David Johnston <rgorman@telusplanet.net> wrote:
Comments: Darn, couldn't you have done the third one?
I want to find out how it turned out. Medium funny.
Fret not, all three are done. Second one here (ARRGH! Bad Russian
accent! ;) Final part on Monday. Promise. ;)
Oh, and please tell me what you think of the El Hazard one (first five
parts on my site, first three in the RAAC archive). Cheers!
- Subi
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Gunsmith Cats belongs to Kenichi Sonoda / Kodansha - VAP - TBS, and
they HAVEN'T said I can do this. Be nice and don't tell them. Cheers!
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Radinov: They brought me all the vay from Russia just to kill an
overveight middle-aged security guard? These Americans are _real_
vimps. *SNIK*
Guard: Ulk... Why don't you just use a normal gun?
Radinov: Because this veird knife blade shooting thing makes me look
cool and evil. Even though it vould be _far_ simpler just to stab
you, as ve're only two feet apart.
Hitman: That was really cool and evil. And that fact that you talk
like Count Dracula makes it even more so. Want to kill someone else?
Radinov: Not if you don't stop being a racist bastard, you American
shit.
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5 MINUTE THEATRE PRESENTS : GUNSMITH CATS
Chapter 0.2: Swing High
Original screenplay: Atsuji Kaneko Parody: Subi
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Rally: You'd better not just want a peek up my skirt again, Washington.
Washington: Hold on a minute, just got to almost psychically find all
the bugs the ATF put in this room. Okay, done. I'm about to be
killed and I want you to give this watch to my daughter.
Rally: I don't believe you. Goodbye.
May: Hey! Hands off the merchandise pal!
Rally: *VROOOM* Why did you take it May? You're too soft.
May: Ah, forget it. C'mon, let's set some attack patterns to music. I
got the idea from Evangelion episode 9. AAAH! Did we just nearly
crash?
Rally: Yup. And it was all _her_ fault. I won't forget this, and I
won't forget that bad dye-job either. Is she trying to look like one
of the Spice Girls?
Radinov: No. Time to die, Vashington.
Washington: I'm getting killed to the sound of a newscast about a
politician called Edward Haints who's running for mayor on the
strength of his proposal to ban firearms. Is he mad? Has he never
heard of the National Rifle Association lobby?
Radinov: I don't know, but that's George Black, head of the ATF
standing beside him. *SNIK*
Washington: Urk... And it was particularly cool and evil of you to use
Collins' card to get into the house...
Radinov: Hey, I'm good at vhat I do.
Black: Collins, you're off the case!
Collins: WAAAH! Sniff...
Radinov: Cool, more people to kill. Is this comedy Russian accent
bothering anyone by the vay? 'Cause it's _really_ pissing _me_ off.
Bloody stereotyping.
Matt Greenfield: Hey, stereotypes sell. Just ask Sailor Moon.
Rally: Meanwhile, we've just discovered that Washington's daughter
appears to be a 20-stone transvestite.
May: I think he was lying.
Rally: True, but that's no reason to flash your panties at us just
because I nicked your DIET PEPSI (THE CHOICE FOR A NEW GENERATION).
Hey, when did we start doing product placements?
May: I don't know, but at least this little altercation caused us to
find out that Collins bugged our house _again_. Let's blow him up.
Rally: For once I agree. Nail the pervert.
May: *BOOM*
Collins: Now _that_ was just _so_ unnecessary.
Becky: Okay, let's figure this out. What was Washington doing when you
caught him? And will you stop with the stupid timing exercise
already?
Rally: Sorry. He was surfing for porn. Which is all anybody _ever_
does on the Internet.
Becky: It gets dull after the first six months, _believe_ me. So let's
take a wild guess and say this is a URL. Has he scratched a password
into the strap of that watch?
May: Yes.
Becky: Am I a genius or what? Yeeesh... Isn't it time you upgraded
your computer Rally? This looks like an XT! _And_ you're still
using IE3!
Rally: Hey, I do hardware, not software. Besides, this series was made
in 1996 y'know. Yup, that's the porn site he was looking at. Not
that I can tell them apart or anything. *COUGH* Is that password an
AdultCheck ID?
Becky: Nope, it's the entry code to a secret database of times and
addresses. Wow, that was lucky. I'll print it out.
Collins: ...and you're doing me a copy too, even though you don't know
it. How many bugs did I put in your house anyway? Ooops, hi boss.
Just writing my report, honest.
Rally: Another warehouse full of guns. Time for this episode's
shootout.
May: And this episode's quota of sleazy bad guys. *BOOM*
Rally: Not to mention this episode's quota of me doing posy tricks with
my gun. Hey! It's the Geri Haliwell wannabe who nearly ran me off
the road!
Collins: And it's me, too.
Rally: Yuck, even though you did save me. Have you seen May?
May: AAAH!
Collins: I think that's her. Looks like Radinov's kidnapped her.
Rally: Let's go, Becky! *VROOOM* May and I worked out this whole car
chase sequence set to music!
Becky: Why?
Rally: It just seemed like the thing to do. And my car _is_ sexy,
isn't it?
Becky: I don't care, I'm currently too terrified to speak.
Radinov: Eat juggernaut bitch!
Rally: Hey! That was my fender!
Radinov: And _that_ was your vindscreen.
Rally: *BANG* And _that_ was your earlobe.
Radinov: ARRGH!
May: *BOOM* And _that_ was your rear window. Bye-bye! _Those_ were
my panties again by the way.
Rally: And _that_ was a lousy catch Becky.
May: Worked for me. _That's_ an open swing-bridge.
Radinov: AAAH! *SPLOSH*
Rally: And _that's_ the end of this episode.
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subi@mono211.com
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/
[end]