Okay, some of you may have seen the first bits of the El Hazard version
of this that I've been posting to RAAC. To those who are waiting for
rest of it, I assure you that I've posted it, it just isn't there yet.
If you haven't read it, it's on the site linked at the bottom.
The general idea of Five Minute Theatre is to tell the story of an
anime in as little time as possible, whilst getting in as many jokes
and sarcasms as possible. A parody. Sort of like the Reduced
Shakespeare Company. I got a fairly positive response to the EH 5MT,
so picked another anime and went for it. After all, they don't take
long to read or write. This is the result. I warn you RIGHT NOW that
it helps if you seen the anime in question...
C&C? ;) Either email addy works BTW...
- Subi
subi@mono211.com
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/
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Gunsmith Cats belongs to Kenichi Sonoda / Kodansha - VAP - TBS, and
they HAVEN'T said I can do this. Be nice and don't tell them. Cheers!
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May: I take it we're not the sort of people who just go in with guns
blazing then?
Rally: Nope. Now just phone up the scumbag's room and give him prior
warning of our arrival for no reason whatsoever, willya?
Washington: It may seem obsessively paranoid of me to pull out my sawn-
off just because I got a wrong number call, but you'll soon see that
it's justifiable.
May: He's right. Catch! *BOOM*
Washington: AAAOW! The pain! But that gratuitous ogle up your skirt
is making me feel a _lot_ better. Maybe I should get out my _other_
sawn-off.
Rally: I'd really rather you didn't.
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5 MINUTE THEATRE PRESENTS : GUNSMITH CATS
Chapter 0.1: The Neutral Zone
Original screenplay: Atsuji Kaneko Parody: Subi
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Rally: So, Becky, you're thickening the plot by telling me that
Washington had no reason to break out of jail?
Becky: Yup. Gimme money.
Rally: Later, I've got a customer. And this is a perfect opportunity
to show off what a total gun freak I am. And get sleazed on by all
the men who come into my shop looking for penis substitutes.
Customer: Frigid. Damn.
May: For some reason, even though I'm younger than Rally, I'm giving
her advice on picking up men. What do I know? It's not as if I'm an
ex-child prostitute in the original manga, which fact has been
written out of this series, is it? Is it?!
Collins: I wouldn't know, I wasn't in it. But I _do_ know that if you
don't help me nail Washington I'll rat on you to the IRS.
Rally: Bastard. I spit on the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
May, let's go home. Check out my car folks, ain't it sexy?
May: And _she_ complains about her _customers_ looking for penis
substitutes?
Collins: I'm still trying to decide if planting bugs in women's houses
turns me on or not. But next time, I think I'll send my men outside
before I turn on the speaker. Hey! Who are those guys?
Rally: Burglers? Yippee! A chance to shoot people in my underwear!
Is this series targeted at a young male audience or what? *BANG*
*BANG*
Burgler #1: ARRGH!
Burgler #2: ARRGH!
May: My turn. *BOOM*
Burgler #3: ARRGH!
Rally: I suppose you just _had_ to blow the house up, right?
Collins: Isn't it convenient that I show up to arrest the bad guys _so_
quickly?
Rally: Yeah, it's as if you had our house bugged or something.
Collins: Who, _me_? And now I've found your secret weapons stash
you're gonna help me, aren't you?
Rally: Do I have a choice? Washington?
Washington: Yeah?
Rally: Sell me some guns, will you?
Washington: Okay.
Rally: Happy now, Collins?
Collins: Yep. Excuse me, I've just got to get chewed out by my boss,
and explain my suspicions about a leak in the ATF.
Black: I'm suspiciously not interested.
Becky: And _I'm_ pissed off. Although it's none of my business. If
you've _quite_ finished shooting off, Rally, can we go out for dinner
now?
Rally: Oh _boy_ that felt good... Okay, let's go. *VROOOM*
Becky: This is _not_ a restaurant.
Rally: Nope, it's a warehouse. Keep an eye on May whilst I get felt up
by a bunch of crooks please. Yes mister pervert that _is_ all the
guns I'm carrying, honest. Washington, stop surfing the 'net for
porn and let's do business.
Washington: Sure, right after you shoot this guy.
Rally: Okay.
Collins: Rally?! How could you?
Rally: ...but I want some proof that you've actually _got_ some guns to
sell me, Washington. Hey... Those fake limbs look familiar
somehow...
Washington: Took you long enough. That's the fourth reference to the
original manga so far this episode. Now are you gonna kill him or
not?
Rally: Not. *BANG* Wasn't that a complicated action sequence?
Collins: Too fast for _me_ to follow, but I seem to be free now. Now
all we've got to worry about is a warehouse full of heavily-armed bad
guys. Why don't I throw Washington at them?
Rally: Moron. *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
Collins: *BANG*
Bad Guy: Even though we outgun them by about a million to one there's
no _way_ we'll beat them. They're the _good_ guys.
Rally: *CLICK* Drat! Out of ammo. Oooh... What a convenient place
to leave a shotgun. *BOOM*
Bad Guy: See? ARRGH!
Rally: And I did it with my eyes closed too. AAAOW! How did that
crane manage to rip off my shirt _and_ trap me at the same time?!
Collins: Hold on, time for a pointlessly stupid heroic manouvere!
Rally: And I have to take off the _rest_ of my clothes to get free.
What a surprise. Is it written into my contract that I can't fire a
gun without being semi-naked or something? *BANG*
Collins: Maybe, but I'm not gonna let it distract me. *BANG* Yet. I
think that's everyone.
May: You missed one. *BOOM*
Rally: She just _has_ to butt in, doesn't she? Stop staring at my
tits, Collins.
Collins: Aw. So no chance of you doing another little job for me then?
Rally & May: NO!
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subi@mono211.com
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/
[end]