----- Original Message -----
From: David Johnston <rgorman@telusplanet.net>
To: Allyn Yonge <ayonge@yahoo.com>
Cc: <catthouse@lweb.net>; <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Fri Nov 19 1999 16:26
Subject: [FFML] Re: C&C[FFML][Fanfic][R1/2][Xover] Kyuuketsuki
Satsujinsha No Akane
Allyn Yonge wrote:
The dark haired boy looked panicked. He backed away,
babbling in japanese.
"Gomenasai, Buffy-san! Watashi-wa Saotome Ranma desu..!"
Akane's eyes rolled heavenward.
"Ranma! Eigo hanashite bakayo!"
She turned to Buffy, an apologetic look on her face as she
continued in english.
"Buffy-san, he *is* Ranma. This very long story..."
##Hmmmm. I'll have to think about this. On the one hand it makes
perfect sense
to have them lapse into Japanese under stress. OTOH it breaks
the pace of
the story. I think it's a brilliant idea . . .just needs a
little revision to
keep from losing the non-Japanese speakers. ^_^
I don't think that the Japanese is a problem except for one thing.
There is a language barrier, so you write it in a foreign
language.
Oh...that one thing? Ranma uses "boku", I believe (or was it
"ore"?), not "watashi".
"Watashi" is a semi-feminine form of self address.
He uses "ore." however, "watashi" is completely neutral. "-A-tashi"
is feminine.
i believe i read somewhere that he introduces himself "Saotome Ranma
desu. sumimasen."
##errrr, I think we already KNOW it's painful. I'd delete that
line
as redundant. IMO you should keep it short and sharp.
Or put it in a more dynamic way. "causing excruciating pain" is
just too flat to be descriptive, while not telling us anything we
don't already know.
Good other than that.
##???Hmmmm. Akane, Toufu and Ranma seem a little too composed
at the beginning if all this went on. I'd think a little more
emotion, perhaps
more rage from Akane with Ranma trying to restrain her. And I'm
surprised
Kuh-Lohn was defeated. Or Happy for that matter. They've both
dealt
with demons and such before.
Cologne might trust Shampoo a little too much, but I can't believe
that
they got Happosai. But who really cares whether the old fart's
still alive.
Well, we need to know so we can celebrate!
"" Akane advanced on Ranma
threateningly, a 20-lb glowing wooden sledgehammer manifesting
in
her hands.
"" She stepped closer. ""
##Still hate ""
I didn't see it in my copy.
Stop using <> as your brackets, some ppl have html mailers.
"At any rate, Buffy... These two vampires... They are
creatures of a very different stripe than our domestic breed...
The Oriental Vampire is unaffected by crosses, for example. They
are
metamorphs, and possess many other abilities that can only truly
be described as magical in nature. The techniques that must be
used
to fight them... Well, it may necessitate retraining you almost
completely."
##OK, no crosses. But Shinto and Buddhism has it's own esoterica
for
dealing with vampires. They have 'cross' equivalents. ^_^
Well, they don't have anyone qualified to do the Himiko Se chant
thing,
so they'd have to do ofuda. Strictly speaking, I'm inclined to
think
that crosses would work if you are a believer, and there are no
nonbelievers
in foxholes.
<SNIP>
Akane, you will teach the Manou
style, including spirit-weapon manifestation and the use of
tesseracts.
##Hmmm. OK, mallet is "spirit weapon".
As long as you have a GOOD reason. ^_^
S'funny. I didn't see them.
"Man. I'm hungry. Anyone for chinese?" Xander asked the
rest
of the group. Everyone except for Ranma shrugged noncomittaly.
"Yeah, I could go for some. You've got chinese food here?"
##Errrrr, Chinese vampires slaughtered Akane's sister and
they're
going to order CHINESE food??? Ummmm, I don't think so.
Right. After all, Ranma and Xander's legendary sensitivity...
But maybe Akane should wince or something.
It's not chinese food, it's AMERICAN food. they just CALL it
chinese. but then, Ranma and Akane don't know that
."
"I don't see anything... Oh... My... God... Is that...?"
"Happousai's magic mirror... The Naniban, you bet..."
Ranma's eyes bugged.
##???? Mirror was broken in the manga.
I've got a suggestion. Maybe Happosai's mirror was part of a
matched set. That solves the problem of how it got unbroken,
and how it ended up in an American museum in one swell foop.
y didnt you catch the spelling error? NANBAN not NANI-BAN