DISCLAIMER: You expect me to deny it? Well, I won't! I ADMIT
IT!! I CREATED THEM ALL!! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! I even
created Mickey Mouse!! NYAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
<muscled-up hiospital orderlies break in and tackle the
babbling maniac>
You can't stop me! The truth will be told!
<orderlies trank the loon and haul him off>
Doctor: Please pay him no attention. We now return you to
your fanfic.
-----------------
Ranma 1/2: A Matter of Romantic Chemistry - pt. 8
By Lady Tesser and Jack Staik
----------------
Nabiki stumbled into the dark home, tired from her busy
schedule and the lateness of the hour.
As she made her way to the stairs, she was suddenly swept
off her feet by an unseen force and slammed against the
wall.
"Freeze, dead man!" a female voice called out.
"KO-CHAN!" Nabiki cried out.
Ranko got a good look at the dark-clad figure she had
against the wall. "Oh! Biki! Oh gods, Biki, I'm so sorry! I
heard someone and I -"
"That's alright, Ranko," Nabiki said. "Could you let go?"
"Oops. Gomen nasai," the redhead said, letting go of her.
"What are you doing coming in at this hour?"
"Business."
"This late?" Ranko raised an eyebrow. "You mean you'll do
*that* for money?"
"Watch it, girl," Nabiki snarled playfully. "Even I have my
limits."
"Hey, I was going to raid the 'fridge - got some butter
brickle ice cream. Wanna share?"
Nabiki smiled. "Why not?"
Soon, the two girls were seated in the kitchen, destroying a
liter of ice cream.
Nabiki looked over Ranko in the light. "Does Ranma know
you're wearing his underwear? More importantly, does Akane?"
Ranko stuck her tongue out. "Who do you think gave them to
me?" She chuckled. "And Akane's not worried about me getting
into Ranma's underwear, believe me. In fact," she giggled,
"she offered, but Ranma panicked too much. The wimp."
"Nani?"
Ranko described her visit to Ranma and Akane that morning,
omitting only a few details. Nabiki got quite a few chuckles
out of Ranma's embarrassment.
"And Ono-kun got a good look at Akane's aura, and he says
she's healing very well, and should be ready to come home in
a few days."
"That's good, Imouto-chan's really - 'Ono-kun'?"
Ranko blushed. "I meant 'Tofu-sensei'! Nothing else!
Honest!"
"Mmm-hmm," Nabiki replied, a smirk on her lips. "Y'know, you
sound like Ranma denying he felt anything for Akane."
Ranko's blush brightened. "I'm not saying that! I ...
respect him. He's a gentleman - he's a doctor, he's -"
"A hottie?"
"- a hot- NO!" Ranko protested.
Nabiki tossed a brace of photos on the table; the good
doctor doing his kata earlier that evening. "I disagree,"
she said, taking another spoonful of ice cream.
Ranko looked at the pictures, a thin sheen of sweat suddenly
appearing on her forehead. "Nice - nice form. The kata, I
mean. Well-executed," she said with a husky voice, her hand
rubbing the back of her neck.
"Fresh from the all-night developer. Yours for the low, low
price of two thousand each, ten thousand for the set."
Ranko looked startled. "I just started work, Biki! I haven't
got that kind of money!"
Nabiki thought of the obscene fortune Ranma was due to
inherit, and how Ranko would probably get a cut. "I'll give
you credit this time."
The redhead reached out and gently touched a photo, tracing
her finger over the image of her employer. She couldn't deny
that ache in her breasts. She snatched her hand back and
lowered her eyes.
"Biki?"
"Yeah?"
"I have a confession."
Nabiki raised her eyebrow, leaning forward. "About the doc,
huh?"
"Kinda ... " Ranko shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "The
reason I'm up right now is because ... oh, geez, how do I
explain this? ... "
"Take your time, Ko-chan."
"Okay," she breathed deeply, stirring her melting ice cream.
"I just had one of ... *those* dreams about him."
"One of *those* dreams?" Nabiki repeated.
"You know, a ... close encounter ... "
"Of the erotic kind, hm?"
Ranko only nodded, blushing furiously.
"You know you don't have to act shy around me - "
<The hells I don't, Biki! I'm flying by the seat of my skirt
by admitting this!>
" - truth be told, Ko-chan, I have them often myself about
somebody else we both know."
"Oh?" Ranko looked up. "Who?"
Nabiki smiled crookedly, deciding if she should really make
a face or not. "Tatewaki Kuno."
Ranko was silent for a moment, letting it sink in. "Him?
Baka-sempai?"
The brunette nodded apologetically. "Almost every other
night. Kinda freaked me out at first, but I've always liked
the idea of a good-looking rich idiot breaking in my window,
falling on me, and we'd spend the night making some music."
Ranko giggled. "That's how it happens in yours?"
"Yeah. I guess that's why I'm less tolerant of him in wake
time - because he's not the sex-starved man he is in my
dreams. A handsome idiot with a crapload of money as my
personal sex slave ... that's my dream. How about you? Is
this the first?"
"Well, first sleeping dream. We were in his office. Some
other daydreams, around the clinic or the dojo. But I don't
understand, why him?"
The older girl chuckled. "Why the doctor? Why Kuno? Why any
of them at all? Why not faceless strangers? Who knows? We're
just reacting to something natural. I say go with it, won't
hurt anybody by having some fun in dreamland."
"Perhaps you're right," Ranko sighed, gazing back down at
the pictures. She studied the doctor's form, his body, his
face. She could just melt into his body in an embrace so
easily.
"Of course I am. Men are strange the world over, that's what
make the dreams better. Besides ... " she cupped her new
sister's chin up to look her in the eye. "The chances are
pretty slim against you of there anything coming out of it.
He's madly in love with Kasumi. Akane had to find out the
hard way."
Ranko bit her lip, lowering her eyes. "It's different this
time, both of them have ... moved on."
"Nani?"
"Why do you think he's been trying to avoid oneechan?"
<piku-piku> "Explain."
"I got a good look at Ono's aura when Kasumi came in earlier
today. When a person's in love, they have a bright gold
glow. Even a crush shows a trace. There was none in Ono's."
"None?" Nabiki asked, refilling her bowl. "But why does he
go nuts, then?"
"I looked up the reaction I saw in an old text on aura
reading in the clinic library, and it seems to be a sort of
epileptic seizure."
Nabiki looked puzzled. "Epileptic seizures every time Kasumi
is around? Kinda unlikely, isn't it? Are you sure he doesn't
just go loopy?"
"Yeah," Ranko answered. "He says he tries to avoid her, that
he resents her coming around. That ain't love."
"Got a point."
"Besides, Kasumi has her eye on someone."
Nabiki's eyes widened in surprise. "Who? When? Were puppets
involved? Tell!"
"Pansuto Taro. At the clinic. No puppets that I'm aware of."
Nabiki looked stunned, then laughed. "For a second, I
thought you were serious."
Ranko giggled. <You were warned.>
* * * * * * * * * *
(In the morning ...)
Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, legend in
his own mind, waited in the tree, watching as Nabiki and
Ranko walked on toward school. When they were safely down
the street, he dropped to the ground and proceeded toward
the Tendo home.
Normally, he would have sent Sasuke, his faithful family
retainer, to perform such a plebeian task, but this was too
important.
Ranko Saotome, his Redhaired Goddess, had rejected him as a
suitor, claiming he was not man enough! He could not
comprehend such a thing (probably because it made sense).
There must be some other reason. And he would discover it!
Kuno crept into the back door, then sped up the stairs to
the sleeping quarters. Some of the doors were labeled in
English; Nabiki, Kasumi, Damn-Fool Panda (this one hand-
written).
Sasuke had informed him that Akane's room was labeled with a
wooden duck sign. But there was no such sign; instead, there
was a yin-yang symbol, with 'Ranma' on one side and 'Akane'
on the other, and a handwritten Post-It Note, 'From the
Family'.
The last hope died - Akane, his fierce huntress, belonged to
Ranma Saotome. Bonded by marriage to his mortal enemy.
And his Redheaded Goddess called Saotome ... brother.
He would find what he needed! He would prove himself a
worthy suitor to the fair Ranko Saotome! He had lost one
love, he would not lose another!
Newly inspired, the housebreaking Kuno looked in the
unlabeled rooms, seeking the quarters of his Goddess.
One was the master bedroom, another was an unoccupied guest
room. The third was obviously occupied, and littered with
female undergarments ... success!
Kuno quietly entered and scouted the room. He found much
female underwear, a number of photographs of his Redheaded
Goddess, and some small robes, obviously doll's clothes. In
the wardrobe were large numbers of antique objects and a
number of scrolls. One large one was untied, and had every
indication of frequent reading.
He picked it up, and read the title: 'Happosai's School of
Anything-Goes Manly Arts - How To Be A Truly Manly Man'.
Kuno had a flash of insight (or as close as he would ever
get in his lifetime). <'School of Anything-Goes' ... YES!!
Akane and Ranko *both* practice Anything-Goes Martial Arts,
as does Ranma! They must adjudge manliness by the standards
of their school!>
Kuno tucked the scroll into his tunic and departed through
the window, then he jumped off the roof and headed for the
front gate.
<I know what I must do!> he thought to himself, the words
echoing with majestic destiny (or just echoing in the empty
spaces).
<I will study the scroll and learn its secrets! I will
become the greatest practitioner of Anything-Goes Manly
Arts! I will be so manly, Ranko Saotome will gladly give
herself to me!>
Kuno missed school that day. And there was much rejoicing.
* * * * * * * * * *
The two tired girls walked through the school gates, several
of the students approaching Nabiki and whispering furtively
with her, asking about photographs or whatnot of this or
that person. Her usual trade.
Ranko smiled at one of Ranma's old buddies, Hiroshi, she
remembered from his memories, and he quickly made a run into
the school building. She paused, wondering what got into
him, then she turned and spotted two of the hentais that
tried to fight her a while ago.
"Hey, guys," she waved.
One, a member of the dance club, grabbed the other guy and
quickly waltzed off with him, both with panic on their
faces. She raised an eyebrow in puzzlement, and decided to
go into class.
She had an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't
know why.
As she entered the building, she passed a group of girls
chatting in the hallway. They quieted, lowering their voices
as she passed. Unfortunately, her sharp hearing picked up
what they said loud and clear.
"There goes that guy hater."
"She's got to be a lez."
"Too violent. Even Akane wasn't as bad."
"Stuck up bitch."
"Yeah, our guys aren't good enough for you?"
"Never have a boyfriend, never marry."
"At least Ranma was nicer than her."
"And she dresses like a SLUT!"
Ranko paused at the end of the hall. The last one stung the
worst, like a serrated knife in her back. She stared at the
wall in front of her, unaware of anything else but their
words echoing through her mind.
<Jealous little girls ... > she told herself, buttoning a
few more buttons of her blouse.
"Look out! It's Ranko Saotome!"
A thundering stampede erupted from the second floor above
her as students ran to their classes.
She never noticed it before until now. The students who
stared, the ones who gave her a wide berth in the hallway,
why Nabiki was her only lunch companion ...
<They're afraid of me ... >
"They're afraid of me ... " she whispered aloud.
She slowly climbed the stairs, feeling suddenly, utterly,
completely alone in the universe.
* * * * * * * * * *
<Ring-ring-ring>
"Moshi-moshi?" Kasumi answered in her sweet voice.
"Nodoka there?"
"Yes," she lied.
<click>
Kasumi hung up and smiled to herself. Genma calling yet
again to see if his wife was waiting for him to turn him
into a pincushion for 'losing' their son and future
daughter-in-law. Serves him right for treating Ranma like he
did - abusing him for years, then trying to swindle him out
of his inheritance!
<Ring-ring-ring>
"Moshi-moshi?" she answered again.
"Hello, Kasumi, Auntie Nodoka here. Is Ranko at school?"
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"Hinako-sensei had called me to arrange for the interview,
and I'd like to warn Ranko ahead of time that we must be in
the same room for about an hour and be polite."
"Oh, my!" Kasumi breathed. "Yes, I'll tell her. Which house
will Hinako-sensei meet you at?"
"Yours, dear, since Ranko is living with her ... father ...
Have you heard from Genma at all?"
"Not recently. He's been gallivanting around at all the sake
houses with Otosan ... "
Nodoka sighed, ignoring the hand on her thigh. "Then I guess
I'll have to conduct the interview myself. I'll talk with
you later, Kasumi."
"All right, Auntie Nodoka. See you later."
Nodoka hung up and lay back down on her bed. Ichiro hugged
her tightly around her waist, nuzzling her hair.
"I'm scared, Ichiro-kun."
"It won't be bad, my darling woman," he murmured. "You said
she is warming to the fact you are her mother."
"But not enough for this."
"Trust me, No-chan. The children may have tempers, but they
have inborn honor in them that will always come through."
"My children got that from you," she stated, turning over to
kiss his face.
"Partially. Ranko reminds me of you all those years ago.
Strong and idealistic."
"Now a broken old bag," she sniffed.
"No, a very well-kept bag," he chuckled, kissing her throat.
"Just perfectly ripened, like the finest sake."
She giggled, embracing him.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Screw it, Tofu. I'm leaving."
Tofu sighed at the hard-headedness of the boy with the
unfortunate name of Pantyhose. Considering who his father
was, and guessing at the harsh childhood he must have had
because of Happosai's actions, he wasn't surprised that the
young man had both a temper and a stubborn streak.
"Very well, Taro-san. You are well enough to leave, but you
should take a few days - preferably longer - to rest. This
was a significant injury. Even your other form can't absorb
the impact of nearly three tons of pig without
consequences."
Pantyhose waved it off. "Don't worry, doc. My other form
regenerates; I'll sleep in my other form, and I'll be just
fine in just a couple of days."
"I wasn't aware of this," Tofu commented, curiosity in his
voice.
"I think it comes from the octopus blood."
"Where will you be? Your family home?"
"Eh?" Pantyhose said, before remembering that he *did* have
a 'family home'. "No, not enough room - not to mention it's
kinda wrecked. I'll just sleep on the bottom of the canal.
Less chance of changing accidentally."
"Bottom of the canal?"
"Yeah - eel and octopus blood, remember? I can breathe
water, too."
"Interesting. But hardly sanitary."
"Ha! The bug doesn't exist that can live in my other form."
"Fascinating," Tofu commented.
"By the way, doc," Pantyhose asked casually. "I'm not that
familiar with Nerima. Would you know how to get to the Tendo
place from here?"
"It's just about a hundred meters up the road," he answered.
"You aren't hunting anyone there, are you?"
"No, not really. Just getting my bearings." The image of a
gently-smiling Kasumi Tendo crossed his mind. He'd never
really been close with any girl; the humiliation of having
to introduce himself as 'Pantyhose Boy' had been sufficient
to prevent that.
But Kasumi Tendo was different. She treated him well, even
with knowing his name. She felt ... comfortable. It was easy
to relax around her, something he never could feel, even
with his mother.
"Well," the doctor commented, "just try to avoid getting hit
in the stomach until it heals. The stitches will be absorbed
by your skin as you heal."
"How do I repay you, doc?"
(A much-younger Pantyhose had learned the First Rule; 'There
Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch'. Breaking the First
Rule had taught the Second Rule; 'Don't Leave Unpaid Bills
Behind You - You May Have To Come Back Someday'.)
"No need. Ichiro will cover it."
"You know my dad?" he asked.
"Oh yes. We met while I was travelling, and we became well-
acquainted. Got into a bit of trouble, too."
Pantyhose smirked. "My dad - getting into trouble? The guy
who was such a hardass about 'respecting your elders' and
'don't throw boulders at the neighbors'?"
Tofu smiled. "Your father is something of a magnet for such
things. In fact, from seeing his children, I'd say it's
hereditary."
"Ha ha. See ya, doc."
Pantyhose set off for the Tendo home, wondering if Kasumi
was there. (Just to say his goodbyes before he left. That's
all. Nothing else.)
* * * * * * * * * *
(At a hotel ...)
Akari sobbed into her pillow yet again.
Her world had fallen apart. Her beloved baby Katsunishiki
was in intensive care from being injured by that monster,
now her Ryoga-sama had been used for the depraved pleasures
of a gaijin whore and cornered with a baby!
"Psst!"
She continued sobbing, ignoring the small noise.
"PSST!"
The boy outside her window sighed, still no reaction from
the girl.
"Hey, pig-girl!"
She yelped, jumping up. "Who are you? Help! Pervert!"
"Shh!" Mousse covered his lips to tell her to shush. "I've
come to make a deal with you."
"Rapist!"
"Shut up! You want Ryoga, na?"
She quieted down, sniffling. "Can you get my Ryoga-sama back
for me?"
"Possibly. Shampoo has been mine forever now he's taken her
away from me."
"Nonsense! She exploited him."
Mousse sighed, realizing how crazy she really was. "Listen,
little girl, their being together is hurting us, so we've
got to make them know that we are their true loves, not each
other."
Akari scratched her head. "I don't follow."
<Dumb as cabbage, too.> "We've got to work together to pry
them apart so you can have the Lost Boy and I can have my
Shampoo."
"Ohhhhhh ... " Akari's smile grew, and she leaned out the
window to hug his neck. "Arigato!"
"Okay, okay. Here's the plan ... "
* * * * * * * * * *
Pantyhose glanced at the Tendo dojo for a second as he
waited for the door to be answered.
<Nice place. Never really looked it over before. Interesting
energies. Too bad fem-boy lives here - and that butch sister
of his. Ouch.>
The door opened, revealing Kasumi Tendo smiling sweetly. He
felt a slight skip of his heartbeat and he attempted to
smile back.
"Oh!" she blushed, smiling even brighter. "I wasn't
expecting you, dear. Please, come in."
"Arigato ... " he replied, feeling a slight blush cross his
cheeks. <Damnit, I'm too old to be behaving like a stupid
teenager!> He entered the house and allowed Kasumi to seat
him at the dining room table and serve him tea.
"What brings you by?" she asked as she poured tea for
themselves.
He noticed his hands trembling and put them under the table.
"I wanted to thank you for ... helping me recover at the
clinic."
"Oh," she smiled. "It was nothing really. Tea?"
"Please."
He reached out for the cup she handed to him and his fingers
laced over hers. They looked up at each other for a moment,
then he turned away as he took his tea.
"You feel alone, too, don't you?" she asked softly.
He looked back up at her, at her sad face and her neatly
pressed apron and her beautiful long hair.
"Me? Alone?" he chuckled bitterly. "Why, whatever gave you
that idea? I'm the world's ugliest monster and have a crappy
name to boot. People swarm around me in admiration."
She lay her hand on his, keeping his eyes to hers. "And I
have been the mother figure for several years, pretending
sweet simpleness in place of loneliness."
He was silent for a moment. "Okay, our lives suck. Cheers."
He raised his tea to her, smiling sarcastically.
"Tell me of your village," she stated, taking her hand back
from his.
Pantyhose was curious; he'd talked about it at length with
her yesterday. "Nothing much to tell. It's a sinkhole full
of simps and morons, nothing but a sewer and a dump."
"So, you'll never go back there?"
"I love my mother as my mother, but that's it. She doesn't
have the will to live like I do. She wants to rot in that
infested swamp, and I won't argue with her on that, but she
ain't keepin' me there."
Kasumi leaned back, delighting in his set up. "If you do not
like your village, why follow its customs?"
"Huh?" he leaned forward, staring her in the eyes. "What do
you mean by that?"
"You were named what you were because of this village's
custom. If you hate the village so much, the customs should
be included. Break yourself off completely - change your
name yourself!"
Pantyhose Taro looked at her, blinking for a moment. He ran
her statement through his brain several dozen times to find
flaw in her reasoning, and he couldn't find any.
<Is *that* all I have to do ... ?>
Kasumi watched a small smile metamorphose into a large one,
enlightenment crossing his handsome face. She smiled as
well.
"I think you're right - damn, I'm getting mellow in my
twenties!" He leapt off his pillow and over the table,
picking her up in his arms and planting a kiss on her lips.
"Thank-you, my Kasumi! You've made me the happiest man in
all of Nerima!"
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
"I'm glad to be of assistance, my dear."
He kissed her again, feeling his heartbeat pound in a
frenzy. "I have to find another name now, a better name. I
won't be known as 'Little Pantyhose Boy' any longer!"
Kasumi felt a head rush, the type described in her romance
novels. She held him tighter as he lifted her off the floor
and danced with her around the dining room, his happiness
becoming infectious in her laughter. <Just a moment of
happiness between two souls is all I asked, now I can die
happy.>
He placed her back down on the floor and kissed her
forehead. "You are the most wonderful woman in the world,
Kasumi-chan. With all my brains, I couldn't have figured
that out. I guess I was too close to the problem."
"Tradition is an overpowering fact of life," she replied,
caressing his cheek. "Sometimes, it should be broken."
"Especially when happiness is the reward. What shall my new
name be?"
"Since you are the firstborn, perhaps you should be named
Jiro. The noble families usually name their firstborn sons
Jiro."
"Mm, perhaps. I'll look for a sign that agrees with me, and
then I shall determine my new name. You are right. Tradition
*should* be broken."
Outside on the porch, Nodoka sat quietly. She hadn't
intended to eavesdrop, but it had happened. She let those
last four words sink in. She had to think about it.
Happiness as the reward of breaking duty and honor ...
"Go along now, dear, and find that sign," Kasumi told him
softly, standing on tip toe to kiss him. He wrapped his arms
around her, delighting in the feel of her mouth on his and
her soft body against his own.
"Yes. I'll see you later, Kasumi-chan."
She nodded, letting him go to rush out the front door. She
leaned against the frame of the dining room porch doorway,
sighing happily to herself.
Of course, his behavior - and hers - wasn't exactly proper.
In fact, it had been decidedly improper, almost scandalous!
But she *liked* his arms ... and his lips ... And it had
been so *long* ...
Nodoka quietly entered, smiling gently.
"Oh, my, Nodoka-obachan!" Kasumi blushed. "I wasn't aware
you were here already!"
"It's alright, Kasumi," she replied, sitting down at the
table. "I'm glad you're finding some happiness with Ichiro's
eldest son. You see the same thing in him that I've always
seen in his father."
Kasumi nodded, sitting across from her. "Yes. A brilliant
mind and quite honorable - if a bit rough around the edges.
And quite ... passionate."
"But, like the rest of the men of in the family," Nodoka
chuckled. "Trouble follows right on their heels. Don't
expect a quiet life with any of them ... " She paused,
thoughtful. "I guess that's why I married Genma. I was
afraid of all the oddness and adventure. Did you know I had
a chance to marry your father?"
"Why no!" Kasumi smiled. "Why did you not?"
"Your mother beat me to the prize. She and I were best
friends so many years ago. When your father and Genma came
to Nerima, we four were always friends. Then your father
proposed to your mother, and that spurred Genma into asking
me ... "
"Did you know Hibiki-san at the time?"
"Briefly. Only as the travelling salesman he was. When Genma
went on his training missions with Soun and the old Master
and came back more and more ... less desirable ... Ichiro
would visit more often. We were friends, then one thing lead
to another ... and the twins were born. Ranma ... and now my
Ranko ... "
Kasumi swallowed and handed the woman a napkin to dry her
tears. "Things always have a way of working out, Auntie
Nodoka. You'll see. By the way, Ranma and Akane will be
coming home in a few days."
"Oh, wonderful!" Nodoka smiled, sniffing the last of the
tears away. "Then we can start planning the wedding. I have
a few friends, and then we have to consult the family lawyer
... "
"No," Kasumi replied.
"Pardon, dear?"
"No," she repeated herself. "Ranma and Akane have stated
that they will wait until after they graduate college. They
are not going to be rushed into marriage. They are still
children, and they are learning to grow up. Give them time
and give them room. No use of a katana, no threats. Be
satisfied that they *do* agree to marry, just not right
now."
Nodoka nodded meekly. "I see. Then we shall wait. Although,
I do so much want grandbabies around. I look forward to
being a grandmother."
Kasumi brightened, laughing. "'All the joys of motherhood -
'"
"' - But none of the dirty diapers'!" the older woman
laughed. "They will make lovely babies together."
"I think so. All of our baby pictures point out that we
girls were kawaii babies."
"And Ranma was so adorable!" Nodoka's voice squeaked,
bursting with pride. "Oh my, I cannot believe I missed out
on my son's growing up."
"You did what you thought was right."
"I would trade it all to be a mother again and keep my
children - both of my children. Had I the chance to live my
life again, I would have kicked Genma out and not let him
take Ranma with him."
"You're beginning to sound like an old woman," Kasumi chided
gently.
"I'm an old woman, Kasumi."
"Auntie Nodoka?" Kasumi asked, with a worried tone in her
voice.
"I'm only thirty-eight, and I'm already an old woman." Mrs.
Saotome held up her katana, caressing the handle gently.
"This has taken away my youth, my life - "
The door chime interrupted her, and Kasumi bowed
apologetically as she stood to answer it.
"Konnichi wa, Hibiki-san," Kasumi greeted him.
"Good afternoon, Tendo-chan," he smiled. "Was it my
imagination, or did I see my son actually smiling as he left
here?"
"Oh," Kasumi giggled. "We had a talk, and now he's on a
mission to find himself."
"I appreciate whatever you did. I hope you know he's very
fond of you. Although he'd choke rather than admit it."
<A family trait, it seems,> "I'm fond of him, too. I hope to
someday call you father."
Ichiro looked at Kasumi in surprise.
No less surprised than Kasumi herself. <Why did I blurt that
out?>
Ichiro gave the girl a smile. "That would please me more
than anything." If if were true, all the Tendo girls could
call him 'father' in one form or another. "Is Nodoka already
here?"
Kasumi relaxed at the subject change. "In the dining room.
Hinako-sensei is coming home with Ranko to interview her.
Since Ranko is starting school so late in the year -"
"Yes, but I have a purpose for coming related to that," he
lowered his voice. "I want to make sure that both mother and
daughter behave themselves. The last time they were in a
room together ... "
She nodded. "I know. Just pray."
"I have been."
* * * * * * * * * *
Ranko followed the short, kawaii little girl back to the
Tendo dojo. The one person that puzzled her the most was
Hinako-sensei, who was in her chibi form at the moment and
sucking on a rather large rainbow swirled lollipop. Grown
woman, little child, dedicated teacher, savage brawler ...
an exercise in contradictions.
<Why did Nabiki have to have business? She could have walked
home with us, it wouldn't be so awkward ->
"Problem, Teishi-chan?"
"Eep!" Ranko squeaked, spooked out of her reverie. "Just
wondering - uh - why do you always seem to be popping candy,
sensei?" Ranko asked. "It seems rather ..."
Hinako looked back at her, smiling. "Childish? The change
from child to adult and back always disturbs my blood sugar.
The sweets help keep it stable." Hinako let a smile creep
across her face. "I hear you've been toeing the line at
school regarding your dealings with bullies."
"But they were taken care of, sensei," The redhead's
shoulders slumped slightly. "Although everyone is now afraid
of me ... "
"'The nail that sticks up gets pounded down'," she quoted.
"People like us don't fit into any of the categories that
society and tradition lay down for us. Everyone says that
they like being individuals and in control of their own
destiny, but they don't - people like having their paths in
life all laid out. And people like us, who don't fit into
any of those paths, scare them." She shrugged. "Get used to
it. I have."
"Gomen," Ranko lowered her eyes.
"Don't worry about it. You'll make a fine disciplinarian if
you go into teaching. I'd gladly take you as apprentice."
"Arigato, but my interest lies in the medical field.
Psychology, healing."
She nodded. "Well, my offer will still stand. Most of these
teachers can't handle students nowadays."
"Most teenagers are moronic savages anyway."
Hinako chuckled, going through the gate of the Tendo place.
"And have to be put in their place quite often. If I ever
have children, I hope they have your disposition."
Ranko couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.
A short distance behind them, Nabiki ran, trying to catch
up. <Can't let the redhead be alone with Nodoka - gods only
know whether she'll survive or not.>
* * * * * * * * * *
Sasuke saw the Young Master had put up the 'Occupied' sign
in his Meditation Room, where he kept all his pornography.
<Damn,> the ninja swore to himself. <And I was looking
forward to seeing 'Debbie-chan Does Yokohama Part 16' today.
The little fart couldn't keep a decent schedule to save his
soul.>
Just then, Kuno rushed out of the room and dashed down the
hall, almost bowling over Sasuke in his haste.
"A thousand pardons, Master!" Sasuke called out, but the
slamming of a door interrupted him.
"Little prick," he mumbled, "Won't even watch where he's
going - eh?"
Something strange occurred to him; Tatewaki's room was the
other way down the hall. He had gone into *Kodachi's* room.
<What would he want in there? The cops cleared out the
illegal stuff.> Following the traditions of both family
servants and ninja, he went to spy on his master's
activities.
Creeping outside the house and to the window, he peeped it
... and almost fell off the roof.
"That's disgusting!" he said. "And those are his *sister's*
panties, too! EWWWWWW!!!"
<CRASH!!>
Sasuke was knocked into the garden as Kuno erupted through
the window, scattering broken glass everywhere.
Sasuke noticed that Master Tatewaki had changed his garb,
from the blue hakama of a kendo-ke to a brownish monk-like
robe. He wore the traditional thief's bandana to conceal his
features and had an empty sack over his shoulder.
"Good Sasuke!" he declaimed. "I go now to fulfil my training
and win the heart of Ranko Saotome! All I need is to gather
my power, and she shall be mine!"
He bounded into the distance, rooftop to rooftop, stronger
and more energetic than he had ever been. His aura was
charged from the residual energies he tapped from Kodachi's
garments, but he needed more if he was to win the fair
Ranko-chan.
Three young girls walked along the street below, giggling.
The aura-detection ability he had learned from the scroll
sensed their female force long before he saw them with his
eyes.
Stepping off the roof, he landed behind them and grappled
them.
As his hands groped their breasts through the fabric, he
felt the rush of energies flooding him. His eyes glowed with
the power that was now his.
Involuntarily, he threw back his head and screamed in
triumph ...
"SWEETO!!"
* * * * * * * * * *
Ranko and Hinako-sensei paused briefly, as if hearing
something, then dismissed it.
Ichiro felt an odd sensation from the entry hall. Going in
there, he saw Ranko and a little girl ... who looked vaguely
familiar ...
"Good afternoon, ladies," he said politely, bowing the
proper amount.
"Hi, Ichiro-san," Ranko said absently.
"Konban wa, Ichiro-san," Hinako said cheerfully. "I'm Hinako
Ninomiya. Pleased to meet you."
"NINOMIYA?!?" he said in shock. "Are you any relation of
Sachiko Ninomiya of Linaka Village?"
She beamed. "Why, that's my mother's home village!"
"BWAAAK!"
"And my aunt's name is Sachiko! Do you know her?"
He wiped his forehead. "Whew! Close one!"
"Beg pardon?"
Ranko rolled her eyes. <Is he *completely* incapable of
keeping his pants from around his ankles?>
Hinako noticed Ranko was emitting a battle-aura, almost
intense enough to be visible. "Don't worry, Ranko-chan. It's
normal to be nervous in a situation like this."
"I'm not nervous, sensei ..." <I'm just annoyed by my
biological father - plus I just don't want to be in the same
room with Nodoka Saotome for any length of time.>
"So - you aren't planning on using that battle-aura right
now?"
"No, why do you - uh-oh."
"Happo Go-Yen Satsu."
Nodoka and Kasumi heard a 'zark' noise from the entry hall.
Kasumi recognized the sound instantly. "Ranko's teacher is
here! Just a moment."
She hurried to the door in a prim and proper fashion, a
glass of fruit juice in hand. She found Hinako in adult
form, what had been a cute child's tube dress now a risque
and slightly small minidress.
On the floor was a slightly smoking Ranko, her hands in the
classic pose for shock.
As well as Ichiro, staring in surprise.
"Good afternoon, Hinako-san. Nodoka-san awaits you in the
dining room."
"Thank you, Kasumi. Oh, by the way," she asked casually, "Is
your father available?"
<Not to you,> she said to herself. "He's out on a training
trip at present, and he probably won't be back soon."
"A shame," she murmured. "Excuse me."
As Hinako swept out of the room, Kasumi was briefly tempted
to allow her father to marry the woman. <Planning on using
Akane to steal the Saotome inheritance, it seems appropriate
that he marry an energy vampire.> Then she shook her head.
<No, I have no desire to have a stepmother.>
Ichiro gazed after the incredibly well-built woman. "What
was that about?"
"Long story," Kasumi said absently, lifting up Ranko's head
to give her the fruit juice.
* * * * * * * * * *
Shampoo escorted Ryoga into the restaurant, leading him by
the hand.
"{American?}" he asked."{I can eat it, but it's not my
favorite. Why here?}"
"{I was in the mood for something exotic.}" Shampoo smiled
indulgently. "{If you were on time for our date, *you* would
have picked the restaurant.}"
"{It's not my fault!}" he protested by reflex."{I ...um...}"
"{Got lost?}"
Ryoga blushed.
Shampoo giggled, smiling cutely.
Mousse and Akari, watching through binoculars from across
the street, ground their teeth.
"Look at her!" Akari mumbled. "Look at the hussy! Smiling,
giggling, jiggling at him - I'll bet they're not real!"
"Will you get a load of his 'shy guy' routine?!?" Mousse
snarled. "Making himself look all sweet and helpless, making
her lower her guard, just so he can Get Some!"
"Are you sure this will work?"
"Trust me," Mousse reassured her. "They step outside, we use
the blowdarts, the Rage Essence floods their system, they
blowup at each other. When the Essence wears off, they'll
both be depressed - and we step in to comfort them! Can't
miss!"
"Are you sure that this stuff works?"
"Of course I am! I've seen it work!"
"When?"
Mousse sighed. "Shampoo once tried to use hypnotic mushrooms
to break up Ranma and Akane's relationship. I tried to use
the Rage Essence to make Ranma explode in fury when he
discovered it, so he'd drop Shampoo.Instead, Akane got it,
and when the mushrooms made him embrace her, she almost
killed him!"
"She's pretty bad-tempered anyhow," Akari pointed out.
"She used *bladed* weapons."
Akari nodded. "But will the blowdarts work?"
"There's two of us. All we need is one."
Akari and Mousse stared at the happy couple eating their
hamburgers, waiting for them to step outside ... and into
their clutches.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was the longest hour of Ranko Saotome's short life ...
once she recovered from the energy drain.
<It was all Nabiki's fault,> she decided.
Hinako-sensei asked Nodoka to put her katana away, it was
distracting the environment. Nodoka did as she was told,
feeling panic surge upon her at the realization that she
knew absolutely *nothing* about the interview procedure.
Nabiki had known Nodoka would be there to be interviewed by
her homeroom teacher. The history and records she created
for Ranko stated that she had been living with Nodoka all
her life and was home-taught by her mother, only recently
having been enrolled in public school at Furinkan High.
The briefing Nabiki had given Nodoka was rather perfunctory;
it was assumed that the teacher doing the interview would
just cover current events in detail.
They hadn't figured on Hinako-sensei, the Genghis Khan of
schoolteachers.
What did you teach Ranko? Does she have any problems in
certain subjects? Which and what area? Did she progress at
the same pace as other children her age? Is she gifted in
any particular subject? What were her marks?
What were her study habits? Where did she study? How many
hours a day? Did she have any distractions like the radio or
television? Did she ask for help at all while doing
homework? What sort of environment did she have to learn in?
<Damn you, Nabiki!> Ranko steamed. <I'm going to wring your
scrawny neck!> She cooled again, remembering that Nabiki
couldn't have known that fate would dish this out. (Murphy's
Law of Perverse Physics: "The most ironic scenario will
*always* pop up.")
Nodoka felt each question like an arrow shot into her back.
Ranko grew more and more impatient with Nodoka's stammering
and 'ab-libbing'; she felt the urge to throttle the woman
growing.
Hinako-sensei was becoming more and more impatient with
Nodoka's apparent inability to communicate properly.
"Saotome-san," she intoned. "Is there something you are not
telling me about your daughter's education?"
"Um ... not much else to tell. She basically taught herself,
actually."
Hinako raised a finely arched eyebrow. "A child genius?"
Ranko looked down at the table, her hands clasped in her
lap. Nodoka rested her eyes on her daughter, thinking.
"To be completely honest, Hinako-sensei, I didn't teach her.
I didn't even raise her."
Ranko looked up, only now showing the tear trails that had
traced down her face. "You were never my mother, just admit
it. Just admit being the monster you are and leave me be.
You never had to come around, you never had to - "
"Ranko Saotome!" Nodoka raised her voice, feeling the
prickle at the back of her throat fill with tears that she
swallowed back down. "I am your mother, and I do not need to
be addressed in such a manner."
"Oh, crap!" Nabiki picked up an urn, hoping to not have to
use it on anyone.
Hinako-sensei gathered up her papers and folders. "I see
this needs some serious consideration. In the meantime,
until this is straightened out, I ask that one of the Tendos
bring your schoolwork home to you for a few days."
"Nani?" Ranko asked.
"You are on temporary probation until you two can work this
out and give me straight answers," The teacher stood and
bowed her head. "Good afternoon."
She exited the dining room and left the house.
Ranko turned to Nodoka very slowly, locking eyes with her.
"You can't do *anything* right!" Her breath caught in her
throat, feeling the anger and pain build up from her gut and
through her body and limbs. Her fist raised in the air.
"Gods, Ranko, no!" Ichiro yelled.
And she stayed frozen, her fist still in the air, her tears
running down her face.
"I can't anyway," she sobbed. "I promised Ranma that I
wouldn't hit you." She got up and dashed out of the house by
the porch, leaping over the garden wall and disappearing
without a trace.
Nodoka stared after her. Ichiro knelt down and held her
around her shoulders.
"My daughter ... "
Nabiki placed the urn back on its shelf and wiped her brow,
shakily settling next to a silent Kasumi.
"You know, oneechan, I think we're the only sane ones around
here."
"Shush, imouto-chan."
Nodoka turned, wrapping her arms around her companion.
"Please take me home, Ichiro, or I'm going to turn this
damned katana on myself!"
Nabiki rubbed her temples. <Those Saotome-Hibiki women are
too damn intense.>