Subject: [FFML] Re: [FFML][SM] Diana
From: "Kevin Callahan" <kionon@hotmail.com>
Date: 12/2/1999, 7:08 AM
To:


----- Original Message -----
From: "Sarah Holstein" <sjholstein@yahoo.com>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Wednesday, December 01, 1999 8:51 PM
Subject: [FFML] [FFML][SM] Diana


Diana
A Sailor Moon fanfiction by Shadra

Sailor Moon and its characters are the creation
of Takeuchi Naoko. This story is for entertainment
purposes

***

Artemis sat alone in the room, his only company being
a potted plant in the corner. He had been pacing back
and forth for what seemed hours, his mind on two
people he cared for deeply. He couldn't stand the
suspense at all. It was lonely in that room. very
lonely. Artemis sighed. Looking at the potted plant
in the corner, he said,

"Hmmm... So, meet anyone interesting lately?"

The plant didn't respond. Artemis continued.

"Being stuck in the corner like that doesn't give you
much opportunity to be social, I suppose."

The plant tumbled some chloroplasts and ignored
Artemis.

"What? Do I have something stuck to my face? Am I not
interesting enough for you? I have rights to be
myself, uninteresting or not! I AM SOMEONE!"

The plant remained mute. Artemis narrowed his eyes.

"So, you still ignore me? Fine! I don't have to talk
to the likes of YOU! Go suck on some dirt you
palmacious poltroon!"

The plant divided its cells. Artemis growled and left.



Ok, here's my overall problem with this fic. I think it's a
wonderful topic, but it changes from comedy to really,
uhm, serious. Not dark, just serious. You don't have a good
transition and it doesn't flow right. Maybe you should
have Artemis attempt a few bad jokes when Luna then
calls his sttention to the missing crescent moon.


Artemis nodded and entered. The room was warm and
cozy, and the scent of lavender permeated the air.
Sitting on a pillow in the middle of the room, Luna
was lying down, her back to the doorway. Artemis
barely made it over to her under his own power, the
blood rushing to his head making it almost impossible
to have coherent thought. Stumbling to her side,
Artemis nearly burst.

Et cetera... *snip* *snip*


Just my two y.... no that's some else's line.

=====
Shadra: The Dragon King, heiress to godly powers, soon-to-be-ruler of
everything, and enemy of Spoo

I happen to support Spoo.


- Kionon, SailorTerra (trite as it is), Protector of the Paragon of
Pinkness, Bizzaro Fic Writer, needer of a better sig.

Known at A-Kon as "SailorTerra" "Private Isurugi" from Airbats or "That
Perky Kid that Attacked Sean Gaffney With Evil Attempts At Friendship."



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