I blame all this silliness on Rumiko Takahashi, whose created worlds
have been mangled and twisted by wannabe writers time and time again;
on Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., whose writings remind me of my own, only much,
much better written (but about as coherent); and Takezo. Damn you and
your prose.
Comments and further discussions are very welcome.
Gratuitous Self: Meta-Meta-What?
- 7-
Now, why exactly do I like Nabiki so? Why not Ukyo, pretty and
intelligent martyr of the Ranma cast? Why not Kasumi, archangel of
domestics? Why not Shampoo, Chinese cheesecake in a sleeveless red
dress?
It think it's because Nabiki reminds me of a female version
of... me.
I have a screwy sense of honor. I will lie, cheat, and
doublecross as much as I can get away with, but I will look down upon
anyone (including myself) who does all of these things and cannot come
off scot-free, or cannot leave the victim with a sense of grudging
respect. If you can't leave your mark with him thinking, 'By golly,
that was some good doublecross by that nice fellow', then why do it?
On the other hand, the same intensity of condescension (if of a
different variety) is reserved for those who insist on being honorable
and noble and all that crap all the way to the poorhouse, the mental
hospital, or the grave.
I blame this on my great-grandfather.
My great-grandfather Kisaburo, my grandmother told us, was heir
to the wealthy Orata family in Nagasaki, which was kind of like the
Mendo family of Tomobiki, only pre-world-war (I and II) in scale. One
day, Kisaburo was presented with a rather interesting dilemma by his
honorable family.
He was to marry the daughter of another wealthy post-Tokugawa-
era family in order to unite the two clans to form a formidable
conglomerate.
Really? I'm not so sure. What does she look like, I imagine he
said.
We'll arrange a meeting, his parents probably said. But you will
marry her, if you don't want to disgrace yourself and the family name.
We'll see, my great-grandfather thought to himself, I'll wager.
They met.
The girl was most probably refined, demure, and polite, as was
expected from a lady of her social class.
She was also damned ugly.
I'm supposed to marry her? my great-grandfather protested. I
don't even love her! She doesn't have any excuse to be ugly if I don't
love her!
Yes she does, his parents replied. She's the daughter of
probably the only family in this city who can match our wealth and
family honor.
I still won't marry her, he said.
You will, his parents said, because our family honor is at
stake. What do you say to that? What about your personal honor? What
about your 'giri'?
My honor? My duty? Kisaburo smirked. I'll show what I think
about honor and duty!
He left Japan for the Philippines, leaving his flabbergasted
parents back in Nagasaki.
He met my great-grandmother, a Filipina much prettier than the
woman he left back in Meiji-period Nagasaki, in American-Era Manila.
They both fell in love, and they settled down in a little town in the
country, and lived together with their daughter, my grandmother, who
was living proof that good Japanese and Filipino genes combined would
make a wonderful combination. They lived their lives happy and well,
probably because they were less bound by things like honor and giri.
Meanwhile, World War II struck. We all know what happened to
Nagasaki.
Thank you, great-grandpa!
- 8 -
In Gratuitous Self, Takezo's masterpiece drew the ire of the
local chapter of the Holy Crusaders of Nabiki Tendo. In particular,
the thing that got their collective crusader goats was not the fact
that he set Nabiki up to fall in love with him - he didn't, as long-
time readers know. What really annoyed them was the fact that he had
set himself up in direct opposition with her.
Allow me to explain. Takezo, a classmate of Nabiki's and a
practitioner of Kendo (this was to allude to his namesake, as well as
set up a possible rivalry with Kuno that has yet to materialize), had
fallen in love with her. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Takeshi, a friend and classmate of Takezo's, had heard of
Nabiki's maltreatment of would-be suitors and warned him about even
attempting to take Nabiki out on a date. He gets a punch in the face
for his trouble. (As an aside, the name Takeshi is an allusion to a
lesser-known, at least in the US, anime where Musashi, Kojiro, and
even Yagyu Jubei are secondary characters. Takeshi, by the way, is the
name of the antagonist.)
Takezo, smitten as he was, went on the date anyway. As expected,
Nabiki bled him dry, as was her usual way of dealing with suitors. At
the end of the date, as per her usual plan, she 'broke the news' to
him that she was not ready for commitment. To bleed him of whatever
money he had left, she blackmailed him with photocopies of his love
letter to her. "I liked your letter so much that I made copies!. I
can't wait to show them off to everyone! Unless... you'd care to buy
them from me."
Unlike the others, though, who left broken, tails between their
legs, Takezo instantly realized that what Takeshi had told him was
true. He mustered whatever dignity he had left, lifted his head high,
and replied, "I'm glad you liked it. I'm sure your friends will like
the letter as much as you did."
The astonishment Nabiki briefly expressed after this response
scandalized the assembly of Crusaders. What utter gall! To depict
himself as a worthy challenge to their goddess' talents... It was
unforgivable.
An initiate named Kojiro (another allusion to the Musashi
legend) proposed a retaliation fic, which actually was a variation of
the revenge wars flying around the list at the time, except less
friendly. This appealed to 'Templar', who secretly fancied himself the
worthiest of Nabiki fan boys. How could he display his godlike powers
(in fic form, of course) when this upstart fanfic writer was upstaging
him? He immediately set Kojiro on Takezo's heels.
- 9 -
The title of Takezo's fanfic, Turning Road, is a sideways jab at
a fanfic author whom I will not name, and his SI series, which is
oddly based on his name. This series depicts the author... oh, sorry,
the author-character, as a godlike-figure, shaping cosmic forces,
moping the floor with the original cast (including -- especially --
Ranma), and fighting cataclysmic battles, in the process getting
Nabiki to fall in love with him.
I confess that I am not all that chummy with said author, but I
based the Templar character on my impressions on him. Blustering,
self-glorifying, limited writing skills... I tried to make the most
ridiculous caricature of my impression of him, and plant that
caricature into the fanfic.
It worked. His pompous displays, his illusions of grandeur... it
made a nice contrast to Takezo, who was just trying to write a story.
Another contrast to Takezo was Kojiro - a man with adequate
skill as a writer, but one who was more willing to debase himself in
from of his goddess. In fact, it could be argued that Kojiro was a
much better writer than Takezo at the beginning.
Kojiro took the 'cold war' angle Takezo began and ran with it.
He wrote a sharp (if a bit heavy-handed, in my opinion) dialogue
between Takezo and Nabiki that left Takezo the author speechless, and
not because of anger.
So here they were, the three protagonists outside of the fic. A
wonderful display in contrasts, now that I think about it.
I think one of the reasons why the fic bogged down the way it
did was because I made Takezo and Kojiro friendlier toward each other
as the series went on. If I ever get back to writing Gratuitous Self
(a possibility that grows the more I write this) I will have to find a
way to make their rivalry even stronger, because combined (or even one
on one) against Templar, Templar does not stand a chance.
And when the conflict is too easy, where's the story?
to be continued...
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TimeRunner's Web Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
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All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental.
- Kurt Vonnegut