At 10:06 AM 12/9/99 -0700, Grayson Towler wrote:
It sounds very much to me like you're having "Kiki Syndrome" (and for those
of you who haven't seen "Kiki's Delivery Service," I'm talking about an
emotional stage akin to writer's block, but somewhat more serious - where
you begin to question the very validity of everything you're doing, and that
doubt is so paralyzing that something which once seemed effortless now
seems impossible). Kiki Syndrome is not always a bad thing. Sometimes,
it is a natural, if painful, stage of growth for an artist. When an artist
describes the difficulty they've experienced "finding their own voice,"
they will
often tell you that they went through a period of being incapable of
working at all.
And it's not something that just happens once in a lifetime, either. God
knows,
I've had (and will assuredly have again) plenty of times where everything
I put
down on paper, be it an illustration or a written word, looks like the most
abysmal, cliched, derivative, uninspired piece of garbage ever to stain the
surface of a clean sheet.
In some circles I belong to, this is known as a 'dark night of the soul'. I
frequently have these dark spells, unable to either find some impetus to
write or create anything, or to come up with anything I find worthwhile. I
think 'Kiki Syndrome' is a very good term, though, since 'dark night of the
soul' is so cliche. ^^;
What you're doing is frequently what you need to do - step away from it a
little while. Yes, there's a danger that you won't come back... but in your
case, I wouldn't rate that danger too high. Oh, you might not come back
to fanfiction (which would be a shame for us all, but that's how it goes
sometimes), but I think you'll find the desire to write again. I think you're
too good at it to leave it behind forever. Once it's in your blood, it's hard
to purge it.
This is the reason why I intermittently seem to disappear from the list; I
refuse to come out with something I wasn't inspired to write.
Unfortunately, my muse is a capricious sort. I don't have any control over
my inspiration, and I gather, neither do most artists.
I have come very close to leaving the list in the manner that Jed is doing.
During my bouts of 'Kiki Syndrome' (I like that term), I often question the
quality of my work, the value of my work, or the very motives behind my
writing.
I don't leave the list, however, because part of me always tells me that
I'll be back. Part of me does not want to leave, for fear of getting left
behind by the list in general. So while I keep an eye on the list, I often
don't post for several months at a time.
What do I do in the meantime? I go out and live. I soak it all in until I
find the drive to write again. This is why 'Kiki Syndrome' is such a good
term. In Kiki's case, she had to start enjoying life again. She got out of
her shell and found out what kept some people painting, some people keep
living in their old age, and some people wanting to fly. After that, she
found she could practice her art again.
<snip>
In any case, Jed, it's been a blast thus far. Take your time, and I hope that
you are able to rediscover your zeal for writing. Meanwhile, Gosunkugi
will be patiently stuck to a wall, while Ranma sits atop his moto with the
engine idling for the next race, awaiting your return. I think you'll
eventually
find your way back to them.
Yes, I agree. I think you won't be able to stay away from the characters
you've created for very long. Even if you don't return here, every now and
then you'll find your idle daydreams going back to your stories. Good luck
to you.
=====
TimeRunner's Web Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
=====
Indeed, it seems to me, one of the most vital qualities for a writer to
have is an ability to see the potentialities for impending doom in
everything that happens.
- Dwight Swain