***********************
It was a beautiful day, perfect for all sorts of fun
activities, but it
was all ignored by the small boy trudging disconsolately along the
suburban sidewalk. Ranma sulked in uncharacteristic gloom as he
carefully placed each footstep. He was supposed to be
balancing on the
curb, but these new weights were too awkward and unwieldy for that; he
didn't feel like practicing falls, too. He had too many new
bruises from
Daddy's sparring session this morning.
I like this intro.
It wasn't fair; he had so wanted to go meet the new boy who'd moved in
down the street. He had a DOG! But no, Daddy said it would be
a waste of
time best spent on training, and so here Ranma was out jogging (sorta)
by himself.
Training wasn't any fun anymore. He was a big boy, now,
almost five, so
he wasn't scared to be alone. But why wouldn't Daddy let him
ask the new
boy to come with him? They could have brought the dog, too!
Heh. :)
Ranma knew that other kids had more fun when they were training. He
often passed groups of them on some of his running routes, and heard
them laughing together. He would have stopped and joined
them, but Daddy
timed him, and he was usually late. His punishment was often
a cold meal
with most of the good stuff gone, or harder training ordeals.
Other kids - training? <scratches head>
<snip>
Startled, the girl whirled around; then glared at him tearily as she
retorted "I'm a girl! I can cry if I want!"
Need a comma between 'retorted' and the quotation mark.
Ranma took a moment to absorb this piece of information; he
didn't know
any girls except Mama, and she didn't cry. But maybe she
didn't want to.
Heh! :)
"Okay. Whatcha cryin' about, then?" he inquired.
A new flood of tears spilling down her cheeks as she turned
back to the
tree, she sobbed, "Touji climbed up the tree again, an' now
he's stuck!"
Ranma moved forward and peered up toward where she was pointing. At
first, he only saw leaves, but a passing breeze caught them them just
right, and he found himself staring at a pair of bright eyes.
"Oh! It's a cat!" he exclaimed.
"I want my Touji!" wailed the little girl in response.
"Okay, I'll get him," replied Ranma, wincing at the volume. After
pulling off the uncomfortable weights, he stretched to relieve his
cramped muscles. The girl had fallen silent, watching curiously. Then
she gasped at what happened next.
Ranma ran toward the tree, then ran UP it, springing off the
trunk at an
angle, and catching hold of the lowest branch, which was a good eight
feet off the ground. He then flipped himself up to land squatting on
that same branch. Within seconds, he had scampered fifteen
feet higher,
and was lightly stepping along a swaying branch toward the
trapped cat.
Touji was little more than a half-grown kitten, so when Ranma reached
him, he simply stuffed him down the neck of his shirt, which
was tucked
into draw-string pants. Confident that his passenger was secure, but
wincing from the scratches it was giving him, Ranma began his
descent.
Ouch. <winces> I've done that - well, not the climbing-the-tree
bit, but the furious-kitten-in-the-shirt bit. ^_^
While the watching girl had been amazed at the boy's ascent, she was
truly terrified seeing him come down. In two quick leaps,
Ranma was back
on his original branch. Then he grabbed it with both hands,
swung down,
and simply let go. Then he was landing softly in front of her
and doing
a little dance of pain while he struggled to retrieve a thoroughly
outraged-and-letting-him-know-it cat from inside his shirt. She only
began to come out of her shocked stupor when a still miffed Touji was
placed in her arms with a cheerful "Here ya go!" The entire rescue
operation had taken less than three minutes.
Occupied by fixing his clothes, Ranma was surprised by her
softly amazed
whisper. "How did you do that?"
"Huh? Whaddaya mean?" came the confused reply.
"I mean, I've never seen any boy do anything like that before!" she
stated firmly. " I've seen boys climb trees--I've even climbed trees,
but never any this big, and never so FAST!"
Ranma was seriously confused. Trees were easy to climb. They had
branches. Daddy made him climb lots of harder things like
buildings and
stuff, and wear weights while doing it, too. He had been wondering why
the girl hadn't climbed the tree herself and gotten her cat, but if
she'd never climbed any this big before, what kind of training was her
Daddy giving her?
Um... none? ;p
"Um, it's easy to do with martial arts training," Ranma replied
hesitantly. "What kind of martial arts are you and those other boys
training in?"
Oh, ok! Gotcha - the kids were PLAYING! Duh....
"Martial arts? You're a Martial Artist? Wow! I've never met a Martial
Artist before!" Having caught only the first part of Ranma's
reply, the
little girl was beginning to glow with incipient hero
worship. Here was
somebody who could do stuff like the heroes she saw on TV, and he had
just rescued her cat!
"Miki! Miki-chan! Time for lunch!" A woman's voice was heard from a
nearby house.
"Oh! I gotta go now," Miki said sadly. Then she gave Ranma
the biggest,
most brilliant and beautiful smile he had ever seen. "Thank you, Mr.
Martial Artist, for rescuing my Touji." Then she bowed, and her own
cheeks turning slightly pink, she darted forward and place a kiss on
place -> placed
Ranma's cheek. Caught flat-footed, Ranma could only stare as
she turned
and raced toward the house, shouting, "Mama, Mama, guess what..."
Ranma was slow in recovering, but as he methodically began pulling on
his weights, a few thoughts made themselves known. *That was a really
pretty smile. She KISSED me. She doesn't know any martial arts. She
doesn't know any martial artists. That wasn't like Mama's smiles. That
wasn't like Mama's KISSES!*
Ranma's world view had just undergone a sudden, radical change. The
details of the new one were still fuzzy, but he was sure of a few
things. Number one: girls could cry if they wanted. Number two: not
every kid was trained in martial arts. Miki seemed to think he was
special. And that smile...and kiss... What would happen if he helped
someone else with his skill? Especially a girl. He already knew Miki
wasn't like Mama, but what about other girls? What kind of smiles did
they have?
Puppy love. <sigh> Isn't it beautiful? <sniff>
Pondering deeply, Ranma absently jogged toward home. Beginning to set
itself deeply into his psyche was the equation: martial arts + helping
people = smiles and kisses.
*I can do it,* Ranma thought confidently. *I know I can help lots of
people.* Then his brow furrowed in worry. *But I know there are other
martial artists--like Daddy. Do they help people, too? That's okay, I
guess, but what if we try to help the same person?* Ranma's
head came up
proudly, and his eyes flashed determination. *Then I'll help them the
best, and they'll smile at me, first! I will be the best
Martial Artist
ever!* Then he rubbed his stomach ruefully and thought, *I
hope I don't
get scratched by any cats again, though.*
<cue Jaws music>
Vow made, Ranma ran even faster, toward home and lunch.
*********************
Six months later.
*It hurts. Make it stop. Make THEM stop.*
"Daddy! Help me! Let me out, Please!"
*Their claws are so sharp. Get away! STOP!*
The horror overwhelming, the little martial artist's mind was torn
apart. Everything that had anything to do with cats was tucked into a
compartment labeled�FEAR. Including a certain insight gained months
before, after rescuing one of THEM.
***********************
Ten years later.
WHAM! "Ranma, you jerk!" Akane stomped away from a Ranma-pancake,
grumbling. What use was it for him to save her from danger if he was
just going to hurt her himself by being so insensitive and insulting.
Anyway, she could take care of herself. But he had been so
amazing, and
she had smiled at him afterwards, and he had smiled back. But then he
had gotten a really weird look on his face for just an instant. She'd
seen it before, and almost recognized it, but it was gone so fast. And
then he was saying how clumsy she was to get in trouble again, and she
got so mad... But WHEN had she seen that expression before,
and what was
it... It couldn't be fear, could it? Naaaahhh.
Oh ho! Oooh... I _like_!
Ranma groaned as he picked himself up off the ground. Akane was such a
tomboy. But she had such a cute smile. He loved to see her smile, like
she had done only a few minutes ago. But then he felt THEM
watching, and
he had to make her stop. If she smiled at him too long, the cats might
get her....
VERY NICE!
The end.
This is just a possible explanation for some of the reasons behind
Ranma's actions, reasons Ranma doesn't even consciously know. Why he
can't deal with affection directed toward himself, but still seeks it
and competes for it when it is taken away.
Please send C&C
Just did. :)
Seriously, this is very good. Spelling and grammar were excellent,
and it flows pretty well, although personally, I've never really cared for
equations in writing (the "martial arts + helping people = smiles and
kisses" section.
I really like the premise, too, and I can just imagine where it
could go. It doesn't look like you plan to continue it, though I could be
wrong. I hope you do, in a way, but that's just me. :)
Again, great work. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.
Brian Payne
sofaspud@ior.com
brianp@nhspokane.com
It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your fanfics are?
http://www.ior.com/~sofaspud (new URL coming soon!)