live"
then Marcus would be at risk of exposure. Somebody had to
try and kill her. All I did was watch and wait."
Homa's mouth sagged open in total shock. "You waited!
What, what if Tami had shot her before you could get there?"
"What...what if"
Three separate swats to the head started Hikaru.
That sentence doesn't make sense.
Ranma tensed, allowing a spasm to pass. "We've got too
get him, Lieutenant Kira," he said in a strained voice.
"Oh we will, Ranma. We will."
Why is this reminding me of the GI Joe cartoon? Maybe it's that
Iron Brother guy. "to"
"No," he said, letting go. Suin stepped up close. "I
have not defiled you in anyway, Shampoo. Not that I could
"any way"
You know, it's amazing how many of the people working for Marcus want to
kill him.
"Ah, no maam. I'm with the police and we're here to
rescue you and the others."
"ma'am"
Shampoo hissed, leaping up at his face. She bounced
off the glass, sprawling across the bottom of the jar. As
What, Shampoo can't even find the breaking point of glass? What has
that old woman been teaching her?
"Vengeance, Ukyo? Not like your persona for such
desires."
Most clumsily phrased (and not true, since Ukyo trained all her
life to get vengeance.)
"THAT'S IT, SAOTOME! GET MAD AT ME, LET OUT YOUR HATE
AND ANGER!" he shouted, taunting the man.
Who does he think he is? Darth Vader? If he really wants to get
Ranma angry, maybe Marcus should tell the kid how his mother was in
bed. In any case I suggest replacing "he shouted...man" with a simple
"he taunted"
His efforts were futile, and Happosai tipped his head
up too the night sky.
"to"
"I was expecting Marcus's ass too be thoroughly exposed
to the public, not some goofy excuse straight out of a Tom
Clancy novel!"
What difference does it make now that Marcus is dead? Now if they had
information on Marcus's financiers...