Once again, I forgot to take my medication, and had to
allow some of my weirdness out onto the electronic page...
Disclaimer: Yes, I have lost my marbles.
Slayers Wet
Lina Inverse, sorceress extraordinaire, looked
around the valley floor before her. It was filled with
pools of various sorts, with long, bamboo poles poking
out of them. A small hut sat to one side of the pools,
and a middle-aged man in strange, olive-green garb sat
on a stool, watching the travellers.
"What is it, Lina?" asked Gourry. "Is it some
kind of water amusement park?"
"No, idiot, it's only one of the most magical
series of springs in all the world!" She bopped him on
the shoulder.
"Did you hear that, Mister Zelgadis? A magic place,
with magic water!" Her eyes glittered, and she clutched
her hands at her chin. "You could be cured!" she
exclaimed.
The blue and grey chimera glanced at her, and
considered it. "It _is_ possible..."
The white-clad, righteous princess interrupted him.
"And then we could get married, and live in Seiruun as
man and wife for the rest of our days!" The sparkles in
her eyes somehow changed into little pink hearts,
wafting into the air like saccharine in water.
"Right, anyway, on we go, through the valley!
There's FOOD to be had!" Line struck a dramatic pose, and
strutted off into the valley, weaving her way between
the pools. Gourry and the others shrugged, and followed
close behind - but not too close.
Naturally, things could not be so simple. About
halfway through the field of springs, Gourry noticed
the man in green was yelling at them. "Huh?" he said,
stopping suddenly. Zelgadis, rather morose at the time,
didn't notice the blonde swordsman stopping, and bumped
into him. The impact wasn't that great, but it was enough
to send them both off-balance. One fell to the left, and
the other to the right.
"Mister Zelgadis!" yelled Amelia. Panicked, she
scambled to the edge of the spring he had fallen into.
Seconds later, a tine, black baby piglet scrambled out
of the water, dragging the simple woolen tunic and
breeches the chimera had been wearing. "His clothes?
WAAAHHHH! MISTER ZELGADIS HAS DROWNED! WAAAHHHHH!"
Turning around at the outburst, Lina saw a tiny
piglet, half strangling itself trying to get unwrapped
from Zelgadis's mantle. Feeling out with her mystic
senses, she confirmed what she feared. "Um, Amelia, he
didn't drown..."
Tears stopped as instantly as they had started.
"He didn't?" she blinked. Seeing Lina's pointing arm,
she looked doen at the piglet. Opening her own mystic
senses, she, too, came to understand what had happened
to the love of her life. "Oh, Mister Zelgadis! You're
so CUTE now!"
"Growf?" came a noise from behind her. Lina and
Amelia turned, to see a soaking wet panda bear rising
out of Gourry's pool. It was scratching its head, and
had the Sword of Light belted at its waist.
"You don't think..." both Amelia and Lina began at
the same time. They looked at the panda, and then REALLY
looked, and both came to the same conclusion.
"Gourry, how do you get yourself into these things,"
asked an exasperated Lina. The panda only shrugged, and
began to make mor grumbling noises. "Forget it, you
can't talk right now. Gimme a paw, and I'll help you out
of here."
The panda reached up, and Lina grasped his hand.
Intending to help Lina with his weight, Amelia grasped
her from behind, around the waist. Unfortunately, Gourry
underestimated his furry weight, and the two girls went
flying a few dozen feet, landing in different springs.
A very cute Cocker Spaniel climbed out of oneof the
springs, while mist, likely from the temper of one ticked
off... well, what she turned into could not be seen.
By this time, the funny man in green had reached the
others. Pouring hot water from a kettle, he returned
Gourry, Zelgadis, and Amelia to their proper forms, and
provided a tunic for the white sorceress; her own clothes
were at the bottom of the spring. "Ah, Sirs and Ma'am,
you fall in 'Spring of Drowned Black Baby Piglet, 'Spring
of Drowned Panda', and 'Spring of Drowned Cocker Spaniel'.
Three very tragic stories. Now, whenever splashed with
cold water, you become piglet, panda, and puppy dog who
drown there. Hot water change you back."
Gourry glanced over at the misty area they had last
seen Lina Inverse. His armor and clothes were mysteriously
there, probably because his animal form was larger than
his human one. "Gee, I wonder what spring Lina fell
in..."
Elsewhere, Lina felt... different. She grabbed her
hair, and pulled it in front of her face - yep, bright
red hair. She looked at her hands, and saw no change.
She looked down, and...
The mists cleared. "Wow," remarked Gourry, "she must
have fallen in Spring of Drowned Breasts!"
"YAHOO!"
The remainder of the day found Lina running away
from the guide and his kettle, threatening to hit him with
a Dragon Slave.
=====
- Valandar the Red of the Empty Tankard
Captain of the Guard of the Barony of the Far Woods
Empire of the Iron Mountains
http://members.tripod.com/~Valandar/fanfic.html
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