Hi,
thanks for writing.
--- Gary Kleppe <kleppe@execpc.com> wrote:
Allyn Yonge <ayonge@yahoo.com> wrote:
Please sign the guest book. ^_^
What, again? :-)
##yes, again. ^_~
"Great grandmother," Shan P'u sounded
distressed. "can't we wait a little longer? Just
until
tomorrow?"
Still got those ol' punctuation problems.
#Hey . . .If I could do grammar I'd have been an
English major instead of Environmental Toxicology. ^_^
I usually have Anne do this stuff (after all what's
the use of marrying an English major if you can't get
some work out of her. Unfortunately she's been busy
teaching her students the stuff I've never been able
to quite get. :( (it's kind of sad when a graduate
student (me) can't pass a beginning English test.)
I comfort myself with the knowledge she's a rotten
biochemist. ^_^
At any rate I'm going to have her go over YD before
it's posted on the web page. (I hope)
<SNIP>
She's saying this as a question?
##Ummmm, I was trying to show her as asking this
ironically.
"WHAT!" Genma roared, rumbling forward
I don't think "rumbling" is the word you want here.
"Rambling," maybe?
##Nope, rumbling as in a large truck rumbling or in
this case a beer keg rumbling as it rolls across the
floor. ^)^
"I bet it ain't," Ranma crumpled the letter
angrily and threw it on the ground. "I just bet it
ain't." He stalked around the table and stared down
at the ancient Amazon. "Ya got about three seconds
to tell me where Akane is," he cracked his
knuckles.
"or I'm gonna beat the spit outta you."
"Spit?" Aw, c'mon.... :/
##I thought it sounded kinda cute.
"Arranged a marriage," Ranma glared at his
father and Soun. "Geez, you think you'd 've learned
>from that mistake . . ." Ranma flinched as he felt
many pairs of eyes upon him. "Uhhhh, what I mean is
ya should a known it would never . . ." He
swallowed
hard. "I think I'll see if Kasumi needs any help."
Heh.
##Thank you.
<SNIP>
hastily. "You were each a small miracle from god."
Suggest 'from the gods."' (Somehow, I don't think
Soun is a Christian.)
##Ummm, well I'm using "god" here in place of
"kamisama". I tried that as well as gods. "Miracle
from god" just sounded better to my ear. Plus I was
assuming a difference in meaning between "god" and
"God", which would have indicated the Christian
meaning of the word to a western audience. (that was
the assumption anyway. ^)^ ) This is one of those
things that's a compromise between strict accuracy and
overall flavor of the story.
<SNIP>
Taking a deep breath Soun began to tell of
that day, over a decade past.
******************************************
" . . . your mother chased him out of the
house. He was completely humiliated and swore
vengeance on the Tendou family."
Um. You might want to rework this a bit. The
paragraph before the *s
seems to indicate that we're heading into a
flashback.
##Yep. But it was all stuff that was already covered
in chapter one. I didn't want to rehash stuff I'd
already covered and slow the action.
It seems to me that Akane is being far too patient
with Ranma. He's
basically telling her that she's not good enough to
beat this guy. Why
doesn't she spar with him and demonstrate some of
her new training?
##well she is being patient. that's one of the ways
i'm trying to show how her training has changed her.
since i can't actually SHOW her "realization" in a Zen
sense i'm trying to show how it's changed her. we now
have a kinder, gentler Akane. ^)^ And i also try to
show a little of that with the double sword forms
between Akane and Ranma.
The gathering darkness was only a minor
inconvenience to her Amazon trained senses.
<SNIP>
As always I'm grateful for all the time and effort you
put into C&Cing my stories. I greatly appreciate it.
Both on a personal level and for how much it improves
the FFML overall.
Thank you.
=====
When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
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