Hi,
Even though this is one of the funniest and best
written fanfics I've ever seen, I'm going to try
and provide some C&C. (The author
very kindly aided me with one of my efforts,
that has not yet seen the light of cyber-day)
{T.H. Tiger "helped" me into completely
re-directing the story_ Tyger, Tyger_,so it's going to
be a
little delayed. ^_^}
My comments ##
Date: Fri, 26 Nov 1999 16:57:10 -0500
To: ffml@fanfic.com
From: "T.H. Tiger" <schell@interlog.com> | Block
address
Subject: [FFML] [fic][Ranma/xover][Lemon] The
Shikima Interface ch8a
Here is the latest from my rather warped and twisted
mind.
Unfortunately, being warped and twisted seems to have
seized it up
somewhat, and I find myself with sever writers block.
Translation: Bone Idleness.
##Warped and twisted is good.
In any case, this is what should end up being the
first twenty five
percent
of chapter eight, hopefully posting this will motivate
me to
get on with the rest of it. Knock on wood.
##Pounding away on a 4X6 with sledge hammer now.
T.H.
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
The Shikima Interface
Chapter eight.
Family, got to love them.
##How do I love thee, let me count <ouch> the ways.
A fan fiction based on the Manga by Rumiko Takahashi,
Ranma
1/2, and using characters and situations from the
anime La Blue
Girl.
I have no rights to any of these characters.
Big surprise there eh?
Original characters are mine except where otherwise
noted. Anyone
wishing to use them, drop me a line.
The Hungry Tiger,
schell@interlog.com
<SNIP> a really nice "what has gone before"
Ranma Saotome leaped lightly over the back wall
of the Tendo
compound. Something she had done a hundred times
before. For a
second she seemed to hang silhouetted against the
afternoon sun, a
vision that many would pay good money to see, and had,
via her
sister-in-law's camera. On this particular day
pictures of the red-
headed girl would have fetched a particularly good
price. She was
dressed in a Furinken girl's school uniform, the skirt
of which was
billowing high up on her hips, exposing her panty-clad
bottom to
anyone standing below.
Unfortunately for Nabiki, the aforementioned
sister-in-law,
she was currently several blocks away, and as a
result, would be
denied a substantial payday.
##I like it. However it's just a bit clunky as
written.
It might be more effective if a little smoother.
Unfortunately for Ranma, her mother 'was'
present, and
directly below her. Nodoka was busy helping Kasumi
hang the daily
wash out to dry. A strangled exclamation from her
high-flying
daughter caused her to look up. In an instant, her
eyes took in
Ranma's frantic efforts to avoid a collision and she
calmly took one
step to the side, closing her eyes slightly in
sympathetic pain as
Ranma met the ground face first.
For a minute Ranma lay sprawled on the ground,
her face half
buried, and her panty clad bottom pointing at the
heavens while her
skirt settled around her waist.
##Nice picture. ^_^ I'm not quite sure why Ranma hit
face first.
Perhaps you could make that a little clearer.
Once again, Nabiki missed a great
payday. An embarrassed Ranma, deciding that her mother
was not
about to leave, no matter how long she left her head
buried in the
sand, rolled over and brushed the dirt from her face.
She looked up
and asked, in as nonchalant a tone as she could manage
given the
circumstances, "You alright, Mom?"
Nodoka, relieved to see that Ranma had not
suffered any harm,
went from concern to the parental reaction that
usually followed
that emotion, annoyance. "Ranma, that is hardly what I
would call
lady-like behavior. I thought we had agreed that
outside of the
house you would conduct yourself in such a way as to
not disgrace
our family name."
##^_^ Errrr, with Genma as a father and titular head
of house
(and with Happosai running around)I'd be interested in
knowing
exactly _what_ Ranma could possibly do to disgrace the
family
name----that would be noticed that is . . .except
perhaps for
mooning the Emperor. (I know it's part of the plot.
It's just
hard to imagine anyone even noticing Ranma. With Genma
and Happy around for comparison Ranma looks positively
saintly.
<SNIP>
Nodoka was looking at her daughter with a pensive
frown on
her face. She knew perfectly well from the way that
Ranma had
entered the grounds that she had not been deporting
herself in a
lady-like manner outside the compound. Then, she
sighed in
resignation. When it came right down to it, she simply
did not have
the heart to chastise Ranma for small infractions.
Her recent renewed intimacies with Genma had
reminded her
how important the physical aspects of love could be.
Her former son
had loved Akane, and was still in denial over having
to give up the
marriage, and what went with it. Nodoka could at least
help her by
giving her a little room to be herself. In time Ranma
would adjust
and move on, maybe to that Ukyou girl, who Nodoka
suspected
might be more interested in Nodoka's 'daughter than
she had been
in Nodoka's 'son'. "All right, Ranma," she said. "But
do try to keep
in mind the impression you are making on others."
##I like what you've done with this. However I'm still
not
really convinced about Nodoka's take on the situation.
It's funny
and I like what it does to the plot. It just feels a
little . . .forced.
"Will do, Mom," Ranma said, happy to have avoided
a lecture.
Now to make herself scarce before Nabiki and her
'girlfriend-slash-
*shudder* cat' showed up.
##Ummm. Awkward IMO. How about:
�girlfriend / *shudder* Cat'
Or
�girlfriend *shudder* cat'
<SNIP>
'Ryouga was here!' Ranma felt like someone had
just kicked
her in the gut, and her flesh tingled with remembrance
of the last
time she had encountered Ryouga. Almost, she continued
on into
the house. She could wait for Ukyou and Akane, and
between them
they could approach Ryouga, and take him down if the
potion was
still making him crazy.
Ranma went so far as to take two steps in that
direction, but
then she paused and clenched her hands at her side.
No! Ryouga
was her problem to deal with. Potion or no potion, he
had beaten
her. Even if the manner in which he had done it was
not exactly
what one could call fighting, she still owed it to
herself to confront
him on her own, mano a mano. No matter what she looked
like, or
the fact that she'd had sex with a guy, she was still
a man, and men
settled fights on their own, with no help from anyone
else.
##Cute.
Stiff-
legged Ranma marched toward the dojo, a determined
look on her
face. She would face Ryouga, and she would regain her
pride by
grinding his face into the dirt.
As she got close to the dojo, a familiar and
hated sensation
made her stomach churn. It was the same as when she'd
faced Kuno
earlier in the day. Her stride shortened, then slowed
till eventually
she was at a standstill. She stood staring at the
black rectangle that
lead into the darkened dojo. In the bright afternoon
sun, nothing
could be seen inside the dark room. Sweat beaded on
Ranma's face,
and she took a step backwards.
'Ryouga's likely pretty tired,' she thought to
herself, clutching
at any excuse to not step through that door.. 'He
usually is after
getting back from one of his little jaunts.' Ranma
rubbed her chin
with her thumb, a thoughtful look on her face. 'It
wouldn't be
honorable to fight him when he's tired. I'll just wait
till he's rested
a bit more, and then I'll challenge him.' Ranma nodded
her head
sharply, and spoke aloud. "That's the way, the
honorable martial
artist never takes advantage of her foe's disability."
##Except in this fic. In which case that's ALL they
do. ^_^
<SNIP>
**************************************************
Nabiki was speaking as the group consisting of
herself,
Shampoo, Akane, Ukyou, Yousee, and Cologne turned into
the
Tendo compound. "So that's the way we'll do it. We
just come right
out and tell them about the soul bonding. Beating
around the bush is
not going to do us any good, though I'm sure Akane
would be
happy to do some."
The last was said with a sardonic smile Akane was
familiar
with from long exposure to his sister's twisty mind.
The problem
was of, course, that while he knew that Nabiki had
said something
nasty, he was not quite sure what it was.
##neither was I on first reading. ^_^
<SNIP>
"Ah, but you forget Akane, we don't have three
people, we
have four."
<SNIP>
"It's simple, Akane. You told me yourself. Your
male and
female sides are very different. So it seems the
simplest thing to do
is for you to marry Ranma, and I'll marry your female
half."
Akane's protest of, "But you're a girl,"
coincided with
Nabiki's exclamation of, "Of course, that is perfect."
"Well, if it's so clear, would someone explain it
to me?"
Akane asked.
"It's simple, sugar. I'm listed as a boy in our
family register,
and my documentation all reflects that. So a little
dress up, and hey
presto, husband and wife. Simple, right? It might not
be the
wedding I always dreamed of, but," Ukyou got down on
her knees
and looked up at the towering form of her 'husband,
"you would do
me a great honor if you would consent to become my
bride."
##Cute. AND very clever.
<SNIP>
"Oh my." The group looked over at the familiar
smiling face
of Kasumi. "Company for dinner. How nice. Won't you
all come . .
.?" Kasumi's familiar greeting trailed off as she
looked at Nabiki,
an expression of shock on her face. "Oh my!" Kasumi
repeated, in a
much different tone then before. Holding a hand up to
her face in
surprise. "Nabiki. How?"
Nabiki sighed. There could be little question as
to what had
shocked Kasumi. The demon markings that she was
wearing on her
forehead. Well, she had known this was coming. Once
again, she
cursed her brother
##even with everything going on I'd still think Nabiki
would think of
Akane as her sister rather than brother. After all
Akane was a girl a LOT longer
than _he's_ been a boy.
under her breath, then said, "Don't worry,
oneechan, we'll explain it when the family is all
together."
"But, Nabiki, Demon marks. You shouldn't have
those."
Nabiki and the two Amazons froze. It was not the
first time
Kasumi had said something improbable, but this went
way beyond
her usual out of the blue comments.
"You know what these are?" Nabiki asked in a flat
voice.
"Oh my."
##Ummm, perhaps some variations on the "Oh my." ???
Kasumi looked trapped and glanced around in
apprehension. "We really shouldn't discuss this out
here, but . . ."
Kasumi paused, and everyone started in shock when
marks of a
similar nature to Akane's and Nabiki's appeared on her
face.
"Kasumi!?" Nabiki exclaimed in shock, her usual
facade of
indifference completely shattered. Somehow, it had
never occurred
to her that her older sister would be affected by what
had happened
to her and Akane. Kasumi as a demon simply was not a
concept she
could fit into her world view. She had no illusions
about herself and
Akane. She was certainly no saint, and Akane's temper
tantrums did
not make it difficult to believe he could be a bit of
a demon,
## "She's really very sweet. She's just a violent
maniac."
<SNIP>
****************************************************
Nabiki was pissed. She looked at her sweet
innocent, succubus
of a sister and said, "You mean to tell me that you've
known for
years about this, and you never told us!" She marched
back and
forth in Kasumi's bedroom, waving her arms in disgust.
Kasumi wrung her hands in distress and said, "But
you and
Akane were only latent. I was the only
fully-manifested one. You
should never have changed, not unless you received a
massive
influx of raw sexual energy. Far more then you could
ever possible
receive as a normal human."
"And tell me sister dear, since when have the
people around
here been considered normal!?" Nabiki did not raise
her voice, but
she was getting a bit shrill.
##Neat trick. A shrill whisper???
<SNIP>
****************************************************
<SNIP> Akane/Ukyou. Not bad but not nearly as
interesting
as Ranma/Ryouga. ^)^
"Hey, where the heck are you going? You catch a
case of
Ryouga-itis? The bed's that way." Ukyou said, pointing
back over
her shoulder.
Akane's face screwed up in anger, and he said
with no little
heat, "Don't mention that bastard to me!" Then he
grimaced and,
shaking his head, said, "Sorry, didn't mean to bite
your head off.
It's just when I think of what that prick did to
Ranma, I get so
angry, I want to smash something."
"I can go along with that, sugar. I can't wait to
lay some
serious licks upside that jackass' head myself, but
you didn't
answer my question. Why are we leaving?"
##Oooo. Yes. Ryouga basing. Much pain and anguish
inflicted on the piggy. Please give all the painful
bloody details. ^_^
<SNIP>
Ranma was now on her feet, pacing back and forth.
She'd
made a bad mistake when she'd started thinking about
Akane and
Ukyou. Now she couldn't get the memories of what they
had done
last night out of her mind. She could feel the cool
dampness
between her legs as her panties were moistened by the
memory. It
was getting harder and harder to focus on just why she
was here.
This was her chance to settle matters with Ryouga. If
she didn't take
advantage of it now, she might never get another
opportunity.
Ryouga might finally get himself so lost she'd never
see him again.
"Focus, focus," she chanted to herself. Calling up
images of all the
things she was going to do to Ryouga.
##<BG> Now THAT is a suggestive line.
<SNIP>
Ranma braced herself, ready for anything, whether
it was the
new Ryouga doing his level best to ravage her, or the
old Ryouga
spurting blood from his nose and collapsing in a heap.
Ryouga turned his back on her, placed both hands
on the dojo
wall, and rammed his head into it with all his might,
snapping
several planks.
##Cute
Ranma face-faulted.
##Ummmm, IMO this is NOT a good phrase to use.
Especially
since you've already shown such ability to
turn-a-phrase.
<SNIP>
"How about it, Ranma?" Ryouga
said, pressing down on Ranma's shoulders. "Maybe a
little mouth
action to get me warmed up, and then I'll plow your
field again."
Ryouga's world went white with pain, and he fell
back from
Ranma's upraised knee, curling up into a ball of
agony.
Ranma looked down at her leg, still lifted from
driving her leg
up between Ryouga's legs.
##Wheeeeee. Now, kick him again. ^_^
Realization came to her, and she
suddenly pumped a fist in the air. "Yataa, I did it!
All right!" She
started bouncing around the room in excitement, her
fears
completely vanished for the moment.
<SNIP> A LOT more than I ever wanted to know
about
Ukyou and Akane. ^_^ Good, but IMO a little long. Of
course
this is purely personal but I found the interaction
between Ranma
and Ryouga much more interesting. Of course I enjoyed
Ryouga
getting a little of his own back. And it was FUNNY.
<SNIP>
<SNIP>
The ice-cold thing that touched the back of
Ryouga's neck was
not water, but served to cool his ardor every bit as
much as a bucket
of that substance would have. Ryouga turned his head
just enough
to see the gleaming blade that was laying across the
back of his
neck and followed it up to the person who was holding
it, Ranma's
mother.
"I think you should get off my daughter, NOW!"
Nodoka said
in a voice that could have frozen a hot spring.
##^_^ Now if she'd just put the katana a little lower.
^_~
<SNIP>
"I keep telling you, we were only sparring. I got
to learn how
to fight as a girl. He was just helping me."
"Hmmm, I see," Nodoka said. She gave a nod, and
her face
broke out in a big smile. "So it's settled then." She
pulled Ryouga to
his feet, shoved Ranma into his arms, and produced two
victory
fans from somewhere, which she waved vigorously over
the two.
"The wedding will be as soon as we can arrange it.
I'll go talk to
your father at once."
Ryouga and Ranma watched her go, equally dazed
expressions
on their faces. Then angry scowls appeared, and
pushing themselves
violently apart, they rounded on each other.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!"
##LOL
The Ranma/Ryouga stuff was great. IMO
the Akane/Ukyou interaction could be a little
shorter. It's good, the Ranma/Ryouga is just better.
Overall: GREAT, as usual. Probably the finest
Lemon series around.
=====
When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
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