= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
MSS Productions
A division of SIPP
presents
Self Insert Hunter
"Beyond the River Styx"
[part one of two]
by
wx721
**NOTE** Don't take this fic seriously. If you do, you'll suffer brain
damage. I meant to write a SI-parody, but unfortunately it ballooned into
this. Blame Avatar who gave me the idea years ago for this fic. ^_^;
Disclaimer: This work is not meant to be published or distributed for
monetary units. Author permission required for posting and/or
transmission.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Myungsu groaned as he woke up and arose.
"Damn, didn't see that truck coming. That hill blocked my view."
His face froze in shock as he saw himself, still strapped to the
driver's seat and bleeding from compound fractures caused by the side
impact.
"What the hell!" He then realized he was transparent and was
standing outside his mangled car.
"Hey, kiddo. Relax. Wouldn't want a demon hearing that."
Myungsu snapped his head toward the voice.
"Welcome to the afterlife," said the angel, dressed in the cliche
white robe and a halo above his head.
Myungsu's mouth gaped. "You gotta be kidding me."
The angel's wings fluttered in irritation. "No joke, atheist.
My name is Seraph." He extended his hand. "Come on, we better get
going."
"You gotta be kidding me..."
= = = =
"Wait a minute, just back up a moment. I have to go where?"
"Purgatory," Seraph replied, as he made complex hand symbols at a
strange rectangular device on the fluffy white desk. "You weren't really
good or bad, just bland and selfish like billions of other souls I've
counseled. Hmmm, though that stint barely tips the scale toward bad."
"Huhh?"
The angel disregarded his interjection. "Not much useful
accomplishments either, except for high school academics. Your profile is
pretty mediocre. Typical."
Myungsu's face twisted in frustration. "This is impossible.
This can't be happening."
Seraph cast a stare at him. "Accept it, Myung. After all, if you
believe in science and logic that much, can you explain how and why you
got here?"
"...."
The angel folded his hands and gazed at him with well practiced
empathy. "I understand this has been a traumatic experience, but you have
to take it with stride. Otherwise, you won't make it through Purgatory.
You wouldn't want to get stuck in Bad Town."
Myungsu struggled with his rampant emotions. So his life was over
by a car accident. How simple. Just like that. Who'd have guessed?
What about his family?
Reading his feelings through his face, Seraph advised Myung.
"Don't take it so hard, kiddo. You have to let go of the living and plan
ahead now."
He knew what Seraph said was true. There was no point in feeling
sorry for himself, but....
The soul sighed. "What's going to happen to me?"
"Well, you'll be transferred to Purgatory in a short bit. Before
that I'll introduce you to the procedures." Seraph made complicated signs
with his right hand. A floating screen puffed into existence in front of
Myung, who jumped back in surprise.
"What you see here," said the angel as he pointed to the screen,
"is an itemized list of your deeds and misdeeds. The purpose of Purgatory
is to give you tasks and responsibilities so you can payback for your
misdeeds, possibly earning you the right of entrance to Good Town."
Myungsu blinked in confusion. "I thought Purgatory was supposed
to be a burning mountain with sinners trying to climb to its top."
Seraph chuckled. "I see you know Dante, well, ignore what you've
read. It's irrelevant." He swept a hand at the screen, changing the
displayed content to a lengthy document. "Here's the rules book. I
suggest you read it once you find the time. You can bring it up any time
by snapping your fingers and saying 'rules book' anytime, okay?"
"Uh, okay."
Seraph made some more hand motions to the box device as he spoke.
"Alright, kiddo. Looks like the Purgatory Processor has finished with
your job file." The angel raised an eyebrow. "Hmmm. You'll have an
interesting time with your designated role. Well, if you work hard,
you'll be in Good Town in no time."
"I have some more questions--"
"Oh, no time, no time. You can ask plenty at the Purgatory
Information Desk."
"But--"
"Gotta run. Another soul is waiting for me in South America."
The hurried angel stood up while making more hand gestures. He paused for
a moment. "Oh, one piece of advice, kiddo. Heaven helps those who helps
themselves. Remember that. See you later!" With those words, the angel
disappeared in a flash of white smoke.
"Wait!"
Myungsu glowered as he realized he was alone inside the strange
white room. He sat on the ground, crossing his arms and knitting his
brow. It was so weird and frightening. He had always thought there was
no life after death. After all, no one came back from death, right?
He then squawked in amazement as he suddenly found himself in a
totally different place. He was no longer in the white room. Instead, he
was on an infinite plane of gray cobblestones, with a grayish-blue sky
pocked with white and purple clouds.
"Where am I now?" Myungsu asked himself.
"You're in Purgatory, that's what."
"Eeehh?" The soul turned toward the voice and saw a silvery cube
floating above the cobblestones.
"Hello there. I'm C. I'll be your personal guide."
Myung fainted.
= = = =
"I'm a what?"
C levitated near to his head. "Your official title is,
Rehabilitator of People and Souls Lost in--"
"Alright, I got it, C. I heard it before," said Myungsu, as an
irritated look flashed on his face. "What I don't understand is what I'm
supposed to do."
"Well, your mission is to search a person or soul in realities
where they don't belong and bring them back home."
Myungsu murmured, "Alternate realities...." His eyes narrowed as
he questioned the silvery cube. "So parallel worlds do exist?"
C bobbed up and down. "Sure, though each reality is entirely
separate from others. There are googols of them, and their number
increases every second due to the Creation Processor."
"Then... how did these people crossover into other realities?" he
asked as he peered at the infinitely empty horizon of gray.
"Sometimes it's because of a fluke in the Reality System," C
explained. "Other times the denizens of a reality develop a method to
tear the Fabric and bridge across dimensions, or they get plucked by the
Random Generator and get dumped. And lastly, a soul might dream up a
reality by itself and get immersed in it. That's very rare, I might add."
Myungsu gave a thoughtful sound. "Doesn't seem too bad. Sounds
simple, just bring them back to their home reality."
"Not so," quipped the silvery cube.
"Umm, why?"
The talkative cube was strangely silent for a moment. "You'll
understand after your first assignment."
Myungsu crossed his arms as more and more questions popped up in
his mind. Nothing made complete sense to him. How would he execute his
assignments? Where were all the other souls sent to Purgatory? What were
these Processors and Generators? Did the beings of other realities go
through the same type of afterlife he was experiencing? And was there a
God?
"Something burning in your head?"
The soul snapped out of his thoughts. "Uh, nothing. Got more
questions to ask."
"I can take you to the Info Desk."
"Yeah, let's go."
= = = =
The female angel called out. "Next please."
Seeing that he was the only one in line, Myungsu walked up to the
desk with C floating beside him. "Uh, hello. I've got some questions."
The angel warmly smiled and softly nodded, causing Myung to flush.
She had a coppery tan, jet-black hair, and a gorgeous body. Striking.
So beautiful, he thought. The soul coughed and spoke. "I-- uh, I'm
wondering where all the other people might be, people who were sent to
Purgatory."
The Info Desk angel replied in a melodious voice. "This realm is
tailored to fit a soul's personality. The Purgatory Processor has read
your profile and created this construct upon your neutral tastes.
However, the physical and functional traits of the soul's Purgatory might
change if an attitude-shift is detected."
Myungsu blinked. Such a... mechanical reply. "I see, and ah, I
have another question."
"Please, ask."
"I'm told by C here that I'm a hunter of sorts. How am I supposed
to go about doing that?"
The angel took out a thick book and placed it on the desk.
"Please read this Trans-Dimensional Hunter manual and refer to the table
of contents for further information."
Not sure what to say next, Myung took the manual and thanked the
angel.
"Thank you for using the Purgatory Information Desk. Please come
again."
The Information Desk vanished.
"That was helpful," Myungsu wryly commented, then frowned as C
whirled about his head. "Will you stop that?"
"Oh? Sorry, old habits." The Guide cube stopped and tamely
floated in the air.
His face hardening to a stern expression, Myung sat down on the
cobblestones and opened the manual. The sky turned more grayish as he
began to leaf through the pages.
C suddenly spoke up. "By the way, did you grok what the angel
said?"
"Hmmm?" The soul looked up to the cube. Did it say grok? He had
heard it somewhere before. "Yeah, I think so."
The silvery cube went mute.
"Mmm." Myungsu went back to reading the manual. It was in
English, his adopted tongue, and in a concise text-book format. He
perused several of the introductory chapters and became puzzled. The text
made many references to things he didn't know about.
Extraction through forced dimensional plumbing and its side
effects. Basic casting methods of invisibility. Standard tactics of
neutrino binding on targeted subject, and so on.
"Something isn't right... this is way too difficult."
Remembering Seraph's talk about a rules book, Myung snapped his fingers
and said the words.
A thick book materialized in front of him, titled, "Regulations of
Purgatory in Fifty Chapters."
Myungsu sighed.
It was going to be a long read.
= = = =
"And so if I do that," Myungsu muttered to himself as he read the
manual, "I'll be transported to the Training Center." He closed the book
and coughed as its dust blew in his face.
"Alright, lets do it." The soul stood up and glanced over to the
silent cube. "Are you coming with me, C?"
"Hmm? Oh, no. I can't accompany you to Training, but I'll tag
along on missions."
Myung raised an eyebrow. There were too many unexplained things.
"Alright, hopefully, I'll see you soon."
"Uhuh."
The soul snapped his fingers. "Training Center."
...and appeared on a busy boulevard in midst of humanoid
squirrels.
"Eeeeek! An ape!"
A crowd of the curious squirrels gathered around him.
"Wow, a monkey! I thought they were nearly extinct!"
"I heard they're trying to breed them back."
"Did this one escape the Nut-Two Zoo?"
Myungsu's face twitched. "Squirrels. It just has to be
squirrels."
= = = =
Seraph touched his chin and apologetically said for the third
time, "I'm sorry, Myungsu. I messed up making your job file."
The soul thinly smiled and forced himself to be civil. "No
problem. It's fixed now, right?"
"Yes, the Purgatory Processor recompiled your file with the new
input parameters. The Training personnel should be... ah! Here she
comes."
In an explosion of white mist, a petite female angel wearing an
athletic tunic appeared in the white room. "Heeya!" She walked right up
to Myung and vigorously shook his hand, ignoring his flustered expression.
"Nice to meet you, Myung. My name is Shayla. I'll show you the ropes of
your job."
The Training angel then shot an accusatory look at Seraph.
"Buster, you just nearly trapped Myungsu in his nightmare manifestation!
This is the three hundred fifty-first time you screwed up!" She poked the
elder angel's chest for emphasis.
Seraph flapped his wings in irritation. "Cut that out, Shayla.
By the Light, I counsel two million souls per cycle. We all make
mistakes."
"Yeah, whatever, ol' fuddy-duddy." The hyper angel turned her
attention back to the confused soul. "Come on, Myung! We don't have any
time to waste! There's a backlog of three billion trans-dimensional cases
in Purgatory!" She grabbed his right hand and started chanting in an
archaic language.
Myungsu's eyes widened. "Three billi--!"
They vanished in a puff of mist.
Seraph chuckled as he shook his head. "Good luck, kiddo. You'll
need it."
= = = =
"There. Here's your first assignment."
"Knowles, Brinker. Profile, human, home dimension, 3.234x10^21,"
read Myung as he perused the mission file. He looked up to Shayla who was
dissipating some fluffy white smoke that permeated the low ceiling of the
Training Center. Strange geometric shapes dotted the expanse of the
Center, stretching to infinity. It was eerily empty of other souls and
angels.
"Shayla, I'm wondering...."
"Ask away, Myung," she said as she playfully stroked a passing
cloud. "That's what I'm here for."
"I've been training for nearly a half-cycle inside the Mission
Simulator, and I've adjusted and learned a lot of things.... But I
haven't seen any people ever since I've come here. Are there any others
like me in Purgatory?"
"You're in the Evaluation Phase right now." Shayla's face became
serious. "If the Judging Angels deem your performance to be satisfactory,
you can interact with other souls later on. If they don't... well, you
know."
Myungsu couldn't contain his shudder. Bad Town. Some things were
worse than death. "Yeah...."
"Come on, don't worry about that for now. Finished reading the
target profile?"
"Almost," replied Myung as he read the last page of the file.
Shayla was a quirky angel, but he preferred her as his Trainer. She
didn't act 'holier than thou' like the other angels he encountered, which
intimidated him.
"Okay, I'm done reading."
The Trainer angel clasped her hands and cutely smiled. "Alright,
the Control Room will be monitoring you. Let me summon your guide."
In a puff of smoke, the familiar silvery cube appeared next to
Myung's side.
"Greetings."
"Hi, C. Long time no see."
The Guide cube bobbed up and down. "I'll accompany you with
several of your initial missions. I'm in direct contact with the Control
Room, so don't hesitate to ask when we arrive at the Coordinate
Dimension."
"Got it."
"Guys, get set!" warned Shayla. "The Transporter is kicking on.
Work hard, Myung! You'll do fine!"
The nervous soul forced a grin and gave a thumbs up at his Trainer
as the geometric blocks in the Center began to glow.
And the world went white....
= = = =
Myungsu awoke with a splitting headache in a stinking alley.
"Owwww. Does it have to be like this every time?"
A voice answered him. "It's a side effect of inserting you into
the reality stream. Unavoidable."
Myung looked around him and saw only brick walls and trash. It
was near night-time; glares of lights danced at the opening of the dim
alley. "C? Where are you?"
"I'm cloaked. Wouldn't want anyone seeing a talking cube." it
joked.
"True," he admitted. That could disrupt the Flow and possibly rip
the Fabric even more. They had to be subtle on missions. There was no
telling what the target might have done to the Integrity. "Tell me more
about this reality."
"Accessing general info... about a thousand civilizations, eight
are interstellar, enough matter for a Crunch and Rebirth, index number
4.198x10^13... Aha! We're on Terra -- matching your home world to
seventy-six percent."
"Earth? Good, at least I'll be accustomed." Myungsu stood up and
gazed at the night sky. Pitch dark, no stars. He noticed he was wearing
worn jeans, a long sleeved shirt and a dark blue jumper, the handy
automatic feature of the Transporter. A good disguise to blend in.
"What's this Earth like right now?"
"Mmmm, eleven billion humanoids reaching population asymptote,
increasing globalization, industrial pollution, world hegemony by
corporations, and some interplanetary expansion."
"Sounds familiar," he remarked, rubbing the back of his neck.
The hunter snapped his fingers and brought up his Palm Scanner. "Knowles
is in the vicinity. Lets track him." He stuffed the Scanner into his
jumper pocket and strode out of the alley.
He nearly uttered an oath as he surveyed his surroundings.
Several pedestrian glanced toward him for a moment, then went about their
business. He was standing in midst of cluttered inner city shops and
bars, illuminated by gaudy neon signs. Dwarfing the tall buildings of the
city was a giant man-made mountain of concrete and steel, dominating the
skyline. "I've seen that... thing before."
*Really?* telephathed the invisible Guide cube. *Did you
encounter this reality in the Simulator?*
"Let me think... it's something from when I was alive." Myung's
eyes widened as he recognized it. "The Tower."
*Hmmm?*
"It's BubbleGum Crisis."
= = = =
"What? It isn't Genom Tower?"
"Nope," said the bartender. "That's the Fuji Tower. You new to
town?"
"Uh, yeah."
The bartender smirked as he poured a jug of foamy liquid from a tap. He
placed it in front of Myungsu. "Here ya go. Beer, on the house.
Welcome to NeoTokyo."
"Thanks. I appreciate it."
"No prob." The bartender wandered off to another end to serve
another customer.
The hunter nursed the jug as he grew pensive in the crowded Hot
Legs. Can't jump to conclusions, he reminded himself. He shouldn't
assume anything in a new reality.
*C, did you pull up anything specific yet?*
The invisible guide-cube responded after a long moment. *Sorry,
I'm still queued in the Control Room's database. I'm estimating another
two minutes. I can't guarantee it'll be useful for us though. Control
can't keep detailed tabs on every reality.*
"Ummm." Myung glanced at the Scanner. Knowles was still within
ten klicks. His quarry could wait just a bit; the hunter needed to know
more about the dimension. His forehead creased as he blankly stared at an
overhang TV showing some special news bulletin. Shayla should have
included more info on the target reality in the mission profile, but
hadn't. That was really careless of her.
He took a sip from the jug. Cold, tangy--
Involuntarily gagging, he spat it onto the floor and promptly
received pointed stares from several patrons.
Hell, that was DEFINITELY NOT beer.
Maybe 'beer' meant for something else in 4.198.
He was about to leave the bar in disgust when he caught a segment
of footage on TV. His eyes bugged out as he saw Brinker Knowles battling
street thugs with his bare hands. His body didn't match the butter-ball
figure in the profile, but Myung recognized the face -- no mistake.
"I've a bad feeling about this."
= = = =
"He's on an ego trip, pure and simple," remarked Myungsu, as he
read the tattered newspaper he picked up from the street next to a
streetlight. "Jeesh, he even named himself Knight Saber. Must've seen
BGC in his home reality. Styled himself into a crime fighter."
*Could be worse, Myung*
"Ummm, true." The Scanner indicated the Rip around Knowles was
stable for now, but there was no telling what effects it might have on
4.198. Knowles getting super-human powers was one, and 4.198's spiral
galaxy RZ201 winking out of existence was another unforeseen consequence.
The hunter chuckled as he read more of the article. "Heh, he
hooked himself with some corporate sponsors to hawk their products on TV.
He's living the good life in St. Regis Hotel. Guess working as a janitor
back home got under his skin." Shaking his head, Myung dropped the paper
and pocketed his Scanner. "Get a fix on St. Regis, C."
*Accessing coordinates for from memory... acquired.
Inter-spatial slide is ready.*
"Alright, lets go. Time for business."
= = = =
"Excuse me, miss?"
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like to meet with Mr. Brinker Knowles for questioning."
Myung flashed a replicated N-Police badge at the front desk receptionist.
"I'm sorry, Officer...."
"Suh."
"I'm sorry, Officer Saw, but--"
"It's Suh. Ss-huh. Not a tool to cut wood."
"Oh." The receptionist blinked. "I'm sorry, Officer Saw. Mr.
Knowles specifically requested no one to disturb him."
Myungsu deadpanned. Cripes, even across dimensions they got the
pronunciation wrong. "Please call Mr. Knight Saber up in his suite and
tell him I'm here because of 'Revco Janitorial Service.' He'll
understand."
An odd expression flickered on the receptionist's face. "Yes,
Officer Saw."
Sigh.
The receptionist dialed on her phone, while Myung stared off to
the side, thinking on possible ways to bait Knowles to cooperate. He knew
it'd be difficult since the janitor was living out a fantasy, but talking
was always worth a try. Other options weren't so pleasant.
He and the receptionist jerked in surprise as the entire hotel
slightly shuddered.
"Earthquake?!"
Then one of the stairwell doors exploded. A blurred shape dashed
past the front desk.
"RUUUUUUN AAWWAAAAAAAY!"
It crashed through the front doors and disappeared. "What in
blazes," shouted Myung. He quickly turned to the receptionist. "You
okay?"
She nodded. "Y-Yes, and I think that was Mr. Knowles who just ran
by us."
Another sound coming from the stairwell caught their attention.
A tall man dressed in a shabby trench coat and wearing black fedora
stepped through the ruined doors. "Crap. No more Mister Nice Guy."
*C, run a scan on that guy* Myung faced the man. "Don't move!
N-Police. Who are you?"
The trench coat man stared at him a moment and snickered. "Hey man. You
can drop the act."
*Myung, he isn't fixed on this reality!*
*WHAT?*
"Relax, I'm a hunter just like you."
"Oh boy."
= = = =
"Let me get this straight. Shayla assigned you?"
Putting down the menu, the trench coat man tipped his fedora. "Yep. I
ain't surprised she didn't tell you. Shayla's like that."
Myungsu knitted his brow as he dug into the seat. "Doesn't make
sense."
"One of her bad traits, man," said the trench coat. "Too bad you're
assigned to her. I'd avoid her like the plague, if I had the choice."
He waved to an attractive waitress nearby. "Ready to order, miss."
"Be right there!"
The neophyte hunter scratched his head. "But why were you put
under Shayla?"
The man shrugged. "Politics, my friend. Politics."
The hunter narrowed his eyes. Don't want to elaborate, eh? "By
the way, my name is Myungsu." He extended his hand. The trench coat
jerked out an arm then firmly shook his hand over the table.
"That's right, we haven't introduced ourselves. My name is
Joules. Glad to meet you."
"Umm." *C, do a cross-reference on Control for any hunters with
the name Joules*
*Processing... found. Joules Marcand, under supervision of
Trainer Angel Shayla.*
Stepping with a slight bounce, the waitress walked up to their
table. "What will you have, gentlemen?"
"Grilled ribs with extra sauce, some steamed rice and guk," said
Joules.
"What kind?"
"Dwen-jang."
The waitress turned to Myung. "And you, sir?"
"Uhhhh...." He quickly leafed the menu and picked an item.
"Saam-sung chaw-jang meun."
The waitress jotted down the orders and took the menus. "Thank
you, sirs." She walked away to another table.
Joules grinned as he eyed the waitress's back. "She has good
curves," he spoke above a whisper. "Nice ass."
Myung blinked and shot a look at her, who was slightly bending as
she took an order. "Uhhh. Aren't we supposed to minimize any interaction
with the locals?" he asked, a faint blush appearing on his face. "I
certainly don't have the currency to pay for what we ordered and the Regs
clearly st--"
"Aww, don't be a spoil sport, man. You gotta enjoy it while it
lasts." Joules winked. "Don't worry about the tab. Let me take care of
it."
The hunter raised an eyebrow. Okay, there was something
definitely wrong. He felt Joules was a lecher who bent the rules; it was
amazing the Judging Angels hadn't already kicked him into Bad Town.
Myung swallowed his questions for later. He changed the topic. "Anyway,
what did you do to Knowles to freak him out like that?"
"Nothing special. Doing my job as usual," stated Joules. He
fiercely grinned like a wolf. "Since he resisted cooperating, well, you
know."
"Know what?"
"I tried to restrain him and let Control get a lock on him."
Joules tipped up his fedora. "Well, he slipped out like a greased pig.
The guy was too fast for me to nab him with an immobilization field."
Myungsu glanced at his Scanner. Knowles was still inside the
city. "At least we can still track him here," he muttered.
The trench coat man snickered. "Man, you worry too much."
"I can't help it. It's my first assignment."
Joules looked at him in surprise. "It's your first?"
Myung nodded. "It's nothing like the Simulator. Everything is
so... fluid."
"That's reality for you," Joules remarked with a resigned
expression. "When I got Trained it was all hands-on. But now with the
backlog and all, oh well."
"When did you start hunting?"
"Way before you died, man. Way before."
"You must be an expert."
"Got that right-- Ahh! Here comes the food."
"After this, we're sending Knowles back home."
"Yeah, yeah. Come on, it's eating time!"
Sigh.
= = = =
[end part one of two]