Discussions 2
(We view the offices of a pschyarists, with the various degrees, awards,
and such on the place. We pan downward to see Ryo-oh-ki, shrink to the
stars, playing with her Nobel Prize in Physics (describing how the
universe expanded outward in a carrot-like shape before the big bang
happened). There's a knock on the door, and a woman appears.)
Woman: Doctor? (Ryo-oh-ki puts on her kawaii-looking oval-shaped
glasses.)
Ryo-oh-ki (smiling): Miyaa?
Woman: Ms. Lara Croft is here to see you.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa!
(Lara Croft, Tomb Raider extrodinare, walks into the room looking around
very nervously and slighly quivering. Ryo-oh-ki looks non-plussed, while
the camera guy is salvating at the mouth.)
Lara: Oh, dear, I hope I'm not disturrbing you.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa. Miyaa?
Lara: Of course. (She lies down on the reclining couch.) Well, my
problems is a very strange one.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa. Miyaa, miyaa, miyaa.
Lara: Well, okay. Here goes. I was going over an ancient remains of a
town in Crete, where supposedily the Labyrinth laid? (Ryo-oh-ki nods.)
And I met this charming boy, cute fangs, very athletic, but much too
young for my tastes. We got lost in the maze, and he got so mad h-h-he
did some sort of martial arts move...
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa, miyaa?
Lara: Was he wearing a bandana? (Lara puts her left hand on her chin and
thinks for a moment.) Why yes.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa.
Lara: Really? That sounds like what he called it, I'm not very good
speaking Japanese, through this boy didn't look Japanese.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa, miyaa.
Lara: Adopted? I'd would not have known. But, your speculation may be
right. Anyway, the passage we were in collasped, but as we moved,
another part collasped and we were trapped. I was injured, and
frighted...(suddenly Lara starts to weep), and then we made beautiful
love for hours and hours on end. Now, I'm pregnant with his child, and
I-I-I'm married!!! (Ryo-oh-ki hands her a orange tissue. Hooonnnnkkkk!)
T-t-then he tells me about his curse, and I'm now worried I'm giving
birth to a piglet!!!
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa miyaa. (Lara wipes away her tears.)
Lara: Oh, I suppose you could call it the "heat of battle" response, but
still, I should have known better than to have sex with a sixteen year
old.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa, miyaa?
Lara: Well, I did. I took him to my estate and called a brain surgeon to
operate on his brain.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa, miyaa?
Lara: Oh, no no no. My husband, thank goodness, was not there. He was
trying to prove something on how the world runs on steam, or something
like that.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa miyaa miyaa miyaa?
Lara: Why, yes our brain surgeon was a curious bunny-like creature
named Mokona. Why?
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa miyaa miyaa.
Lara (gasping): Y-y-y-your husband?!
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa, miyaa. Miyaa miyaa miyaa. Miyaaa.
Lara: A-a-are you sure this isn't unethical?
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa.
Lara: Oh. I see. S-s-so what should I do about the boy? And our child?
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa, miyaa miyaa. Miyaa, miyaa.
Lara: You really think so? Have my husband die in a brutal death?
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa. (She shakes her head yes.)
Lara: Now, that does seem unethical.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa. (She opens up a newspaper that reads, "Lord Croft
Dies! Piano Movers to Blame!" Lara looks at the paper.)
Lara: Hmm...wait a minute, this is tomorrow's edition! Wait, maybe I
should get the stock numbers... (she looks up and looks at the cabbit.)
If he dies unexpectedly, and I say...
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa
Lara: ...exactly, six months, then me and bandana hunk can get married
in a little cottage by the sea! (She sighs. She holds up the newspaper.)
H-h-how do you get this "early edition?"
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa miyaa miyaa. Miyaa miyaa.
Lara: Well, 225 pounds a day for a newspaper that's really accurate is
probably worth the price...
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa?
Lara: No, I'm not afraid of cats. No. Although the boy, he told me of a
friend of his who's afraid of cats. He often mistakes me for him because
of my pig-tail.
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa miyaa.
Lara (raised right eyebrow, she perks up): Really, rivals? How do you
know such things?
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa.
Lara: Your next door neighbor's is his sister-in-law. Interesting. (Lara
looks at the clock. It reads 2 o'clock.)
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa, miyaa.
Lara: 11 o'clock Next Friday? Of course. May I bring my future husband
with me? (Ryo-oh-ki nods.)
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa, miyaa.
Lara: I see...well, I only have this. (Lara unzips her backpack and
pulls out a emerald green pyramid structure.) This is an eqyptian
wishing pyramid. You hold the pyramid to you and you make a wish. That's
all.
(Ryo-oh-ki gets the pyramid crystal, holds it too her and closes her
eyes. Suddenly the newspaper headline changes from "Lord Croft Dies!
Piano Movers to Blame!" to "Enormous Space Carrots collide onto Lord
Croft!" We hear a constant thumping sound as outside it's raining
giantiatic carrots.)
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa.
Lara: Your welcome. I just hope the raining carrots don't ruin my
Lamborgini. Carrots stains are so hard to remove from leather. (The two
shake hands and opens the door. Lara leaves. The woman appears.)
Woman's voice: Alright, Miss Inverse, you're next.
(Luna Inverse comes in and looks around, looking extremely worried.)
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa?
Luna: Um, you gotta help me, Doc. I'm afraid my little sister Lina will
kill me. I sold pictures of her getting it on with Gourry and Xelloss on
eBay...and I'm worried! (Ryo-oh-ki sighs and holds up a sign reading,
"Are you sure this is how Dr. Katz got started?")