At 07:17 PM 11/23/1999 EST, Kenjiko2@aol.com wrote:
Girl Days
A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction
by Robert Haynie
(Hey, hey, it's disclaimer time!)
Part Fifteen: Stylistic Differences
####
Some typos, Rob, but otherwise you're as funny as usual.
However, you did miss a chance at a wonderful pun. The demon
Happy summons (in the clip below) is obsessed with Reuben
sandwiches, eh? Then why have him look like Pauley Shore? Have
him look like the now-infamous Pee Wee Herman!
Why Pee Wee? Well, if you recall, ol' Pee Wee was arrested
for public indencency in an adult movie theater. AND his real life
name is Paul Reubens. Just like the sandwich.
A pervert AND a sandwich. The joke ties together even better
than the one you used, in my opinion.
Just a thought.
Ed Becerra
####
Under normal circumstances, the summoning of demons is a long and
complex process requiring blood sacrifice, arcane chants, and dark
and occult rituals.
Normal circumstances do not often happen in Nerima.
Thus, this was not a normal ceremony.
Of course, being Happosai, he wasn't summoning a normal demon
anyhow.
The arcane chant was there, but hardly what most would have
recognized as one. The complete listing of the Victoria's Secret's
catalog usually doesn't leap to mind as a source of mystical
terminology, after all.
The Dark And Occult ritual had been replaced by a videotape
playing some rather questionable anime of the type usually known as,
well, hentai.
The sacrifice part, however, was causing Happosai considerable
grief. His best silky darlings from his collection, tossed into the
fire, all for this one spell. He'd almost not been able to go
through with it.
Almost... but for Fridays fun, he could stand anything.
The ritual (such as it was) wound to completion. The entity
appeared in the magic circle. It looked a lot like Pauly Shore.
Talk about EVIL.
"Okay, okay, the rites have been performed and the sacrifices
made and... hey, this ain't right. Those ain't the rites and those
aren't the right sacrifices. It's supposed to be a goat at least,
not stuff ripped off from the change rooms at the Kyoto Strip-O-Rama.
What gives?"
"Demon, I am Happosai of--"
"Oh, THAT gives. Shoulda known, really. Figures you'd get a
special dispensation."
"You know me?"
"Hey, you're famous down in Hell. Greatest pervert to have ever
lived, with the exception of the guy who wrote that Overfiend crap.
Trust me, the REAL lust demons didn't like that one at all. So, you
got a service coming, what is it?"
Happosai explained. "But make certain you leave the underwear!"
The demon paused. "No can do. For some reason the Big Guys
won't explain, we're not allowed to mess with school uniforms--"
"Ah-- but the principal of this school has instituted casual days
on Fridays!"
"Hmm... that could work. So, basically, you want me to cause the
clothing of the entire female population of a particular school to
disappear? This being a day that they are unlikely to be wearing
uniforms, and so I can do it? That's... disgusting. Revolting.
Unthinkable."
Happosai blinked. "You mean you won't do it?"
"Of COURSE I'll do it. I'm a demon, you know. Disgusting,
revolting, and unthinkable are the kind of thing I like! Well, that
and a really good Rueben."
"A what?"
"A Reuben. It's a sandwich they make in America, with sauerkraut
and corned beef and Swiss cheese, and it's on rye and when the corned
beef is really nice and lean and the grilling is JUST right and the
mustard is--"
"Never mind. Can you do it?"
"Well, sure I can. It's not hard to do at all!"
"Good."
The demon glowed with pleasure. "After all, all you have to do
is remember not to get the pan too hot, and to saute the sandwich
slowly so the bread doesn't scorch--"
"I mean the thing with the clothes!"
"Oh, that? No problem. But I require one thing from you before
I do."
"And that would be?"
"Well, there's this American style deli on the Ginza..."
Even Happosai could facefault.
####