For those unfamiliar with the series,
http://www.uh.edu/~rpm/sw/
Been a while, hasn't it?
-Rod M
Oh, I hadn't noticed. :)
Mamoru Chiba woke up, greeted by a cheerful "Good morning
Tux-boy-kun!" from Nuku. At this point, he was beginning to
give up home that they'd ever stop, and merely sighed in
reply to her.
home should be HOPE in that last sentence, I think.
Those were the first words from an annoyingly dry Washu
to a soggy set of housemates.
Washu, Ranma, and Ataru sat by the lake, looking at their
submerged house. Tenchi was just there to see what these
people were doing there.
You could use an explanation/clarification for the reader that Ranma is
not male here (it's not immediately apparent). Since he is apparently
still wet, maybe a line like:
Ranma sat there, steam rising from his wet clothes.
Ataru shivered from the cold water and tried to figure out why Ranma
wasn't as well, since the water had been very cold. <Cold water really
does make their nipples stand out, doesn't it,> he thought, recalling the
redhead he thought he had seen under the water.
"Nah. We'll be back before they know it. Trust me."
*MYAH*
And suddenly Ranma was not there.
Washu scratched her head, blinking at the Ranma-shaped
hole in the wall. She looked down at the her furry and
confused cabbit and asked, "What was that all about?"
Ryo-oh-oki shrugged.
It took me a few times of looking at this part to catch why Ranma
departed so fast. Maybe having him stammer 'ca...ca... argh.....' before
running off. OR change the last line to:
Ryo-oh-oki shrugged and then looked outside when a terrified cry echoed
across the lake.
"Caaaaaat!!"
The golden mini-Washu stepped forward, her fist held
high. "Mini-Washu-Five, GO!" They zoomed into the air,
then dove into the lake.
Austin Power2 flash here... how about Washu calling them "Mini-Me-Five,
Go!!" ?
-=-
Jim Lazar
E-Mail - mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net
FanFiction - http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime
Please sign the Uncut Kite Petition -
http://www.crosswinds.net/~jimlazar/kite.html
-=-
"Unit 01, Angel at eleven o'clock."
"But it's only seven o'clock," Shinji quipped.
The computer-controlled voice didn't find Shinji's joke funny, so the
AI program inserted ten Angels around Shinji's Unit 01. It didn't take
long for his Eva to be reduced to a pile of scrap metal and flesh.
-=-
Excerpt from Garden of EVA 0:3