Hi!
I'm terribly sorry if I scared anyone by announcing my indefinite
departure from the FFML and writing. As such, I feel I owe all of you an
explanation.
This was NOT a plea for attention, pity, or sympathy. Burn-out was
part of the whole, but just a part. I was feeling low at the time, and I
mean VERY low. Depressed, really. On top of that, I was confused and
terribly frightened. It had been building for quite some time, it didn't
just happen to me all at once.
It wasn't anything financial or anything, but emotional and even
spiritual. I was feeling out of touch with myself, and with God. It's a long
and painful story, one that doesn't belong on the list, so I'll just give
the highlights as they relate to my departure.
I was feeling low, as I've said before, so low that I felt that not
even God could forgive me, or love me. I've made some terrible mistakes in
my time, and thought some awful things, but that's neither here nor there. I
didn't say so on the list because, well, it was MY problem and I didn't want
to really scare anyone out there. I don't know if I would have contemplated
suicide, and I'm glad I didn't have to find out.
I was also afraid, afraid that my writing was not only useless, but
that God wouldn't approve. Some may call that silly, but it's the truth.
Skip ahead to this morning, and a few bits about a prayer and reading some
of the Good Book.
I spoke with my mother, whom I happen to live with to help care for
my grandmother (another part of that long tale, though not painful), and she
helped me out. She made me feel that yes, I WAS loved, not only by her, not
only by you, but also by God. And friends, that really helped a lot.
She knows of my writing (me having really gotten into it around the fourth
grade with those moronic Spelling & Writing asignments in the Spelling
texts), and asured me that I have a gift, and that I would not have it if I
wasn't meant to use it. Judging from responses I've gotten from my fics, I
came to believe it.
Note, this is not me becoming a religious fanatic. One thing I do
not like is a Bible thumper who tries to brow-beat others into converting
and whatnot. I'm a bit more mellow than that. ^_^
And so, I would not only like to thank her and God, but also
everyone who sent me well wishes and advice on my (thankfully) short leave
of absence:
Grayson Towler
Gary Kleppe
Allyn Yonge
Maurice Phillip
Joe-Chi-Ohki Mackenzie
Beky neRichnead
Azatlan
Keener Barnes
Ranko
James Epnett
Kikyou Kazama
AlphSailor
Aaron Woods
Turk187
Brian Payne
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen of the FFML, Jed M. Bidwell is BACK!!!!!! ^_^
BTW, this is not just an announcement of my return. Following this
message are new and revised fanfics from yours truly. My writer's block
didn't just vanish, it shattered completely and ideas that had been there
came rushing in and crowding to get on the screen. There's all sorts of
goodies here...
Amazing Spiderman: Issues 4-6 revised. I altered the plot a bit,
removing the yen plates and counterfieting angle with something a bit more,
well, not scientifically realistic per se, but very nasty.
Jet Moto: a rough draft of Chapter Nine. No revisions to earlier
stuff, though. Note that some of the scenes came from Arthur Edwards, a
pre-reader and contributor to my efforts. His Tom Clancy-ish style really
fits with Jet Moto, and he's a good guy to boot. Also, he got me interested
in Clancy novels in the first place. ^_^
The Omega Project: Rough draft of Part Three.
Guys and gals, it's good to be back.
Jed