0_0;; For some strange reason, my mind first interpreted this as
'coming out'. Yikes. (Stepping out of the closet? Naaah...)
Well each to their own I guess ;) I actually was referring to him stepping
out of his home reality. This time on purpose. No closets in my story.
(Dimensional closets don't count. Really!)
<snip>
Shrugging Ranma-chan grabbed her napkin and followed suit. She
barely noticed the slight tingle the cloth gave her in her hands.
What was a little more magic in this saturated land.
Need a question mark instead of a period. This happens ALOT
throughout the fic - you might want to check on that.
Also, when you open the sentence with an active verb
("shrugging"),
you generally need to put a comma afer it - especially when it's
immediately
followed by a proper name ("Ranma-chan", in this case).
Thanks! I'll check on that. I hadn't really noticed, but it sounds good.
<snippity-snip>
opponents many of the techniques of the Amazon Matriarch and the
old...er, young pervert were designed to clear the playing field of the
Need to fix these. On my reader the ellipsis character shows up as
a big, black block. I had to open the message in Wordpad to see what it
was
supposed to be. Since you write in Word, try going to the options menus
and
turning off the Autoreplace feature - or, at least, modify it so it
doesn't
replace this (...) with a single-character equivalent.
I am actually very aware of this problem. Word does not play nice with non
Microsoft programs. I write on several machines so I have to remember to
keep turning off the smartquotes, the autoindent, and the ellipsis replace.
I can see the difference in how they look when Netscape shows my postings.
I really dislike how Word can't clean up its own mess and will be
correcting this as I find them.
The only other problems that caught my attention were typos...
which
Word _should_ have caught, if you ran the spellchecker, but I've seen Word
do some pretty weird things, so...
A lot of these spelling errors _I_ should have caught. I went back to Part
One a while back and was appalled at all the mistakes I found. I guess
it's time to do the same for Part Two as well. Sigh...
Anyway, they're not numerous enough to prevent me from reading and
enjoying this piece. Actually, to be honest, I not only read it, I went
back and read all the previous chapters as well. GREAT job on these.
I'm glad it wasn't too distracting. I know that there are some stories
it's very difficult to get into when every sentence looks like a
kindergarten nightmare.
Being a Rifts GM myself, I can honestly appreciate the research
that
must have gone into this. If you're at all like me, you've got a
truckload
of information stored in your head from across pretty much all the books,
but it's synopsis-type information - not many details. There's simply too
much!
I've run a couple of campaigns and figured it was time to combine my two
favorite hobbies. Especially since I haven't seriously gamed in far too
long. Gotta find an excuse to use those books somehow.
(I have to admit, though, I like your take on the Summoners. Heh.
I may use 'Zar in my campaign, if that's ok with you. :)
Feel free. Every game needs a 'Zar!
BTW - if you're ever in the Spokane, WA area and want to get in on
a
Rifts session - or run one, seeings as how I've been the GM and haven't
actually PLAYED for ages - let me know. :)
Although I'm visiting family in New Jersey I live in California. Oh well.
It would have been fun, eh?
> Keep up the good work!
Thanks! I intend to.
Dan