Hi,
##I agree that Akane's bad cooking _can_ be used. And
the tie in with Ukyou's cooking _might_ work, IMO, if
the scene in the story were up to the level of the
rest of the writing. However, IMO, it is _not_ up to
the level of the overall story. Again, IMO, it seems
very cliched and detracts from the story. To me it
reads as a plug-n-play module not as a cleverly and
carefully crafted part of a story. If the cooking
_must_ stay, then IMO it must be more carefully
written. Otherwise IMO a different pretext for the
argument would be better.
--- David Johnston <rgorman@telusplanet.net> wrote:
allyn yonge wrote:
Overall: Very nice. Some ragged spots. Especially
using
Akane's cooking as a motivation for a fight.
I don't agree. Often I criticise people for using
the cooking thing gratuitously, but in this it is
_not_ gratuitous. It is very important to this
story
that that even though Ranma hasn't had anything to
eat
that he turns down Ukyo's offer of good food because
of Akane. You might say it's a pivotal moment and
would
not be as effective if both fiancees weren't
offering
him food.
And the
idea
that Ukyou is a �pal' is also pretty much a fanfic
convention.
A couple of lines in Ukyo tries to come up with a
way to
take advantage of the rift might be a good idea, or
at least
considers it might not be untoward.
##I agree. The problem with writing fanfiction is
dealing with established characters. ^_^ If they are
going to be OOC you need to take time to explain this.
Very difficult if not impossible in a short story.
=====
When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
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