Here's part three at last! all C+C is, as usual, welcome.
AKANE THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/ KYUUKETSUKI NO SATSUJINHA'NIN AKANE
EPISODE THREE
A Ranma 1/2-BTVS X-Over by Leaping Gnome Productions

DISCLAIMER: The Buffy and Ranma characters are copyright Joss
Whedon and Rumiko Takahashi respectively and are used here
without permission but with great respect and admiration.

CONTINUITY WATCH: This fic is set between seasons three and four of BTVS, and an alternate Ranma 1/2 timeline diverging from the Anime continuity at some point before Ranma and Akane's attempted wedding.

LAST TIME, ON AKANE THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: There's a new Slayer in
Sunnydale and her name is Akane Tendou, a Japanese martial artist
who has been Called to replace Faith. Along with her fiancee,
Ranma Saotome, (a young man cursed to turn into a girl when hit
with cold water,) and her Watcher, Dr. Tofu Ono, she has arrived
in Sunnydale to learn at the feet of Buffy Summers, the first
Slayer of her generation. Unfortunately, Akane's been followed by
Mu-Tsu, Xian-Pu and their minions, Chinese vampires who are
responsible for the destruction of the Tendou family Dojo and the
deaths of several of Akane's friends and family. 
     While Ranma, Willow, Xander and Oz tried to escape the
clutches of Xian-Pu and her minions at the Bronze, Akane and
Buffy fought an all-out battle at the Sunnydale Museum of Natural
History to prevent Mu-Tsu from getting his hands on the Nanban
Mirror, a magical device that can take its wielder anywhere in
time or space. The vampires were driven off, leaving our heroes
in possession of the Nanban and their lives. Now, it's three
weeks later, and things are about to heat up all over again...
     
IN EVERY GENERATION, THERE IS A CHOSEN ONE....

     The young Japanese woman stared up at the electronic sign
over the departures gate and dropped her bag with a curse.
Quantas Flight 454 still hadn't arrived.
     "Delayed again?! This is ridiculous." Ukyou Kuonjii
grumbled in her cute Kansai accent. "At this rate, I'll never
get to the U.S. ... All right Konatsu, I guess this means we have
time to go over your duties again..."
     The very convincing transvestite in geisha finery beside her sighed.
     "It's all right, Ukyou-sama. Ucchan's Okonomiyaki will be
in very good hands while you are away... I have managed the
restaurant before, you know..."
     "I know, Konatsu, I know... Just never for this long...
You'll remember to wash and scrape the grill?"
     "Every day, and twice Saturdays..." Konatsu replied. He
never thought he'd say it, but he couldn't wait for Ukyou to go
away. In the three weeks since Ranma had left for America, his
beloved Ukyou had become a trial to be around...  Konatsu knew
that though he loved the girl, he had a hard time *liking* her
when she nagged him like this.
     "And who gets free okonomiyaki?"
     "Soun Tendou, Nabiki Tendou and Nodoka Saotome. Never
Genma..."
     "Right." Ukyou sighed, sitting down on top of her carry-on
bag. "I'm sorry Konatsu, I'm just a little nervous..." She
patted the pocket of her light jacket, frowned, and began
frantically digging through her pockets. "My passport! My visa!
Where's my passport and visa?! I forgot them! Konatsu-"
     "I've got them right here, Ukyou-sama... You gave them to
me to hold while you checked your luggage, remember?" He handed
them over. Ukyou clutched at the documents gratefully.
     "Thanks... Konatsu, I don't know what I'm gonna do without
you... You've been so great about this whole thing..." Konatsu
smiled softly.
     "You know i'll do anything for you, Ukyou-sama..." Even
let you go, he added silently.


     
     Several thousand miles away, in Sunnydale...
     Willow knocked lightly on the door of Dr. Tofu's small flat,
swinging her overloaded knapsack off her shoulder with a sigh.
When she'd agreed to help out Giles and Dr. Tofu with their
"project", she hadn't realized it would involve this much drudge
work. She loved research, and magic, and all the neat things
she'd gotten to do since she met Buffy. Going over four hundred
scrolls in archaic Japanese in search of information about the
Naniban Mirror, however, was beginning to bore even the former
study hall queen of Sunnydale High. At least today all they'd
needed was one of Ms. Calendar's old disks...
     A bright light flashed under the doorframe, and Willow heard
stumbling footsteps on the other side of the door. She knocked
again, lightly.
     The door swung open, revealing the disheveled form of Tofu
Ono. He was wearing his black gi, and it looked like he hadn't
been sleeping... or shaving... for a few days.
     "Ah, Willow... We were supposed to be doing something
today, weren't we?"
     "Er... Yeah, I found the disk you were looking for... Is
this a bad time? Should I come back later?" She eyed his unkempt
form uncomfortably.
     "Not at all... Please come in. Forgive my appearance, I
haven't been sleeping well. Here, let me take your bag.."
     "Oh, thank you..." She glanced around the small apartment.
     "Would you like some tea? I've a pot brewing..."
     "Tea would be a good thing." Willow smiled, sitting down on
the couch. Tofu wandered into the kitchen, and set about pouring
her a cuppa.
     "I've asked Xander to join us a little later. I wanted to
talk to him about Anya, his demoness acquaintance..." He re-
entered the living room, two mugs in hand. Willow accepted hers
gratefully.
     "Thanks... Why do you want to know about Anya?"
     "I thought it might help us regarding the Nanban situation.
According to what you've told me, she was responsible for the
creation of an alternate timeline wherein Xander and yourself
were vampires, na?"
     Willow nodded, eyes wide. She'd met her vampire counterpart,
and she'd been... well, more than a little scary, on more than
one level...
     "Anya's... nice, I guess. As far as demons go, anyway. She
took off before graduation though. I don't know if she'd help
us, or if she even could anymore, since she's human these
days..."
     "I'm not so much concerned with whether she'd actually help
us or not. Rather, I'm interested in what we can learn from that
experience. If we are to meddle with time, I'd like to be armed
with as much information as possible..."
     "Oh! before I forget, here's Ms. Calendar's spellbook. Or,
spell-disk, I guess..." She passed him a nondescript recordable
CD. "Why did you need this again?"
     "Information, Willow. I have in mind a particular..."
     Xander's distinctive shave-and-a-haircut knock interrupted
him.
     "Come in!" Tofu called, letting the matter drop. Xander
opened the door and came in, blinking at the light change.
     "Hey, you wacky kids!" He plunked himself down next to
Willow on the couch. "How's my favorite Sabrina?"
     "Fine." She smiled. "How's my favorite samurai-in-training?"
     "Oh, you just had to bring *that* up, didn't you? Not so
good... See this?" He lifted up his bangs, displaying a gauze
pad. "Almost put my eye out with the end of a Bo staff. Six
stitches. I don't think I'd be out of line here if I said I
SUCK!!" Willow gave a little jump at his yell. "But, oh no, I'm
not bitter..."
     "O-kay..." 
     Dr. Tofu blinked twice, then cleared his throat.
     "Ahem. Well, that's too bad, Xander... Shall we get down to
business, then?"
     "No problem. Never mind *my* pain... So you want to know all
about Anya, hmm? Well, she's an ex-demon, she was my prom
date..."
     "Anything *else* you can tell us?"
     "Nope, that's about it. Why do you want to know? If it's
failed relationships you wanna know about, I can go into depth
about Cordelia Chase... Ah, now *there's* a fertile field for
depressing anecdotes..."
     "Was Cordelia a demon?" Tofu asked innocently.
     "Debatable..." Xander answered. Willow tsked.
     "Hey, come on Wil... You can't just hand me a straight line
like that and expect me not to use it... Okay, no, she's not a
demon... exactly."
     "Well then I can't see how recounting 'depressing anecdotes'
about her will help." Tofu looked frustrated.
     "It'd help *me*... They say venting is good..." He sighed
and got up, poking around the room. "So where is that mirror doo-
hickey, anyway?"
     "It's over there on the desk..." Tofu said, rubbing his
temples. "*Please* be careful with it, it's irreplaceable..."
     Xander gently picked up the Nanban, giving it a quick once-
over.
     "Doesn't look like much... Hey Doc, didn't you say that you
knew the guy who owned this?"
     "Happousai. Yes, I knew him briefly..."
     "Happousai, huh? Sounds like a- Ye-ow!" He dropped the
mirror like it was on fire. It hit the carpeted floor and bounced
once, before landing safely face down. "Oww! Damn thing zapped
me!" He stuck his hands under his armpits and did a little
ouch-ouch dance. Tofu rushed over to examine the mirror.
Mercifully, it was unharmed. Tofu stood, his eyes wild.
     "You little idiot! You could have broken it! Get out!!"
     "Whoa! Hold on there... It was an accident!"
     "Dr. Tofu, please..." Willow said worriedly, attempting to
defuse the situation.
     "Get out, both of you! Now!!" He bellowed, furious.
     "Okay, okay... geez, talk about overreacting..." Xander
stormed out, Willow quick on his heels. She caught sight of him
at the end of the block.
     "Xander, wait up!" He paused, waiting for her to catch up.
     "What a jerk! It was only an accident, for cryin' out loud."
     "I know, he had no right to yell at us like that... Are you
okay? Let me see your hands..." 
     "It's nothing, Wil, just a little shock off the carpet, I
guess..." He held out his hands. They were unblemished. "See?
they're all right... Which is more than I can say about *that*
dillweed. Even that Wesley dork was never that rude... Beats the
hell out of me why Ranma and Akane think he's such hot stuff."
     "I don't know... He's always been nice to me... until this
week. He's been wigging out a lot..."
     "Well, you're welcome to him... You coming to watch Ranma
beat the stuffing out of me, or have you had your fill of Xander-
humiliation today?" 
     "Oh, I *never* get tired of that..." She said teasingly. He
merely hmmphed in response. "Aw, c'mon, cheer up. I tease 'cause
I love..." She nudged him playfully. "Besides, I need to speak to
Ranma about a spell I've been working on for him. I've had *way*
too much time on my hands since Oz and the band went on tour..."


     

     At that moment, in Oceanview Park, Buffy was finishing up
her daily training session with Akane and Ranma. For the first
time since her first session with Akane, she felt she was making
progress. It was a lot different, she reflected, than training
under Giles. For one thing, she actually looked forward to her
sessions with the Japanese couple, despite their constant
bickering and fits of depression.  Whereas under Giles, she had
to settle for practicing with speedbags and gloves, with Akane
and Ranma she was not only sparring against real people, they
were real people who were considerably better fighters... And the
methods they used were fun in and of themselves. She'd spent the
last three lessons playing a game of tag in the park against
Akane and Ranma. To win, all she had to do was catch them. It had
been frustratingly impossible, until she'd stopped being so
stubborn and followed Ranma's advice and started using her Ki.
Once she'd done that, she found that she could run farther, move
faster, leap higher... What really amazed her was just how easily
she did it. If you had told her, a month ago, that she'd be
jumping across rooftops or over trees like some kind of
super-hero, she'd have thought you were nuts... And now? Today,
for the first time, she'd tagged Ranma. For all of five seconds,
she wasn't "it." Of course, she'd tagged her right back and leapt
off like a grasshopper on steroids, but still...
     With a happy sigh, Buffy finished her cool-down stretches
and lay back on the grass, feeling the hot July sun on her face.
Almost soundlessly, a female form alit next to her.
     "Grr.. G'wan, beat it, you're blocking my rays..." Buffy
snarled playfully. Akane obliged her, sitting down with a giggle
and stretched out alongside her. It was nice to see the Japanese
girl in such a light-hearted mood for a change, Buffy reflected.
Since they'd met, Buffy had been struck by the aura of sadness
that hung over the younger girl. Maybe she was beginning to deal
with her losses...
     "Did you have fun today?" Akane asked, putting her folded
arms behind her head.
     "Finally got that sucker..." Buffy said dreamily. "Where is
she, anyway?"
     "Right here, Buff." Buffy felt a tap on her shoulder.
Inclining her head, she saw the Japanese redhead sitting
nonchalantly behind her, chewing on a blade of grass. "Aha! An
openin'!" She pinged Buffy off the forehead with a cheezy poof
from the snack bag.
     "Hey! No fair! I'm resting here... How come I didn't hear
you sit down?"
     "Ah, a little thing Pop taught me called the Umisenken...
We'll get to it eventually... Good job today, by the way. You're
really picking this stuff up quick..."
     "Mmm... Thanks. I've got good teachers..."
     The three friends settled down in a companionable silence
for a good long bask in the afternoon sun. After a few minutes,
Ranma stood, brushing the grass off her pants. She stretched
once, and yawned.
     "Well, I'm for a shower. I got another lesson with Xander at
five..." 
     "Yeah, how's he coming along, anyway? He was so excited
about this stuff, he canceled his cross-country trip..." Buffy
yawned, getting to her feet.
     "Err, not so good... He gets an 'A' for effort, but... I
don't think he's really cut out for martial arts. But he wants to
keep trying, so..." She shrugged. "So what are you two up to
tonight?" She extended a hand to Akane, helping her to her feet.
     "Oh, girly-stuff, then patrolling. Why, you wanna ditch the
lesson and come along?"
     "Can't. We're gonna need all the skilled help we can get
when we use the Nanban... *If* Dr. Tofu ever decides it's
safe... I can't understand why he's takin' so long to analyze
it."
     "He probably wants to make sure we can do it right the first
time. We don't want to accidentally make things worse than they
already are..." Akane sighed. "It's just this enforced inactivity
that's driving me crazy. We haven't heard a peep out of Mu-Tsu
since that night at the museum. I keep waiting for the other shoe
to drop..."



     On the other side of the planet, Ukyou Kuonjii was stowing
away her carry-on bag in the overhead rack of her flight. Sitting
down, she exhaled loudly. The last delay had almost been too much
for her.She'd almost bolted from the airport, but Konatsu...
Konatsu! Had told her to wait it out. He really was a good
friend, despite the annoying fact of his rather obvious crush on
her... 
     She slumped down into her seat. Ranchan... Only eight more
hours, and she'd see him again. The idea made butterflies do
arabesques in her stomach. On one hand, there was nothing she
wanted more in the whole world than to be with him again... On
the other, what would she say to him? He must be in a
terrible way after the mess at the Tendou Dojo. What could she
possible do or say that wouldn't cause him anymore pain? She
sighed, looking out the window at the baggage handlers
scrambling around on the tarmac. She had to get some sleep...
She'd tossed and turned all night for two nights running, she was
so nervous... She closed her eyes.
     By the time the captain turned on the 'fasten seatbelts'
sign, Ukyou was fast asleep, a small smile on her face. The
flight attendant tried to wake her, with little success.
     "Miss, miss? You have to fasten your seatbelt..."
     "Let her be. I'll take care of it," said the tall man in the
charcoal gray double-breasted Armani suit. The flight attendant
turned to speak to him, but one glance took her breath away. He's
so handsome... no, she rephrased the thought, so *beautiful*! A
cloud of dark hair framed his face, and his gray eyes seemed to
bore right into her with an intensity that froze her in her
tracks. So very few men could pull off earrings, but on him, they
merely accentuated his Bishonen good looks... Privately, she
hoped he wasn't gay...
     "It's fine sir. I can buckle her in... If you can return to
your seat, i'll be pleased to buckle you in as well..." She
added, a little flirtatiously. He looked a little startled at her
offer, but recovered quickly.
     "Er, no, no, that's all right. I'm her seatmate, I'll take
care of it..."
He slid into his seat, completely oblivious to the disappointed
look on the attendant's face. Reaching over, he carefully buckled
the sleeping girl into her seat,before doing the same for
himself. Easing back into his chair, he closed his eyes in turn.
     Where do I know this girl form? Rome? Beijing? Nerima..?
Yes, that's it! Kuonjii-something. One of the cross-dresser's
little friends. Just freakin' terrific...



     Less than five miles away from Oceanview park, in a deserted
waterfront warehouse, another man and woman attempted to sleep.
Without much success...
     "Nyyarrgh!! I'm itchy! Xian-Pu, can you reach between my
shoulder blades?" Mu-Tsu flailed about like a dervish, shaking
the bed with his frantic exertions.
     "Tsk. Husband, if you keep scratching your burns, they
won't heal..." Xian-Pu murmured sleepily from her corner of the
bed.
     "I don't care! They're driving me crazy! Damn that Tendou
bitch! I'll-"
     "Yes, yes, I know... You'll carve out her eyeballs and
feast on her living heart... I'm tired. Go to sleep, Husband."
     "If only I'd just fled with the Nanban... Aiyah, this
itches!!!" He rubbed his back up and down the bedpost. That
was the straw that broke the camel's back for Xian-Pu.
     "Husband! Get out! Go pester the minions! Thorn's been
getting lonely, with no one but Hiroshi and Daisuke to play
with..." She kicked him off the mattress, sending the other
vampire sprawling to the floor. Her eyes flashing red, she pelted
him with silk pillows.
     " Aww... Xian-Pu... You know she scares the piss out of
me..." He said plaintively, shielding his face from the pillow
barrage.  Xian-Pu rolled back over with a snort of derision.
     "Some master vampire you are... All right, I don't care
*what* you do! Eat someone, play with Thorn, just let me
sleep!!!" She buried her head beneath the pillow, seeking refuge
from her husband's whining.
     "Hmm... Eat someone... That's an idea... Is there anything
in the larder?" 
     Xian-Pu's reply was muffled by the pillow.
     "What was that?"
     "I said, YES! Now GO AWAY!!! Stupid Mu-Tsu..."
     "Yes, dear..." Mu-Tsu, master vampire of Sunnydale,
destroyer of lives, ruthless killer, beat a hasty retreat from
the wrath of his wife.
     Sulking, he made his way to the locked cell where they kept
their "preserves". Choosing a red-haired girl who'd been cowering
in the corner, he slung her over his shoulder and wandered over
to his throne, intending to watch a little television. Though he
steadfastly insisted he hated America, he'd become addicted,
despite himself, to an American soap opera. Flicking on the set
with the remote, he settled in to watch All My Children and nosh.
     Ten minutes later, in the middle of Erica's dramatic
monologue, the televised talking head of Susan Lucci turned to
face him.
     "Mu-Tsu! Why do you delay?! Fetch me the Mirror!!" She
bellowed, in a very un-Lucci-like voice.
     "Erica...?" Mu-Tsu mumbled, perplexed
     "No, you imbecile! Why haven't you fulfilled our bargain?!!"
     "Master?"
     "Of course it's me! Now answer the question!!" Mu-Tsu looked
around guiltily.
     "Uhm, there's a slight problem with that, Master..."
     "Of course there's a problem. There's always a problem!" The
voice became a whining imitation of Mu-Tsu's own. "Master, I'm
sorry, I couldn't kill the Slayer. Master, I'm sorry, there's a
small delay with killing the Queen of the Springs..." The voice
returned to its original timbre. "You're pathetic! To think I
shared my power with a sad little tuft of rectal pubic hair like
you... So what is it?!"
     "What's what?" Mu-Tsu answered, cringing.
     "The problem!!" Erica bellowed. "What's the delay?!!"
     "Oh, er... You see, the Tendou girl and the American
Slayer... Well, they caught me by surprise..."
     "You shouldn't lie to me, Mu-Tsu..."
     "I'm not lying! Why should I lie?"
     "You have to be lying, because both the Tendou girl and the
Summers wench ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD BY NOW!!!!!" Mu-Tsu fell
off his chair. "Can't you follow even the simplest of
instructions?! At least tell me that Saotome is dead... Tell me
you haven't failed at *that* task as well..."
     "Ummmm...."
     "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!"
     "SorrySorrySorrySorrySorry..."
     "You have one more chance... ONE MORE CHANCE... Then I
replace you with your lieutenant!!"
     "Yes, Master..."
     "*Don't* fail me again!!!!"
     "No, Master..." Mu-Tsu groveled.
     Erica Kane's head resumed its normal dimensions and
continued the rest of her monologue without further
interruption, but Mu-Tsu couldn't concentrate. Tossing aside the
drained corpse of the redhead, he began to pace the floor.



        In the gymnasium of Sunnydale Elementary, Willow watched
on the sidelines as Ranma (now in male form, so as to better
utilize his longer arm and leg reach) and Xander went through
their warm-up exercises on the wrestling mats. Recent experience
had demonstrated the need for padding the walls as well, so large
blue crash pads had been hauled out and placed against the front
and back walls. Concrete was a lot less forgiving than the wood
of the old Dojo...
     Watching them stretch, Willow was surprised to note exactly
how limber her old friend was. He looked a lot better than
his griping had led her to expect. She wasn't the only one who
noticed the disparity. 
     Ranma was shooting him quizzical looks out of the corner of
his eye. Maybe some of the training is sinking in after all, he
thought. Giving a mental shrug, he went over to the hockey bag
and brought out two Bo staves.
     "Okay, Xander. Today we'll be working on some more elements
of staff fighting... First off, let's review what you've
learned so far, all right?"
     "Sure, no problem. I even went out and bought a mask. No
more head wounds for me..." He slid on the fencing mask,
adjusting the straps until they were snug. "Ready..." Ranma
tossed him a Bo staff, which he caught easily.
     "All right. Run through positions one through five."  
     Xander whipped through the katas, showing a style and
perfection of forms that amazed Ranma.
     "Uh.. Very good... [Geez! He's picked that up awfully
quick.] Let's try something a little more difficult..."
     Throughout the lesson, Xander continued to display ever-
increasing levels of expertise with the Bo. By the time six
rolled around, they were well into discussing the principles of
budo between blows...
     Ranma crouched down on the mat, his breathing coming
heavily.
     This is ridiculous, he thought. No *way* did Xander get this
good overnight! Is it me? Am I losing it? He stood, banishing the
thought that had been tormenting him all-too frequently of late.
 A nasty smile crossed the Japanese boy's face. Well,
let's just see how good he's gotten, then. I'll rush him! Won't
go all out, of course, don't wanna hurt the guy...
     "Hey, Xander... Good workout, man... let's hit the showers."
     "Hunh? Six already? Man, time flies..." Xander said,
removing his mask, his back to Ranma.
     Aha, thought Ranma. An opening!
     Ranma rushed at Xander's exposed back at full speed. The
instant Ranma's foot hit the mat, Xander turned, a glint in his
eye.
     "Hunh?" Ranma said, as Xander easily sidestepped Ranma's
lunge and hooked the underside of his outstretched arm with the
Bo staff. The next thing Ranma knew, he was hurtling upwards as
Xander flipped him straight up and through the roof with the
flick of a wrist.
     "Whoa... Did I do that...?" Xander breathed, staring at the
Ranma-shaped hole in the ceiling. Willow rushed over, a freaked-
out expression on her face.
     "How the... What the heck... What *was* that? You said you
sucked..."
     "I guess I don't..." Xander said absently, still staring at
the hole. "Is he coming back down?"
     "I don't know..." Xander shook his head, as if he was trying
to clear it. He turned to face Willow, wearing an odd look.
     "What? What's the matter, Xander?" Willow said, her eyes
going wide as an unsettling smile passed over Xander's face.
     "I, uh... I..." His eyes traveled lower, settling on
Willow's chest. "Sweet-o!" He lunged at her, arms outstretched.
     "Hunh?!" Willow said, stepping aside before Xander could
grab her. "Xander, what are you doing?! Stop it! This is no time
to be fooling around! We've gotta go help Ranma..."
     "Never mind him, he's no fun... Howzabouta hug, cutie?"
     "Xander!" She slapped him across the face, soundly. "Snap
out of it! What's the matter with you?!" She yelled, shaken.
     Xander blinked once, then raised his hand to his face.
     "Wil...? Why'd you smack me?" He rubbed his cheek.
     "Because you were acting like a... Well, like a real
weirdo... Don't be creepy..."
     "But I..."
     "Now c'mon! We've got to find Ranma..." She rushed out the
door, leaving a stunned Xander in her wake.
     "What'd I do...?"



     On board Quantas Flight 454, Kuonjii Ukyou woke up to
discover she had been nicely tucked in under a soft blanket and a
pillow had been placed under her head. Looking around she noticed
the black-haired man sitting next to her. She sat up with a
start.
     "Hey! I know who you are! You're that Panty-, er, Tarou
jerk!!" He turned to face her, a bored look on his features.
     "Nice save, Kuonjii. So, finally awake." Ukyou nodded,
dumbfounded.
     "Well, how nice it is to finally meet you." He said
brusquely. "Don't talk to me, don't touch me, don't even look at
me, and  we'll get along just fine for the duration of the
flight. Got that?"
     "But..."
     "No buts, just yes or no. Understand me?"
     "Yes, but-"
     "Woman, are you deaf or just plain stupid?"
     "Look, you jackass! I need to get out to use the
washroom!!" Ukyou said, perhaps a little too loudly. Other
passengers were staring. Tarou sweatdropped, glancing around
before standing up and stepping into the aisle, blushing
furiously. Ukyou slipped past him, glaring daggers at the staring
passengers before slamming the washroom door shut behind her.
     Spontaneous applause broke out as Tarou sat back down, his
face scarlet. He grumbled under his breath.
     "Oh, sure, you laugh. I wonder how hard you'd be laughing
if I tore this plane apart around your ears..."



     In the plane's washroom, Ukyou straightened her hair,
splashed a little water on her face. When she was satisfied with
her appearance, she sighed, and stared into the mirror.
     Pantyhose Tarou... What the hell is *he* doing here? Is he
after Ranchan? Gotta find out...
     Composing herself, she opened the door and stepped back out
into the aisle of the plane, ignoring the snickers of some of the
other passengers. She made her way back to her seat.
     "Ahem..." She glared at Tarou, motioning him to move with
a glance. He stood, scowling, and allowed her to sit.
     "So, Tarou... Why are you going to the U.S.? Gonna get a
job in Hollywood acting in monster movies?" Tarou glared at her.
     "Hah! You mock me, but how do you think I paid for this
trip? Or this suit? You're looking at the co-star of the Italian
masterpiece 'Theseus and The Minotaur'..."
     "You starred in a sword-and-sandal movie? How'd they bill
you on the marquee?" 
     "P. Tarou, if you must know... Anyway, didn't I tell you
not to talk to me?"
     "Yeah, but I'll risk it. You won't try anything on a
plane..." She smirked.
     "What makes you think that? I *can* fly..."
     "But can you hide from INTERPOL the rest of your life if
you destroy this plane? They're cracking down on terrorists these
days...Imagine that. I wonder how a giant flying cow would do
against tanks and fighter planes." She smiled cheerily. He
scowled blackly. "So you're a movie star these days, are you?
Well, good luck. How's your English?"
     "Probably better than yours, woman. And who said I was a
movie star? It was just a quick way to pick up some spending
cash." He sighed resignedly. "So long as I have to listen to
you chatter, why don't you fill me in on why a Kansai hick like
you is going to the U.S.? Taking a trip to Disneyland, are we?" 
     "Not hardly. I'm opening a franchise of Ucchan's in
Sunnydale, California."
     "Of course you are. You wouldn't be going there to visit
that little sex-changing prick Saotome, would you?"
     "Ranchan's in Sunnydale? I had no idea..."
     "Hmph. *You're* no actor, that's for sure."
     "No more than you are. You're after Ranchan again!"
     "Don't be a fool. Saotome is a gnat. The only person I have
business with is Mu-Tsu. That blind Nyanichiczu fool cost me my
only hope of revenge on the old lech, Happousai."
     "Oh, so you'll be helping Ranchan then..."
     "Don't delude yourself. Tarou helps no one but Tarou."
     "Move. I need to use the telephone.." Ukyou stood, glaring
fiercely at the Chinese fighter.
     "Calling your little she-male? Go ahead. Tell him if he gets
in my way, I'll tear him apart. Slowly..." He stood, bowing
melodramatically as she shouldered her way past him to the
curtain separating their cabin from first class. He smirked
nastily as he sat back down.
     Mu-Tsu *and* Saotome... This promises to be amusing...



     At the phone station in first class, Ukyou fumbled through
her purse for the contact number Ranma had given her during their
last phone conversation. Retrieving it, she tucked the handset in
the crook of her neck and punched in her credit card number,
followed by the 11-digit phone number.
     "C'mon c'mon c'mon... pick up..."
     With a click, the line was answered. A female voice speaking
English with an American accent picked up.
     "Hello! You've reached the Summers residence... Joyce and
Buffy can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a
message, we'll get back to you as soon as we can... BEEP!"
     "H-hello?" Ukyou stammered in accented English, before
reflexively switching to her native Japanese. "This is the
machine, right? Umm... This is a message for Ranma... Ranchan,
it's me, Ucchan. I'm flying into Los Angeles tonight, I should be
there by three a.m. local time. I have a connecting flight into
Sunnydale at six, but... I don't know if you'll get this in time,
but Pantyhose is on the plane with me! Please be careful,
Ranchan... I... miss you, and-" The machine beeped, cutting her
off. "Damn!"
 


     Meanwhile, in the backyard of the Johnsons, a nice couple
who lived six blocks from Sunnydale Elementary, Mr. Johnson, (Sam
to his friends,) was enjoying the brand new Olympic-size pool he
had put in just in time for summer. Floating serenely in an
innertube and sipping a Pina Colada, he leaned back and closed
his eyes while his wife, Flo, cooked burgers on the propane
grill. He'd saved for two years straight, and now, finally, he
had the pool of his dreams...
     "Ahh, this is the life... Hey Flo! You hear something?"
     "Like what, Sam?" She called back over her shoulder.
     "I dunno, sounds kinda like somebody yelling 'look out'..."
     He opened his eyes.
     "Holy Shi-"
     Sam never had a chance to finish his favorite expletive as
the screaming Japanese boy hit the water with a titanic splash
not one foot away from him, sending Sam, innertube, Pina Colada
and all, into the air, across the fence and onto the neighbor's
satellite dish.
     Flo stood stunned as a red-headed Japanese girl surfaced
with a gasp, clambered out of the pool, and leapt off over the
rooftops of the quiet suburb. Sam was equally dumbstruck.
Underneath him, he heard the patio door slide open.
     "Hey Johnson!" A voice called up.
     "What?"
     "What the hell are you doin' on my dish? I was watchin' the
game!!"
     "Who's winning?"
     "The Dodgers, three to two. Why, you wanna come in, have a
beer?"
     "Sure, why not..."


     
     Ranma was in a bad way as she leapt from rooftop to rooftop
back towards the gym.
     Damn! What the hell just happened there?! No *way* is Xander
good enough to do that to me! I might be a good Sensei, but I
ain't *that* good. Only person who's ever been able to do that to
he's dead...
     She nimbly hurdled a string of power lines, dashing across
the glass skylight of the Sunnydale Galleria before leaping down
onto the parkade. She froze as the thoughts that had been
haunting her for the past month surfaced again.
     Unless... Maybe I was right... Maybe I *have* lost it. After
all, I couldn't save Kasumi, or Shampoo, or Kodachi, or the Old
Ghou- Kuh-Lohn, even the old freak... He didn't deserve *that*...
Damn Mousse anyway, why the hell did he hafta... Tears welled up
in Ranma's eyes.
     Dammit, no! I ain't gonna go to pieces! Like Mom says, a man
don't cry... She squeezed her eyes shut, stanching the flow of
tears. With a snarl of anger, (whether at himself or at Mu-Tsu,
she didn't know), Ranma wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her gi.
The heir of the Saotome School of Indiscriminate Grappling does
not cry like a little girl! I'm a man! I'm a man! Despite her
shuttered eyes, the tears began to trickle once more.
     "I'm a man..." She whispered, the sound a choked sob.



     Dr. Tofu sat on the couch in his flat, the Naniban clutched
in his hands. He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he looked at
his reflection in the cracked mirror. The face of a wild-eyed
stranger stared back at him accusingly.
     "Look at you! You're falling to pieces!" His own voice
echoed in his head. "You're a waste! A failure! No wonder you
can't stop the monsters! No wonder you can't save Kasumi-chan!
You are a disgrace to the Tofu School! A disgrace to your calling
as a Watcher!"
     With a sob, he flung the mirror down on the cushion next to
him. He collapsed backwards, his reddened eyes staring upwards as
if pleading to the Kami for strength. Finally, he stood,
straightened his black gi. He walked to the small closet in his
bedroom and pulled out his black housecall bag. Reaching inside,
he assured himself that his tools were within. The wards, the
phials of greek fire, the small bag of poppy seeds, all almost
depleted now... He shut the bag with a snap.
     Returning to the living room, bag in hand, he picked up the
Naniban once more.
     "Time to try again... And again... For as long as it
takes..."
     Tears welled up in his eyes once more, and this time he let
them fall onto the silvery surface of the mirror.
     As soon as the salty droplets touched the artifact, it began
to glow from within with the brilliance of the sun.
     "Take me back to the battle at the Tendou Dojo... Again."
     He disappeared in a flash of light.
     Two minutes passed, the apartment as silent as a tomb.
     With a second flash of brilliant light, Dr. Tofu reappeared,
his clothing torn and stained with blood, a rapidly darkening
bruise swelling his right eye shut.
     "CHIKUSO!!!!!"
     He flung his now-empty bag across the room in a fit of rage
before collapsing to the floor in grief.



     "C'mon, Xander! Hurry up!" Willow called back to her friend
as she ran down the street. She glanced upwards, trying to
calculate Ranma's probable parabolic arc. If he'd left the gym on
a eighty-five degree angle... Scowling, she stopped, turned back
to see Xander plodding along about a block behind her. She walked
back to him hurriedly. His face was still expressionless as he
rubbed the faint palm-shaped bruise on his cheek.
     "Xander, I'm sorry I hit you but we've gotta find Ranma, he
must have come down somewhere around here... Xander?" He didn't
answer her, only stared forward blankly.
     "Earth to Xander... Hell-oo? Okay, I didn't hit you that
hard..." She followed the direction of his gaze. There was
nothing there except for a laundry line, holding several pairs of
women's underwear and some sheets. Puzzled, she turned back.
     "What is it? Do you see her? What's the matter with you?"
     Xander failed to respond.
     "Okay, this is giving me a major wiggins... Maybe Ranma hit
you in the head or something..." She grabbed him by the
shirtfront and shook him vigorously. He blinked twice and his
eyes focused.
     "Willow? What's goin' on? How'd we get out here?" He glanced
around, puzzled. Willow looked up at her old friend worriedly.
     "Are you okay, Xander? You've been acting really weird ever
since your lesson... Did Ranma knock you silly?" Xander looked as
confused as she did.
     "I don't... *think*... so... To be honest, I don't really
remember much about today's session. It's like I was on autopilot
or something."
     "You fought pretty well for someone on autopilot... Maybe we
should take you to see a doctor..." Willow said, concerned.
     Xander shook his head. "Naw, don't worry about it. I
probably got bonked on the head once or twice, like you said...
I'd better just go home and lie down..."
     Willow looked long and hard at him. He *seemed* a little
more lucid...
     "Well, okay... But see a doctor if things get worse, hmm?
I'd better keep looking for Ranma..."
     "Sure, Wil. Seeya later, then..." He wandered away in the
general direction of home. "Man, I feel weird..."



     Buffy and Akane arrived back at the Summers house shortly
before dark, their arms laden down with shopping bags.
     "I can't believe you, Akane!" Buffy laughed. "You've really
gotta stop buying those little-girl outfits, they make you look
like a fourteen-year old. You're in great shape, why not flaunt
it?" Akane blushed.
     "Well, it's just that... I don't like it when guys stare at
me, okay?"
     "Why not? Sure, there's Ranma to think about, but maybe he'd
smarten up a little if he had a little competition..." Akane
harummphed loudly.
     The sounds of loud kiai yells caught their attention,
cutting off any further argument.
     "Sounds like Ranma's home..."
     The girls walked around to the back of the house, finding
Ranma in guy-form beating the heck out of the wooden practice
post they'd installed last week. With a loud yell, he leapt up,
delivering a devastating spin kick to the post, breaking the
foot-thick board in two. The Japanese boy stopped his workout,
wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm.
     "Whoa.." Buffy said, "Angry much?"
     Ranma gave a halfhearted smile before straightening himself
out.
     "Hey, Buffy, Akane... How'd the shopping trip go?"
     "Not bad, but your in-suzuki here needs some fashion
tips..." Buffy said, winking at Akane.
     "For the umpteenth time, that's iinazuke, Buffy, and I do
*not* need help!" She glared at the blonde girl.
     "Joking! Geez, girl, you have to take a serious
chill-pill... anyway, I need munchies..." She smiled back at the
couple, opened the back door and wandered into the kitchen.
     Akane looked furiously over at Ranma, about to mallet him if
he even thought about teasing her about her fashion sense, but
was startled to notice that Ranma wasn't even paying attention.
Instead, he was sitting down staring at the ground, as if in rapt
contemplation of some great tragedy unfolding in the ant kingdom
below.
     "Ranma...? What's wrong? It's not like you to miss an
opportunity to bug me... Are you okay?" She set down her packages
and walked over to her fiancee. He barely looked up.
     "Huh? Aw, nothin'. 'Least, nothin' I wanna talk to *you*
about." He continued to stare at the dirt.
     "Ran-maa..." Akane's temper flared, her mallet manifesting
in her hand. Then, through the haze of her anger, she noticed
something. A certain puffiness around the eyes, a slight dampness
to the cheeks...
     "Ranma... Have you been... Crying?" Her mallet dissipated as
quickly as it had appeared. Ranma looked up, reddened eyes
glaring.
     "I *wasn't* crying! I just..." He sighed, looking away.
"Akane... You're prob'ly gonna laugh at me, but... Aw, forget
it!"
     "I promise I won't... What's wrong?" She sat down next to
him, almost putting an arm around his shoulders before thinking
better of it. He turned his face to look at her, a despairing
look in his eyes. That look frightened Akane more than any
vampire ever could. What on earth could make Ranma lose hope?
     "Akane... I think I've lost it."
     "Lost what?"
     "My skill, my mind... Everything... I keep thinking about
how I..." His words caught in his throat. "How I let everybody
down... How, because I wasn't strong enough, I let Kasumi and
Shampoo and the others..." His voice broke completely, tears
welling up in his eyes. "Don't look at me! I can't..." 
     Akane's eyes widened. She hadn't realized how all this was
affecting her iinazuke. Hesitantly, she put her arm around him,
withdrawing it when he shuddered.
     "Ranma..."
     "I understand, Akane... I disgust you. You must hate me for
letting that happen to your family, your home... I don't blame
you for hating a useless weakling like me..." His voice was
resigned. "Maybe it would be for the best if I left, went home to
Japan..."
     "Ranma, no! I don't hate you! How can you say that?! You're
the strongest, bravest man I know... What happened that night, we
were all taken by surprise! No one could have stopped them..."
     "I should have! I never lose! Never!!" For a moment, the
familiar fire lit his eyes once more, before dying again. "Except
when it counts... Except when the people I love need me the
most... I don't blame you for being disgusted with me. If this
were Japan, I'd commit seppuku..." Akane's eyes went wide with
fear.
     "Ranma, no! You can't! I don't hate you, you don't disgust
me! I l-l-... What am I supposed to do without you..."
Ranma turned to face her, a stunned expression on his face.
     "You what?" Akane blushed.
     "You heard me, baka..."
     "Akane..." 
     "Do you think I've had it easy?! Kasumi was my sister! The
Dojo was my home for my whole life! Losing them was almost too
much... If you were gone, I... I don't think..." She started to
cry, the tears running down her face. "Do you know what I was
thinking during Kasumi's funeral? Do you? You think that *you're*
despicable... All I could do was thank the Kami it wasn't *you*
we were burying! Do you understand how horrible that is? I was
almost... happy that Kasumi was gone... so long as it wasn't
you...."
     "Akane, I..."
     "You shut up, you selfish baka! How can you think of killing
yourself, when people... when *I* need you?! How?! HOW?!" 
     She pounded on his shoulder with her fists, the blows not
those of a martial artist, rather those of a frightened child.
Eventually, she stopped, staring up at her fiancee, who was
looking back with something approaching awe in his face.
     "You need me? You still want me...? After I failed..?"
     "You didn't fail! You lived! We both did! We can't be
ashamed of that! Kasumi wouldn't have wanted it, and neither
would any of the others! Don't you understand? It wasn't our
fault! It wasn't *your* fault! We were outmatched, pure and
simple..." She sniffled, composing herself. "You're the one who
taught me what to do when that happens."
     Despite himself, Ranma softened. "What did I teach you? The
Saotome Secret Technique?" Akane giggled through her tears.
     "No, dummy... We train until we're no longer outmatched,
then we take the fight to them... Isn't that what we're supposed
to be doing here?" 
     Startling both of them, she grabbed him and hugged him
close, holding onto him like a life preserver. After a moment's
hesitation, he returned the hug.
     "Akane... " He whispered into her hair.
She sniffled, a small smile on her lips.
     "Bakayaro..." She said, teasingly. Dummy!
     "Kawaiikune otenba..." Uncute Tomboy! He pushed her gently
away to look her in the eyes, smiling sadly. Their faces moved
closer, lips gently parting...
     When the back door opened.
     "Hey guys, everything all right out here- Ooops!" Buffy shut
the door quickly. "Sorry!!!"
     Akane and Ranma looked at each other for a moment, blushing
furiously. After a second, they both broke out laughing.
     "Hahahaha.... Oh, geez, of all the times..." Ranma flopped
backwards onto the lawn, the darkness dispelled for the moment.
     "Rain check?" Akane asked, smiling softly.
     "Sure... We'd better go in. I need to change before Mrs..
Summers comes home." He sprung to his feet, a little bit of his
old spirit seemingly present.
     When the two entered the house, Buffy was studiously
attempting to act as if nothing had happened by burying her nose
in the newspaper.
     "Buff..." 
     "Hmm? Oh, what is it, Ranma?"
     "You're reading that upside down..."
     For a change, it was Buffy's turn to blush.
     "Sorry, really, guys..." She said, abashed.
     "Don't worry about it..." Akane said reassuringly.
     "Oh, before I forget... There's a message on the machine for
one of you... It's in Japanese, so I haven't the slightest idea
who it is, but I *think* I heard her mention your name, Ranma..."
Ranma looked surprised.
     "Her? Was it my Mom? Is everything okay?"
     "How should I know? I don't speak Japanese..."
     Ranma hopped over to the phone and punched in the code for
the call answer service. Buffy and Akane watched, curious.
     Ranma hung up the phone, an unreadable expression on his
face.
     "Who was it?" Akane asked, worried.
     "It was Ucchan... She's on her way over here right now..."
     "Ucchan?" Buffy asked, puzzled. "Isn't that that Ukyou girl
you told me about? I thought you guys were friends?" Akane looked
nonplused.
     "Did she say why? What's got you so upset?"
     "It's not that... I'll be happy to see her, but she's got
company on her flight." 
     "Who? Konatsu? Ryouga?" Akane asked hopefully.
     "Nope. She actually called to warn us. It's that Pantyhose
bastard."
     "Nani?! What's she doing with him?!"
     "I didn't get the impression that they were together, just
on the same plane. He might not even know she's there..."
     Buffy was getting frustrated again.
     "Pantyhose? What's the problem? Will somebody please explain
what's going on?" Ranma sighed, sitting down at the kitchen
table.
     "Pantyhose is the meanest S.O.B. I've ever had the
displeasure of fighting. A while back, he showed up in Nerima and
attacked everyone with a Jusenkyo curse, looking for my old
Master, Happousai."
     A rumble of thunder echoed from outside. Buffy peered out
the kitchen window.
     "Didn't *look* like rain, earlier... Anyway, what about him?
Wasn't he the guy who used to have the magic mirror?"
     "Yeah, that's him all right. Pantyhose had a grudge against
him 'cause the old lech was his godfather, and stuck him with a
really stupid name."
     Buffy blinked. "Which is?"
     "Pantyhose."
     "That's not a nickname?"
     Ranma and Akane shook their heads. Ranma smirked slightly.
     "Well, so what? This guy doesn't like his name. I knew a
girl in public school called Mary Christmas. She didn't go around
beating people up, so what's this guy's dealie?"
     "Happy told him that he'd never give him a new name. It was
the little pervo's idea of godfatherly affection. Thing is,
Happy's dead. Why's Pantyhose comin' here?"     
     "Ranma..." Akane breathed. "You don't suppose he's after
*you*, do you? You *are* Master Happousai's heir..."
     "Well, great. Like we don't have enough problems." Ranma
scowled. Suddenly, his eyes widened as an idea hit him.
     "Ucchan! He'll kidnap her to get to me! He's done it
before..."
     Akane nodded, the same though having occurred to her as
well. Buffy interjected, concerned.
     "Well, how'll we help her? Will he try anything on the
plane?"
     "Probably not... He won't want to risk it. But at the
airport afterwards... Chikuso! She'll be landing at three in Los
Angeles! We gotta go..." Buffy put a hand on his shoulder.
     "Ranma... We haven't got any wheels, remember?"
     "What about the trains?"
     "This isn't Japan, Ranma. Amtrak is just plain slow. I
think I know a way to get *some*one to meet her..."
     "Who?" Buffy sighed.
     "I shouldn't be calling him, but... if this Pantyhose guy is
as bad as you say, your friend'll need his help."
     She walked over to the phone like a woman being led to the
gallows. After a moment's hesitation, she picked up the receiver
and punched in a number from memory.
     "Hi... It's me. No, don't hang up, just listen, okay...?"



     In the basement of the Harris house some blocks away, Xander
lay sleeping on his bed, sweating profusely, the sheets a tangle
at his feet. A clap of thunder woke him, and he sat up, head in
hands.
     "Oh, man... My head feels like it's gonna explode... Better
call a doctor..." He tried to stand, but his legs gave out and he
flopped back down on the bed.
     "Or not. This is no good..."
     Lightning flashed outside, followed shortly by a peal of
thunder.
     A very un-Xander-Like chuckle issued from his mouth as he
stood a second time, this time finding his feet easily. He rolled
his neck around his shoulders, feeling the muscles unclench. He
looked down at his body, clad only in boxer shorts.
     "Hmm... Not bad. A little soft, but lots of potential..."
     He looked around the room as if seeing it for the first
time, and in fact, he was... His eyes settled on a picture
hanging on the wall. It was a group shot of Xander with Buffy,
Willow and Oz, mugging for the camera. Walking over, he took the
photo off the wall and looked long and hard at it, tracing a slow
circle around the head and shoulders of the blonde girl.
     "Hmm... Sweet-o..."



     As the rain outside began to fall, first a light sprinkle,
then growing to a downpour, Willow turned away from her bedroom
window with a sigh. Her developing magical sense told her
something was going on tonight... She'd tried to get through to
Giles, but the English Watcher had been surprisingly hard to get
ahold of lately. Buffy hadn't been home when she called half an
hour ago, and when she'd tried again a few minutes ago, the line
was busy. She sat down at her study desk and looked in at Amy,
her sort-of pet rat.
     Amy Madison had been a member of a small coven Willow had
been a part of last year, but due to a misfired spell had been
stuck as a rat ever since. Willow had taken it upon herself to
take care of the rodent, making sure that her cage was clean,
that she had a nice habitrail, that her food pellets were always
well stocked, but for the life of her, she hadn't been able to
find a cure for Amy.
     "Well, I guess it's just you and me, Amy... I wish you could
talk..." 
     Amy's ears pricked up, and she looked up at her friend,
twitching her whiskers questioningly.
     "I know, I'm sorry... I wish I was a better witch. I'm kinda
stuck here, and I wish you could help..."
     Amy-rat crawled over to the door of her cage, flicked open
the catch and hopped onto the desk in front of Willow. Rising up
on her hind legs and using her long tail for balance, she gave a
squeak.
     "What's that? You want to help? Well, maybe you can... I've
got all your spellbooks here, which one has a curse-removing
spell?"
     Amy chittered loudly.
     "I know, you're not cursed, it was a backfire. I was there,
remember? This for another friend, Ranma. You remember me telling
you about him?"
     The rat nodded, cocking her head sideways quizzically.
     "Yeah, he's the one who turns into a girl when he gets wet.
I have an idea that might help both of you. But you were always
better at this than I was... I could really use a hand..." Willow
gave her sweetest looking-smile, the one that made Oz melt.
     Amy-rat made a fair approximation of a shrug, and darted
down the table leg and over to the bookshelf. With remarkable
ease, she scaled the shelf until she reached the third level.
Then, climbing down, she scurried along until she found a
particularly large leather-bound tome.
     "That's the one? Great! You get some cheese!"
     Amy's ears pricked up happily.



     At the edge of the warehouse district, a small white duck
with slightly singed feathers waddled unhappily through puddles,
cursing his lot in unlife.
     Bad enough the Master was furious, but how was he supposed
to kill the Slayers, retake the Nanban and destroy the hated
Saotome in this condition? For the thousandth time he wished that
he had asked the Master whether his Jusenkyo curse would have
been cured by becoming a vampire before he'd accepted the gift.
Oh sure, he was powerful beyond reason, and his beloved Xian-Pu
was finally his, but all it took was a little cold water and

paf!<, farewell Mu-Tsu unstoppable killer and hello Mu-mu-chan,

bloodsucking duck.
     He wondered not for the first time how Xian-Pu managed to
control the change. Metamorphism was based on willpower, and he
was the dominant vampire, right? Right? He gave a duckish sigh.
     At least the minions no longer called him Count Quackula to
his face, not since Mu-mu-chan had eaten the last one who'd
dared.
     He flapped his stubby wings, lifting off with effort into
the wind and rain. Maybe the night might not be a total loss.
There were always nubile young women who'd take pity on a cute
little duck down on his luck...
     Flying into town, he alit on the fire escape above the main
doors of The Bronze, the most popular club in town. Even on a
night like this, the joint was jumping. He decided to wait until
a pretty girl left, and then he'd pounce, using all the
kawaiiness he could muster to gain her confidence, and then it
was dinner time.
     After an hour or so, he gave up on a single female, and
decided to settle for cutting one away from a herd. Didn't
American women feel safe walking the streets alone after dark
anymore? This country was too paranoid. 
     Eventually, his patience paid off. Two young women in their
early twenties exited the bar, toting instrument cases and
arguing amongst themselves.
     "Geez, Beverly! If you keep letting Ginger walk all over us
like that, we'll never get decently paid! Just because we're the
replacement band doesn't mean we don't get scale!"
     "I know, Rox, but what can I do? He's waiting to see which
one of us'll put out first. And it ain't gonna be me..."
     "Ewww! Me neither..."
     Perfect! Thought Mu-Tsu. That one girl, Beverly. A redhead,
his favorite food... mustering all his dramatic skill, he quacked
loudly and fluttered to the ground at her feet.
     "Oooh! How cute! A little duck!"
     "Don't touch it, Bev! You don't know where it's been!"
     "Tsk! Don't be silly, Roxy! It's just a poor little bird...
Aww, poor thing, look at you. You're all singed..."
     "Maybe he was migrating and got struck by lighting..."
     "Ducks don't migrate in the summer. Somebody probably hurt
it."
     Mu-mu-chan flopped dramatically at her feet, emitting a
pitiful quack that somehow conveyed the depths of his poor
anatadaen misery.
     "Aww, poor lil' Duckie... I'll take you home..." She reached
down and gathered up Mu-mu-chan in her arms, cradling him to her
ample chest.
     "Bev, you're such a soft touch... well, I ain't sharing a
cab with that mangy thing."
     "Duckie is *not* mangy, he's probably just molting, isn't
that right, Duckie?" She cooed happily to the feathery bundle.
"If you don't want to share a cab, I'll walk home. A little rain
won't bother me and Duckie, will it?"
     Mu-mu-chan quacked, shaking his head.
     "See? He understands me! Aw, aren't you just so precious..."
She hugged him close, giving Mu-mu-chan a close up view of her
cleavage. He quacked happily.
     The pleasant interlude was broken by the sounds of feminine
screams coming from inside The Bronze.
     "Huh?"
     "What the hell?"
     "Waak?"
     "BUFFY!! WHEREAREYA, CUTIE?!"
     A nearly naked form bounded out the front doors of The
Bronze, clad in nothing more than a pair of happy-face boxers.
The figure stopped, turning to face the two girls and duck.
     "HOTCHA! C'MERE, HONEY, GIVE YOUR XANDER-BABY A BIG OL'
SMOOCH!!!" The young man leapt forward like he was on springs,
and almost instantly had his face buried between Roxy's generous
endowments.
     "EEeek! Get it offa me!!!" She smacked furiously at Xander's
head,
attempting to dislodge the glomp, with little success.
     With a swing of her guitar case, Beverly smacked the pervert
hard, driving him down like a hammer drives a nail.
     "HEY! Whatcha go an' do that for? I'm just being friendly...
Say, you aren't Buffy..." The half-naked man picked himself up,
eyeing Bev hungrily. "Butcher pretty cute yerself... Howzabouta
hug?!!"
     He leapt forward, in full glomping position, arms
outstretched, only to be met by a furious pecking at the hands,
er, beak of Bev's Duckie.
     "Owowowowowowow!!! That smarts!" He eyed the duck. "Say,
don't I know you? Somethin' familiar 'bout a duck wearin'
sunglasses..."
     "QUAAACK!" Mu-mu-chan said furiously. He'd worked hard for
this meal, and he wasn't about to give her up to some low-rent
American sex fiend.
     "Ah, who cares..." Xander said nonchalantly as he reached
out and snatched Mu-mu-chan from Bev's arms, drop kicking him
over the horizon.
     "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaauuuuugggggh!!"
     "Now, cuties, which one of you lovelies wants to give me a
quick peek at your panties?" He leered meaningfully at the two
girls.
     "You freak! You hurt my Duckie!!!!" Bev hefted her guitar
case and began smiting Xander about the head with great vengeance
and furious anger. Roxy joined in with her own instrument.
     "Aw, no, OUCH! Gimme a break here girlies, AARGH! Not that
kind of break, I mean OWOWOW!! Forget this, I'm outta here..." He
sprung off into the night, laughing maniacally and yelling "WOTTA
HAUL, WOTTA HAUL!!!"
     The two disheveled musicians stood panting in fury.
     "That, that... Creep!! He hurt Duckie!"
     "Uh, Bev?"
     "Yeah?"
     "Are your panties missing too?"
     Bev checked.
     "Oh my Ghod! That little perv!!!!"



     Ranma was *not* happy...
     "Lemme get this straight, Buff. My oldest, best friend in
the world is in mortal danger from a sadistic martial artist, and
you asked a VAMPIRE to go rescue her?!!" 
     Akane looked worried herself.
     "I hate to say this, Buffy, but he's right. That's insane!!"
     "Look, guys..." Buffy sat down with a sigh. "It's really
long and painful story. Just believe me, you can trust Angel to
look after your friend."
     "You're gonna hafta do better'n that, Buff! Vampires are
soulless, demonic killers! Ucchan... Chikuso!!! I can't lose
*her* too!!"
     Ranma's eyes were wild, his battle aura flaring a shifting
pattern of reds and yellows. He looked frantic. Akane rushed over
to try to hold him, but he threw her off with a heave of his
shoulders, sending her across the kitchen to bounce off the
counter with a grunt.
     "Ranma!! Stop it! You're hurting her!" Buffy jumped to her
feet, interposing herself between Ranma and the prone Akane. She
knew that she was no match, physically, for the enraged martial
artist, but she couldn't let him do this. He was upset, and
scared...
     Ranma stared hard at the two girls, and the reality of the
situation sunk in. His whole body sagged as the fight left him,
his battle aura winking out.
     "Akane... I... I'm sorry..." 
     With a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob, he flung
himself out the door into the rainy night and sprung off over the
rooftops.
     "Ranma..." Akane got to her feet, stumbling over to the open
door. "RANMAAA!!" She sunk to her knees. "...come back..."
      Buffy walked over to her side, attempting to comfort her
friend. Akane stood, whirling to face her.
     "Damn you! What on earth were you thinking?! Don't you know
how fragile he is right now?!" Buffy goggled.
     "Fragile?! He almost killed you!"
     "Emotionally fragile, you... Oooh!! I can look after myself!
Besides, what were you thinking, sending a vampire?! You say we
can trust him, but you know as well as I do that that's
impossible..." Akane looked ready to lash out herself.
     "Akane... Leaving aside the fact that you and I both know
what Ranma could have done in that state... Angel isn't a killer,
not anymore..." 
     "All vampires are killers!"
     "Not Angel... He has a soul."
     "Yeah, right."
     "No, it's true... He was cursed by Gypsies, a long time
ago..."
     "Gypsies? What are you talking about?"
     "Look... I don't like talking about him. Can't you just take
my word on this?"
     "Buffy... Ranma will never believe you unless you explain...
And I don't want... Look, he's very unstable right now. His whole
world's been turned upside down, and I'm ashamed to say I didn't
realize how badly it had affected him. I guess I was just too
wrapped up in my own grief, and coming here, meeting you and all
of your friends..." She sighed, sitting back down at the kitchen
table.
     "Buffy, Ranma's whole identity is based on the fact that
he's the best. How do you think he felt when he couldn't stop
what happened to our families, to our friends? I've lost people
close to me before, years ago, when my mother died, but he's
never had to face that, never had to cope with the feelings of
helplessness that it brings... He doesn't know how to deal with
being unable to protect the ones he loves, and it's tearing him
up inside. I think he might hurt himself..."
     "Hurt himself? How?"
     "Ranma's mother comes from a clan descended from the
Samurai. When a Samurai was dishonored, the way Ranma feels he
was, they sometimes committed 'seppuku'... You might have heard
of it as Hari-Kari."
     "He's going to *kill* himself?!"
     "A few minutes ago, in the yard, he told me he'd been
thinking about it. I thought I'd managed to convince him not to,
but... Buffy, Ukyou is his best friend, one of only friends he
has left... If anything happened to her, and he wasn't able to
stop it..."
     "It might push him over the edge..." Buffy whispered. "We
have to stop him..."
     "The only way to do that is to convince him that Ukyou will
be safe with Angel. And the only way to do *that* is for you to
convince *me*..."
     Buffy slumped down in her seat, exhaling.
     "Okay... when I first moved to Sunnydale, three years
ago..."



    
     "Who the hell was that?!" Mu-Tsu bellowed as he pried
himself out of the brick wall. Or rather, that's what he *meant*
to say. Since he was currently a duck, it came out something like
"Quaaack waak waaak wa quaaak?!" Tossing aside his ruined
sunglasses, Mu-mu-chan shook, feeling his plumage re-order
itself. He glanced around, attempting to get his bearings.
     He was underground... He spared a glance upwards. Apparently
he'd fallen down an open manhole into a sewer main, but had
mercifully been spared the humiliating plunge into the foetid
stream coursing through the middle of the tunnel.
     The local vampires he'd suborned had mentioned the
convenient network of tunnels and catacombs that crisscrossed
Sunnydale's underbelly, but he'd never before had occasion to
explore them at any length. 
     Off in the distance, he heard the faint sounds of
excavation. A city work crew? Perhaps not a tasty maiden, but
right now anything warm-blooded would hit the spot...
     With a >waak< of effort, he launched his feathered form into
the air, skimming the ceiling as he flew through tunnel after
tunnel, tracking the sounds to their source. After several twists
and turns, he found himself in a side passage off the main line,
roughly hewn out of the bedrock, and recently by the looks of
things... The digging sounds came from within.
     Setting down, he backed away slightly from the opening and
withdrew about ten feet into the main line. Scanning the tunnel,
he found what he was looking for, a hot water pipe, as evidenced
by the steam rising from the tarnished copper tubing.
     Ignoring the pain it caused his dented beak, he pecked
furiously at the pipe until a small dent formed, then a hairline
crack. Eagerly, he flew up into the hot spray, feeling the water
work its transforming magic.
     "AAaaah... MUCH better..." Mu-Tsu gasped as he returned to
his humanoid form. With a squint of effort, he wove a minor
glamour around himself, creating clothing where only moments
before had been naked flesh. With a flourish, he produced a pair
of round-lensed sunglasses from an illusory pocket and placed
them over his eyes. Perfect...
     Nimbly, he skittered up the wall of the tunnel to the
ceiling, lizard-crawling along the damp surface into the side
tunnel towards the sounds of activity. 
     The sight that greeted his eyes was remarkable. A vast
cavern was being excavated. Gas fuelled generators chugged,
powering bright halogen lights that cast a blue-white glow
sporadically across the great chamber. Workers hurried around,
toting pickaxes and other digging equipment as they dug into the
west wall of the cave. To Mu-Tsu's heightened senses, it was
apparent that none of these workers, despite appearances, were
human.
     Vampires? He thought, surprised. I didn't authorize a dig...
     Dropping to his feet from the domed ceiling in a flurry of
silk, he landed in front of the vampire who was evidently in
charge, a tall male in black jeans and T-shirt, his features
hidden behind blasting goggles and a dust mask. The figure looked
up at him, his attention drawn away from the clipboard he had
been examining.
     "What is the meaning of this?" Mu-Tsu demanded in his most
imperious tone. "I was not consulted about this endeavor!"
     The vampire in black looked him up and down, a sigh audible
through the white mask. He reached up and pulled off the goggles
and filter, revealing a slicked-back head of pale blonde hair,
and sharp, almost regal features. The dark eyes held a sardonic,
cheerful malevolence that Mu-Tsu found oddly... worrisome.
     "Marvelous..." the blonde vampire said, his tones those of a
London tough. "Who let in the bloody Heathen Chinee?" He glanced
around at the surrounding vampires, most of whom merely shrugged
submissively and returned to their digging, sparing Mu-Tsu
worried looks over their shoulders. The English vampire sighed,
glancing upwards at the stony ceiling as if seeking solace.
     "I asked you a question, barbarian! Answer your liege!"
Mu-Tsu growled at the shorter man. The blonde merely snorted with
derision and turned his back on him, walking away.
     "Will somebody *please* stake him?! He's getting up my
nose..."
     Mu-Tsu was completely taken aback by the Englishman's
contempt. With a sputter of fury, he shot out a tendril of
metamorphic flesh, entangling the blonde man in a cocoon of cable
from the neck down before hauling him back to glare into his
eyes.
     "You *will* answer my question!!" Mu-Tsu growled, the
burning coals of his eyes flaring molten yellow behind his
glasses. Subtly, he increased his size and mass so as to present
an even more imposing figure.
     All work in the cavern had stopped as the vampires awaited
the outcome of the contest. Except for the animalistic growl
emanating from the Chinese vampire, the cavern was silent save
for the chugging of the generators.
     The blonde vampire looked calmly down at the fleshy prison
that held him, before returning Mu-Tsu's furious stare with a
cool glance.
     "Clever little gimmick you've got there, mate. Can't say as
I appreciate it, though. Put me down." Mu-Tsu withdrew slightly,
amazed at both the defiance and the sheer maliciousness in his
eyes. This one was old... At least a century older than he was...
     "Spike..?" A feminine voice called out from the throng, its
timbre somehow striking a chord in Mu-Tsu's ears. A pretty
strawberry-blonde girl wandered out of the crowd. "Spike, what
are you doing? You said we could go out tonight..." 
     Spike's eyes never wavered from Mu-Tsu's.
     "Not now, Harm dear. Daddy's got a guest..." Harm pouted
fetchingly.
     "But you pro-mised..." 
     "Not now."
     "Awwww...."
     At the sound of that whine, for some reason, the image of
ice skates flitted through Mu-Tsu's mind. Dispelling the notion
that two creatures *that* annoying could co-exist in the same
universe, he returned his attention to Spike.
     "Spike, is it? I've heard of you..." He released his coils,
dropping the blonde vampire unceremoniously to the earth floor. 
     At that, work resumed in the cavern, the jackhammers
resuming their pounding as Spike picked himself up, brushing the
dirt from his dark clothes.
     "Yeah, and you're the goit named for a hairstyling product.
What do you want, gobshite? This isn't Limehouse, I don't take
orders from the bloody Yellow Peril anymore..."
     Mu-Tsu restrained himself (just barely) from tearing off
Spike's head. He could tell, with the withered remnants of his Ki
sense, that the other vampire was powerful, and dangerous. He'd
make a better ally than an enemy...
     "Indulge me. Even if you hold me no regard, certain others
do. They- and I, could make your unlife very difficult if you are
not co-operative." Spike looked him up and down.
     "Right. I'll bet. You've demon-stink all over you, mate.
Who're you workin' for, then?"
     "Never mind that now... Just tell me what you're doing here,
and we can both go back about our business. I've no wish to
destroy as useful an ally as yourself." Not yet, anyway, he added
mentally.
     Spike raised an eyebrow sardonically, not fooled for a
moment by Mu-Tsu's sudden solicitude. He'd throw the dog a bone,
and see if he bit.
     "If you really must know, I'm setting up homesteading, and
I've called some old friends over to help me out. Isn't that
right, pumpkin?" He placed his arm around Harm's shoulders
possessively. Harm looked up, a little confused. "Yeah, just
making a little love nest for me and my best girl..."
     "But Spi-ike, didn't you say that you were looking for-"
     "Not now, honeybunny..." He hissed through clenched teeth,
squeezing her a little hard. Mu-Tsu seemed to have missed the
gaffe, as he was occupied with scanning the cavern.
     "Homesteading, hmm?" He sniffed derisively. "Nice place for
it... Well, carry on then. Make sure you inform me if things
change, liegeman." He turned with a flourish and left.
     "Oh, yeah, sure will, chief..." Spike muttered as the
Chinese vampire wandered out. "God, what a git."
     "Spike, why didn't you tell him about the Gem of Amara?
Maybe he could've helped, and we could've gone out like you said
we would..." Harm whined.
     "You can't *really* be that dense, can you pumpkin?"
     "Huh? What?"
     "Oh, good grief... Run along you little bint. Go dancing or
whatever, just leave me alone..."
     "Oh.. O-okay, Spike, whatever you say..." She wandered off,
looking disconsolately over her shoulder.
     "Lord... What on earth was I thinking, making her a
vampire..." He massaged his temples, trying to fight off the
impending headache Harm's whining always caused. A soft feminine
voice brushed lightly across his mind.
     "Spike..."
     "You can come out now, love. He's gone."
     With a rustle of soft fabric, a sensuous form slunk out of
the shadows to drape itself across Spike's shoulders.
     "Hmmm... I was worried he might have detected my presence."
     "Don't worry, gorgeous, he's a real thickie..." He reached
up a hand and stroked her long soft hair. She purred her
response.
     "Both of our chosen lovers seem to merit that description,
my barbarian..."
     "Heh... So, it's a deal, then?"
     "My Master agrees. The Gem is ours, and the Slayers are
yours."
     "Well, that's just peachy keen..." He replied, drawing her
in for a passionate kiss.



     At the reconstruction site of Sunnydale High, high atop the
steel girders that would soon become the clocktower, a lone
figure sat, oblivious to the driving rain. Lightning flashed,
illuminating the face of Ranma Saotome. Even she couldn't tell
whether the wet streaks on her face were rain or tears... 
     It'd be so easy, she thought, just to leap off and out. To
fall through the air, let oblivion swallow me up, just like
Oneechan Kasumi, like poor, sweet Shampoo, like Hiroshi and
Daisuke, like Kodachi and Mousse, like Kuh-Lohn and the old
freak...
     And now it looks like you're going to fail again, Saotome,
the internal voice of her self-loathing mocked. If Tarou doesn't
get Ucchan, Buffy's so-called "tame vampire" will. And there's
nothing you can do to stop them.
     "So you're not even gonna try?" 
     A man's voice spoke up beside her. Ranma turned with a start
to see a man around Tofu's age sitting on the girder by her side.
He was white, dressed in a grubby sportcoat and a fedora whose
best days were long behind it. He took a deep drag off the
cigarette he held cupped between his hands, shielding it from the
rain. A moment later, he exhaled, the smoke hanging thick in the
damp air. Ranma noticed with a start that the man wasn't even
wet. It was like the rain... missed him.
     "Who... Where did you come from?!" Ranma gasped. "I didn't
sense you..." Reflexively, she reached out with her Ki sense,
finding
neither the bright fire of a living person or the cold void that
was the soul of a vampire. "You're... Not human..." The man
chuckled under his breath.
     "Well, that's a matter of opinion, I guess. Name's
Whistler." He extended a hand in greeting. Ranma shook it,
dumbfounded. "You're Saotome Ranma, right?" He asked with a
crooked smile.
     "Y-yeah, that's me. What do you want?"
     "Oh, just to talk. Good thinkin' spot y'got here, kid. What
is it with you and high places, anyway?" Ranma sputtered, trying
to frame a response.
     "How do you know that? How do you know me?" Whistler gave
another wry grin.
     "Let's just say I'm a friend of a friend, and leave it at
that. Couldn't help but notice you lookin' at the drop. You gonna
be a jumper, kid?"
     "I... Don't know." Whistler nodded understandingly.
     "Yeah, you've been handed a lotta tough breaks lately. Even
more than usual... you wouldn't be the first person to look for
the easy way out."
     "It's not easy!"
     "Easier than facin' yer problems. 'Sides, you still got
stuff to do, kiddo. I should know..."
     "Hunh? What are you talkin' about? What stuff?"
     "Hey, that'd be telling. Anyway, I gotta be goin'. S'gonna
get a bit crowded up here in a minute. To coin a clich�, 'you
shall be visited tonight by three ghosts', yadda yadda yadda." He
finished his cigarette, flicking the butt out into the night, the
glowing coal plummeting down into the excavation pit before
winking out. "Be seein' ya, kid." Whistler got to his feet,
stretched, and stepped off the girder into space.
     "Wait! Don't-" Whistler gave a little wink over his
shoulder, before disappearing into thin air. Ranma stood, looking
around frantically. "Where the heck did he go? What's goin' on?!"
     She felt a warm breeze at her back, accompanied by the
delicate scent of flowers and incense. Freezing, she turned
around slowly on the slick girder. A warm, womanly voice touched
her ears, echoing softly in her mind.
     "I'm surprised at you, Son-In-Law... You're usually not so
easily startled..." 
     Before her eyes, the luminous, translucent figure of a
beautiful Chinese woman appeared, hovering gently in the air
before her. She wore a long, modest gown of golden silk, her hair
was long and deep violet, simply styled with a chrysanthemum
behind her right ear. Ranma gasped.
     "Tsk. Flatterer... Don't you recognize me? I'm
disappointed."
     "K-kuh-Lohn?" Ranma stuttered, awestruck. The ghostly
figure bowed lightly, a small smile on her face.
     "Ah, I see you *do* know me. I am grateful that I am not so
easily forgotten." She smiled warmly at her, a smile made all the
more radiant by her breathtaking beauty.
     "You're s-so, uh, *young*..." Kuh-Lohn smiled indulgently.
     "I was not always the withered crone you dubbed 'The Old
Ghoul', Son-In-Law. You see me as I was, when I was little older
than you are now... Am I pleasing to your eyes?"
     "You're... Beautiful, Obasan." Ranma bowed low and held it.
     "Do stand up, Son-In-Law. This respectful behavior doesn't
become you." Ranma straightened rapidly, her cheeks crimson.
     "H-hai, Obasan. Gomen..."
     "There. That's better. I have been watching you from the
Temple of the Goddess, and I must say I am disappointed. Where is
the proud warrior I was glad to call my Son-In-Law, hmm?"
     "I... I don't know anymore..."
     "Tsk. What kind of melodramatic nonsense is that? You will
never fulfill your destiny if you keep thinking that way. Smarten
up, Son-In-Law!"
     "Hunh? Destiny? What are you talking about? I can't fulfill
anything, Obasan. I failed, you and the others died because I
wasn't good enough..."
     "Rubbish! Our lives were not your responsibility,
Son-In-Law! Do you think I need your protection? Did I ever?"
     "N-no, but-"
     "But nothing! I lived close to a hundred years, child. A
fair enough span for anyone! It was my time, my fate." Her voice
filled with pride. "I have no regrets, for I succeeded in my
purpose!"
     "But the others... Shampoo, Kasumi..."
     "And who is to say that *they* did not fulfill their purposes
as well? Certainly not a mere boy not yet in his twentieth
summer!" She sighed, her smile tinged with sympathy. "I
understand your pain, child. In my time, I have seen
more than my share of loved ones leave this life, and others...
Do you think my great-granddaughter sprung whole from under a
rock? What of my daughters and their children? Or my husband,
hmm?  The wheel of life turns, Son-In-Law. What once was, shall
someday come again. Those who once lived, shall live again. It is
the way of things. No demon, no evil can change that, for it is
the nature of the universe. In your life to come, you shall lose
many more people who are dear to you, just as you yourself shall
someday be lost to them. But you *will* meet again in your next
lives, I promise you. Trust me, Son-In-Law... When have I ever
steered you wrong?"
     Ranma smiled sadly at that last remark, remembering all the
trials and tribulations the wily Matriarch had put her through.
Though each had been painful, she'd always benefited from the old
Amazon's teaching. 
     "Yes, I did make your life difficult, didn't I, Son-In-Law?"
The spirit chuckled, reading Ranma's thoughts. "You must know
that I did it for a purpose, child, above and beyond making you
strong enough for my Shampoo. And why I do what I do now."
     "What?" Ranma looked directly into Kuh-Lohn's eyes. "What do you do now?"
     *WHAP!*
     Ranma blinked. For a moment, Kuh-Lohn vanished and was replaced by
Cologne in his mind's eye, despite the vision of youthful beauty before
him, and he smelt the faintest whiff of... roasting chestnuts. Also, a
smarting sting on the side of his head which brought back memories of
the impression of that wretched staff...
 "Whad'ya do THAT for?!"
 "Pay attention!!"
 "I was!!!"
 "Just making sure. Son-In-Law, I believe you are
familiar with the local museum. Just nod if you understand; 
     Ranma thought about smarting off, then thought better of it, and nodded.
     "Very well. In that building you will find a book. A rather large
one, written in old Chinese. The Tofu man understands how to translate
it. The book has the title of the Kyuuketsuki Satsu Waza." She sighed.
"Sad that this sort of power has to be unleashed again, but,
nonetheless..."
     Ranma nodded once more.
     "Get the book. Give it to Tofu. Then, you will be done... for now,
however, son-in-law... now, you must remember that what I did was...
I... I did it out of love..."
     "L-love?"
     "Remember what I said, child. Those who once lived, live
again in time. Your spirit is very dear to me, Ranma. Perhaps, in
your next life, you will remember why..." the ghost extended a
spectral hand, gently brushing the girl's cheek with all the
tenderness of a parent to a favored daughter. Deep inside her
heart, a feeling stirred inside Ranma. It was strange, but not
foreign, like a half-remembered dream.
     "O-Okaasan?"
     "Hush, Luan-ko. There are two more who must speak to you
this night, and my time grows short. Be well, my child. Remember my words. We shall all meet again, someday..."
     With a final, loving smile, the Matriarch faded away with a
shimmer of light, leaving behind the scent of chrysanthemums...



  Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, nearing the California coast.
     "I'm telling you, Hiroe, he's the most gorgeous man I've ever seen! Totally yummy..." The strawberry blonde flight attendant sighed. Her blue-haired co- worker tsked.
     "I don't know, Madoka... He's a little too bishonen for me. And did you see the way he treated that girl sitting next to him? So rude..."
     "MMmm, that just shows he's got fire... As if you couldn't tell
just by looking at those EYES..." Madoka gave a little gleeful shiver.
"Hey. Guy just across the aisle from him - calling us. You wanna go have a closer look?"
     "Oh, Madoka, you're impossible," Hiroe laughed. "If it'll shut you
up..."

 Ukyou tapped her fingers together. Despite her inherit distrust of the man next to her thanks to stories from Ranma, despite his explicit threats on her person, she was beginning to feel a powerful urge to talk to the Chinese man.
     In short, Ukyou Kuonji was bored as hell. Risking possible pain,
she opened her mouth, and, with what she hoped was a nonchalant
gesture...
     Knocked the bottled water off her tray and sent it careening onto
Tarou's lap.
     "Oh, shi-" she began.
     Then, it was stopped. Tarou was holding the bottle, his thumb over
the top, keeping the water from splashing onto his lap.
     "Oh?" She grinned. "So the mighty movie star doesn't want to get
wet? What's the matter, Tarou?"
     Tarou regarded her coldly. "Kuonji, think about it. If I change
forms here and now, it would be most annoying to fly all the way to
California under my own power. Now, if you wil-"
     A shriek from the aisle cut him off. Tarou turned.
     One of the flight attendants was being held around the neck by an
aggravated-looking man waving a pistol around. His business suit was
rumpled and his hair disarrayed.
     "Oh, bother." Tarou rolled his eyes and cracked his knuckles.
     "Oh?" Ukyou glanced at him. "Mind if you let me get out so I can
take care of this nutcase?"
     "No." Tarou coughed. "I'll handle it."
     "Ooh, the mighty Tarou feels compassion for his fellow man. Saving
a damsel in distress, eh? Bet that's the first time that THAT'S hap-"
     Ukyou's eyes were good. She could track Ranma's speed at times. But one moment he'd been sitting with his hands in his lap, the next he had her wrist pinned low on the chair, not visible to everyone, but
nonetheless, she saw an angry fire in his eyes.
     "Shut Up."
     With that, he stood up, his air of superiority resuming itself.
     "Don't MOVE!" The gunman bellowed at him. "I SAID, DON'T MOVE!"
     Tarou assumed a scholarly tone and ignored the gunman altogether,
instead turning to Ukyou.
     "Observe; everyone will make at least one mistake. Always." With
that, he calmly walked up to the gunman and his hostage.
     "Hey, LOOK, PRETTY BOY, I *SAID* to SIT *DOWN*!"
     "No you didn't," Tarou snorted. "Give me the gun."
     "Heh. A trouble maker, hmm?" He reached out with his gun hand and caught Tarou's suit jacket, pulling on it roughly.
     "Look, now-" the gunman began.
     The jackets buttons, tore open revealing a glittering purple vest and... unusual... sash.
     "PANTYHOSE?!" The gunman burst out laughing.
  Ukyou cringed.
 Tarou's hands lashed at barely sub-sonic speeds, catching the man's still-outstretched gun-hand, landing his other hand on the forearm wrapped around the attendant's throat and snapped it out straight, locking the joint. Roughly forcing the man's shoulders
off-center, he twisted the gun around to point at the man's own palm...
     And fired.
 Upon later examination, doctors would note the amazing luck which was displayed here; the bullet traveled up the man's radius and through his humerus, stopping at the top of his shoulder, just enough pressure coming through to make the top of his shoulder explode with blood, but not to release the bullet. A miracle of modern ballistics, as it were.
     Tarou, on the other hand, glanced at the blood stain on the roof,
regarded the man, shrieking as he was, and did the most humane thing.
     Turning slightly, he whipped up a crescent kick that caught the
man's temple, knocking him totally unconscious. Turning back to his
seat, he sat down without a word.
     The entire plane was silent for a moment; even the faint hum of
normal systems seemed muted.
     Then, the entire plane erupted in stunned applause.
     Ukyou just blinked at Tarou. Even RANMA would have been a bit more
wary when dealing with someone armed with a pistol.
     "And?" She asked, wide-eyed.
     "That was his mistake."



 Meanwhile, Hiroe, who had lost the chance to latch onto Tarou as a dutifully rescued maiden would, and Madoka were busy fanning themselves near the back of the plane.
     "Well?"
     "I agree. Bishonen or not..." Hiroe took a deep breath. "Whooh."
     "I KNOW, isn't he gorgeous?" Madoka chuckled. "Here, I'm going to
go talk to him."
     "Nooo... I'm the rescued one here. It's my job."
     Madoka watched Hiroe's back as she swayed as best she could with
her admittedly modest equipment. Oh well, company policy prohibited REALLY taking advantage of the situation... of course, bumping into him in the lounge AFTER the flight would be perfectly fine.
     Then, to her absolute amazement, the man leap up with a look of
absolute terror on his face, and ran down the aisle, knocking Hiroe
over, rushing past Madoka, and - to the emergency exit?!
     Madoka glanced worriedly out the window. Oh god, oh no, oh god.
     There was a wrench of metal, and - to her utter amazement, only a
gasp of wind.
     Instead of the sucking blast of air as the cabin repressurised,
then the sensation of amazing lightness as she was suspended over ten
thousand feet in the air...
     Nothing. Madoka carefully stepped around the corner...
     The man's suit was lying on the ground. The emergency exit had been ripped open, but, by some amazing feat of strength (and speed), it was now jammed back in place - slightly in from the normal frame. If an
actual need for said exit arose, it'd be hell to open.
     "Oh... my... god."
     Madoka turned. Hiroe was back behind her. "What?"
     "What happened?"
     "I think he jumped - and shut the door?!"
     "Madoka, we're over ten thousand feet. The pressurization alone
would kill all of us."
     "I know. But look."
     "Oh.. my... god."
     "That's what *I* said." Madoka muttered. "Such a shame... what did
you SAY, Hiroe?"
     "Nothing! I just said, 'Hey, thank you, my name's Hiroe; what's
yours?'"



 From her seat at the window, Ukyou caught a glimpse of a vast brown wingspan before the huge white clouds engulfed what she was sure was Tarou's cursed form.
     "Inconsiderate jackass didn't even leave my water behind." she
muttered.




     Ranma stood in the rain, the implications of her
conversation with the Matriarch sinking in, when the scent of
cherry-blossoms and cedar boughs wafted over her. She turned to
face her new visitor. The figure of a young woman solidified,
glowing softly with inner light. The woman wore a Chinese gown in
red silk, her indigo hair in an elaborate style. She smiled
sweetly at him, her eyes conveying nothing but pure,
unadulterated love.
     "Shampoo..." She breathed.
     "Wo Ai Ni, Airen... Why Ranma so sad?" the spirit said in a
sing-song voice that somehow conveyed both happiness and concern.
"Did Great-Grandmother say mean things to you?"
     Ranma was unable to speak for the lump in her throat,
streams of tears trickling down her cheeks despite the soft smile
on her features.
     "Aiya! Ranma, why you cry? You not happy see Shampoo?"
     Ranma's voice choked as she tried to speak.
     "Is it... You? Really you?"
     "Mmm-Hmm! For real this time!"
     "S-shampoo, I..." She sobbed as she rushed forward to hug
the apparition, mercifully solid in her embrace. 
     The two hugged each other close for a time, great heaving
sobs shaking Ranma's small frame.
     "Shampoo... Oh, Gods, I'm so sorry... Forgive me.. I let
that monster..."
     "Hush, hush... Is okay, Airen... Is nothing to forgive."
     "No! You don't understand! It's my fault he did that to
you!" 
     "Why is your fault?" Shampoo asked, an honestly questioning
tone to her voice. "Why Ranma say that?"
     "I wasn't there to protect you! I could have saved you!"
     Shampoo gently disengaged herself from the hug, holding a
tearful Ranma at arm's length.
     "No, is not true, Airen. Mu-Tsu was too-too strong!"
     "B-but, I could have-"
     "Ranma, you listen to Shampoo, yes?"
     Ranma sniffled, wiping her nose, but nodded.
     "If Ranma was there, only one thing happen differently.
Mu-Tsu kill Ranma too. That *last* thing Shampoo want for her
Airen."
     "No! I would've beaten him! I should've-"
     "How Ranma do that, when even Hiibachan and Pervert Master
no able? Shampoo have strong Airen, brave Airen, but no one
person *that* strong..."
     Ranma enveloped her in her arms once more, still weeping.
After a while the sobs became less violent, the intensity of the
grief unchanged, yet somehow lightened, as if Ranma had needed to
let it loose to purge herself of the poison.
     "Airen... Shampoo need to go, soon. Ancestors are
waiting..."
     "Shampoo, I... I have to say something. I should have told
you this a long, long time ago... I'm sorry I didn't love you,
uh, the way that you wanted me to... I mean, you always tried to
be so nice to me, and I know that... You, uh.."
     "Shampoo love you Airen, you know that always... Shampoo
also wish that Airen could have felt about Shampoo the way she
felt about her Airen, but..." She smiled sadly. "It okay, Ranma.
Everyone come around again, yes? We have another chance, just
like in other lives. You be Shampoo's one true love again
someday..."
     She faded away, the scent of cherry blossoms and cedar
wafting through the air.
     "Someday..."



     As the rain blew outside, the sound of flying keystokes
filled the apartment, a staccatto accompaniment to the sussurus
of water washing down the windows. The room was dark, illuminated
only by the pale light of the monitor screen and the occasional
flash of lightning.
     Tofu hunched over the computer, the English keyboard no
hindrance as he filed his report, his mind consumed with thoughts
of the past.
     Reaching over, he clicked the 'send encrypted file' icon
with the mouse and sat back with a groan, listening to the hum
and click of the modem as the mail made its way out over the
ether.
     Constructing false reports to the Council was difficult,
ill-advised, and a violation of his Oath, but he knew no other
option was open to him. The Council of Watchers would never
approve of his actions in the matter of the Nanban. Use of
artifacts of such great power was grounds for excommunication
from the Order.
     He sipped pensively at his tea. Now that his official duties
were done, he could return to the matter at hand. Since his
latest failure this afternoon, a certain calm had settled over
the raging storm of his thoughts, a clarity that sharpened his
mind. He knew without a doubt, what he had to do.
     Opening the drive, he inserted Jenny Calendar's spell disk
and began browsing the files, searching for the incantation he
knew lay buried within. The late Ms. Calendar had been a witch of
surprisingly broad knowledge, he reflected. The wisdom he could
glean from her writings would be immense. He wondered for a
moment why Giles had never bothered to investigate this, instead
leaving the disk in the hands of one of his students. Probably
due to the older man's distrust of computers more than his grief
over Calendar's death, he mused. He had known about their
involvement from reading Giles' exhaustively comprehensive
reports. It was in these reports that he first found mention of
the strange case of the vampire named Angel, the powerful
creature who had been the focus of Calendar's mission, as well as
the cause of her death...
     With a soft chime, his browser found the incantation he was
looking for. Setting down his tea, he leaned in, opening the
SpellPerfect application in a new window and began to read the
file. The spell was in Latin primarily, with a smattering of
Romany, the language of the Gypsy folk of whom Calendar's clan
had been a branch. Fortunately, both tongues were familiar to
him, being required learning for Watchers.
     Perfect, he thought, his heart racing. With a slight
alteration here, and again here... Fingers flying, he made the
changes and clicked on the 'print' icon, glancing over at the
Nanban where it lay on the desk. 
     He'd save Kasumi-chan yet...
 


     Ranma perched on the wet girder, lost in introspection.
She'd never really considered herself a very spiritual person.
She'd grown up around Zen and Shinto, and there was the odd
Christian at her old High School, but she'd never really paid
much attention to that sort of thing beyond the very basics she'd
learned as part and parcel of her martial arts training. Now, she
was dealing with spirits and ghosts and afterlives, almost on a
daily basis. Back home, she'd dealt with a few things that
*claimed* to be divine or demonic beings, but they'd always
turned out to be nothing but shams or egomaniacs. And now...
what? She was talking to the ghosts of dead friends at the
request of a strange American who vanishes into thin air...
     She sighed. Akane'd know what to do about this. After all,
wasn't she the Slayer? This kind of weird shit is her job now.
I'm just the bodyguard, and a poor one at that... I don't know
what to do anymore... About my life, about how I feel about
Akane... About Ucchan-
     Her train of thought was broken by a feeling of warmth on
her back. She turned, a hopeful smile on her face.
     "Kasumi?" The apparition smiled softly in return.
     "Konbanwa, Ranma-kun..."
     She was dressed in a pale yellow formal kimono with a sky
blue obi, her long brown hair in a loose ponytail that hung over
her right shoulder. Sitting down delicately next to Ranma, she
looked out over the lights of the rain washed city.
     "It's very pretty here, isn't it?"
     "Umm, yeah... Kasumi? Can I ask you something?"
     "Of course, Ranma-kun." She smiled indulgently.
     "What's it like, being, uh..."
     "Dead? Oh, I don't know... It's very much like being alive,
only... different."
     "Oh, gee thanks Kasumi. That's *really* clear..." Ranma
said, exasperated. Kasumi merely gave another of her patented
inscrutable smiles.
     "Well, it's very hard to explain... I visited with Mother
for a while, and we looked in on Father and Nabiki together...
Actually, we've been watching you and Akane a fair amount."
     "Hunh? Really?"
     "Oh my, yes. You two are really quite a focus for a lot of
attention, you know... Mother said to say that she approves of
you..."
     "Really?"
     "Mmm-hmm... She thinks you're a very good match for Akane."
     "Wow..." Ranma took a moment to process this. "So is that
all you do when you're dead? Keep an eye on your families?"
     "Well, for awhile. Eventually, I suppose we'll be
reincarnated again. I'm rather looking forward to that."
     "So you don't like being dead?"
     "I'd really much prefer to be alive, Ranma-kun." She said,
gasping a little as she saw Ranma's guilty expression. "Oh my!
You mustn't think I blame you for that, Ranma. What I meant was,
the afterlife isn't paradise... It's this life, this world,
that's paradise."
     "You're kidding! It doesn't get any better than this?!
That's not exactly inspiring, y'know." Kasumi laughed merrily.
     "Of course it is! Being with the ones we love, enjoying
life,  taking care of each other, *that's* what our purpose is.
The Kami want us to be happy, not tear ourselves up with guilt
over things we cannot change."
     "How am I supposed to be *happy*? Monsters are *out* there,
Kasumi, you know that more than most. Bad things happen to good
people, and it's not fair..."
     "No, it's not fair, but it's life. In all it's joy and
sorrow, life is the most precious gift the Kami have given us.
Enjoy what you have, Imotosan. Love my sister, and be kind
to each other. Love your friends while you have them, and know
that you'll see them again in your next lives. That's my advice
to you." 
     "Still waters run deep..." Ranma breathed, smiling softly at
the woman who'd been almost a mother to her for the last two
years.
     "Well, I'm glad someone notices..." Kasumi said with a
smile. "Oh my! You're crying again! Did I upset you? I'm sorry!"
     "N-No.." Ranma sniffled, a sad smile on her face. "I j-just,
uh... really miss you, Kasumi... Akane does too..."
     "That's very sweet, Ranma, but you need to understand that
I'm happy now... That's why I needed to speak to you, to make you
understand that I, that *we* are all right. Just remember what
Kuh-lohn and Shampoo told you. We all-"
     "Come around again, I know..." Ranma leaned her head into
Kasumi's lap, sniffling. Kasumi stroked her hair affectionately,
as if she were a small child.
     "Kasumi, why are you here? I mean, Why are you talking to me
instead of Akane? Not that I mind, but she's your sister, she'd
want to hear this too..."
     "Akane doesn't need to hear these things, Ranma, you do. She
understands what you're only now just figuring out, that life is
sometimes unfair, and that the people we care about can be taken
from us at any time. When we lost Mother all those years ago, she
discovered these truths on her own. You can honor the past, but
you can't live in it. Life is too precious to spend grieving over
things you can't undo. I'm honored that you two cared so much
about me, but you can't keep tearing yourself up over this. You
two have more important things to worry about..."
     Ranma sat up, alarmed at the worried tone in Kasumi's voice.
     "Like what? What's going on?"
     "It's very important that you two... hmm? What's that?" She
tilted her head as if listening to something far away. 
     "What's what? I don't hear anything... Kasumi?!" The
apparition faded, then reappeared. Kasumi wore a frightened
expression on her usually serene face. "Kasumi!! What's wrong?!"
     "No! No, don't! Leave me alone...!!" She screamed, a sound
of pure terror. Ranma grew frantic. She tried to reach out,
somehow comfort or help Kasumi, but her hands passed right
through her.
     "Kasumi! How can I help?! Please!"  
     "Tofu-Sensei, PLEASE!!!"
     "Tofu-Sensei..? What's he got to do with... Is he hurt? Does
he need help? Tell me!!" Kasumi's image wavered, then winked out.
     "KASUMI!!"



     Xander stood up, pulling away from the pile of women's
underthings he'd assembled in his basement room. He looked around
suspiciously, almost sniffing the air.
     "Whazzat? Hey-yyyyy... Somebody's using my mirror!!


******************************
TO BE CONTINUED..........
******************************
Leaping Gnome Productions, 1999.
Authors: Dave Menard and Rick Hall.
C+C to: catthouse@lweb.net or talen_@optusnet.com.au
For answers to FAQ, or to read the most current versions of previous chapters, visit Akane The Vampire Slayer's Homepage:
http:/matrix.crosswinds.net/~ksna/

Next time, on Akane The Vampire Slayer:
     What happened to Kasumi? What's wrong with Xander? Will Ranma get his/her cojones back? All these questions answered and more in the next episode!!!

Thanks once more to the ATVS crack pre-reading squad, as well as
the C+Cers on the FFML, especially Allyn, whose insightful
comments have improved these fics considerably.  

Some folks have expressed interest in doing side-stories or side-fics set in this universe. Great, terrific, cool as all hell. Just ask first, 'kay? A Ryouga side-fic is in progress, detailing exactly what everyone's favorite Pig-Boy has been up to; it'll also detail a bit of back-story, and address what's happened to the rest of the old Nerima Wrecking Crew. A possible Angel side-fic is in the discussion stages as well, but nothing's finalized yet. If you're interested in reading or writing ATVS/KSNA spin-offs or side stories, let us know!! 
     
      
 Ja Ne!

Akane The Vampire Slayer's Homepage:
 http://matrix.crosswinds.net/~ksna




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