allyn yonge wrote:
Overall: Very nice. Some ragged spots. Especially
using
Akane's cooking as a motivation for a fight.
I don't agree. Often I criticise people for using
the cooking thing gratuitously, but in this it is
_not_ gratuitous. It is very important to this story
that that even though Ranma hasn't had anything to eat
that he turns down Ukyo's offer of good food because
of Akane. You might say it's a pivotal moment and would
not be as effective if both fiancees weren't offering
him food.
And the
idea
that Ukyou is a �pal' is also pretty much a fanfic
convention.
A couple of lines in Ukyo tries to come up with a way to
take advantage of the rift might be a good idea, or at least
considers it might not be untoward.