DB Sommer wrote:
Wee! And here I was just thinking that I'd like to read an MI fic:
Let there be a MI fic, and behold... :)
---
Kentaro Ichinose walked up to the front of Ikkoku-kan,
enjoying the late afternoon sun. Fish for dinner, he
realized with a pang of delight.
I usually don't associate 'pang's with good feelings. Something more
neutral. 'surge' or something.
Yep. That would be more appropriate.
Likely, there would be
just enough time to go down to the public baths before
dinner time.
Already have 'time' earlier in the sentence. I'd just drop the second one.
Right, you are.
He reached for the door knob, then paused as
it was opened from the inside.
"Oh, Kanrinin-san." He noted her black dress and the paper-
wrapped bundle she carried. "Is it that time, already?" he
asked.
Hmm. Why do I have a feeling this is something more along the lines of
Godai not being able to keep his promise to Kyoko?
Heh. I read that issue and it prodded me along. :)
"Kentaro-san, welcome back," Kyoko replied, bowing
slightly. "Yes, I'll be home later. If there should be any
problems--"
"I'm sure we can handle it, Kanrinin-san. Please don't
worry." She smiled in reply and bowed her thanks. He waved
as she turned down the hilly slope towards the station.
Summer already, he thought,
Yep. Wrong time of year for Soichiro. Gotta be Godai (unless you really
wanted to throw people off and make it her fifth husband or something. ^_^)
Oooh, you got the reference.
That's an amusing thought - hmm, what other wishy-washy types could end up
with: Tenchi, Ranma, Keiichi?
looking up at the clear sky. A
gentle breeze stirred several leaves that would undoubtedly
be swept away come the morning.
If not. Kyoko would do it. I think she spent half the manga and anime
sweeping that front walk.
Yup, perhaps she has a cleanliness fetish? :)
Has it really been that
long? Sighing, he turned to open the front door to his home
for the past forty years.
Oh well. At least they had a lot of time together, and here I thought he
would have passed on much earlier. Perhaps she'll have forgiven him then?
I guess I do see them ending up old together, so I wasn't cruel enough to make
their marriage too short. A good life together tends to ease the pain some, so
it seems likely.
---
The headstone looked more worn every year, Kyoko thought
as she knelt. She laid the sushi rolls before the grave.
Her hand reached out involuntarily to trace the characters
that marked the headstone:
Yusaku Godai
Beloved husband and father.
1961-2021
"In the end, you couldn't even keep that promise to me."
"Baka."
She smiled fondly, before bowing her head in prayer.
Ah. Excellent. One word to convey her feelings. Nice to know there isn't
any real resentment.
Glad you picked up on that, DB. Was worried it wouldn't be too clear. I know it
comes across as a sadfic to many people (and it works fine in that regard), but
for me, this is a happy MI fic. :)
---
(1) Time's promise is death, of course.
And taxes. Don't forget the taxes.
Ack. How could I forget? :)
(2) The promise of which Kyoko speaks was for Godai to
outlive her.
One of the most poignant moments of MI for me. And given the nature of the
story, the perfect thing to write this short piece about.
Same here. It was like she was saying "Don't be another Soichiro to me." -
which I thought was a marvelous thing.
Excellent work. Short, but as someone else said, sometimes something brief
is the best way to convey a thought.
Thanks, DB, for the compliments and comments. I'll fix the points you brought
up.
Short and to the point is sometimes best. :)
Phil.
D.B. Sommer