You Don't Remember How I Feel
By Doug Helm and "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl
Those characters that are original and the story "You Don't Remember How
I Feel" are copyrighted (c) 1999 by Douglas Helm & Will Wolfshohl.
This fanfic and hundreds of other Sailor Moon fanfics reside in "Tuxedo"
Will's SM Fanfics Archive at http://members.xoom.com/questails/gateway.htm
and http://rivendell.fortunecity.com/traveller/861/
Send comments to: Douglas "Candle Light Author" Helm (dhelm@log.on.ca)
or "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl (wwolfshohl@logicon.com)
Chapter 16 - All Good Things...
The early morning sunlight washed over Crystal Tokyo while a few puffy
clouds dotted an otherwise blue sky. The flow of traffic and pedestrians
along the magnificent tree lined boulevards of Crystal Tokyo began to
increase.
King Endymion's eyes crept open and he blearily stared at the clock that
sat on his nightstand. After a moment, he squinted at the clock again
for a moment to make sure it really said seven-thirty. Turning his head,
he felt surprised to find that instead of Usagi hugging him, it was
Misako. How that had come about during the night Endymion did not know.
<But at least, they didn't wake up before the birds.>
Gently disentangling himself, he slid from the bed and entered the
bathroom to prepare for the day. Several minutes later, after having
showered, shaven, and dressed, Endymion came back out to the bedroom to
find the rest of his family still sound asleep.
Quietly leaving the room, Endymion slipped down the hallway to the
private entrance to get the morning newspaper. With paper in hand, he
headed for the kitchen to make some breakfast.
******
He had managed to work his way through the entire morning paper before
Endymion realized that he was still the only one awake. Glancing at the
clock, he noticed that it was well after eight. Putting the paper on the
dining room table, Endymion got up and headed for the master bedroom.
A few moments later, he was just about to push open the master bedroom
door when the private entrance door chime sounded. <Now who can that
be?> Endymion wondered as he moved down the hallway. Upon opening the
door, he found Mizuno Ami standing patiently outside. "Ohayo
Mizuno-sensei."
"Ohayo, Your Majesty, may I come in?" Endymion nodded and stepped aside.
Once inside and the door closed she said, "I hope I'm not disturbing
you."
"Iie, I'm afraid Usagi, Serenity, and Misako are still asleep. I'll go
hustle them out of bed."
"That's all right, Your Majesty," Ami answered, "I just wanted to
deliver the results of the tests I conducted yesterday. May we go
someplace private?"
"Hai," Endymion replied and led her down the hallway and across the
living room to the study. He opened the door and after entering, waited
for Ami to enter before closing the door. "Perhaps, I should get
Serenity."
"As you wish, Your Majesty, although Serenity-sama might not thank you
for it," Ami remarked with a smile.
"Well... she was up late," Endymion defended. He thought for a moment
before adding, "I'll just slip out and get her."
"I'll wait here if I may." Endymion nodded and slipped from the room.
******
Neo-Queen Serenity walked into the study and smiled. "Ohayo, Ami-chan,
not at school today?"
"Ohayo, Your Majesty," Ami greeted while bowing, "I have some other
duties to attend to."
"Well I... we won't keep you long then. Please sit down," Serenity
directed while taking a chair and pulling it up to Ami. "Is there a
problem, Ami-chan? I don't think you would have came by here this early
if there wasn't."
Ami shuffled some pages for a moment before saying, "Physically, Usagi
and Misako are healthy six year olds. It's their mental state that
concerns me." Serenity gave Endymion a worried look.
"Do you mean from when they were adults?" Endymion asked, "Serenity and
I tried to find out if anything was bothering the girls... especially
Misako because of her age."
"In that respect, Your Majesties, I don't think you need to worry," Ami
explained, "The transformation that Usagi underwent was not very
dramatic. I was concerned about Misako's recent situations, however,
those memories appear to be fading."
"You mean she's repressing them, ne?" Serenity asked.
Ami shook her head and furrowed her brow for a moment before saying,
"Iie, Your Majesties, as far as I can tell, Misako's memories are
fading. I don't think she's repressing them; it's more like she's
dreamed the entire incident." Giving the Royal Couple a serious look,
Ami asked, "Ne, have either of the Princesses displayed any strange or
unusual behavior recently?"
Serenity and Endymion looked at each other seriously for a long moment
before Endymion said, "Misako seems to be more emotional than she
usually is. Usagi... Well... She seems to want to be around Serenity.
Like she's not as independent."
"That's true," Serenity conceded, "I think both of them have gotten into
their roles of being six year olds. Do you think their physical bodies
are effecting them, Ami-chan?" She gave Ami a worried look.
"Iie. At least, not to a significant extent, Serenity-sama," Ami
replied, "But I do think you should change the girls back as soon as
possible. Not because there is any real danger, at least at the moment,
but because it will become harder for them to adapt back into the REAL
world."
******
"Usagi-chan, please stop kicking your chair," Serenity admonished as she
sat at the dining room table.
"Okay," Usagi conceded and ate another spoonful of her cereal. "Ne, Mom,
what's wrong?" When her parents gave her blank looks, she continued,
"Well, you two have been looking glum since Mizuno-sensei left." She
hoped that wasn't an ominous sign.
Serenity carefully wiped her mouth and put her napkin down before
saying, "Your father and I have been putting off the discussion about
your punishments... Ami feels that we need to return you to your normal
selves as quickly as possible."
"Why?" Usagi asked while giving Misako a worried look.
"Yeah, it's been a great week," Misako affirmed.
"But you wouldn't want to be six all the time, ne?" Serenity asked.
"Iie," Misako sighed, "I guess it did have to end."
"Yeah," Usagi agreed with some glumness, "It was kinda nice having you
guys around all the time." <Just like in the past.>
"Gee thanks," Endymion remarked with a hint of sarcasm.
"You know what I mean, Dad," Usagi huffed and resisted the urge to stick
her tongue out.
Endymion smiled, "Hai... I do. It's been nice to spend time with you
girls. It's been nice to spend time with Usako." Serenity smiled
slightly. "And I hate to be the ogre."
"Who's being the ogre?" Serenity asked, "We both are responsible for
punishing our girls."
"So you've come up with our punishments?" Usagi asked. Part of her
wanted to know. Another part wouldn't mind going on like this for a few
more days.
"Iie," Serenity replied, "We still have to discuss that." She turned to
Misako and said, "Anything wrong, Miko-chan? You've been awfully quiet."
Misako shrugged a little then responded, "Nothin''s wrong, Mom. I just
don't have anything to add." She smiled a little and added, "'Sides, you
guys brought up punishments so I just started to pretend I wasn't in the
room."
Serenity snickered. "Well, girls, if you're done, you can take your
dishes out and get ready for your homework session."
"We gotta clean 'Sagi's bunny first," Misako announced.
"I can do that, Miko-chan," Endymion offered.
"You wrecked enough teddy bears." Endymion raised an eyebrow and Misako
blushed deeply. "Well, you WERE Usagi."
"Don't worry about it, Miko-chan. It's not that big a deal," Usagi
countered. Misako was not about to be put off though, no matter what her
parents or sister said.
******
Usagi looked up from her homework as her mother came into the room.
"Mom, is Misako still standing guard over that washing machine?"
"Hai," Serenity said, "How are you doing?"
"Okay," Usagi said and then sighed, "If Imouto was looking to lay a
serious guilt trip on me, it's working." When Serenity looked
questioningly at her, she gave another sigh and said, "She's going out
of her way to make up for an accident. I was never this nice to her
teddy bears. Kami-sama, when I tried to wash hers, they just fell
apart."
"What about that one?" Serenity asked while pointing at Misako's teddy
bear that Usagi was protectively holding.
"I'm keeping a close eye on this one. Misako'd kill me if anything
happened to it." Usagi frowned a little and asked, "Ne... did you or Dad
buy this?" while holding up the green teddy bear.
"Iie, Usagi-chan, we thought you did," Serenity responded as she sat
down, "You didn't?" Usagi shook her head. "Well, probably Misako bought
it herself."
"She never said anything to me, Mom," Usagi replied. Turning back to her
homework, she added, "I wish Misako would hurry up."
"Don't worry, Mesume, Misako will make sure your bunny rabbit is fine."
"Iie, not that, Mom. I want her to help me with this history
assignment," Usagi said, "That and the sooner she finishes her homework,
the quicker we can play a good game of Youma Catch."
Serenity was about to respond when Misako came running in with the
stuffed bunny. Misako held it out hopefully to her sister. "'Sagi-chan,
here it is!" Usagi turned and stared at the stuffed rabbit. Misako took
on a worried expression when her sister didn't say anything, "Ne,
Onee-chan, what's the matter? It's okay, ne?"
"It's... Domo arigato, Miko-chan," Usagi said and took the rabbit. <It
looks almost brand new!> She glanced over at Misako's teddy bear and
felt a new wave of guilt wash over her. <I owe Misako more teddy bears
than I care to count.>
******
Serenity finished rinsing out the sink as her husband dried the last of
the dishes from lunch. Drying her hands, she observed, "The girls are
awfully quiet, Endymion, I wonder what they're up to?"
"Last I saw them, they were headed for Usagi's bedroom," Endymion
replied as he wiped his own hands. "Why don't we go take a look."
"Hai," Serenity agreed and led the way out of the kitchen and through
the living room. Turning to her right, she walked down the hallway and
peeked into Misako's room but it was empty. Continuing onto her eldest
daughter's room, she paused outside the bedroom door and knocked. After
a moment, she opened the door and looked inside.
"Endymion," Serenity beckoned softly, "Come look at this."
Endymion came up behind Serenity and peered into the bedroom.
"Kawaii..." he said softly. Both Usagi and Misako were curled up on the
bed fast asleep.
Serenity softly pulled the bedroom door closed and smiled. "Why don't we
go talk?" Endymion nodded and they made their way to the master bedroom.
"So what do you want to talk about, Serenity?" Endymion asked while he
walked to the bed and sat down. Serenity gracefully glided across the
floor and flopped down on her stomach beside her husband. "Would you
like a neck rub?"
"Please," Serenity said and then sighed, "What are we going to do with
the girls?"
"I suppose grounding them is the most we can do," Endymion decided, "The
problem is the Senshi Council hasn't ruled yet." He began to massage his
wife's shoulders. "Did you have something more in mind?"
"Well..." Serenity began slowly, "I do think there's one way to stop
Usagi from messing with the Ginzuishou again. You'd have to agree to it
though."
"What's the plan?" Endymion asked as he started to work his way up
towards his wife's neck.
Serenity was silent for a long time and then she said, "I'll tell you
but first, I want to settle a couple of things." She paused for a moment
and then said, "Firstly, I think you're right, grounding is the only
viable thing we can do really. I figure two months for both of them will
be sufficient. It's the Senshi Council that really worries me,
Endymion." Serenity was silent for a moment longer then she added, "And
I think we need to make time for ourselves. Not just you and me but the
entire family. At least twice a month." She rolled over and looked up at
Endymion, "But the girls will have to agree with that."
"I think they will, Serenity," Endymion said with a smile. He pulled
Serenity up and gave her a gentle kiss, "Now, what's this plan to keep
Usagi from fooling around with the Ginzuishou?"
"Let me tell you everything about it first," Serenity requested. When
Endymion nodded, she launched into her proposal.
******
An hour or so later, Endymion and Serenity left the master bedroom.
"I'll go get the girls," Endymion stated and walked down the hallway to
Usagi's room. He stopped at the doorway and said, "They aren't here."
Serenity walked to Misako's bedroom and looked in, "Not here either."
She was about to turn towards the living room when she heard a shriek.
Running over to the window, she looked outside and felt her jaw swing
open in surprise. Misako and Usagi were wrestling for control of the
garden hose and both were getting thoroughly drenched in the process.
"Endymion! I found them!" Serenity called, her voice holding a note of
exasperation.
"What was that yell?" Endymion asked as he came into Misako's bedroom.
When his wife pointed out the window, he came over to see what the
commotion was. "I don't believe it!" he exclaimed.
Turning, Serenity marched from the room, down the hall and over to the
backyard door. Opening the door, she bellowed, "Usagi! Misako! Put down
that hose this instant!" Both little girls froze where they stood; the
hose continued to shoot a steady stream of water into the air. "I said
put that thing down now!" Both let the hose go and started to look
rather guilty. "Now what were you doing?"
"Youma Catch!" Misako answered, "Not enough mud."
"Iie! There's plenty of it!" Usagi argued.
Serenity came out onto the deck and inspected the ground, "Usagi, turn
off the water. I don't want you two to catch cold so come in and
change."
"But Mooooom, we're playin'!" Misako protested.
"Then play, but no water," Serenity admonished while taking a seat on
the deck. "The sun is nice and warm so you'll likely be all right."
<That mud looks inviting but after last time...> she mused then shook it
off. Endymion came out to join her, a smirk plastered on his face.
******
Usagi felt her heart beating rapidly as she tensed. Misako had her
backed into a corner of the yard and it would only be by some miracle
that she wouldn't lose yet another round to her sister. "You cheat!" she
taunted. Of course, Misako didn't cheat but she hoped it would throw her
sister off-balance. She started inching her way to the left but halted
as Misako lifted the ball.
"You cheat too, 'Sagi, so we're even!"
Usagi muttered darkly under her breath for a moment before smiling. "I
know what your bear's name is."
"Nani?!?" Misako asked, her posture relaxing slightly.
<Maybe I can turn this around...> "I said I know what your bear's name
is," Usagi gloated, "It isn't even a girl bear!"
"How do you know it isn't a girl?" Misako demanded as she narrowed her
eyebrows.
"'Cause, Imouto," Usagi whispered with an evil grin, "Its name is
Senji!" Misako's face darkened and she gave a cry of outrage.
<Kami-sama, that must have hit a nerve!> Usagi thought. She closed her
eyes and just hoped this particular shot wouldn't hurt very much.
"Hold it!" a high-pitched voice demanded.
Usagi slowly opened one eye and then the other. <Nani?!? Who's that?!?>
Usagi wondered in puzzlement as she noticed a little girl smaller than
her with golden hair that were done up in odangos and pigtails. She was
extremely cute and looked like their little sister. The problem was they
didn't have another sister! <No way!> Usagi thought as she opened the
other eye and stared, <That's mom!>
Usagi's suspicions were confirmed when Misako wailed, "Mom! You wrecked
my shot!"
"I want in!" Serenity demanded in a high-pitched voice.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" Usagi demanded. Serenity turned
around to face Usagi and looked up at her, "And how old are you anyway,
Mom?"
"I used the Disguise Pen to make myself five," Serenity squeaked then
demanded, "I wanna play too." She noticed the worried look Usagi gave
Misako so added, "Iie, I haven't regressed, Mesume. I just want to
play."
"You spoiled a perfectly good game! I had Misako on the ropes!" Usagi
shouted. Misako bristled at that remark.
"Gomen," Serenity apologized softly and looked towards the ground.
Misako thought she detected her mother's odangos drooping just a bit.
"This is me 'n' Misako's game," Usagi argued sternly, "You just wanna
suck up!"
"'Sagi!" Misako hissed sounding almost scandalized.
"Well, she's never wanted to play before," Usagi whined.
"Not like we ever asked her, 'Sagi," Misako retorted. <Mom's so kawaii!>
"Please, Usagi-chan," Serenity pleaded, "I wanna play this. I've been
watching and it looks like lotsa fun." Usagi looked rather dubious so
she turned to Misako. "Miko-chan, I'm not trying to `suck up'...
honest."
"What do you say about it, 'Sagi-chan?" Misako prompted, "I believe
Mom."
"Okay..." Usagi agreed after a long silence, "But what about the game we
were playing?"
"A draw?" Misako offered.
Usagi mulled that over and then shook her head. "I'll offer a surrender,
Imouto. You would've had me."
"I accept," Misako replied, "Well, let's get started. Mom, you can help
'Sagi out."
"I think you 'n' Mom should work together," Usagi retorted as she walked
around her tiny mother. Misako snorted. "You're gonna need her help."
"Yeah, right, 'Sagi-chan. Look, who's ahead in this game?"
"You are..." Usagi admitted reluctantly. Sighing, she suggested to her
diminutive mother, "Hai, maybe you should make yourself six."
"Iie," Serenity squeaked.
"Then just stay out of my way, little girl," Usagi replied and tromped
across the soggy ground. <She won't last five minutes.> Misako was about
to say something but her mother just shook her head and gave Usagi a sad
look. None of them noticed Endymion was watching in shocked puzzlement.
******
The ensuing minutes did little to improve Usagi's foul mood. In fact,
they seemed to darken it considerably. At the current moment, she was
trying to take out her frustrations out on the ball she clenched in her
hands. <Bad enough having to play with Misako but...> she seethed. It
wasn't that Usagi didn't like playing Youma Catch, or the fact that
Misako more often than not won their games, she felt frustrated because
her mother was showing her up at a game Serenity hadn't even played
before that day. The fact that she was being made to look silly in front
of both her sister and her father wasn't helping matters.
<Why'd she have to butt in?!> Usagi thought angrily as she whipped the
ball towards her mother who, yet again, dodged it. <I have to get her
out so she'll leave us alone!> This game was Misako and her invention.
In Usagi's opinion, their mother didn't have any business in wanting to
play THEIR game. <How'd Mom get so good? Did her being Misako affect
her?>
Momentarily, she was pulled away from her thoughts when she noticed that
Misako recovered the ball. Unlike Serenity, whom Usagi saw as less of a
threat, her little sister was a different matter. Usagi felt her
frustration level rise when she realized that her mother was maneuvering
around behind her. This meant that Misako was actually teaming up with
their young mother! Ordinarily, this would make Usagi happy but her
mother's intrusion into something that she viewed as private negated any
such feelings of joy.
<How am I going to get out of this?> Usagi pondered, <I've tried to tag
her out and Mom keeps getting away from me.> Her mother's small size
proved more of an advantage than she had first believed. Serenity's
shots weren't much of a threat, however, she was almost impossible to
hit. Then a thought occurred to Usagi. Grinning evilly, she backed up
but made sure to move close to her mother. Misako raised her arm to
throw but then hesitated. "What's the matter? Chicken?!"
Misako frowned a little. "Iie," the little blonde-white haired girl
responded, "Why are you running away?"
"Am not," the strawberry-blonde protested but she took another step
backwards, even closer to her mother. Misako stuck her tongue out so
Usagi replied in kind. "Miko-chan, do you need somebody to help you win
this game? What would Senji-kun think?"
"Usagi..." Misako hissed warningly as she lifted the ball into firing
position.
<Wait for it,> Usagi thought, <Wait for it...> Tensing, she waited a
split-second more. Then, when Misako released the ball, she reached out
and grabbing her tiny mother, jerked her forwards towards its path.
Serenity, not expecting such a reaction from her eldest daughter, gave a
high-pitched squeal and toppled forward.
"Mom!" Misako cried out but it was too late. The ball ricocheted off of
little Serenity's forehead with a thwack. She staggered backwards a
couple of steps before plopping to the ground.
<Come on, baby, cry!> Usagi thought. Her silent plea went unrequited.
Instead, Serenity just sat there, looking stunned.
"Serenity?" Endymion's voice questioned with some worry. Usagi turned to
see her father starting to come down from the deck.
"I-I'm fine," Serenity said with as much confidence as she could muster.
Her voice quavered and Usagi thought she could see unshed tears in her
mother's eyes but that was all. Usagi received an even greater shock
when Serenity turned to her teammate and asked, "So am I out,
Miko-chan?"
"Um... I don't know, Mom," Misako admitted and then glared at Usagi.
"Nani?" Usagi questioned. <Why isn't she giving up?> There was a red
mark forming on Serenity's forehead and the little girl rubbed it
tenderly. Guilt then washed over Usagi.
"That was kinda low, 'Sagi-chan, and you call me `chicken'," Misako
remarked as she helped her five year old mother up. "Are you okay, Mom?"
Serenity was silent for a long moment before answering, "Hai, I think I
was just startled." Grinning a little, she added, "I needed a rest
anyway. I haven't ran like that since I was fighting Youma." Misako
giggled at this and her mother smiled. "No harm done, Usagi-chan. Don't
look so gloomy. I'm not mad at you. It's just part of the game, ne?"
"I think you should apologize, Onee-chan," Misako suggested as she
turned to look at Usagi while placing a comforting arm around her
mother.
Usagi blinked, not at Misako's request but at what she was seeing.
Feeling more than a little unsure of herself, Usagi turned and retrieved
the ball from where it was laying on the ground. After a few moments,
she turned back to look at her mother and sister and couldn't help but
smile. "This ain't fair," she complained, "I gotta compete against TWO
Misakos." Except for the difference in height and hair color, Serenity
and Misako were almost a perfect copy of each other. <She looks more
like Mom than I do,> Usagi decided.
"Minna, are we gonna stand around talking or we gonna play?" Serenity
demanded.
"Mom, don't you wanna stop?" Usagi asked in surprise. She got a sharp
look from Misako but ignored it.
"Only if I'm out. So, am I?" Serenity gave Usagi a hopeful look.
After a long moment of thought, Usagi shrugged, "Guess not." <I'll have
to think up something else.>
The rest of that game went fairly smoothly until Serenity scraped her
knee diving out of the way of an attack. While that did bring some
tears, she was rather indignant when Endymion came off of the deck and
tried to talk her into coming inside. Once Endymion had returned to his
observation post, Serenity returned to the game with all the vigor her
youthful body could provide.
Eventually though, Usagi called a halt to the game, "I surrender, I
surrender!"
"That's not very Senshi-like," Serenity noted.
"You two are too good for me, Mom," Usagi conceded, "I have enough of a
problem with just Misako. It's even worse having to keep up with you
both. You two are a good team."
"Arigato!" both Misako and Serenity chorused.
"So should we accept it?" Misako asked.
"Hai!" Serenity chirped then asked, "Can we play again, Mesume?"
Misako looked at Usagi who shrugged. "Sure," Misako agreed, "But this
time you be on 'Sagi's team... just to make it even."
"Oh... you're gonna pay for that," Usagi hissed as she came closer, "So
who gets first ball?"
******
<Now I know what 'Sagi meant,> Misako thought a few minutes later. She
was running as fast as she could with Usagi and Serenity in full
pursuit. Her mother's shorter legs were making it difficult for her to
keep up but she was doing her best. She was not the clumsy teen Misako
remembered from the past. <Mom's hard to tag with the ball.> Although
seeing Serenity performing a desperate dive to the ground was still a
little disconcerting to Misako. <She's really into this game.> She had
briefly thought about trying to get her father into the game to even
things but she had dismissed that idea.
The little girl gave a cry of surprise as Serenity suddenly appeared in
front of her. "Nani?!" Misako squealed as her mother lunged into the air
and slammed into Misako, causing her to stagger backwards. The smaller
girl wrapped her arms around Misako with all the strength she could
muster and held on for dear life.
"Lemme go!" Misako hissed out but Serenity just shook her head. <I'm
dead for sure.> It was an effective tactic. Slow down your opponent so
your teammate could get a shot in. <So why isn't 'Sagi throwing the
ball?> There was no way she could dodge effectively with her mother
holding tightly onto her.
"Usagi!!!!" the five year old howled, causing her captive to wince, "I
can't hang on much longer!"
<I have to get her off of me!> Misako thought, <If I don't, 'Sagi'll tag
me out for sure.> Serenity gave a little cry of surprise when Misako
came to a sudden stop. For one hair raising moment, Serenity thought
that Misako would topple over and crush her before her youngest daughter
could regain her balance.
"Did you get hit?" Serenity asked. She hadn't heard the ball tag Misako.
"Iie," Misako answered with a frown as she turned around. "What gives?"
she asked her sister. Usagi had allowed the ball to drop the ground and
had started walking towards the deck. <If I didn't know any better, I'd
say she was sulking.>
******
"I don't wanna play no more," Usagi whined and then added in lamely,
"'Sides, it's nearly naptime."
"You can't give up, Usagi-chan. I'll never win!" Serenity called to her
teammate.
Usagi whirled around and glared towards her mother. "Who cares? Not like
anybody asked you to play!" Emotions whirled inside Usagi as she fought
the urge to cry. <This isn't fair... Why couldn't we be this way
before?> Usagi was so used to Misako being unhappy with their mother
that this change was disconcerting. Both Serenity and Misako stared at
her with open mouths. Taking a deep breath, Usagi sighed. "Gomen nasai,"
she apologize softly, "I... I'm kinda glad you played, Mom."
"Honto?" Serenity questioned while mild anxiety played across her face.
"Hai..." Usagi admitted. <Did you really come out here to have fun with
us?> Usagi had at first thought that Serenity had just been trying to
suck up but now, things appeared to be different. <She didn't quit when
I thought she would have.>
"You just wanna give up 'cause you were losing!" Misako stated
emphatically.
"Was not!" Usagi shot back.
"You weren't?" Misako asked dubiously, "I don't believe that, 'Sagi, or
you wouldn't've quit."
Usagi marched back over to the ball and snatched it up. Just as suddenly
though, she threw it back down and turned away. <I should be angry with
her.> Their mother had caused them so much pain, but a part of Usagi
yearned for her mother. <I just want a hug.> Misako seemed to believe
Senerity had the best of intentions.
"So I can have fun with you and not her," Usagi retorted. "I didn't ask
her to play." Usagi clenched her fists and tried to take deep breaths to
calm herself. <She's making me act like a child.>
"Come and play, Usagi-chan," Serenity implored, "Then we can all take a
nap together." She was starting to feel tired herself.
"Didn't you hear me? I don't wanna play anymore," Usagi whined while
turning away and beginning to walk towards the stairs once again. Tears
welled up but Usagi managed to hold them back. <I shouldn't cry. I'm not
really six.> But she was so confused. One part of her wanted to play
with Serenity and Misako; another part of her wanted nothing to do with
her mother. But it was her heart that wanted... desperately needed a
mother. <Is Misako close to forgiving Mom?> It was too much to hope for
in some ways.
"Come on, 'Sagi-chan, I was having fun..." Serenity complained as she
released her hold and Misako and slipped to the ground.
Usagi whirled around, her eyes blazing with ice cold anger. "What did
you call me?!?" she hissed out.
"Gomen," Serenity squeaked, "What's the matter, Usagi-chan?"
"Nothin'," Usagi said as she stared at the ground. She kicked a nearby
pebble and watched it skitter away through the grass. Then she heard the
soft padding of feet and when she looked up, she found Serenity and
Misako walking towards her. When Serenity reached out, as if to hug
Usagi, the older girl stepped back and wrinkled up her nose.
******
<'Sagi can be so stubborn!> Misako thought as she watched Usagi take a
step backwards. <It isn't like Mom has some virus or something.> "Nani?
You ruined a perfectly good game so we can take a nap?"
"It wasn't a good game, Misako," Usagi stated petulantly, "Mom was
holdin' you back."
"You never said I couldn't use physical contact to slow our opponent
down."
"You didn't want her to hold me back?" Misako asked in as skeptical a
tone as she could manage, "Onee-chan, have you lost your mind?!"
"WE don't play that way," Usagi retorted.
<I thought she wanted Mom to... Kami-sama, she's really starting to act
her age. What's got her undies in a knot?> Misako wondered.
"Well, I didn't know that, Usagi-chan," Serenity confessed, "I suppose
if you had told..."
"You should have known!" Usagi shouted.
"How, Usagi-chan?" Misako asked, "Mom's never played with us before."
"THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT!" Usagi raged. She raised her eyes skyward and
uttered a loud, long suffering sigh. Shaking her head, she added in a
softer tone, "You just can't see it. Mom never wanted to do this type of
thing... until now." <Why is she doing this? Can't she leave Misako and
me alone?!>
Misako held her breath. Usagi's eyes glistened with unshed tears. <Come
on, you baka odango atama, forgive her!> Misako thought desperately. She
nodded her head slightly, trying to encourage her sister. <I'll forgive
Mom... for you. She doesn't have...> She hated to see her sister suffer.
"I don't understand," Usagi said stubbornly, more to herself than to
anyone in particular.
"What don't you understand, Mesume?" Serenity asked.
"Why you came out here, why you wanted to be with Misako when you never
did before," Usagi sniffled. Misako frowned slightly before quickly
wiping it away.
"Usagi, Misako..." Serenity began and then she paused while looking over
to where her husband was standing by the bottom of the stairs. "I think
it's time we talked."
"About what, Mom?" Misako asked.
"Why I did what I did," Serenity answered simply before walking towards
the deck. A moment later, her daughters followed her.
Chapter 17 - New Beginnings
"So what do you want to talk about?" Usagi asked with a yawn. She gave
Serenity a suspicious look when Serenity produced her Disguise Pen and
reversed her transformation. "Now I know you were just..." The rest of
her sentence came out in a gust of air as Misako jabbed her
none-too-gently in the ribs. Turning, she glared at Misako while rubbing
her side. "If Mom went to the trouble to come out here and play and then
wants to talk as an adult, she has to be up to something," Usagi
muttered in an attempt to maintain her annoyance with her mother.
"Usagi!" Serenity snapped. The little girl jerked around and stared at
her mother. "Do not assume anything until you have heard my side of the
story."
Feeling rebellious, Usagi clenched her fists and was about to launch
into a vocal retort when she felt a hand on her shoulder. <I won't act
like a child!> Usagi told herself firmly, <I should be fair to Mom.>
That was the mature thing to do even if she didn't look the part right
now. "Gomen," she mumbled and looked at the ground. <This doesn't make
any sense!> Usagi thought, <Not only can't I figure out what Mom's up to
but I don't even know how I feel.> And that was very disconcerting. She
wanted so much to believe that her mother had had the best of
intentions; Misako certainly thought their mother was sincere.
"Usagi-chan," Serenity called gently. When Usagi looked up towards her,
the now adult Serenity smiled. The little girl's eyes widened and her
mother's smile grew even more. "All of us are going to have a talk,
Usagi-chan. But I think you both should be normal for this one."
Usagi just stared at Serenity who was now holding the Ginzuishou. Her
thoughts were completely twisted around each other. "You mean..." Usagi
began and then stopped herself. Her heart sped up and her tongue flicked
out to moisten her lips. <Are we going to find out?> Was her mother now
going to answer the question that had haunted her these past few months?
She looked over at Misako and became worried. Misako was looking a
little sad. "Ne, Imouto?" Usagi asked, "What's wrong?"
"If we're big, then we'll miss naptime," Misako pouted. Usagi gave her
such a confused look that Misako couldn't help but giggle. "I'm all
right, 'Sagi-chan. But you have to admit that nappin' ain't so bad, ne?"
She yawned expansively to emphasize her point.
Serenity chuckled and remarked, "Nothing's stopping you from napping.
Usagi and I used to do it in the past." She looked at Usagi and added,
"You still do it at fifteen."
"So?" Usagi demanded defensively, "You still do it now!" Usagi felt
something familiar kindle inside her. It had been a long time since she
and her mother had teased each other this way; there had been a reason
for that, though. "Just get this over with, MOM," Usagi snarled, upset
with herself.
******
Misako blinked, trying to get the spots out of her eyes. "I feel so
heavy..." the twelve year old moaned. She glanced down at her body and
blinked. "Uh..." Misako began and then remembered her father was still
there. She clamped her mouth shut while starting to blush.
"Are you okay, Miko-chan?" Endymion asked. Misako just nodded, not
trusting herself to speak.
<This can't be right,> Misako thought, <I'm not shaped like this!> But
it had been awhile since she was her proper age.
Her thoughts were pulled away from her own body when Usagi indignantly
asked, "You couldn't change our clothes?!?" Usagi was now nearly
sixteen, which meant she was much taller than Misako now. "I... I..."
Usagi was so infuriated over her clothing that she couldn't talk. While
the Ginzuishou had changed their bodies back to their normal ages, it
had simply enlarged their clothing. Usagi especially looked ridiculous
in her cute little girl outfit.
"It's just some clothes, 'Sagi-chan," Misako said soothingly then
paused. <Our voices sound so funny.> "We can change later on." Usagi
muttered something acidic before glaring at her mother. "What did you
want to talk to us about, Mom?" Misako inquired. Then, she looked back
to Usagi. "Hmm... Maybe we should let 'Sagi take a nap first. She's
being awfully cranky."
"Miko-chan, don't tease your onee," Serenity admonished gently while
trying to keep a straight face, "Come up onto the deck so we can all sit
down."
"Hai," Misako chirped while walking up the stairs. Usagi came pounding
up behind her. Misako turned around as her sister gave a startled yell.
She was even more surprised when Usagi slammed into her. "Hey!" she
protested.
"Gomen. I tripped," Usagi complained, then added as if to justify her
tripping, "Well, I'm not used this body... It's all outta proportion. I
think Mom made me heavy on purpose."
"Nah," Misako disagreed while helping her sister straighten up, "You're
just makin' up for all those klutz attacks you've been missing." Usagi
tried to give Misako a poke but nearly toppled over again. Her center of
gravity had changed. So, she resigned herself to the act of flopping
into a chair that was near the table.
"I'm sorry about the clothes, Usagi," Serenity apologized, "I had to
make sure you were returned to normal. I was more concerned about your
bodies than your clothes." Usagi just glowered at the tabletop. Serenity
gave a little sigh and took her seat while Endymion sat down beside her.
******
The silence that settled over the backyard was strained. Usagi sighed
again and sat up straighter. <I'm not helping Misako any. I'm acting
like a little kid too.> "Mom... gomen, I just... I don't know." She
brushed some imaginary dust from the tabletop.
"I have two things to discuss with you but I'm not sure which one I
should talk about first," Serenity announced. After a moment's pause,
she decided by saying, "Misako, Usagi, on the first day, when I made you
small, you wanted to know why I... your father and I made both of you
compete with each other."
"Hai," Usagi said after looking at Misako. She straightened in her chair
and asked, "So are you going to tell us why now?"
"Hai," Serenity replied. "I think part of the reason why it took so long
for us to talk was that you and Misako weren't exactly willing to talk
to us."
"You're blaming us?!?" Usagi demanded, her anger flaring.
"Iie," Endymion jumped in, "Usagi-chan, you didn't exactly give us a
chance to have a real conversation and when Misako came back from the
past, you became even more distant."
Usagi glared angrily at her parents and then sighed. <Dad's right. I
yelled a lot.> She had been so angry with her parents. <But... was I
just scared that Misako would never come back?> Usagi wondered. After a
moment, she said softly, "Yeah... I guess I never did give you a
chance."
******
Serenity smiled weakly at her daughter. It was Endymion who provided
strength and even Misako was looking neutrally at her. "I trust Sailor
Pluto." She was surprised when Usagi didn't do anything. "She's always
looked out for your interests, Usagi-chan." Misako grunted while
frowning at the tabletop.
Serenity paused, wondering if Misako was going to say something but her
youngest daughter sat with arms folded across her chest. "Many years
ago, she told me that Crystal Tokyo was threatened. I had reason to
believe her because of the Black Moon Family War -- and other things."
Serenity paused then added, "I didn't like the course of action Pluto
recommended."
"Nani? Recommended?" Misako asked, "Do you mean she didn't say `do
this'?" Her eyes had narrowed as she looked intently at her mother.
Serenity felt something cold run down her spine. Unlike Usagi, whose
temper was fiery and typically short-lived, Misako could nurse a grudge
if she wanted to and she looked like she was planning on doing exactly
that. "Iie," Serenity said shakily, "Miko-chan, Pluto told us that
Crystal Tokyo was in grave danger and what needed to be done to prevent
it." Misako subsided at this explanation.
"Are you telling me," Usagi began in a small voice, "That the Senshi
Council knew all about this?!" Serenity glanced away. "Oh Kami-sama!"
"Usagi, you mustn't blame them," Endymion began, "At the time, the
Senshi Council was against the idea. We all were... but what could we
have done? Pluto couldn't tell us what the threat was because it was in
the future. We all know how dangerous future knowledge is."
"I made the decision," Serenity stated softly. She turned her face back
to regard her children and then noticed unshed tears in their eyes.
"Believe me, I hated pitting you two against each other. I hate the fact
that I don't know what actions were because I wanted to save Crystal
Tokyo and which ones were my own biases." She shook off the hand that
Endymion had placed around her shoulder. <I need to do this,> Serenity
thought as she swallowed hard, <I need to say this.> She took a deep
breath to try and steady herself but it didn't help. "Mesume, I can see
why you were angry with me. When Misako disappeared... Gomen..."
Serenity faulted and gave a sniffle.
"When you left, Misako, everyone was worried about you," Endymion
continued to explain, "The notes you left..." He felt his throat tighten
as he remembered the fear and anger that had swallowed him. He
remembered sitting for days, simply staring out her window.
Usagi glanced at Misako and then looked away. "Why did you think things
should be back to normal?" Misako asked.
Serenity wiped at her eyes and gave a strained smile. "Because I asked
Sailor Pluto. When you left, I summoned her and demanded that she either
had to tell me what this crisis was or that I would stop making you two
compete."
"And what did Pluto say?" Usagi queried in an icy voice. Her rage, which
had so recently been directed at her mother, shifted to her former
friend.
"She said I could stop; the crisis had passed," Serenity replied.
"So what was this TERRIBLE crisis, Mom?" Usagi asked. Serenity and
Endymion looked very uncomfortable. "Well?"
"We don't really know, Mesume," Serenity finally admitted, "Sailor Pluto
said that it had passed and that if she told me, it could resurface
again." She could tell by her daughters' expressions that they did not
believe her. <I don't blame them. Even I don't believe me!> She was
starting to feel very foolish. "I know I did something horrible but you
wouldn't listen to any of my explanations... You closed me out!" This
last part was said angrily.
******
Misako looked away from her parents; Usagi, on the other hand, took on a
pained expression. "What could I do?" Usagi asked, her voice thickened
with emotion. "Mom... how can you even think..." Usagi trailed off,
swallowing hard.
<This isn't working... I have to try explaining it differently.>
Endymion considered for a moment then began, "I'm not blameless here
either, Mesume. As monarchs, our primary responsibility is to our
people. While the Senshi Council holds some culpability, no one forced
the choice we made on us. We thought that by preventing this crisis, we
could save many lives and spare our people a great calamity."
"I know we can never regain all of what we've lost," Serenity stated
quietly while she looked at the clasped hand in her lap, "But I would
like you to understand why I did what I did." Serenity looked towards
the table while saying, "Usagi, you were Queen, ne? You understand what
it means to make tough decisions." Misako was looking at Usagi intently.
After a moment, Usagi nodded. "I've always said that Crystal Tokyo must
be my first duty... OUR first duty." After a pause, she added, "I'm very
sorry I did what I did but I would do it again if I had to."
"Nani?!?" Usagi and Misako demanded.
Serenity lifted her head and smiled slightly. But her smile was dampened
by the tears that were streaming from her eyes and running down her
cheeks. "I am Neo-Queen Serenity, a queen with a realm to look after and
care for. I am also Tsukino Usagi, your mother. I would hurt far more
people if I did not take into account my realm." Endymion nodded in
agreement. "Don't you believe that I love you and that I would do, will
do, anything short of sacrificing Crystal Tokyo, or Japan for you? I
didn't want the Black Moon Family War to occur but we had to allow it
for Usagi to go to the past."
******
<Was tormenting me all about Usagi, too?> Misako thought darkly. She
stared at Usagi and noticed her older sister was giving their mother a
thoughtful look. <This sounds like the same stuff Mom told 'Sagi
before.> It didn't make sense to her. It seemed simple. You always
protect the ones you love. "You had something personal to gain from
that!" Misako almost spat out, "Onee-chan came back to the past!"
"That's true, Misako," Serenity agreed. "What we all did was difficult,"
Serenity explained, "Misako, but what I do, I do for many, many,
people." She reached out and touched Misako's arm and then Usagi's. "Can
you understand that?"
<Iie,> Misako thought, <Mom keeps saying what she's always said.> At
least, it sounded almost the same as what Usagi had told her. She was a
little surprised when after a moment, Usagi started nodding her head.
<Doesn't Onee-chan see what Mom's doing?>
"I want to move on," her mother was saying, "Can you forgive me?"
<For my onee, I can,> Misako thought. She could see the longing in
Usagi's face. <She must realize something that I don't.> But nothing her
mother said sounded like taking responsibility. Instead, it was just
sounded like the same old excuse. Misako gave a silent sigh and picked
at her clothes for a moment. <I know you want to forgive Mom, 'Sagi, I
can tell... If I say iie, 'Sagi will be just as stubborn.> Maybe when
she talked to Usagi later on, she'd understand better.
Misako was drawn from her thoughts when someone touched her shoulder.
She looked up to see Serenity crouching beside her. "I know, Misako,"
Serenity said. This caused Misako to feel even more baffled. "Please
forgive me?"
"I guess," Misako said softly. She reluctantly returned the hug that her
mother gave her. She kept it short. There wasn't any need to fully
commit herself until she understood.
Misako was startled when Serenity let the hug go and stood up. She was
startled because Usagi gave a joyous bellow and bodily flung herself at
Serenity. The young girl watched as Usagi hugged her mother tightly.
Serenity's face brightened and she returned the embrace with as much
vigor as her daughter did.
Misako felt numb; while she had expected Usagi to give her mother a hug,
this was more exuberant than she had anticipated. As she watched while
both mother and daughter cried, she felt a cold lump form in her
stomach. <What's 'Sagi doing?!> she thought, <I don't understand! Hasn't
Mom been saying this all along?!>
After a moment or so, Usagi calmed down enough to babble out, "It's all
my fault. I shouldn't... Misako should've understood."
<NANI?!?!?> Misako's mind yelled. She leapt to her feet and demanded,
"What do you mean?!"
Usagi pulled slightly away from her mother. Turning her head, she said,
"We should've listened instead of being so silly... like a couple of
spoiled brats." Misako bunched up her fists and kicking her chair out of
the way stalked towards the back door to the Royal Suite. "Hey, where
are you going?!" Usagi demanded in surprise.
"Leave me alone," Misako commanded. She scrubbed angrily at her eyes
that were starting to fill with tears. She heard the pounding of feet
and was jerked to a halt when someone grabbed her arm. "Let go!" she
demanded.
"Misako, what's wrong?" Usagi asked as she forcibly turned her sister
around, "Don't you understand? Did you really expect me to give up on
Mom?"
Misako's foot shot out and hit Usagi in the shin. "TRAITOR!!!!" she
roared before turning and running into the Royal Suite.
******
Usagi, who had staggered backwards under the unexpected blow, watched in
horrified confusion as Misako ran. She ignored the pain that was
throbbing through her shin. <Misako? What happened? Didn't you want Mom
to explain? Mom took responsibility just like we wanted.>
She started to follow her sister but Serenity stopped her. "Mom, I'm not
mad, honest," Usagi explained, "But I have to find out what's wrong with
her."
Serenity shook her head, "Usagi, I think this is something that I have
to handle."
Usagi started to protest but Serenity would not be swayed. She watched
her mother enter the Royal Suite and then turned to find her father
behind her. "I don't understand," Usagi sobbed softly as she hugged her
father, "I don't understand... Misako forgave Mom. I saw her hug Mom; so
why is she so mad now?" <Wasn't I supposed to forgive Mom?> Her mother's
reasons seemed so clear now. <I don't agree with all of them but I
understand now. It must have been tough for Mom... She has to be a mom
for both of us though. Doesn't Misako know I would never let Mom pit us
against each other again? That I would never want to hurt her?> Misako
had to know, and yet her outburst confused Usagi even more.
"Let's go in, Usagi-chan."
"Hai," the teen agreed sadly. Things had been going so well this
morning.
******
A short time later, Serenity walked down the hall to Usagi's bedroom.
She tapped softly on the door and waited. When there wasn't an immediate
response, she opened it and peeked inside. Usagi was sitting by the
window, staring out into the backyard. Coming in, Serenity closed the
door before turning to face her daughter again.
"Usagi-chan," Serenity called softly.
"She won't talk to you either, ne?" Usagi stated tonelessly.
<Oh Mesume...> Serenity thought sadly. Walking across the room, she sat
down on Usagi's bed. Resting her elbows on her knees, she ran a hand
slowly through her hair. "Usagi-chan, you can't blame yourself."
Usagi turned from the window and after a moment, slowly moved to sit
beside her mother. When Serenity put an arm around her, Usagi leaned
against her mother and gave a little sniffle. "It ain't fair," Usagi
whined softly, "Misako and I just start to get along and something goes
wrong and she hates me again..."
"Usagi-chan, Misako doesn't hate you. She never could," Serenity stated
with conviction, "You've been caught in the middle." Usagi shifted her
head so she could look at her mother curiously. "Having a sibling isn't
the easiest thing in the world; Shingo was a pain at times but I did
care about him."
"I care about..."
Serenity interrupted Usagi's retort by placing a gentle hand on her
cheek. "I know, Usagi, I know how much you care about Misako." She
paused for a long time before adding, "I don't know what I was really
trying to say." Things had gone so wrong. "I think we need to give
Misako the space she wants."
"Why?" Usagi asked.
Serenity smiled slightly, "Misako needs space to work out whatever she's
going through. I don't blame her for being upset. I think I would be
just as hurt if I heard what I told you two. I'm sure Misako will let us
know when she needs us." <At least,> Serenity added silently, <I hope
she does.>
******
The room was dark, but that was by choice. Misako lay on her bed, simply
staring up at the ceiling. She had cried at least twice and now her eyes
were feeling dry and itchy. Her stomach complained for food but she
ignored it. Serenity had called her for supper but Misako had said she
wasn't hungry.
Turning over onto her side, she stared at the window that looked out
into the backyard. <Oh 'Sagi...> The name seemed to echo in the great
hollowness that was within her. <Mom won you. I'm not surprised.> Usagi
and Serenity had always been like sisters. <What was so special about
what Mom said? Didn't you tell me that was almost exactly the same thing
as she had told you before I came back?>
She supposed it didn't really matter. Usagi's choice was crystal clear.
<And I thought... I thought we could be happier.> The plan had been to
have no more competition, that she and Usagi could be sisters, that
Usagi would have her mom back. <But you didn't have to be so happy,>
Misako thought. If Usagi had been so desperate to have her Onee-san
back, why did she act like she was upset over what their mom had done?
<She was mad. Usagi loves Mom...> After a pause, she added aloud, "I
guess I do too." It was clear though. Usagi wanted them back the way
they had been. <At least now Mom might listen to me sometimes,> Misako
sighed, <Did Mom and Usagi plan this?> The sheer ridiculousness of that
idea made Misako giggle. <Iie, but Mom had to know. Why else would she
have talked to me the way she did before?>
Misako had thought there had been understanding between her mother and
herself. <I don't want to lose 'Sagi. I just got her back. I'm not like
some little kid. I can share!> Suddenly the anger flared again but this
time it was not directed towards her sister or mother; this time, it was
directed at herself. <Baka Odango Atama!> she yelled to herself, <You
wanted 'Sagi to forgive Mom!> So why be so angry with Usagi about it?
<Do you want to lose 'Sagi too?> No, she didn't.
Sitting up, she pushed herself off of the bed and then stopped. <I can
share,> Misako told herself again as she walked into the bathroom and
turned on the light. Blinking in the sudden brightness, Misako set about
washing herself up.
******
Opening her bedroom door softly, Misako looked down the hallway towards
the living room before giving a brief look in the direction of Usagi's
room. Stepping out, she closed her door before putting a smile onto her
face.
Walking down the hallway, she entered the living room and noticed
Endymion and Usagi were watching television. Walking over to them, she
questioned, "Whatcha watching?" She couldn't help but giggle as Usagi
and Endymion jumped in surprise.
"Miko-chan!" Usagi called out and getting up, came over to her, "Are you
okay?"
"Don't be silly, 'Sagi-chan," Misako replied with a smile, "Of course,
I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"
"What about this afternoon?" Usagi asked.
"Okay... so I threw a temper tantrum," Misako admitted while blushing a
little, "I'm okay now..." She paused as her stomach protested its vast
emptiness. "Well, maybe a little hungry." Turning to her father, she
asked, "Dad, can I make something to eat?"
"Hai," Endymion replied, "Are you really okay, Miko-chan?"
"Hai," Misako chirped, "Now go watch TV, Onee-chan, and I'll be right
back." Giving her sister a friendly pat, Misako trotted off towards the
kitchen. It was only after she entered it that she allowed her smile to
slip from her face. <This'll be harder than I thought,> Misako mused as
she stared rooting through the refrigerator, then reminded herself, <But
I've been through worse.>
"Misako?"
Misako straightened in surprise and looked around. She found Serenity
looking at her intently. "Ne? What are you doing?"
"I was hungry, Mom, and Dad said I could have something to eat," Misako
explained.
"I put supper aside for you, Miko-chan," Serenity said, "Do you want
that?" Misako's stomach rumbled a definite yes.
******
<I hope Endymion keeps Usagi occupied,> Serenity thought. She knew her
daughter would want to join their conversation. She and Misako were
sitting in the dining room while Misako ate supper. Serenity had sat
beside her and watched as her youngest daughter hungrily ate. <I know
you care a lot about Misako but I think this is something for me to
handle.> After all, she was the mother.
"Is it good?" Serenity asked. Misako mumbled an affirmative without
slowing down. Serenity smiled slightly. "Miko-chan, Usagi's worried
about what happened this afternoon." Misako paused in her eating to look
at her mother. "I know how being the youngest can be hard sometimes,
ne?" She smiled then. This was something she could share with Misako.
"Don't worry, Mom," Misako replied, "I was being silly. I can be the
other sister. I don't mind sharing."
"Na-ni?" Serenity asked, <What's she talking about?>
Misako turned to fully regard her mother and repeated, "I thought that I
could be the other sister, Mom." She thought for an instant that her
mother wouldn't want to share but she knew her mother wouldn't be that
selfish.
Serenity started to speak and then stopped herself. <Other sister?> She
frowned slightly. When Misako started getting up to take her plate out
into the kitchen, Serenity followed and asked, "What do you mean,
Miko-chan?"
Misako turned and stated simply, "Well... you're 'Sagi's Onee-san. I
don't mind sharing her really." She smiled at Serenity then continued,
"You can be a good Mom for 'Sagi too. 'Sagi always wanted to be close
again, Mom." After putting her plate into the sink, she then started
heading out of the kitchen.
Serenity stood where she was and mulled over what Misako had said.
<Sharing Usagi? This just doesn't make any sense.> Especially
considering what she and Misako had talked about. Turning, she followed
her daughter into the living room. "Miko-chan, I'd like to talk with
you." Misako gave a shrug and pushed herself away from the couch.
******
Once in Misako's bedroom with the door closed, Serenity sat down on the
bed and said, "Usagi is very worried about you, Misako, and I'd like
another chance to be a mom to you."
"'Sagi's just worried that I'll make her give up her onee, that's all."
She smiled at her mother, then told her, "Don't worry, Mom. I'll get it
through her odango head that I don't mind being number two." Misako
sighed a little and then she added, "You have to be a mom for 'Sagi. She
really needs you."
"What about you? Don't you need a mother?" Misako sat in silence.
"Miko-chan, why did you call Usagi a traitor?"
"'Cause," the twelve year old began softly, "She knew what you had said
was what you've always told her. If that's true, then she shouldn't have
been so happy." Misako looked up at her mother and logically concluded,
"She's the silly one, Mom. She stayed mad at you for such a long time
and then forgives you because you told her the same thing."
Serenity was feeling very confused at this point. Gently, she asked,
"Misako, what do you think I told Usagi?"
"You know..."
"Iie, I don't know, Mesume," Serenity responded, "What do YOU think I
told both of you?" <Please, Misako, don't shut me out.> Haltingly,
Misako began to speak. At first, Serenity couldn't make any sense of it
but as time passed, she started to comprehend. <Oh Mesume...> the
thought was tender, <You don't understand.> Then almost angrily,
Serenity thought, <Why would she? She's just a... a... child. A young
girl that has been so hurt and confused...>
Serenity took Misako's face in her hands and said, "Misako, I want you
to listen to me, all right?"
"Hai."
"I know that making you and Usagi compete with one another hurt both of
you very much. I know that the things I did made things hard for you,
ne?" Misako nodded slightly. Serenity took a deep breath and let it out
slowly. "Miko-chan, I did all those things by choice." <Consciously or
unconsciously,> Serenity added to herself.
Misako pulled Serenity's hands away and stood up. She walked over to the
window and looked out at the night before turning back. "But why?" she
demanded, "Aren't parents supposed to protect their children?"
"Hai but I'm not just a parent, Misako, I'm also a queen."
"So you can hurt me as much as you like?"
"I NEVER LIKED IT!" Serenity yelled while turning so she was sitting
sideways on the bed. "As a Senshi..." She began angrily and then paused.
<I don't want to confuse her.> Her own emotions were twisted up enough
that the silence spread over several seconds. "I did those things
because I thought I was protecting Crystal Tokyo." When Misako turned
away and looked out into the night, Serenity felt a pang of guilt pierce
her heart.
******
<I won't cry!> Misako told herself forcefully, <You won't cry!> But
tears were already starting to blur her vision. <I don't understand...
How could she?> She sniffled a little and turned to face her mother. "Is
that supposed to make everything okay?!" Parents were supposed to
protect their children. That's what she had done as Endymion. "I was
King and I protected BOTH of you!"
She scrubbed at her eyes and turned away from her mother. <I don't need
her but 'Sagi does.> As long as their wasn't any competition, she could
live with it. <I don't want to lose my onee again.> She felt Serenity
put her arms around her. She didn't resist this time. She was tired of
fighting and arguing. <Just be over...> She felt so confused.
"Misako, I'm sorry. Gomen," Serenity said plainly, "I know it's hard to
understand. Even I don't understand why I did it completely." She raised
a hand to stroke Misako's hair. "Nothing I can say will ever make things
better instantly. All of us have to work, ne? Didn't we say that
before?"
Misako turned around but did not pull away from her mother. Even with
her own tears, Misako could see that Serenity's eyes held unshed tears.
"It was wrong!"
"Hai," Serenity agreed, "I never said it wasn't wrong."
"You said you'd do it again!" Misako protested.
"If it meant that I would protect my subjects, I would," Serenity
admitted softly. She wiped Misako's cheeks and added, "Sailor Pluto told
me that my realm was threatened. I took the actions I thought were
needed."
"So what were you telling 'Sagi then?"
"The same thing I was just telling you," Serenity answered, a small
smile playing across her lips, "I just wasn't very clear about it."
Serenity pushed Misako away a little and asked, "I asked if you could
forgive me... Let me have another chance to be your mom... So can you?"
"I still don't like it," Misako stated coldly, "If being a princess
means you gotta hurt your children, then I don't ever want to have any."
"Misako, you were a very good parent," Serenity retorted, "And I bet you
did things that you didn't like to do, ne?" Misako nodded. "I'm not
asking you to like it, Misako. All I've ever asked was for you to
understand the reasons for what happened."
Misako looked towards the ground, her mind whirling. <I don't want to
give up 'Sagi... Having Mom hug me is nice too.> She sniffled then, and
felt her throat tighten. <Mom did this because... because she thought
she was protecting others. Isn't that what Senshi do?> She sniffled
again. <She doesn't think things should be okay. She just wants to work
on... what?> Misako knew what Serenity wanted to work on but couldn't
but it in to words. <Just like Dad...>
"I love you, Miko-chan," Serenity said as gently as she could, "It might
not seem like I do but I give you my word of honor, I do love you, and
care about you."
Misako gave a little gulping sob and hugged Serenity. That had been one
of the few things she had ever wanted to really hear from her mother. "I
love you, Mom," she whispered back.
******
Later that evening found Usagi hugging her stuffed rabbit as she lay in
her own bed. She was feeling a little lonely. <It seems so strange to be
big again,> Usagi thought. She rolled from her back to her side and
hugged the toy closer to her. Somehow, she was comforted by its
presence. <I think we finally accomplished something.>
The door opened softly and for a moment, Usagi wondered if it was
Misako. She was more than a little disappointed to see it was Neo-Queen
Serenity. <Misako apologized to me,> Usagi thought, <But I never needed
an apology.>
"You're awake too..." Serenity observed as she came into the room and
closed the door. As her mother glided gracefully across the floor, Usagi
could almost picture her mother as a ghost. The teen stifled a giggle
that wanted to come out. "Can't sleep, ne?"
"Hai," Usagi answered and pushed herself up on one elbow as her mother
sat down on the bed. "What are you doing anyway?"
"I was thinking," Serenity began after a long moment, "About today, what
Misako said." She reached up and stroked Usagi's loose hair. "I'm
thinking about the Senshi Council... I respect my friends but I
sometimes wonder how they can sit in judgement." She would have to start
taking control back; start listening rather than being dictated to.
Usagi glanced down at her bed for a moment and then remarked, "I'm sure
everything will be okay. Puu... Pluto wouldn't let the Senshi Council
hurt me." She had wanted to add that Pluto might hurt Misako again but
Usagi was determined not to let that ever happen again. Usagi picked at
some imaginary dust and wondered, <So why can't I sleep?> She looked up
at her mother and suddenly realized what as bothering her. Looking away
again, she sighed, "We can never go back and undo things, ne Mom?"
"Hai, there are a few things I wish I could undo but I can't." Stroking
her daughter's cheek, she asked, "What would you want to undo,
Usagi-chan?"
Sighing again, Usagi sat up and brushed back the hair that swung into
her face. "Mom... I-I really enjoyed talking to you like a sister."
"I enjoyed it too," Serenity admitted.
"B-but... I don't want to do it anymore." Usagi could see the shock and
hurt that came into her mother's face.
"Usagi-chan, if you liked it, why stop?" Serenity asked.
"It was never fair to Misako. If I was having problems with her, I'd
talk to you as a sister and things would just get all messed up."
"I think that was partly my fault... Couldn't we... couldn't we try
again? We could include Misako too."
Usagi shook her head. She could feel her throat tightening as tears
welled up in her eyes. <I know what I need, and what I need is more
important than what I'd like.>
******
Misako slipped from her room and paused, everything seemed quiet. After
a moment, she walked towards Usagi's room, her teddy bear clutched in
her arms. <I really screwed up this time,> she thought, <I'm just
glad... I shouldn't have worried 'Sagi so much.> She had felt extremely
silly once she realized her mother had been giving her what both she and
Usagi had wanted. They had both wanted Serenity to take responsibility
and she had done so. <But why didn't I see it before?> She supposed it
didn't matter.
Coming up to Usagi's door, she started to open it and then stopped; she
could hear voices from within. Usagi was speaking now and what she said
only worsened Misako's guilt.
"What I need you to be is a mother," Usagi was saying, "I don't need a
sister... I already have the best one in the world. What I need, what I
want, is just for you to be my mom."
Sniffling a little, Misako came running into the room. She didn't give
the startled Usagi a chance to protest because she flung herself at the
bed. Wrapping her arms around Usagi, she hugged her and said, "I got the
bestest onee." After a moment, she felt another arm wrap around her as
Serenity hugged both her children. It didn't take long for either Usagi
or Misako to include their mother in the hug.
Some time later, Misako was gently snoring, one arm wrapped around her
favorite teddy bear while Usagi also slumbered beside her.
******
"Where the heck were you, Usagi-chan?!?" Hana demanded of Usagi Monday
morning as they walked to school.
"Yeah Miko-chan!" Yuki piped up, "You were supposed to be my lab partner
for the week." She grimaced and added, "You stuck me with THE nerd in
our class."
"Gomen, Yuki-chan," Misako whispered out but couldn't suppress a giggle.
"Yeah, gomen..." Usagi said, "We were, just bonding. You know how my
parents like to do that type of thing." Hana and Yuki rolled their eyes.
"Where's Yumeko?" Misako asked.
"You're not changing the subject that easily, Misako," Yuki retorted, "I
plan to pay you back."
"It wasn't my fault. I really didn't have any choice."
"Me either! You know how parents are," Usagi piped up with as much
indignation as she could muster. Then to try and change the subject, she
added, "I bet I know why Yumeko isn't here."
"Why's that?"
"She's after, Senji-sempai." Misako's brow darkened and she gave Yuki an
intense glare. Usagi wasn't sure who was going to die.
"So that's... just wait until I get my hands on her!" Misako hugged her
sister and ran off down the hall, Yuki calling after her to wait up.
Usagi gave a nod of satisfaction and sighed contentedly.
"So what were you REALLY doing, Usagi-chan?" Hana asked. Usagi groaned,
today was going to be a VERY long day.
******
There were some stirrings when Usagi and Misako came back to classes.
These subsided when it was found out that neither had missed any work
although there was some catching up to do. After school, Usagi and
Misako reported to Elder Venus as they had been requested to do. There,
the Senshi Commander had told them about extra training sessions that
would run for the foreseeable future. These extra sessions were really
punishment for misconduct but would be described as "voluntary". Usagi
wondered how many of the Younger Senshi would buy "voluntary" practices,
especially with the Senshi Commander personally running them.
That evening after supper, the Royal Family was sitting in the living
room of the Royal Suite watching television. As the program was coming
to a close, Serenity announced, "Girls, I've been thinking... how about
a day where we do things together?"
"Like a family day?" Misako asked.
"Hai," Serenity said, "Your father was musing about setting aside a day
just for the four of us. Seeing how Hiroshi and the rest of the staff
handled a week without us, I can't see any reason why we couldn't set
aside a couple days a month."
Usagi narrowed her eyes and jumped in, "I hate to be the one to ask
this... I do think it's a good idea but it almost sounds too good.
What's the catch?"
"'Sagi..." Misako huffed with some mild exasperation but Serenity shook
her head.
When her youngest daughter gave her a quizzical look, Serenity
continued, "There is a catch. I was thinking that it would just be us. I
want some family time too. I do like your friends but I think I'd like
it more if it was just the four of us."
"If it was the same days every month," Endymion suggested, "We could
plan our schedules around that."
"Sounds okay," Misako agreed, "But what would we do?"
"We'd talk about it and come up with something," Serenity said.
"Hiroshi won't like it," Usagi observed.
"He'll have to learn to," Endymion intoned, "He gets to spend time with
his family so there's no reason why we shouldn't."
The rest of the evening was spent discussing which days would be best
and what they might do. By the time it was time for the girls to go to
bed, the Royal Family had agreed on a tentative plan.
******
Tuesday afternoon brought the Senshi Council's decision. Elder Venus
delivered it that afternoon just before suppertime. "Your Majesties,"
Elder Venus began after the formal greetings, "The Senshi Council has
decided to table its decision."
"Nani?" Misako asked, "What do you mean, Commander?"
"It means they're stalling," Usagi muttered darkly.
"We don't know what effects your week of seclusion may have produced,"
Elder Venus corrected, "We need time to consider all aspects of what has
transpired so we've tabled it for a time."
<Now I see.> "Time..." Usagi grumbled, "So what did Sailor Pluto say?"
"I have not seen Sailor Pluto in some time, Your Highness," Elder Venus
admitted. She glanced at her watch and added, "I've taken up enough of
your time. I'll speak with Your Majesties again." Rising, she bowed and
bid the Royal Family goodnight.
"Isn't that just a bunch of roses?" Misako observed bleakly.
After a few moments, Endymion turned to Serenity and asked. "Ne,
Serenity, didn't we forget about something that we wanted to talk to the
girls about?"
******
<I could kick him!> Serenity thought but nodded, "Usagi, Misako, there's
something else we want to discuss with you. Make that two things."
"Okay," Misako said and sat down. Usagi followed suit while giving her
parents worried looks.
"It's about our punishment, ne?" Usagi concluded.
"Hai," Endymion replied, "Both of you will be grounded for two months."
Usagi and Misako groaned. "You know what that means. Misako, if you've
forgotten, you can ask Usagi about it."
Usagi stuck out her tongue but rattled off, "No friends, phone, or
television. Home or Senshi practice only." She paused and asked
hopefully, "Do we get our stuff back though?"
"Hai," Serenity replied.
"I'm gonna hate myself for saying this," Usagi began, "But is that it? I
would have killed me if I was you, Mom." She didn't like the tight smile
that her mother gave her.
"Usagi, Kami-sama knows I've tried to teach you to respect the power of
the Ginzuishou. After discussing it with your father, we've come up with
a solution."
"What is it?" Usagi asked hesitantly.
Serenity paused and then said, "Usagi, Misako, I want you to understand
one thing. We are trying to be fair, even if this won't seem fair. Usagi
is the only one who can wield the Ginzuishou, but as I've come to
realize, Misako is quite adept at getting her sister to do what she
wants." Both girls blushed but for different reasons. "Usagi, if you
ever misuse the Ginzuishou again, both you and Misako will be regressed
into six year olds to grow up all over again."
"Me AND 'Sagi?!?" Misako squeaked.
"Hai, even if Usagi is the only one involved," Serenity confirmed, "Your
father and I discussed this. While we wouldn't like taking such a
radical step, other punishments have not stopped Usagi from misusing the
Ginzuishou's powers."
"So it'd be like this week?" Usagi asked not liking the direction this
conversation was heading.
Endymion gave Usagi such a stern look that she shrank back into the
couch. "Iie, you would be six, period. You'd have to grow up again as if
everything from your sixth birthday on never happened."
"Well..." Usagi commented uncomfortably, "At least, we would be the same
age." She gave a nervous laugh when Misako gave her a very menacing
look. "So no tampering? Not even a tiny little bit?"
"Anything short of the Palace being under attack or a life and death
situation will be seen as an infraction and the punishment will be
carried out immediately," Serenity decreed. "Do you understand?"
Both girls gulped then replied, "Hai!"
"Good, now that that's settled..." Serenity said a smirk, "About that
rematch in Youma Catch..."
"Nani?" Endymion asked while blinking. Even the girls were startled by
this sudden shift in their mother's attitude.
"I want a rematch. Me and Usagi can be a team and you, Endymion, can be
on Misako's," Serenity explained simply. Then with a light of mischief
in her eyes, she added, "You looked very kawaii in a dress." While
Endymion and Usagi looked flabbergasted, Misako started laughing.
******
That Wednesday afternoon, Younger Moon returned home from Sailor Senshi
practice... alone. <Poor Misako,> Usagi thought, <I remember hating
having that extra half-hour practice when I was still Chibi-Moon.> As
she was entering the Royal Suite, Usagi met her mother on her way out.
"Hi Mom. Where are you off to?" Usagi asked, "I thought you were making
dinner tonight."
"I am. Most of it's already made and cooking," Serenity stated as she
pulled on her shoes, "I just have a quick errand to do. Usagi-chan,
could you watch things in the kitchen."
"Hai, Misako's at Senshi practice for another half-hour."
"I know..." Serenity dashed out the door and popped back in. "Your
father said he'd be home soon. He might be late though." Blowing a kiss
at her daughter, Serenity disappeared out the door again.
<Don't tell me she's started running to everywhere again,> Usagi thought
as she started towards her room. <Homework... blech!> She made a face at
the thought. <Well, it won't hurt me to finish off that manga first.>
Nodding with satisfaction at that idea, Usagi opened the door and
stepped into her room.
No sooner has she placed her backpack on her bed than a strange sound
drew her attention. The hairs rose on the back of her neck and her heart
jumped into her throat as someone placed a hand on her shoulder. Her
blood ran even colder with fury as a familiar voice declared, "You're
coming with me, Princess Usagi."
It was the voice of Sailor Pluto.
The End of "You Don't Remember How I Feel"
Authors' Notes (November 17, 1999):
Another story done! It turned out larger than it was meant to be. What
was meant to be a fairly light story for us turned into something far
more significant in the scheme of things. Tales of Younger Senshi was
never meant to become this large. I had one idea, and then Will
suggested a sequel to Tales of Younger Jupiter and things just went from
there. The best way to describe this would be an open-ended series but
nothing is definite or planned too far in advance.
People will likely complain about Pluto. Frankly, I don't care anymore.
The Guardian of Time has always been a contentious issue between us and
some of our loudest critics. I suppose my point is if you're going to
complain, don't bother because I certainly won't give you any sympathy.
When I first got into writing fan fiction, I wrote stories that pleased
me first and foremost. Over time, I found that I started trying to
please those that were most vocal in their complaints. I'm going to get
back to writing what I like rather than trying to write what my critics
want to see.
Thanks to our betareaders, especially Mako-chan.
Thanks to those that wrote and commented, whether good or bad. They're
certainly appreciated.
So what's next on my list? Something without Misako. I really like the
character, and she's become very popular, but Will and I both agree we
need a change from ToYS and Misako. I'll be working on another story
idea by Will though.
Douglas Helm
Yes, another story on the shelf. If back in 1996 when Doug and I started
our collaboration you told me that we'd still be going at it at the
millennium, I wouldn't have believed it. Yet, here we are and from what
you've told us, you want more. And there is more waiting to be written.
YDRHIF was supposed to be a short side story to get the girls back
together with their mother. We never had any intention of keeping Usagi
and Misako hating Serenity forever or as some suggested killing off
Misako. We needed a way to get them back together or at least on the
road to healing the great rift that was created in ToYE. So how do do
that I thought. Children and teens sometimes complain that their parents
don't remember what it was like to be young. Usagi and Misako had the
same complaint but here are two girls who could do something about it.
And thus, a story was born. We never take the smooth or simple path but
I hope you enjoyed the ride and the story. ^_-
My thanks to our betareaders and those of you who took the time to
comment.
"Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl