Welcome to the band of lunacy. If you try to make sense, or find the
point of my story,
I encourage you to spend hours trying to find it. You won't.
"Careful, you could break that thing!!"
--last words of Raz before his untimely death and (maybe) ressurection--
Random: Random story by Raz.
There's no use for me to deny it. I think of it as a curse. Alot of
things happen randomly, even more so around me. Hey, I didn't ask for
this curse. If I could have it taken away from me, I would.
Hell, what kind of "fortune" is this?! *May you live in interesting
times*. I get blown up, ripped from limb to limb, get my brains eaten
out... and my pay is lousy. You know the worst thing? I CAN'T DIE.
Damn it! It all happened with a little date. That wench thought I
really loved her. Hell no. She got mad at me, and to make the long
story short, cursed me. *May you live in interesting times* Heres my
typical day at my job. I'm a detective. Dimension Police Depts. This
particular day, I have to stop a raging mutant Jabba the Obeasity.
Today particularly sucked.
"AGH!!!!!!" I cried out in dismay as the fat-ass monster crushed my
arms with his... fat...
"You stupid sonnofa," I took out my gun and started to pull the
trigger. "My fucking arm is so fucking broken, and it hurts like hell
you bitch," I said particularly to no one.
The barrel end of my gun blazed in blinding flashes of fire. The
bullets...
"BOUNCED?!" The bullets bounced off his body. The High Colestrol one
trashed out his hands and cracked half of my ribs. "Oh, damn! You gonna
get it now!" I found out that I couldn't move. Damn fatass broke my
legs.
It slobbered all over me. Ho hum, just my luck. His saliva is acid.
As I screamed in pain, I saw my skin become crawly and start to
dissolve. Just my luck, I'm still alive.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" I reached into hammerspace and took out a grenade.
"Die you bastard!" I shoved it inside his mouth. And my hand fell off
in the wrist by the acid, still holding the grenade.
My hand and the grenade fell inside that lard ass' throat. With a burp,
it exploded, spraying green blood everywhere. Super-heated, plasma,
corrosive, green, blood.
Ho hum, and who did it land on? Me. I continued screaming, until half
of my body was eaten away by acid.
Hey, in our dimension, we have enough technology to cure AIDS, but it's
a pain in the ass, especially the money. I wonder how that fat ass got
AIDs... anyways, it just so happens that The Extremely Large one, Jabba,
have HIV (mainly AIDs). And who's hand was cut off at that time
bleeding to death in an open wound? Me.
"Oh, Heeeeeeeelll no."
Y'see? I really didn't mean to end up this way. I grew it all back,
but hell, it hurt. Then came the Random
curse. (Damn.) And my lucky pick of a random curse was...
clumsiness...?! Ok, ok, even though it is partially my fault, I am NOT
gonna take blame for everything I did.
I accientally went back to 1,000,000,000 B.C., and stepped on an ant
that made Anime not as real as humans.
So I accidentally created Godzilla, caused an earth quake to lean the
tower of piza, and discovered a way to make a food subsitute called
spam. I didn't mean to. But Noooooo Who HAD to pay for all this?
Me. And that's the random story of how I got to this job as a payless
writer who marvels at other people's writings and then get hit by a
random falling object, then marvels at other ppl's work, then break both
my legs and poke out my eyes, then write my own tiny piece.
"His last word were, 'It was the chef, with a butcher knife.'"
-Raz-
-Gaiz-
-A lonely Bum-
-$$$$-
-JayZ-
-Mac 10-
-Wanna be rapper (me)-
-Writings-
-Extreme pain followed by howlings of pain.(me)-
Pain is the thing that makes us humans.
Really?
No.
It's actually just an english word, pronounced Hu-Mans.
Only thing that makes us humans are the english speaking people
who made up the word Humans.