Assume all snipped grammer corrections have been used.
And so it continues:
Tenchi never thought he would
miss the 'whoosh' sound the doors made
Sadly, the sound technicians who made the 'wooshing' noise had perished
in
the crash
Heh.
And since they were supposed to be powered at all
times, the designers had failed to take into account how much effort it
would take to manually open them. It was like trying to force something
with a rusty lock open.
Hmm, this doesn't seem right - ships do crash or get partially
destroyed in
battles after all. Surely, the designers would take into account loss of
power?
Actually, they weren't very good designers. But they made the lowest bid,
so they got to make it. (Some things in the universe are constant, besides
duct tape, anyway.)
It would be sort of sexist if they didn't, but on
the other hand, if some of the policemen he knew had to wear outfits like
that, the sight really wouldn't be pretty.
True, but it was really a secret weapon for the GP: the criminals would
be
distracted by the female GP members, while they'd fall to the floor
laughing at
the male GP members. :)
Darn! You've figured out their strategy.
A two meter long groove rode the length of
the ship from bow to stern, most likely from that final shot that had sent
the ship on its death-plunge.
So, is the groove two meters long or ship length? Needs rewording, I
think.
Okay. Changed to 'two meters wide'
It was a miracle they had walked away from
their landing at all.
Yep, Mihoshi is God in disguise. :)
Shh. That's something I'm going to reveal in the last chapter.
No. It's not that ridiculous. Not when you consider someone can cast
Allanis Morisette as God. ^_^
The area that had
fallen in was verdant with plant life.
'The area that they had
also, chances are that the area had been verdant with plant life after
the
crash :)
Heh.
of the African Savanna. Wind made waves across the ocean of tall grass,
savannah?
According to the dictionary, either spelling is correct. So we're both
right.
"Sure. Go into that red tool box and pull out a pair of runxeterrs."
'ruxeterrs' according to later spelling
Whoops. Thanks.
"Ah, okay." Tenchi began looking through the box Mihoshi had indicated. He
wasn't sure what a pair of ruxeterrs looked like, but he was a man, and if
it was a tool he could identify it. It was a basic instinct with men.
True, but this is Tenchi we're talking about. :)
And his instincts are quite screwed up.
Between
those two items, they felt they had little to worry about in the form of
dangerous animals.
like the crew of Sa'bre's crashed ship. :)
Too true.
had no wheels, but instead three flat squares where they tires should have
been.
the tires
I don't think motorbikes have three wheels :)
Sigh. Such a silly basic mistake.
Twin screams of terror rang through the air as the hovercyle went from
zero
to two hundred kilometers per hour in less than two seconds.
Uh, this is likely to cause whiplash, if not more serious injuries
It is mostly just for humour potential, but since someone else said the
same thing, how about a jack it up to five seconds. (Otherwise I can thrown
in inertial dampening field instead.)
"A watched Glarph never soils," Malgaunt said, invoking the power of the
ancient proverb.
gee, those poor things must suffer terrible constipation :)
Yep. This is the main reason Glarphs never like being stared at. ^_^
It's got some big firepower, but it's a real delicate instrument."
suggest: heavy firepower
Changed to 'major firepower' I think that will work.
"That might mean a long wait." Everyone turned in surprise to see
Autolycus
standing slightly behind the captain. No one had realized he had returned
to the bridge.
Autolycus can stand? I thought he was a blanket or something
Oh no. He just wears baggy clothing that makes him look like a gunny sack.
He's actually quite short, but has legs. They just can't be seen with the
style of clothing he wears. actually, only his head and stubby arms can be
seen with the clothing.
"If you shoot her, can I have the bike?" Funuyaki asked as she leaned
lackadaisically against the torn wood and metal of the hole.
Heh. Loved this comment.
Thanks.
If that
bike of hers has a sensitivity web that that's high attuned, none but the
suggest dropping the 'that's' from the sentence
It's been changed to '...web that highly attuned..." I think that works.
steering column. The lever turned out to be the emergency break.
brake
The dangers of homonyms. ^_^
A small blush formed on Mihoshi's cheeks. Mihoshi didn't mind it. Tenchi
minded it. Aeka and Ryouko would have minded it violently, but Mihoshi
didn't mind it at all. She looked over her shoulder at Tenchi and said,
"No
Hmm, not sure about Ryouko minding it - figure she'd love it, actually
:)
Hmm. She might indeed. I remember one of her little conversations with Aeka
about allowing her to go first.
[HA! I knew it. Here we are, latent bi-sexual tendencies stored away
really
deep in the subconscious. Darn near tripped over the things, they're
hidden
so well. I bet you thought Kagato was a real cutie.]
"I'm not gay!" Tenchi shouted.
But I did think he was cute, Tenchi admitted. :)
It was his organ. A guy that could play a cool musical instrument always
turned Tenchi on.
She took a
non-outright agreement as a sign he might actually be interested in her
and
cheered up considerably.
'the' rather than 'a'
I think 'a' works better. Have reworded it as 'a sign that he' That might
work better.
covered only with a series of tiny one inch protrusions of metal identical
to that of the sphere, and a single red oval near the top. A simple
object,
at least from the outside.
Unfortunately, the sphere had cracked open upon impact, allowing the
Shihana
to perform its function and kill everyone onplanet :)
And thus the story ended rather anti-climatically. But at least it took
everyone by surprise.
Well, a very nice chapter all in all. The Tenchi inner voice thing could
get a
bit annoying, but not just yet.
I'm not planning on it making its presense known too much more (not sure at
all actually. It was something I came up with as I was writing). It's just
the initial appearance that it gets a lot of 'air-time' so to speak. Hope
it adds a little humor, though.
And I have to admit, IMO Tenchi is a dweeb.
(Having just watched Tenchi Forever, he comes off as a major dweeb :).
Urk! TF is not the sort of thing I'd like to base a fic on. >_<
Hope this helps.
It has. Again thanks a lot for the intensive C+C
D.B. Sommer