When was the FFML named "Hiroshi"?
Nikholas F. Toledo Zu wrote:
Broken Dreams
ONE
goo
Ga-goo-goo-ga
Ga-goo-goo-ga
Is all I want to say to you...
Rain.
It has been raining for the past week.
"had"
From his room, Jander just stared from his window. He looked really
bored. Usually, he would be outside, learning how to handle weapons. But,
Who did he look bored to?
no, it had to rain continuously. He had been stuck indoors on cleanup
duty for the past week.
He hated the boring life. He had always dreamed of getting far from
his village to go find adventure elsewhere.
His father was (and still was) the best swordsman that ever served
the king, but now he was past his prime and just had to find a peaceful
village to live in. Jander grew up with his father's stories, every
detail permanently etched in his mind. One day, he would do something as
heroic as his father has done, or even more.
"had"
Ever since he could handle a stick, his father started to teach him
how to use a sword. His skills had improved considerably - only his
father could disarm him. He might have been a good swordsman, but he was
"He might be"
still stuck to the village, farming. What would peaceful village do with
a good fighter?
He wanted to leave, but he couldn't - ever since his mother died,
there has always been the two of them. And he wanted to learn more from
his father.
The door slowly creaked open - a well-built man entered the room.
"Jander, I have something important to say to you. Follow me into my
room."
Jander accompanied his father to his room. From under the bed, he
dislodged a couple of boards to reveal a space under a floor big enough
to fit a sack. From that space, the father lifted something wrapped in a
white cloth. He gently placed the thing on the floor. He then proceeded
to his desk and got a piece of paper.
"Jander, I have an important errand for you to do. You are well
aware of the threats being received by the king. We all know that no
Why would this punk kid in backwater town be aware of threats being received
by the king? It's not as if his father kept him in the loop.
magic can ever be used near the castle as long as the barrier is working.
A conspiracy is being hatched; there are some people in the council who
have already sold their souls to someone unknown. They are planning to
shut down the barrier.
"Unknown to you, I am still working for the king. With the contacts
See what I mean?
I have gained through the years of my travel, I have a reliable network
What travel? You have him stuck in one village.
of informants. This list that I will now hand to you is a list of the
people involved in the conspiracy. The head is still unknown. All you
How did provincial informants get the scoop on a palace conspiracy?
need to do is go to the castle, find a person - Simon, he is the head of
the guards. Just show him the paper and he will do the rest.
"Before you go, I have another thing to give you."
While saying those words, he gently picked up the wrapped object.
"Take this sword - guard it with your life. Use it only when you
are in very deep trouble. This is a very powerful weapon: it can burn the
soul of those not worthy to wield it. Only the people with a strong will
can control its power. The king gave this sword to me - he told me to
guard it, to never let it fall to untrustworthy hands. I am now giving
that responsibility to you. I have never had the need to use the sword, I
hope you would never need to use it, neither."
After saying those things and handing him the sword, Jander saw a
look of concern in his father's visage. Something was definitely wrong.
He would learn it sooner or later - he must start preparing for his trip.
Uh...his father just told him that there's a conspiracy to kill the king.
Doesn't that qualify as something wrong?
At last, he would be out in the open for at least four days; he now
had the chance to go places. That is, after he delivered the letter and
when the rain stopped.
Jander went to his room and packed for the early part of the
afternoon.
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The rain stopped a couple of hours before sunset. Since the matter
was urgent, Jander had to leave as quickly as possible.
After riding for about an hour, Jander heard the flapping of huge
wings. He looked up and saw -
It was about 20 feet long, a third of its length a massive tail. It
had batlike wings and it was covered with what looked like huge scales.
On its doglike head were three horns, two pointing at each side of his
head and one pointing directly up.
Jander had never seen or even heard of a creature like this. And
this creature was going in the direction of his village.
What, he's never heard of dragons?
Jander began to panic: should he go back and help in the village,
for he was sure he wouldn't reach the village in time, or should he
continue with his errand? He thought that he could postpone his trip
until morning, he wanted to go back and fight, if possible.
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It took him another hour to get back to the village. Houses were
burning and a thick blanket of smoke covered the area.
Jander's a screeew-up!
Jander's a screeew-up!
Jander jumped off of his horse and ran to the general direction of
the monster.
At close range, it looked even more imposing. The monster was
currently being held back by a group of men led by his father. The other
men just kept on swinging, for they had no formal training. Their
pitchforks just bounced of the monster's plated body.
The monster's eyes were fixed on one person: Jander's father.
Gee, I hope Dad has time to scold him for his dereliction of duty.
The father did his best to try to fend off the monster, but with
Give dear old Dad a name, or at least call him "Father". "The father"
is far too remote and generic.
one of its huge clawed hands, the monster successfully hit the father,
"successfully hit" is redundant. This could be made much more graphic
and dynamic. "one of the monster's huge hands lashed out, blood
spattering from the tips of its claws as Father was flung into the side
of a house and slid to the ground limply."
Think action. Think mayhem. Think about the blood pumping in people's
veins and arteries.
Anyone hungry?
throwing him about ten feet.
Jander's father hit the side of a house, slid to the ground and
stayed there.
The monster then went on all fours and prepared to charge.
The monster would probably look for another moving target.
Seeing this, Jander drew his sword and charged toward the monster.
He did not care about his mission anymore. He would kill this thing.
As his sword came in contact with the monster's skin, his sword
broke.
Jander's a screeew-up!
Jander's a screeew-up!
Ever think about what it feels like to have a sword snap in your hand?
The monster just ignored him.
The monster then charged Jander's father. It hit the house behind
the father, crushing it.
Oh come on. You're destroying a house! Imagine the feel of that impact
in your feet, and how the roof caves in after the wall rips apart!
Consider the mechanics of it all. The creature's legs aren't all that long,
are they? So the monster charges into the wall for some inexplicable reason,
shatters it, and then the roof falls on it's head. Naturally since we aren't
going for slapstick here, it then rears up, tearing through the wood and
shingles.
Getting desperate, Jander grabbed the only other weapon that he
could reach - the sword his father gave to him. If it were as powerful as
his father said, he would win.
When he unwrapped the sword, he could feel the power radiating from
the sword. When he held the sword in his hand, he could feel the power
surging through his body.
In his head, a female voice began to talk.
"Now is your chance for fame, kill it, now!"
Feh. What a petty sword. She could at least tell that this is his chance
for greatness.
Jander stabbed the monster with the sword. The sword went through
cleanly.
The sword went through _what_ cleanly? Where did Jander stab it? This
isn't a D&D game. Where you hit matters.
The monster felt the pain and pivoted, then stared at Jander.
Jander kept on slashing the monster.
He rolls, but this time doesn't beat it's armour class with his +3 Ego
Sword.
A huge clawed hand swiped at Jander, hitting him, making him fly.
Jander should be dead now.
Jander hit a wall, but to his surprise, he felt only a slight pain.
Feh. I want Jander to hurt. He deserves to hurt.
The monster then charged at him. Jander, seeing what the monster
wanted to do, met the monster head-on.
Delete "seeing what the monster wanted to do".
With one thrust, he hit the monster right between the eyes.
The momentum of the monster carried both of them toward a wall,
crushing the wall, pinning Jander in-between the wall and the monster's
head.
The monster screamed in pain, Jander then continued on stabbing the
creature's head.
The monster then tossed his head randomly trying to get rid of
Jander. Jander fell off the monster and, with a single thrust, pierced
the monster's belly. Jander could feel the power coming from the sword.
With one final breath, the thing just exploded, sending chunks of
meat flying everywhere.
Mmm. Tastes like chicken.
After defeating the monster, Jander hurriedly searched through the
rubble trying to find his father. Surprisingly, even with all the
thrashing made to him, Jander still felt as strong as he was earlier.
With all the wounds he should have had, theoretically he shouldn't have
been able to walk. But, he still felt powerful and could see no scars on
his body.
Feh.
With the help of the other villagers, the rubble was cleared and
his father was found. Even with all the help in clearing the rubble, it
was still too late. All the wounds he took, plus his old age was enough
to snuff the life out of him.
Jander knelt beside his fallen father and wept.
Tonight, they would bury and remember the dead; tomorrow, he would
go out and finish his mission. Then he would search every living kind of
that monster and kill them, one by one. He had the power to destroy them
all.
Good thing destroying them won't take good judgement or discipline.
If someone was controlling these monsters, that person would pay
dearly.
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Even with all the pain, sleep took over Jander's body. His father
taught him that pain and death were important in life. Those two things
made a person better. If a person succeeds, he gains a victory.
And 175 experience points.
If he
loses something, he learns a lesson.
In his mind, the voice kept on talking to him. The voice, at first,
started comforting him. It told him about the days he spent with his
father, later telling him that he will always be there, watching over
You said it was a female voice.
him, and will guide him every step of the way.
Then the voice began to change gear. It kept on telling him that
the creature he destroyed does not exist in his realm naturally. Some
powerful wizard or demon summoned it.
The voice was now urging him to find whoever is responsible and
destroy that person.
The voice then kept on repeating, I will always be here to help
you, give yourself to me and we cannot be beaten.
Jander only heard the voice, he did not see a face but he felt a
strong presence. Jander told the voice, I will finish my mission then I
will destroy the one responsible for my father's death. He would want me
to do the thing that would benefit more people.
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Morning arrived and he had to go. Bidding farewell to the
villagers, he set out for the capital. If he rode with minimal stops, he
would probably reach his destination a couple of hours after sunset.
The rest of the day's way was uneventful, he rode straight for the
castle. The only time he stopped was to give the horse a few minutes'
rest - a dead horse was useless to him. In the villages he passed, he
warned them of those flying creatures.
All throughout his journey, the voice kept on talking to him,
encouraging him to finish his mission. In an enticing voice, it told him
that she would always be there, that if they were together they would be
unstoppable.
By nightfall, he reached the woods near the capital.
He could see smoke coming out from the capital. He could also hear
the distinct flapping of wings.
Jander's a screeew-up!
Those monsters are here. He was too late.
He then heard a scream. Jumping off his horse, he took out the
sword and headed toward the scream.
In a clearing, he saw a young woman and an armored man being
surrounded by two of the monsters he fought in his village.
You need at at least three to surround anything.
Tightening his grip on the sword, he charged towards one of them.