However, the time has come for me to leave. Over the past year or so
the art of fanfiction, even writing, has lost its appeal to me. Whenever I
try to write a new chapter of "Amazing Spiderman" or "Jet Moto", I feel that
I'm not doing any good, that what I'm writing just isn't worthwhile anymore.
So, it is with a heavy heart that I take my leave of the FFML.
It sounds very much to me like you're having "Kiki Syndrome" (and for those
of you who haven't seen "Kiki's Delivery Service," I'm talking about an
emotional stage akin to writer's block, but somewhat more serious - where
you begin to question the very validity of everything you're doing, and that
doubt is so paralyzing that something which once seemed effortless now
seems impossible). Kiki Syndrome is not always a bad thing. Sometimes,
it is a natural, if painful, stage of growth for an artist. When an artist describes
the difficulty they've experienced "finding their own voice," they will often tell
you that they went through a period of being incapable of working at all.
And it's not something that just happens once in a lifetime, either. God knows,
I've had (and will assuredly have again) plenty of times where everything I put
down on paper, be it an illustration or a written word, looks like the most
abysmal, cliched, derivative, uninspired piece of garbage ever to stain the
surface of a clean sheet.
What you're doing is frequently what you need to do - step away from it a
little while. Yes, there's a danger that you won't come back... but in your
case, I wouldn't rate that danger too high. Oh, you might not come back
to fanfiction (which would be a shame for us all, but that's how it goes
sometimes), but I think you'll find the desire to write again. I think you're
too good at it to leave it behind forever. Once it's in your blood, it's hard
to purge it.
I cannot say how long I will be gone, nor if I'll come back to
continue my efforts, but I'll never forget you and I wish you good fortune
in the years to come.
I hope to see you back here. I haven't had the time to comment on every
story you've written (sometimes because you were writing so darned FAST...
perhaps this could also account for a bit of the burn-out you're feeling), but
I've always looked forward to seeing your name on e-mails that appear in
my box. I think your writing has improved significantly since you first posted
a story to this list, and your ideas have always been engaging and entertaining.
And it seems you've become a valuable and reliable source of C&C around
here as well - for that, too, you will be missed.
In any case, Jed, it's been a blast thus far. Take your time, and I hope that
you are able to rediscover your zeal for writing. Meanwhile, Gosunkugi
will be patiently stuck to a wall, while Ranma sits atop his moto with the
engine idling for the next race, awaiting your return. I think you'll eventually
find your way back to them.
Sincerely,
Jed M. Bidwell.
Gratefully,
Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net
http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless