Krista Perry <kperry@aros.net> wrote:
"Baku," it replied softly. *Dream Eater.*
*Devour, oh Baku, my evil dream!* The common cry of many
Dream Eater no Baku!
"Ah," the Baku whispered. "But... your life *is* a
nightmare, is it not?"
Ranma blinked. Then again, this didn't sound so good
after all. "Uh... did I say that?"
Yeah, did he? Ranma in the manga generally doesn't seem terribly unhappy
with his life; he tends to go to greater lengths to preserve the status
quo than he ever does to change it.
The flower arrangement on Akane's dresser was about three
weeks dead, Nabiki noted as she entered the room without
knocking. The roses were limp, dry and brittle, and the daisies
were nearly black with decay. A few days earlier, when she had
casually inquired if Akane was ever going throw them away, her
sister had nearly bit her head off.
"Never," she had replied vehemently.
Nice way of showing Akane's current state of mind.
After all, if Ranma was anywhere to be found, at least in
Nerima, she would have tracked him down by now. On top of that,
she had called every police district in Japan, it seemed, as well
as made inquiries at every single sea port and airstrip, large or
I think "sea port" is probably redundant. We pretty much know "port"
doesn't mean "airport."
Akane looked up from her desk, which was strewn with
maps, scraps of paper with hastily scribbled notes, phone numbers
and contact names, and set the phone receiver back into its
cradle. Her eyes were red from crying again, no doubt, even
though they were dry now. "What?" she asked.
Suggest 'Her eyes were red -- from crying again, no doubt....' (It's the
crying that's being surmised by Nabzy, not the redness which she can
plainly see.)
Nabiki blinked. Well, that wasn't much of a surprise --
or comfort, for that matter. But then Nodoka hadn't allowed the
man within 50 meters of her since Ranma's disappearance,
Suggest 'within fifty meters' (Numerals are rarely used in fanfics,
according to the GtRRGF. ^_^)
Ah well. If she knew Genma, he would probably ditch the
girls as soon as possible.
Um... if she thinks that, I'd say she doesn't know him very well. When
has Genma ever ditched anyone? Okay, the Yotaro story, but Nabs might
not even know about that. Generally, the problem is getting RID of
Genma, or getting him to do anything useful while he's with you. :)
"No problem. Just be careful, okay? And call if you
need help. Collect."
"On an international call?" Akane's mouth quirked up at
the corner. "My, how generous."
Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Come on, sis. This is you
we're talking about. This is you and Ranma. I don't charge for
family emergencies."
Besides, she doesn't have her own phone, and I doubt that SHE pays the
bills for the family phone. :)
Death before dishonor, he had told her. You can *trust* me.
You can allow me to take our son away, because I am honorable,
and will raise him to be a man among men...
And she had believed him.
But then, he mused ruefully, there are only so many
deceptions you can feed even the most gullible child before they
stop believing in you.
"I'll... I'll find him, dearest," he croaked.
He couldn't see the expression on her shadowed face, but her
voice softened, and the sudden warmth of her tone gave him a bit
of hope, in spite of the words she spoke. "Don't come back
unless you do."
I'm not sure if I understand Noddy's reaction here. Does she think that
Ranma's disappearance is Genma's fault? Or that Ranma has deliberately
run away (as opposed to having been kidnapped or some such) and is hence
less than manly? Or is she just blaming Genma because he should've gone
out searching long before now?
All in all, an interesting beginning, and quite well done despite all of
these nitpicks. That last scene was positively surreal.