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The sun was shining.
The traffic was light.
The Ultradome was...quiet.
This last fact worried the people fortunate enough to live near the
Ultradome, for it was only a few hours before the weekly event. Normally, the
area would be redefining the term "noise pollution" as the repair crew put the
finishing touches on any damage from last week, the last convoy of supplies
came screeching through town and the occasional interdimensional warlord warped
in to demand season tickets... But not today.
Inside, the silence was unnatural. Gone were the endorsers and IRS agents
lurking around every corner, the few employees who were forced to be there
banded together in small groups and always made sure there were two exits from
any room they were in. This could only mean one thing...
Kamiversial Jack was in a bad mood.
At the moment, he was wandering through the hallways, lost in thought.
While the past few weeks had been great and all, the ratings hadn't gotten much
higher. Sure, they were the highest rated show in world history, but that
wasn't the point. He had run through the gauntlet of "acceptable" controversy
and was at a loss of how to reach those last few groups of
people who pretended they had better things to do.
*Squeak!*
Jack paused in his musings and smiled at his ever-present sidekick,
"That's a excellent idea as always, Mr. Duck." His smile faded a bit, "But that
would cause those pesky picket groups to come back..*Squeak?*..and teleporting
them to the stage of a strip club is only funny once."
*Squeak...*
He sighed and continued walking, there had to be a way to steal a few more
rating points. He just needed a little inspiration...
"M..Mr. Jack, sir?"
Jack spun around and loomed over the person who dared bother him,
"[WHAT?]"
The intern squeaked and lost her grip on a box she was carrying,
"Um..s..sir? Sorry to b..bother you, but can you d..direct me to Lost & Found?"
Jack instantly became cheerful, "Miss, I'll do better then that and take
it there myself, gives you some extra running time...you can thank me later!"
"You..you will?" The intern sagged in relief, "Thank you, it's my fir..."
then his full statement caught up to her. "Um..running time?"
His smile turned predatory, "After all, anybody who REALLY works here
would know where L&F was." He sighed and shook his head in sympathy, "Obviously
you're a spy and not a very good one at that. Security has been bored lately,
I'm sure they'll enjoy tracking you down."
"S..spy? You don't understand, this is my fir..."
"I'd say YOU don't understand, Miss. You're wasting valuable seconds
talking to me when you could be crawling through the air vents!" He pushed her a
bit, "Now run along before I find my cel-phone."
The woman paled and took off down the hallway, screaming for help.
"Ah, nothing like stopping a bit of espionage to clear up a bad mood, eh
Mr. Duck?" He then noticed the box the intern dropped, "Aha! Evidence!" and
began to happily rummage through it, It was then he noticed the item that
changed the night...
It was a purse.
A black silk purse.
with a rose motif...
It looked vaguely familiar and curiosity caused him to open it. When he
saw the student ID, his eyes lit up...
When he saw the vials, it was almost like Christmas...
"Heh. This'll do for tonight, and I know just the people to try it on."
* * *
LIVE!
FROM THE ULTRADOME!
THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
AND IMPROFANFIC!
IT'S TIME FOR...
{ M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R }
{ F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N }
{ .-----------. }
{ | U-L-T-R-A | }
{ `-----------' }
{ http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic }
Episode 28: Epicalypse
Written <ie. Horribly Mangled> by: Ilmater
The very foundations of the Ultradome began to shudder as the human ocean
that was the crowd made as much noise as possible the second the camera lights
clicked on. The roar reached its peak as Hiroshi stood up and waved wildly at
the crowd. They knew, after all what what coming next...
"Are you ready for some...ULTRA-VIOLENCE?!?!?"
The crowd showed it was indeed ready by attempting to collapse the
building with pure excitement. A few unlucky souls were knocked unconscious by
falling bits of the ceiling, which caused a miniature riot as people fought over
pieces of THE actual Ultradome. Or as a alternative, pieces of clothing of
people who were hit by THE actual Ultradome. At least they
didn't fight back.
Hiroshi mugged for the crowd a bit more, then sat back down. His outfit
was almost normal this week, consisting of a simple white dress shirt, black
slacks and a pair of cowboy boots. For some reason he still had the glitter
wand from last week tucked into a shirt pocket, that and the bright blue heart-
shaped sunglasses ruined the classy effect of the rest of his clothing.
Daisuke glanced at his partner in crime, "Trying to impress somebody
tonight Hiroshi?"
Hiroshi blushed a bit and jumped to his feet, "Of course not, just wanted
to look good for the fans, thought they would appreciate it, RIGHT EVERYBODY?"
The resulting sonic boom from the crowd threw him back into his chair.
Daisuke sighed and motioned towards the teleprompter. "Whatever, just tell
me when it's my turn."
"Hmm?..Oh, right! Tonight will be a night to remember, as we head into
this week's EPICALYPSE!"
"Epi-what?"
A dreamy smile appeared on Hiroshi's face, "EPICALYPSE, wow..that sounds
pretty impressive. What's on the card tonight, Dais?! No, wait..let me guess, a
EVA flaming table match? Pokemon Evening Gown Match? A Sephiroth-Akuma
DANCEATHON?!"
Daisuke...edged his seat a couple of inches away, "Actually, the card's
blank."
That statement kicked Hiroshi out of his blissful fantasy world "WHAT?"
Daisuke flipped the sheet at him, "See for yourself, except for the
opening match, which is just marked Lambda...it's all blank."
"Hmm, you know what this means, Daisuke?"
"A cheap ploy to get people to stay tuned in?"
"No, no..it means the matches are probably so AMAZING, that knowing about
them and then being forced to *wait* for them would be considered cruel and
unusual punishment!"
"Right...I'll stick with my theory."
Hiroshi glared at him and raised the glitter wand high into the air, which
caused the crowd to start chanting "WORK WITH HIM, DAISUKE!"
Daisuke closed his eyes and suppressed the urge to strangle him. It
wasgoing to be a very long night...
* * * *
Shampoo carefully brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes and smiled
at the mirror. It had taken a hour or so, but it was well worth it. Perfection
smiled back at her as she made a final readjustment. After all, she wanted to
look her best when she taught those two demon sluts what happens when you mess
with the Amazons. She had no doubt who would be
victorious tonight, for she had more skill then both of them combined. Her
confidence increased as she carefully lifted a wrapped object from her
belongings and slowly drew it out.
Her great-grandmother had deemed the match important enough to honor
Shampoo with one of her personal treasures, a bonbouri she used in her youth.
It was much more impressive looking then her normal weapons, everything about it
was meant to intimidate, from the intricately carved dragons on the head to the
jagged, close-combat spike jutting off of the
handle. Shampoo frowned briefly as she noted the spike. It would not do to get
disqualified during her moment of glory. She was just about to wrap a bit of
leather around it when there was a timid knock on the door.
She quickly stuffed the weapon back in her bag, stormed to the door and
flung it open "Mousse! It no time yet, you go...away?"
It was James.
It was James in a fuku.
It was James in a fuku and a badly-fitting wig.
Shampoo couldn't stop the silly grin that forced its way through her
control. "Wha...Heh..What you want, James?"
James fluttered his fake eyelashes and squealed in a disturbingly female
way, "You must have me confused with somebody else, My name is...er...Yuki! Can
I have your autograph, Shampoo? I love you!"
"No time for games, James. You go away."
James started to panic. Somehow she had seen through his plan. He was
dealing...with a genius. Time for Plan B and time to get hurt. "Wait! Is that
a...stain?"
Shampoo started to examine herself frantically, "Aiya! Where?"
James took a deep breath, gathered his courage...AND MUSSED HER HAIR.
Her hair, which took over an hour to perfect...
As the various ornaments and chains clattered to the floor, Shampoo froze
and slowly looked up at him, a look which robbed James of his voluntary muscular
control.
"You..." she flung him against the opposite wall of the hallway,
"Die..." lifted him over her head and brought his face within inches of
her own..."Now."
At least she was out of her room. His mission was complete. Hopefully
he'd lose consciousness before the real pain started. Only a miracle could save
him now.
And 'lo did Tifa Lockheart walk around the corner, lost in thought.
James began to wildly flail his free arm in the direction of her,
"ack...Tiffaaack!"
She started and looked up in time to dodge a bench, a trash can, and James
impersonating a projectile. Her face fell as she noticed who her attacker was.
Tifa sighed at the Amazon's obvious glee, "Yes, I know, You kill." and
sprinted back around the corner.
Shampoo ran after her, only stopping to stomp on James a few times. "I
kill later."
"I have match soon! You stop, I kill quick!"
"In your dreams, psycho!"
James decided it was time to go to sleep for a week or so.
A few seconds after the shouting died down, a figure appeared in the
unoccupied dressing room. Closing the door, it walked over to the table that
held Shampoo's standard equipment. Holding a vial up to the light, the being
smiled and got to work.
"Heh, if it worked for Shakespeare, it'll work for Ultra, don't you
think?"
*Squeak*
* * * *
About fifteen minutes had passed, and both announcers were getting
worried, *nothing* had happened yet. No music. No messages on the 'Tron. Even
the teleprompter had stopped spewing out phrases for them to read, and there was
only so long you could talk about a opening match simply marked Lambda. Though
security had passed out Frisbees and beachballs a while ago, the crowd was still
getting fairly restless and were starting several unfriendly chants.
"Team Hentai! Psycho Soldiers? No, No! Pikachu/Blanka going for the
titles!! YEAH, BABY!"
"Hiroshi, stop it, you've gone through the entire Lambda league about ten
times now."
Hiroshi put his head down on the table and started twitching,
"Stress....rising... ...vision....blurring."
"Remember, no more NERV..."
Hiroshi shot up to his feet, "I..I can't take this anymore!" He waved the
wand at the entrance ramp, "IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I SHALL PUNISH YOU!"
It was Daisuke's turn to slump onto the table, "Oh, God..he finally
snapped."
As if a nervous breakdown was what they were waiting for, the speakers
suddenly kicked to life with a unfamiliar music track. (Voodoo Child, Jimi
Hendrix) A small figure in a referee outfit started jogging towards the ring.
The crowd <and Hiroshi> went into a frenzy of cheering.
Daisuke slowly looked up, "..the hell? Great, it's Gosunkugi, I wonder who
paid him off tonight?"
Hiroshi's response was to do a few victory laps around the table, cheering
incoherently.
Gosunkugi climbed into the ring and nervously caught a microphone from one
of the stagehands. The crowd quieted as he cleared his throat, preparing to
hang on his every word.
"Ladies and Gentleman, um, we apologize for the delay and er, are ready to
begin the first event." The crowd gave him a standing ovation. Of course, the
Orochi would have gotten a cheer for that remark. "Um, at this time, making
their way to the ring, The Jusenkyo... Survivors!" The crowd relieved a little
stress by drowning out the first few chords of "Lai Lai Boy."
It was obvious something had happened to Shampoo as she stormed down the
ramp. Her hair was a mess, her left eye was swollen shut and she was limping.
She paid no attention to the crowd and stayed focused on the ring. Mousse
hovered over her, talking to her softly while scanning the crowd for suprise
attacks.
<Shan Pu, won't you reconsider? You've been through enough tonight, please
give me the honor of starting.>
<Feh, I could not count on you even if our opponents were asleep. You will
keep the corner warm as always...It is the only thing you're good at.>
<But..you've already been defeated onc...>
Shampoo turned towards him, eye blazing. "I NO lose! Girl hid and ambush
like coward! I win tonight" she snapped her fingers twice, "quick, quick! You
stay out of way or else!" With that said, she thrust her weapons at him for him
to hold and climbed into the ring.
Mousse flinched as the combat spike tore a hole through his sleeve.
Keeping an eye on the referee, he whispered <Shan Pu, You know there are no
blades allowed in the ring. You will have to leave this out.>
Shampoo looked blank for a moment, then horrified. <I..I was distracted
before I could blunt it. I must use it, it will disappoint great-grandmother if
I do not. Can you do anything?>
Mousse did a brief search of his robe and pulled out a couple of
handkerchiefs. <This is the best I can do, are you sure you want to use it? I
have a spare weapon as always for you, my love>
<Feh, I want nothing from you, just wrap it. Quickly!>
Gosunkugi cleared his throat again, "And the win...Uh, excuse me, the
challengers, they're lovely, luscious, and licka..er..lethal! Morrigan
and...Lillith!"
The normal NIN theme song played normally until Morrigan came out and
started her usual fanservice to the crowd, then it ground to a halt. The
audience murmured in confusion and Morrigan put a hand to her temple, "Oh no,
she didn't." A few seconds later, a VERY catchy dance beat started, <Steal my
Sunshine, Len> and Lillith shot out of the back at top speed,
knocking over Morrigan. She waved her Hardcore belt at the fans, pumping them
up.
"Wai! Hi everybody! Hi Hiro-kun!"
Daisuke raised an eyebrow, "Odd music choice, don't you think Hiroshi?"
"It started! It started! THANK god, it finally started! Hahaha!"
"..."
Morrigan dusted herself off and glanced at her sister in annoyance.
Hopefully the plan would work perfectly, she still wasn't sure how Lillith would
react. Keeping her in the dark seemed safer, though it made her feel a little
guilty. Morrigan flew over the ropes and landed next to Gosunkugi, "Let's start
this charade, eh?"
================
LAMBDA MATCH 1
Jusenkyo Survivors
VS.
Clan Aensland...FIGHT!
As the bell rang, Shampoo assumed a defensive position, she knew she
wasn't at her full potential and had decided to let her opponent make the first
move...and mistake.
Morrigan, on the other hand, assumed a bored expression and started to
examine her nails.
"Hmm, a good strategy for Shampoo, she doesn't look up to speed right now
and Morrigan must know that. Shampoo isn't the most patient of people, probably
trying to anger her into a mistake."
Hiroshi nodded eagerly, "I'd say this match may go to Clan Aensland."
"You wouldn't be biased for any reason, would you?"
"Of..of course not!" he then pointed towards the ring, "LOOK! Shampoo
is...MOVING!"
Daisuke rolled his eyes and went back to watching the fight.
Shampoo had apparently gotten tired of waiting and had advanced on her
opponent, which had the effect of the succubi putting her hands behind her back
and whistling. Fearing a trick of some kind, Shampoo stopped just out of range
and began to feint at her with a bonbouri, trying to get a reaction. Morrigan
simply took a step back and began to yawn. Shampoo's
expression darkened and she closed in for a cautious thrust, causing Morrigan to
leap backwards and take to the air. Expecting a ki-blast, Shampoo quickly dove
towards the center of the ring to give herself plenty of room to maneuver. As
she sprang to her feet, she saw that not only did Morrigan fail to follow her,
she also had turned her back and was posing for the camera happy crowd.
Shampoo eyed the succubi in disgust, "Hey, demon slut! We here to fight or
play?"
Morrigan perched herself on a turnbuckle and looked innocently at Shampoo.
"Fighting? How cute! Is that what you call what YOU were doing?"
Daisuke smirked, "And here it comes folks..."
Shampoo turned purple as the audience started to chant "I KILL!" She
charged at Morrigan and put all of her strength into a vicious overhand strike
that probably would have ended the match, had it connected.
Morrigan flipped over Shampoo, leaving the poor turnbuckle to take the
blow. The impact not only shook the entire ring, it also set off the suprise
that Morrigan was hoping for. Shampoo started as there was a click and a sudden
sharp pain in her wrist, causing her to almost drop her weapon. Glancing down
in suprise, she noticed a small, spring-loaded needle
had been plunged into her wrist, someone had sabotaged the handle of her
bonbouri!
"Well now, you certainly made that easy."
Shampoo looked up in fury at the grinning succubi. <Dishonorable bitch!
You dare use assassin tricks during a sparring match?>
Morrigan cupped a hand to her ear and leaned forward <causing a stroke and
two heart attacks in the audience.> "Hmm, what's that you say? Sorry dear, I
only speak human."
Shampoo let out a primal scream and flung the offending weapon at
Morrigan. Though she managed to dodge it, she was left off-balance long enough
for Shampoo to tackle her. While the two of them rolled around on the mat,
Gosunkugi slid out of the ring to retrieve the thrown bonbouri.
"A suprise move from the referee!" enthused Hiroshi. "Retrieving Shampoo's
weapon for her is a very fair move we didn't expect to see tonight!"
Gosunkugi ruined Hiroshi's good mood however, by kicking the weapon under
the ring.
"However, that is something we did expect to see from him tonight."
Daisuke said, narrowing his eyes. "What was the point of doing that anyways?
Shampoo is just as good unarmed as she is armed."
Lillith frowned as she watched Gosunkugi climb back into the ring. That
wasn't very nice of him. At all. Even if Shampoo was one of her opponents
tonight, that was probably a valuable item. How would he feel if somebody did
that to him? She'd just have to go get it. She brightened as she jumped off the
apron, maybe this would help make up for that awful trick they played on her a
few weeks ago.
In the ring, Morrigan had managed to throw Shampoo off of her and regain
her footing. She smiled as she noticed Shampoo was sweating a lot more then she
should be and was having a lot of trouble getting to her feet. "You look a
little tired, dear. Why don't you lie down and we can end this silly little
spat, Hmm?"
"Y-you no b...b...beat me like th...this."
Lillith had finally found Shampoo's weapon and almost stuck herself on the
protruding needle. What a odd place for a needle. Why would..? A sudden
horrible thought crossed her mind. Her sister wouldn't do something like this.
Would she?
Shampoo shakily reached into her blouse <causing a few catcalls from the
crowd> and withdrew a locket. She fought off a wave of dizziness as she
struggled to open it with hands that didn't want to listen to her. After what
seemed like a eternity, she popped it open, revealing a few pills. She cursed
as a sudden loss of balance caused her to stagger, spilling most of them onto
the floor. Sinking to one knee, she finally managed to put the remaining ones
into her mouth. She hoped she wasn't too late.. With little else then pure
willpower she staggered back to her feet. She was tired. The crowd seemed to
have gone away. It was so quiet. The room was refusing to stay still. Where
was Morrigan? Was she still fighting? Mousse would help her...he always did.
Where was he? They shouldn't have dimmed the lights
like that. Where was she? I'm..I'm scared. Mousse? Where..where are you? You
have to be here. You always are. Help me. Please?
Both announcers and the crowd were dead silent as they watched Shampoo
shamble around like a zombie. Even Morrigan wasn't smiling anymore. She had
already collapsed a few times, but always managed to get back up before
Gosunkugi completed the 10 count. Mousse had clued in something was wrong from
the silence and had started a frantic search for his glasses. He found them
just in time to see her fall for the last time. He leaped over the ropes and
knelt by her as Gosunkugi started the count.
One...
Mousse turned her over and gasped at what he saw, she had fallen on her
bonbouri and the spike had torn a wicked gash in her upper left thigh. While
her eyes were still open, she didn't seem to be focusing on anything.
Two...
Mousse tore one of his sleeves off and quickly bandaged her wound, It
looked pretty bad. He doubted she would be able to continue, let alone walk
anytime soon. Her eyes briefly focused on him. "Mousse?"
For the first time in his announcing career, Daisuke was furious. "What
the hell did Sex & Violence trying to prove with this? This is a all-time low
for Ultra and if they get away with this, so help me..."
Five...
"I..I'm here Shampoo." Shampoo smiled slightly, "I knew..you..find me."
"You're still in the ring, Shampoo..."
Shampoo's smile vanished, "Ring? She. Poison."
Six...
Mousse reached into his robes and pulled out a locket similar to
Shampoo's. Opening it quickly, he fed her the contents. Tears blurred his
vision as he cradled her to him. "You'll be ok, Shampoo..I promise."
Eight...
"You open..restraunt today? I no..feel good."
"..."
Nine...
"I forfeit!"
Gosunkugi stopped his count and looked over at...
Lillith.
"W-what?!"
Lillith glared at him. "You heard me. I forfeit."
Gosunkugi looked over at Morrigan who was still staring entranced at
Shampoo's fallen form. He hesitated for a long moment. Only when Lillith came
into the ring and started stalking towards him did he finally signal for the
bell.
Lillith seemed almost in tears as she shook the altered bonbouri at her
sister. "How..How could you do that to her? HOW COULD YOU?"
That seemed to jolt Morrigan awake and returned her to normal. "It..it was
just a joke. Jack said..." then clapped her hands over her mouth.
Lillith gaped at her, "Jack? a JOKE?" and seemed about to say more but
something else grabbed her attention.
Mousse was standing up.
Mousse was standing up and looking at Morrigan.
Mousse was generating enough battle aura to power the entire city of
Tokyo.
Morrigan following Lillith's gaze, slowly turned around and went pale.
"You.....[DARE].....POISON.....[MY].....GODDESS??"
Daisuke and Hiroshi exchanged a glance and immediately hid under the
table, they were soon joined by Lillith. Gosunkugi chose Plan B and passed out.
Everybody in the first ten rows ducked, despite the force shield that seperated
them from the action.
Morrigan backed up a little and regained some of her normal confidence.
"Yeah, I dare, and I'll do the same to you if you don't back off, got it?"
She never saw him move. She just felt his opening kick.
He was nowhere. He was everywhere. Trying to defend was like to trying
to block a hurricane with a paper umbrella. For every hit she blocked, three
more slipped through. For every blow she managed to land on him, he gave back
ten-fold. Her last instinctive action was to blindly reach behind her, perhaps
searching for Lillith. When he broke her arms, she couldn't even do that.
When he broke her leg, she was mercifully unconscious.
He probably wouldn't have stopped there, but a figure warped in behind him
and wrapped their arms around him, trapping him.
It was Goku.
For all of Mousse's rage, Goku held him as easily as he would a child.
Medical personal swarmed out of the back and sprinted to the two women. Mousse
redoubled his efforts to get free as they carried Shampoo away, but to no avail.
Goku finally released him after the Medteam had safely left the area. Mousse
pulled a scimitar from his sleeve and whirled to strike at Goku, but he was
already gone. Mousse began to yell phrases in Mandarian best left untranslated
and started to hack the ring to pieces. He only got a few slashes in before
Tron Bonne appeared with a impressive amount of Lego-Men and a megaphone.
"CHARGE!"
Amazingly enough, Mousse managed to hold his own against the first wave,
destroying many of them in a wild barrage of chains. The second through fifth
wave however, proved too much for him and he was soon battered into
unconsciousness and dragged to the back.
Several silent moments passed before Hiroshi stuck his head out to take a
look around. He took in the heavily damaged ring, the dozens of chains strewn
about the arena and the several pile of parts formally known as Security.
He weakly looked at the only upright camera. "We'll be back after these
commercial messages." He flinched as the ring chose that moment to collapse. "I
hope."
* * * *
To describe the mood of the Ultra control room at the moment only took one
word: Tension.
No one dared make a sound as Jack paced around the room. All of his
attention was focused on one mystic spot, a oracle of sorts. The answers he
would soon receive from it would determine his mood for the rest of the night.
Time seemed to stand still for the employees as they watched the battle of wills
between Jack and...
The fax machine.
Everybody edged back when the machine finally whirled to life and spat out
a single sheet of paper. Jack tackled the machine as if he were afraid it
was going to attempt to escape. His overreaction overturned the table and sent
a flurry of paper up into the air, hiding him from sight.
A long, silent moment passed as everybody leaned forward, awaiting the
moment of truth. Would they celebrate or would they flee? They were answered as
Jack abruptly reappeared, head high, message raised, and smile wide.
"Ladies, Gentlemen, and James!" he began, "The ratings do not lie! Culture
has triumphed!" He took a slight bow and let the halfhearted cheering die down.
"And since I'm in such a good mood now, you all have ten WHOLE minutes to get
the arena back in shape. Starting now."
The laws of Time and Space were largely ignored as the room emptied of
people in the blink of an eye, save for Kasumi, who was looking out the viewing
window at the ongoing repairs.
Jack smiled and glanced again at next week's ratings. They more then
doubled his expectations. "And you said time travel was difficult, Tendo. I
could have done that in my sleep."
For a moment, he didn't think she was going to reply. Finally, she turned
to face him. "Culture? How can you call what you did culture?"
Jack looked at her in amazement, "I'm suprised at you, Tendo. I thought
you of all people here would recognize my influence." He reached into his coat,
pulled out a handful of yellow pamphlets and handed them to her.
Kasumi blinked as she read the titles. Romeo & Juliet. Hamlet. The
Tempest.
"Shakespeare?"
"Yeah! I always thought Shakespeare was for limp-wristed pansies who
thought bingo was a high contact sport." He said as he happily flipped through
a Cliff Note version of Macbeth. "But look as all this! Carnage! Terror!
Betrayal! It all fits in perfectly with us. It worked so well tonight as a
warm-up that maybe I'll do a theme show sometime. Hmm, How about Taming of the
Shrew, Ultra style?"
Kasumi just stared helplessly at him and he sighed. "So a few people got
hurt, big deal. Happens all the time everywhere, Tendo. That's why we have a
medical staff, you know. They'll be back in a couple of weeks ready to kill each
other again. You think I would let anything permanent happen to my stars? Give
me SOME credit."
He winked and gestured towards the still subdued crowd. "As for them,
well, the next match should snap them out of shock. If you can't please them,
confuse them."
After all, what could possibly go wrong?
* * * *
"And we're back..."
Daisuke cleared his throat and shuffled a few papers he was handed just as
the cameras refocused on them. "Repairs are proceeding nicely and are expected
to be done in a few minutes. We now have official word that Morrigan and
Shampoo are in serious, but stable condition. Neither one has regained
consciousness yet and are not expected to tonight. Let me assure you that this
matter will be investigated to the best of our ability." He paused and switched
pages, "The night will continue as planned. Again, we apologize for any
distress caused by the incident."
Hiroshi just sat there, staring at the table until he was elbowed by
Daisuke. "...And now, can we direct your attention to the ControversialTron at
this time."
It obediently lit up to show the smiling face of Washu, causing a small
cheer from the audience. "Hello everybody! I've been asked to run the next
match. And have I got a treat for you all tonight! May I direct your attention
to the screen currently being teleported in to the right of me."
An exact copy of the ControversialTron appeared and hovered to her right,
It currently read... Experiment #1674-B-Alpha: WASHUTECH RANDOM STIPULATION:
TEST
This seemed to snap Hiroshi out of his depression. "Amazing! Washu-chan,
what exactly does this...do?"
Washu assumed a serious expression, "I'm glad you asked, Hiroshi." and
leaned forward a bit. "The truth is, I don't know!" She giggled at the stunned
expressions of the announcers. "I apparently whipped this little baby up during
a sake party during my..leave of absence here. Have you ever tried to read a
schematic you wrote while intoxicated? Let me tell you, it ain't easy."
"I have a very bad feeling about this."
Hiroshi playfully bopped him on the head with his wand, turning Daisuke's
hair a nice shade of pastel blue. "C'mon, Dais. Have faith in Washu-chan!"
"Stop calling me Dais... and why are you looking at me like that?"
Hiroshi blanched and hid the wand behind his back. "Um..."
Luckily for Hiroshi, Washu chose that moment to finish. "Ok! Everything's
powered up and ready to go. Hiroshi, would you like to assist me for my
initial test?"
"M-me? Really? I would be honored!" beamed Hiroshi. "What do I have to
do?"
"Just sit there, your presence is requested in the Medlab. Don't worry,
I'll record the match for you. Bye now." and with the flip of a switch, Hiroshi
was gone.
================
GAMMA MATCH 1
WashuTech Random Stipulation Match
??? vs. ???...FIGHT!
Washu beamed at the audience, "I've made this a Gamma match to minimize
the risk of anything destructive from occuring. Everything is random, people.
Even I don't know what's going to happen!" She made a final few adjustments,
leaned back and grabbed a bowl of popcorn. "Annnnd here we GO!"
Everybody watched in curiosity as text began to appear on the WashuTech screen.
1. GAMMA VS. 2. GAMMA
Stipulation 1: Power Enhancement
Stipulation 2: Hardcore Rules
Warning: Fan morale is not at optimum levels.
Suggestion: "Fan Favorites"
Searching.... Searching...
Found!:Dan Hibiki Found!: Shingo Yabuki
Within Teleportation Range?: Yes Within Teleportation Range?: Yes.
Accepted. Accepted.
There was no warning. One second the ring was empty, the next it was not.
And then the true horror began.
For Dan had appeared alongside a karaoke machine. And he was giving a
performance of a lifetime. Had his eyes been open, the following trauma may not
have occured.
"Walk like a man... YAHOO!"
"Talk like a man... OOSHA!"
The sound of thousands of people jeering at you is impossible to ignore,
even for Dan.
Dan's eyes snapped open with a vengeance, "Who dares interrupt Dan's sixth
encore?!" then he blinked and noted where he was. Not a bar in Osaka. The
Ultradome. That can't be right. Close eyes. Open eyes. Still the Ultradome.
Hmm, a dream? Dan pinched himself and yelped. Not a dream.
Shingo appeared in the middle of the ring, sharing a large beanbag chair
with Karin. While they were not draped over each other, they certainly seemed
comfortable enough to raise a few eyebrows in the crowd. They were currently
absorbed in watching a large screen TV that had teleported along with them.
<blip> RANMA, NO BAKA! <crunch>
<blip> RANMA, NO BAAAKAAAAA! <wham>
"See, Shingo-kun? My contacts were right! Master this move, and next time,
you'll have the advantage! ohohoho!"
"..."
"Shingo?"
"Did you know...that we seem to be sitting in the middle of the
Ultradome?"
Karin blinked and looked up, at the crowd.
The crowd waved and made a collective "Awww" as the music director started
up a little violin music. Karin broke several speed records as she went from
sitting next to Shingo, to standing outside the ring.
"This is a little strange, even for us." noted Daisuke.
Washu signaled for the bell and the match was underway.
Dan looked at Shingo.
Shingo looked at Dan.
They both looked at Washu.
Washu leaned forward, frowning. "You were brought here to entertain, you
know. And if you can't do it, I can." then she suddenly brightened, "Which one
of you would like their DNA recombined first?"
"Feh." fehed Dan, "Your threats have no effect on a..."
"SHINGO KICK!"
Daisuke winced as Dan's head was introduced to Shingo's foot. "Either
Karin is rubbing off on him or he really doesn't like the thought of ShingoChu.
Blindsiding someone isn't Shingo's style at all."
"Actually, the power enhancement field just raised their adrenaline a bit.
That probably is a factor as well." Washu said, appearing in the chair next to
Daisuke. "Ah, much better view."
Dan struggled back to his feet and glared at Shingo. "So, you wish to be
taught a lesson of pain from the powerful fists of Dan?! Very well, Saikyo
School is NOW (roll) IN (roll) SESSION!...[OOSHA!]"
Normally, a taunted foe of Dan's would take this extra time to decide what
part of Dan would produce the most interesting noises when kicked. However, his
taunting usually doesn't blast his opponent across the ring.
A solid blast of force emerged from Dan's mighty mouth and sent Shingo
sprawling.
Daisuke blinked. "That was new."
"My power enhancement field seems to be working nicely. They aren't
showing signs of spontaneous combustion like I feared." happily added Washu.
For the first few minutes of the match, Dan was in heaven. His taunting
had a viable purpose tonight. And while he didn't seem to be hurting Shingo very
much, he also was preventing him from getting close enough to strike. His
taunting reached a new level of style that night. He taunted in the air, He
taunted upside down, He taunted like there was no tomorrow. He even
risked...switching arms. And it probably would have continued until his vocal
cords gave out if Shingo wasn't thrown near the TV he came in with.
Imagine that for several minutes a large, invisible giant batted you
around playfully with a enormous pillow. And it had the maturity of a six year
old so you know this could last for hours. That's what Shingo was going
through. Now you'd do anything to stop it too, wouldn't you?
Shingo crawled behind the TV, wild-eyed. He had to make it stop. He had
to make it stop NOW.
Daisuke gaped as the TV suddenly shifted, "No way he could pick that up,
that's got to be at at least a 72 inch screen."
With a tortured scream of effort that made everybody wince, Shingo not
only picked it up, he THREW it across the ring. Dan panicked and attempted to
block with a Gadoken. Instead of the normal little puff-ball, a roaring bolt of
blue flame almost as tall as him shot from his hands and streaked towards the
TV. The resulting explosion knocked them both down.
Daisuke ducked as bits of glass embedded themselves into the table. "Um,
Washu? I think this is getting out of hand."
"Hmm, they both still seem to be increasing in power instead of having a
limit. Interesting."
Dan arose first, face blackened. "Despite double vision, I.. FIGHT.. ON!"
Shingo barely managed to sit upright. His spine was politely reminding
him that he just picked up several times his own weight by refusing to cooperate
on basic functions, such as "walk."
Dan walked over to the discarded karaoke microphone and picked it up. He
smiled at the audience, he knew just how to end this match. Since he wasn't
able to go back to his party, he might as well bring the party here. Humming a
bit, he set the volume to maximum and started up a music track. He began to
pose and stalked dramatically towards the frozen Shingo.
"Ok folks, Dan is apparently attempting to win via karaoke, which doesn't
suprise me as much as it should."
Washu winked, "Ah, but somebody seems to have remembered Stipulation #2."
Karin had apparently had enough, she grabbed a folding chair and started
climbing into the ring. Before she could enter however, Dan spun around and
froze her into place with nothing more then a gesture and a wink. Then Dan did
something that nobody EVER would have predicted.
He started a rendition of "MacArthur Park"
Daisuke was speechless. Washu fell out of her chair, laughing. The
audience cheered and started singing along. Only Shingo and Karin were unamused
as they were the closest to Dan's building battle aura as he went through his
"attack".
"Someone left the cake out..in the rain!" He sang as he dropped to one
knee and started sobbing. Shingo noticed with horror that Dan's eyes were now
glowing blue pools of ki.
"And I don't think I can take it..." It was now impossible to look
directly at Dan. He had his head thrown back and small bolts of energy were
crackling from every pore. The ring started to vibrate from the strain.
"'Cause it took so long to bake it..." Shingo winced as he forced himself
into a battle stance and concentrated. He only had one shot at this.
"...And I'll never have that recipe AGAIN! [OYYYYAAAAAJJJIIIIIIII!]" The
ring flared like a nova, blinding everybody nearby. The last note continued
higher and louder until the entire stadium was shaking. Every spotlight in the
Ultradome chose that moment to shatter. People ran for cover as the ceiling
spilt in half. And then it just... stopped. When vision returned, people saw
why.
The middle of the ring was now just a smoking Dan-shaped hole. The badly
burned form of Shingo swayed nearby. The only thing keeping him standing was a
short wooden pole he was leaning on. Scattered all around him were small chunks
of wood.
Shingo coughed up a little smoke and gasped, "Dan...No Baka."
As the bell rang, Daisuke came out of hiding. "That was disturbing, even
for us."
"Disturbing? That was fun! All in all, a good test run, and next time, I
won't disable the more exotic stipulations..." Washu added as she brought up her
computer, "like this one!"
Daisuke shuddered as he read the caption of "Carnivorous barbed wire" and
quickly waved for a commercial break.
* * * *
"I...I just can't believe they'd *do* something like that..."
Hiroshi grimaced as the distraught young succubus cried on his shoulder.
Comforting her as best he could, while subsconciously avoiding getting too
familiar, he whispered. "It's okay...they'll both be alright..."
"But that's not the *point*," Lillith sniffled. "My own sister...I mean, I
know she's not always the nicest person...she *is* a demon after
all...but..."
"But you never expected her to do something so low," Hiroshi finished.
Lillith simply sobbed louder.
Hiroshi sighed. "This is all Jack's fault, you realize. That psychotic
freak is getting out of control."
The young succubus nodded. "He's mean and nasty. He doesn't care who he
hurts, does he?"
Hiroshi simply shook his head.
"I don't wanna work for Jack anymore," Lillith said, wiping her eyes with
a
wing.
"Then don't," Hiroshi said. "Nobody's forcing you to stay in Sex &
Violence. Tell him you want out."
Lillith sniffled. "But...but...what if he says no? What if he gets mad?"
"Then tell him to suck it," Hiroshi advised, before remembering that those
weren't safe words to say around a succubus.
Lillith blinkblinked, then wiped her eyes again, looked at Hiroshi with
all
seriousness, and asked innocently, "Suck what, Hiro-kun?"
Hiroshi blinked, and sat there without moving for a second. Lillith
giggled, and threw her arms around him. "Thanks, Hiro-kun," she said.
"Thanks for cheering me up. I'll go talk to Jack and tell him I want out."
Giving him a peck on the cheek, she walked away.
Hiroshi unfroze after several seconds, and smiled slightly, rubbing his
cheek. "You're welcome," he whispered.
As Hiroshi unsteadily left the room as well, a figure hidden in the corner
closed its eyes. Damn. Jack was involved in the poisoning as well. She had
hoped the idea was solely the succubi's. She may be confident in her abilities
but to take on a god....
A god...
The URG Showdown.
Cologne opened her eyes and smiled. Jack may be god now, but there was
still a few weeks to..perhaps alter the odds a bit. She would need help,
however.
"Enjoy your happiness this day, Jack. For it will be the last day you
truly ever will."
******
The door to Jack's office opened ominously, and a small hurricane blew
through, radiating cuteness and deadly seriousness.
Jack looked up. "Why, hello Lillith! What can I do for you?"
Lillith planted her hands on Jack's desk, and leaned forward, staring him
right in the eye. "I want out."
Jack blinked. "Beg pardon?"
"You heard me," Lillith said. "I want out of Sex & Violence."
Jack's brow furrowed for a moment as he parsed this statement. Then he
chuckled. "Cute one, Lillith. Thanks, I needed a laugh--*urk*"
Lillith hauled the spiky-haired kami out of his chair, and leaned in close
enough to smell the secret sauce holding up his deadly bangs. "I mean it,
Jack. I don't want anything to do with your sick jokes and games anymore. I
want out."
Jack extracted himself from the succubus' grip, and sat back down,
straightening his tie. "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way," he said. He
shuffled some papers. "Well...if you want out..." He rubbed his chin
thoughtfully. Then he smiled. "You have to defend your hardcore title
tonight. Win, and you can do as you please. Lose..." He chuckled ominously.
"Lose, and your cute little demonic ass is *mine*."
Lillith smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile, although it was a cute smile.
"I can do that," she said. "I'll do it."
"Great!" Jack said. "I'll get the match set up immediately."
******
The cameraman signalled Daisuke that he'd be on in thirty. He glanced
around warily. "Where's Hiroshi?" he wondered.
A runner rushed up to the announcers' table, out of breath. "Hiroshi says
you're on your own for the next one," the runner huffed out.
Daisuke blinked. Hiroshi wasn't one to miss working the crowd. So where...
"Great. Just perfect. Now what am I supposed to do?"
"Relax, I'll fill in for him," Washuu said, from where she remained at the
table.
"You don't mind?" Daisuke asked.
Washuu shrugged. "Got nothing better to do at the moment." She grinned.
"Besides, this is kinda fun."
The cameraman began counting down from five, and Daisuke straightened up.
"Welcome back, folks. As you can see, the Ultradome's pretty busted up..."
The ControversialTron, which had only barely survived the earlier Gamma
match, flickered unsteadily to life. "Well, it looks like everyone's
favorite bastard god is checking in," Washuu cracked as Jack's maniacal
visage filled the screen.
"It's so nice to see you too, Washuu," Jack replied. "But the pleasantries
will have to wait, because right now, we're about to start the next match
of the night."
"Err...hopefully this is an Omega match," Daisuke opined, "because the
Ultradome isn't really in any shape for a battle right now..."
"Relax," Jack said, smiling. "Due to the damage to the arena, I've
personally selected a venue for tonight's exciting Hardcore title defense!"
"Ooooh, a title defense," Washuu chirped.
Jack grinned. "This is a special match. The hardcore champion asked
earlier
tonight to be dismissed from Sex & Violence. I've agreed to let her leave,
*if* she wins this match." He waited for the reactions from the crowd
before continuing, "So I thought to myself, 'Jack, old chap, what would be
the best venue for such a momentous battle?' Mr. Duck (*squeak!*) suggested
that it'd have to be a place with a lot of potential weapons laying around.
A real hardcore battleground. So I figured, what better place for that
than..."
The camera panned back, to reveal that Jack was standing at the ground
level of what might one day be a glorious, glistening skyscraper, but which
at the moment was barely half the skeleton of one.
"A construction site?" Daisuke asked.
"You are correct, sir!" Kamiversial Jack enthused. "Nature's perfect
hardcore arena!"
"Well, there are a lot of potential weapons lying around," Daisuke said at
length, "not to mention heavy equipment...maybe the risk of getting hit on
the head by falling objects..."
Jack burst out laughing.
The announcers blinked. "What's so funny?" Daisuke asked.
"Oh, dear Dais-kun," Jack mocked. "You're so silly. They're not going to
be
fighting on the *ground*..."
"They aren't?" Daisuke, ever the straight man, asked.
"Why, heavens no!" Jack boisterously proclaimed, pointing up. The camera
panned back to show the full height of the building frame, already at least
ten stories high. "They'll be fighting on high steel!"
The crowd produced the appropriate hushed murmur of awe.
"...that's pretty hardcore alright," Washuu agreed.
"So without further ado, let's begin!" Jack levitated himself up into the
girders, the camera following him all the way.
"Well, I guess we'll...take you now to the construction site where
tonight's hardcore title defense will be taking place," Daisuke said. As
the camera light winked out, he muttered, "I have a bad feeling about
this."
******
"In this corner," Jack announced, going for a really cheesy Buffer
impression, "The Hardcore champeen, the youngest succubus ever to succ a
bus..." The collective groan from the crowd could be heard all the way from
the Ultradome, causing Jack to grin maniacally. "...Sex and Violence's
newest turncoat, Lillith! And her personal bitch, Hiroshi."
The elevator ground up to the top floor of the structure, and from it
emerged Hiroshi, looking a bit miffed at the label pinned on him by Jack.
Lillith was seated upon his shoulders, and hoisted her title belt high
above her head as she stretched to the fullest height her seated position
would allow, working the crowds back at the 'Dome. Once Hiroshi cleared the
elevator landing, Lilith unseated herself, landed lightly on the nearest
girder, and handed her belt to Hiroshi for safekeeping. A quick good-luck
kiss (which didn't make Hiroshi feel especially lucky, but if it helped
Lillith, it was okay with him) later, Lillith was poised and ready to Do
Battle.
"Aaaaaaaand in this corner," Jack continued, "Weighing in at a combined
weight of...well, not really a whole lot..." Clearing his throat, he
continued, "THE REST OF SEX AND VIOLENCE! ...sans Morrigan."
A Meowth-shaped hot balloon appeared out of nowhere, and drifted lazily
over the construction site. Three ropes trailed from the basket, and
Jessie, James, and Marlo descended onto the steelwork, to a mass heel pop
from the Ultradome crowd watching via ControversialTron.
"Hey, what is this?" Washuu wondered, scowling. "Three against one?"
"An unfair but unsurprising move by Jack," Daisuke remarked.
"And your special referee for this match," Jack proclaimed, "...me!"
Snapping his fingers, he changed his normal attire into the black-and-white
stripes of a referee, complete with a striped tie.
"Oh, that's just great," Hiroshi grumbled off to the side.
"Don't worry, Hiro-kun," Lillith said, cracking her knuckles and
stretching
(much to the delight of the more lolicon-minded among the viewers). "I can
handle these losers."
Hiroshi smiled. "Go get 'em."
][ HARDCORE TITLE MATCH: LILITH vs. TEAM ROCKET with MARLO
][ FIGHT!
"Lillith would seem to be at an advantage in this match," Daisuke
commented. "While Jessie, James, and Marlo will need to be careful about
their balance, Lillith's ability to fly eliminates that problem."
Lillith advanced on Marlo, preparing to toss a chi blast. Marlo lunged in
low, checking his footing carefully, and smashed her in the face with a
barstool. She spun dizzily. As her back turned to the furniture warrior,
Marlo grinned. "Do it now, guys!" he yelled.
Jessie and James stepped forward, grinning, and whipped out a pair of
super
soakers. "Look out, Lillith!" Hiroshi yelled, just as they opened fire.
"Wonder what's in those soakers?" Daisuke wondered, with no enthusiasm
whatsoever.
A thick, viscous glop sprayed from the overgrown water guns as Team Rocket
advanced on the succubus. Lillith eeked, and jumped away, not turning to
see what was happening. She stretched her wings to take off...
Or tried to, anyway. "Wha--ack!" she yelped as she smacked face-first into
the girder.
"Lillith!" Hiroshi cried.
Team Rocket laughed their best evil laughs as Lillith tried pitifully to
unfurl her wings. "Looks like our super glue guns put you in a sticky
predicament, traitor," Jessie taunted.
"Now that's just low," Washuu said.
"But legal, unfortunately," Daisuke added. "And that takes away Lillith's
advantage."
Lillith jumped up, turned, and glared at her opponents. "That was really
mean!" she said. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get glue out of
your wings?"
"So come do something about it," James taunted.
Lillith charged after them, sparkly soul bats flying. Team Rocket covered
as best they could, then dove to the side, using magnetic pads to hang onto
the girder.
Which gave Marlo a clear path to slam Lillith with a brass day bed.
"Itai!"
"Hit her again! Yeah!" Jack cackled, watching from the elevator landing.
He felt a tap on his shoulder. "Yes?" he asked, turning just in time to
see
the Hardcore belt slam into his face, courtesy of Hiroshi.
"That's for calling me Lillith's bitch," Jack heard, just before passing
out.
"And the ref is out cold!" Washuu cheered.
Daisuke blinked. "Shouldn't he have been able to take that without falling
down?" he asked. "I mean, being God and all?"
Washuu shook her head. "Ordinarily, maybe, but Hiroshi hit him in his most
vulnerable spot."
"His nose?" Daisuke guessed.
"Nope. Controversy."
"Huh?" Daisuke intelligently replied.
"Hitting the ref with the title belt is a controversial move," Washuu
explained. "Knowing this, Jack obligingly got knocked out by it."
"Ah. That makes sense. I think."
Lillith spent several long moments dodging attacks from Marlo, unable to
counterattack for fear of losing her footing. "Lillith, catch!" Hiroshi
shouted.
Lillith let down her guard just long enough to turn and catch the rivet gun
Hiroshi had tossed. She nearly fell off the girder from its weight, but
recovered admirably...and just in time to block a La-Z-Boy strike from
Marlo. "Thanks, Hiro-kun!" Lillith called out as she fumbled with the gun.
Marlo prepared to lunge with the recliner, when...
*POW*
A rivet tore a hole right through it, and missed his ear by millimeters.
Marlo blinked.
Lillith grinned, and advanced, aiming the rivet gun at Marlo's crotch. The
furniture warrior paled. "No, please, don't..."
"How about a quick sex change?" Lillith asked, smiling. She fired, and...
Nothing.
Lillith blinked. "What the--?" She turned to see Arbok shaking the power
cable in its jaws, sparks popping.
On the level below, James threw a Pokeball, bouncing it off the nearest
vertical support. "Weezing, go!"
"WEEZING!" the smog Pokemon moaned as it floated up to Lillith's level.
"Weezing, tackle attack!"
"WEEZING!" The floating ball of poison hurled itself at Lillith, who eeped
and threw the useless rivet gun. The gun impacted, knocking Weezing out of
the sky.
"Weezing!" James cried. "Alright then...Victreebel, get her!"
A huge, hungry pitcher-plant emerged from the next thrown Pokeball. It
looked hungrily at its 'trainer'. James pointed at the small succubus.
"Look up there, Victreebel! Isn't that a much tastier looking dinner?"
Victreebel looked up. "Bel," it decided, and lashed out with its vine
whips, attempting to snare Lillith.
Lillith looked for viable escape routes. Behind her, Arbok blocked the
path, hissing menacingly. In front of her, Marlo advanced, taking a few
test swings with an incredibly ugly designer barbecue grill.
The vines were getting too close. Lillith, hoping this would work, made
her
decision...
And jumped.
"LILLITH!" Hiroshi cried.
"Well, that was quick," Marlo muttered, stowing his weapon.
"And Lillith has...wait! She's trying to catch one of the lower
girders..."
The camera panned down to show that Lillith had successfully latched onto
one of the girders with a death grip, and was carefully pulling herself up.
Above, Victreebel's vines wrapped around the girder where Lillith was
standing seconds earlier, and it began to swing towards her. Noticing this,
Lillith tossed off a quick bat-shaped chi blast, and took off running.
The blast knocked Victreebel back, but the Pokemon was not dislodged from
the girder, and swung to land on the level where Lillith was running. She
turned, noticed the pursuit, and continued to run, turning the corner.
A steel folding chair impacted the girder in front of her with a loud
clang.
Looking up, she saw Marlo, armed with a pile of similar chairs, grinning
sadistically as he began tossing them at her. She danced out of the way of
each chair, realizing that Marlo was trying to herd her into the ravenous
Pokemon.
The next chair that came down, Lillith caught, and swung it in a tight arc
just in time to knock Victreebel off the girder. Then, displaying the
agility of a gymnast, she cartwheeled out of the path of three more folding
chairs. As she sprang back to her feet, she felt hot, smoky exhaust on her
back.
"WEEZING!"
"Whoops," she said. Looking in front of her, she saw that Victreebel had
caught itself, and was pulling itself back up onto the girder.
She looked behind her. She looked in front of her. She looked up. She
looked down.
She wasn't about to try that jump again.
But she didn't exactly have any exits handy either.
A course of action ran through her mind. "Eww," she shuddered. Turning
around, she grabbed Weezing, and tossed it at Victreebel. Her aim was true,
and the smoggy Pokemon landed directly in the maw of the carniverous
pitcher plant. "Yatta!" she cheered.
A chair impacted her shoulder.
"Itai!" she yelped, then looked up at Marlo, who was busy replenishing his
arsenal. She scowled. "Okay, that does it." Stalking forward, she grabbed
the distressed Pokemon, and yanked on Victreebel's vines. Pulling loose
enough to use as a bola, she wound up, looking up at Marlo, and let loose.
The pair of Pokemon sailed through the air, slamming into Marlo, whose
guard was down. He acked, trying to whip out something large enough to
absorb the impact.
The futon he pulled out didn't quite cut it.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Marlo yelled as he plummeted toward the ground.
"Oooh, that's gonna hurt," Washuu said.
"And Marlo seems to have been...err...eliminated," Daisuke said.
Lillith paused for a breath.
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Make it double!"
The succubus groaned as Team Rocket dropped onto the girder upon which she
stood, flanking her. She was beginning to get tired of being flanked.
"You know, I just took out two of your Pokemon," she said. "You don't have
much left to work with."
"I've got all I need right here," Jessie said, throwing a Pokeball.
"Lickitung, get that little slut!"
"Lickit!" the absurd lizard chirped, before lashing out with its tongue.
With no room whatsoever to dodge, Lillith was ensnared, and grimaced as the
strong pink muscle constricted her, pinning her arms to her sides.
"You've got to lick it..." James said, sniffing a rose.
"Before you kick it," Jessie finished. With that, the two Team Rocket
members pounced on Lillith, kicking the crap out of her.
"And Team Rocket lays on the punishment to a defenseless Lillith," Daisuke
said, sounding somewhat concerned.
"It doesn't look good for the champ," Washuu remarked.
"And what happened to Marlo?" Daisuke wondered. His earpiece buzzed. "Wait
a minute...we have video from just seconds ago..."
******
Marlo stared at the ground which was rushing up to meet him. Rocky, dusty,
sandy, unforgiving ground. He panicked.
Then he remembered that he still had FurnitureSpace.
Frantically, he began pulling mattresses out of FSpace, tossing them to
the
ground as quickly as he could, trying to make a nice, soft pile to land on.
After what seemed like an endless fall, he soft-landed on the piled-up
mattresses, bouncing a few times. A sigh of immense relief escaped him.
******
"Well, Marlo's safe, folks," Daisuke said. "And now, we take you back to
the brutal scene ten stories above ground, where Team Rocket is kicking the
stuffing out of Lillith...and wait, what's this?"
The sound of metal impacting metal broke the rhythm of boot impacting
flesh. Team Rocket paused in their kicking to watch as a sharp metal spade
ricocheted off the girder, sending up a shower of sparks.
A scream of pain followed a second later.
"TUUUUUUUUUUUNG!"
Jessie and James stared in mute horror as the small lizard Pokemon
withdrew
its bleeding, amputated tongue. "Oh, that's disgusting," James said.
"That's going to be a real pain to heal," Jessie added. The two Rockets
began looking around for the source of the attack, while Lillith struggled
to rise to her feet.
A shovel impacted the back of Jessie's head, and she slumped. "Jessie!"
James shouted, attempting to catch his partner. He hung onto the girder
with one hand, while barely holding the female Rocket with the other.
Lillith looked up. "Hiro-kun!" she enthused.
Hiroshi dropped the shovel, and began unravelling the remaining length of
tongue from around Lillith. "Sorry I'm late," he said. Once she was freed,
Lillith *glomped* Hiroshi.
"Better late than never," she cooed, before planting a big wet one on him.
"Wai!"
Hiroshi hurriedly disentangled himself from the lolicon succubus. "Er,
glad
to help," he said. "So, what about those two?"
"Don't leave us hanging like this!" James cried.
"We're allergic to gravity!" Jessie shouted.
"CHAAAAAAAABOK!" hissed something from above. Everyone looked up to see
Arbok, which descended onto the beam, using its tail to land safely between
Hiroshi and Lillith. It hissed menacingly, baring its fangs, and advanced
on her.
"Lillith, be careful!" Hiroshi said.
"Hiro-kun, catch!" Lillith said as she leapt over the cobra Pokemon, just
as it charged.
Lillith sailed over Arbok, whose momentum carried it past. As Arbok landed
in the spot where Lillith was only a split second earlier, its fangs bore
down on James' hand. James cried out in pain, and lost his grip.
"Looks like Team Rocket's falling off agaaaaiiiiiin!" two voices cried in
unison, as Arbok began descending to aid its master.
Lillith looked up into Hiroshi's eyes. Hiroshi looked into Lillith's eyes.
"Lillith?"
"Yes, Hiro-kun?"
"I'm glad you're alright and all, but...could you let go a little, please?
I can't breathe."
"Oops. Sorry."
"And does your thigh *really* need to be...*there*?"
Lillith giggled.
"And that looks like the end--" Daisuke began.
"Wait! Jack is back up!" Washuu pointed out.
Jack descended down to meet the duo, grinning. "Nice work," he said. "But
it's not over yet."
"What do you mean? I beat all three of them!" Lillith said.
"Marlo's still up and about," Jack said, pointing down.
Lillith and Hiroshi looked down, and indeed, the Furniture Savior was on
his feet, and looked impatient.
"Get down there, or forfeit," Jack said.
"And the match continues!" Washuu observed.
A minute later, Lillith and Hiroshi stepped out of the elevator on the
ground floor. At about this point, Hiroshi finally realized that he'd just
spent the last several minutes running around on narrow steel girders, and
began kissing the concrete.
Marlo pulled a dining table out of FurnitureSpace. "Let's end this."
"Good idea," Lillith said. Piffling into a bunny outfit, she produced a
little top hat, and flipped it onto her head. "Gloomy Puppet Show!"
Marlo froze up as a small stage appeared under him. Setting his table
down,
he climbed on top of it, and began dancing. And singing. o/~Upside inside
out, she's livin' la vida loca...o/~
Lillith giggled. "It's Ricky Marlo!"
Jack observed the disturbing spectacle, and sighed. "Much as I hate to
admit it, you won," he said. "So fine, you're out of S&V. But I'm tearing
up all your merchandising contracts too!" he warned, before teleporting
himself away.
Hiroshi handed Lillith the belt, and raised her hand high. Facing the
camera, he shouted, "The winner! And still Hardcore champion!"
Lillith giggled. "Wai!"
Back in the Ultradome, Daisuke glanced nervously at the camera as bits of
the Ultradome bounced off the table. "The show has been cut a litle short
tonight. We've just been informed to evacuate the arena. So until next week..."
he glared at the teleprompter. "...I am not saying that."
Washu leaned foward and posed for the camera as her puppet minions
appeared on her shoulders.
"Good night, Washu!" "Good fight, Washu!"
* * * *
"Ok, let me get this straight. I help you out *sometime* in the near
future and you call Shampoo off?"
"Correct."
"And no killing or anything like that, right?
"That is...Acceptable."
Tifa glared a final time at the figure in front of her and then sighed.
"Fine, fine...ANYTHING to get some peace and quiet. I'll sign your stupid
agreement."
And 'lo Cologne did smile...
* * * *
Deep within the bowels of NERV...
Rei was intently watching a particular portion of Ultra that she had
recorded...for the fifteenth time.
"JTV"
[Lillith looked up into Hiroshi's eyes. Hiroshi looked into Lillith's
eyes.
"Lillith?"
"Yes, Hiro-kun?"
"I'm glad you're alright and all, but...could you let go a little, please?
I can't breathe."
"Oops. Sorry."
"And does your thigh *really* need to be...*there*?"
Lillith giggled.]
End.
Rewind.
"JTV"
Asuka burst into the room and glared at Rei. "Are you STILL watching
Ultra?"
"hai"
"People are TRYING to sleep, ya know. What was so *special* about
tonight?!?" she glanced over at the TV. "JTV?"
"hai"
End.
Rewind.
Asuka smirked. Could wondergirl actually be...? She glanced side-long at
Rei. "She really seems to like him, doesn't she?"
"Hai..."
Asuka blinked, "Wh..what did you just say?"
It could have just been a trick of the light, but for a fraction of a
second, Rei looked...angry. As Rei turned to look at her however, she looked
exactly..as she always did.
"..."
Asuka couldn't explain it, though Rei was staring at her with the same
boring expression she always had, her mind was screaming warnings that she
should leave. Right. NOW. She slowly backed out of the room, "Just keep it
down...ok?"
"..."
Several minutes of silence passed as Rei stared blankly at the spot Asuka
had occupied. Then...
Rewind.
"JTV"
"we shall all have fun eating ice cream..." Rei whispered, as her eyes
narrowed the tinest bit. "Wai."
* * * *
Recap:
[]JUSENKYO SURVIVORS d. CLAN AENSLAND, now at 4/3
[]MORRIGAN and SHAMPOO are status: INJURED
[]MOUSSE loses 1d2 Sanity points
[]WashuTech Random Stipulation introduced
[]DAISUKE gets a DYE JOB.
[]SHINGO YABUKI d. DAN HIBIKI, now at 5/3
[]LILLITH d. SEX & VIOLENCE and retains Hardcore belt, now at 4/0
[]LILLITH leaves S&V, Clan Aensland may be in jeopardy.
[]COLOGNE thinks eeevil thoughts.
[]TIFA accepts COLOGNE's agreement
[]REI uses CAPITAL LETTERS
[]BONUS COMMERCIAL within Author Notes.
Author Notes.
Despite several days of Hospitalization and Illness.. I WRITE ON!, OYAJI!
Hopefully, you will get some enjoyment out of what I managed to cobble together.
I had a lot of fun writing, this and I hope to get another chance.
Special Thanks: The Eternal Lost Lurker, who wrote the Hardcore match for me. I
owe you one.
Twoflower: For giving me an extension and support, I hope this doesn't
disappoint you too much. ^_^
DamienRoc, W4, and NihilPuu: For various prereading done throughout this
chapter. and DamienRoc again for the "ice cream comment" used first in
JohnEvans' part.
Lusipher: For offering to include some of my thrown out ideas due to time
constraits.
and my sanity: for managing to put this together in roughly three days.
and now, a little something for those who managed to get this far.
Commercial
--------------------------------
<the camera pans out over a destroyed landscape, it briefly stops on several
unconscious Ultra members.>
The Power...
<The camera stops on a upright Akuma, who's glaring off into the distance>
The Carnage....
<The camera switchs over to Sephiroth, Masamune in hand.>
The...Rythm?
<Akuma abruptly Superdeforms and starts Discodancing towards Sephiroth, who
sweatdrops.>
Hiroshi: YES! The RYTHM! UltraGroove for N64! Now you too can DANCE your
favorite Ultra members into SUBMISSION!
<Akuma starts a classic rendition of "The Robot", Sephiroth staggers backwards
and drops his sword>
ACTUAL VOICE OF Hiroshi! Announcer of Ultra!
Hiroshi: And Akuma starts a classic rendition of "The Robot!" Sephiroth looks
stunned, this could be the end folks..No..wait.. is that a ..rose? THE TANGO!
THE TANGO! DEAR GODS, THE TANGO!
<Sephiroth produces a rose and superdeforms, grabs Akuma and begins to tango,
Akuma sweatdrops and eventually falls over..>
UltraGroove, coming to a store near you! Buy it today!
Sephiroth: No mortal can resist the power of the Latin dance!
Coming this Christmas to a store near you.