Hi,
This has Akane in a starring role so I'm predisposed
to consider this
one of the three greatest fanfictions ever written.
However I will restrain myself and give comments ##
as I read.
From: "DaveCatt" <catthouse@lweb.net> | Block
address
To: "FFML POSTING" <ffml@fanfic.com>
Subject: [FFML] [FFML][Fanfic][R1/2][Xover]
Kyuuketsuki Satsujinsha No
Akane Pts 1+2
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 12:05:30 -0500
>SNIP>
AKANE THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/KYUUKETSUKI SATSUJINSHA NO
AKANE
A Ranma 1/2-Buffy The Vampire Slayer Crossover
By: The Leaping Gnome
Disclaimer: The Ranma 1/2 and Buffy Characters are
copyright
their respective owners and are used here without
permission but
with great admiration.
Note: Events in this story take place after the third
season
finale of Buffy, but before the beginning of season
four.
IN EVERY GENERATION, THERE IS A CHOSEN ONE...
Buffy sighed, twirled Mr. Pointy, her good-luck
stake. The
misty graveyard got pretty cold at night, even at the
end of
June, making her shoulder-length blonde hair cling to
the back of
her neck. Absent-mindedly brushing her bangs back over
her ears,
she sighed.
##That's twice she's "sighed". :(
<SNIP>
Sunnydale was pretty boring in the
summertime. Nothing much seemed to happen, aside from
the nightly
vampire attacks that is.
##Good except for this last line. Seems a little flat.
delete or change
<SNIP>
The second, unseen vampire
leapt at Buffy's exposed back.
"Look out!!!"
Buffy whirled in time to see the second vampire
slammed to
the ground by a powerful flying side-kick delivered by
a
short-haired Asian girl wearing a white karate outfit.
##Wheeeeee!!!!{But I'd lose the karate outfit. It just
seems . . .strange.}
<SNIP>
"You should go home, miss." The girl said in
heavily
accented, halting english. "Is not too safe in such
places, yes?"
"Uh... yeah... who *are* you, anyway?"
"Veddy... ahem, *very* sorry. I am Tendou Akane,
Youma
Slayer. Forgive please, I must go now..."
##???!!!
OK, loose the "Veddy". And try not too make Akane
sound so
much like a badly dubbed Kung Fu flick. She's Japanese
not Chinese ^_^ And there's no reason to assume her
English
isn't pretty good. Give her fractured English if you
wish. And a little
"flavor" of Japanese in her English could be good.
This just seems
a bit heavy handes. I'm not too sure about the Youma
Slayer, but I'll
see how it goes as the story progresses.
<SNIP>
Buffy made a face, and walked in. There were two
asian girls
and an young, bespectacled asian man sitting in the
living room.
"Hey! That's her, Giles! You know her?" The man
and Akane
stood, dragging her sulky looking red-haired,
pigtailed companion
to her feet as well. [A red-haired asian girl? Gotta
be a
dye-job], Buffy thought to herself, her fashion
instinct in full
gear.
##Wheeeeeee!!!again. Nice dialogue. Good segue.
<SNIP>
Well, that's peachy, but what are they doing
here? Wait! Don't tell me. She's here to replace
Faith, right?"
"Exactly. When Faith, er... died, last month,
Akane was
activated as a Slayer. The Watchers Council arranged
for her to
spend the summer here, so that you could take her
under your
wing. Unfortunately, they neglected to inform *me*, so
I haven't
made arrangements for their lodgings yet.
##Hmmm, OK. I still want to know more background on
how Akane became a slayer but I _suppose_ I can give
you
time to develop YOUR story in YOUR own way. ^_^
{I was rather hoping Akane would just stumble into the
slaying business . . .
oh well. }
"Well, gee Giles, gimme a sec, I'll call Mom.
Maybe we can
put them up at our house."
##Oh . . .THAT's going to work just FINE. ^_^
"Buffy dear, there's a flying boat out side with Seven
Lucky God's . . .
are they friends of yours?"
<SNIP>
"Gee, uh, thanks!" She bowed back akwardly.
"You're a lot
nicer than some other Watchers I've met... err,
present company
excluded..." she finished, apologetically, to Giles.
Akane
tittered. Ranma merely looked confused.
##Tittered??? AKANE!!!
Chuckled maybe, guffawed possibly. Laughed out loud,
definately.
I don't see Akane as a titter-er. (Unless this is a
lemon?)
* * *
<SNIP>
"How do you mean, hard on her?"
"Before my powers were awakened, Ranma was very
proud of
having superior skill at the martial arts. Since I
assumed my
duties, Ranma can no longer beat me."
##???OK, I can see that Ranma might be upset with
Akane risking her
life. And it might be that Akane has got an advantage
fighting Vampires
and other un-dead creatures. But please recall that
Ranma killed a demi-god
(Saffron). I'd say that a Slayer would be on a par
with Ranma in most
ways. And I don't recall that slayers have ch'i
attacks. (I may be
a bit premature on this though. ^_^ )
<SNIP>
"Wow. Lesbian arranged marriages. Japan really
*is*
different... well, here we are!"
##^_^ <bg>
They arrived at the Summers home. The lights were
on, so
Buffy went in the front door instead of climbing back
in through
the window like she normally would. Joyce Summers met
them at the
door.
"Hello, girls!" Joyce said, a little loudly and
slower than
her usual speaking voice. "I'm Buffy's mother, Joyce.
It's very
nice to meet you."
[Guy, Mom! They're japanese, not deaf.]
##Guy??? and Japanese. ^_^ )
"It is very nice to meet you, Summers-san. I am
Akane
Tendou, and this is Ranma Saotome. We are very honored
to be your
guests." Akane bowed. Ranma, after a quick cuff from
Akane,
followed suit.
##Hmmm, OK, looks like you were trying to show Akane's
English slipping under
stress in graveyard. Good. Still a little cheesy
though. Smooth it out and it
should be fine. (esp. get rid of "Veddy". <groan> )
<SNIP>
"Hai..Yes, I tavel in China veddy moch.
Arigatou... Tenk
you."
##<eeeee> Not another "veddy".
<SNIP>
* * *
<SNIP>
"Lesbians and Xander are a dangerous mix..."
"Don't tell me Xander's prejudiced!"
"No... let's just say that he's a big lesbian
fan. Go-o-o-o
Lesbians!"
##^_! Errrr . . .did I miss this episode? or is this
for your story?
(just asking) Cute dialogue. <BG>
<SNIP>
* * *
A few minutes earlier, after they had unpacked
their things,
Akane and Ranma stared shyly across the bed at one
another.
"< Boy, these Americans are pretty liberal,
huh?>" Ranma
said in japanese.
""
""
""
""
""
""
""
" She emptied the hot
water bottle over her head. ""
##???What's with the "" ????
* * *
<SNIP>
"Who.. what... is *he* doing here? Who *is*
that?! Where's
Ranma?"
The dark haired boy looked panicked. He backed
away,
babbling in japanese.
"Gomenasai, Buffy-san! Watashi-wa Saotome Ranma
desu..!"
Akane's eyes rolled heavenward.
"Ranma! Eigo hanashite bakayo!"
She turned to Buffy, an apologetic look on her face
as she
continued in english.
"Buffy-san, he *is* Ranma. This very long
story..."
##Hmmmm. I'll have to think about this. On the one
hand it makes perfect sense
to have them lapse into Japanese under stress. OTOH it
breaks the pace of
the story. I think it's a brilliant idea . . .just
needs a little revision to
keep from losing the non-Japanese speakers. ^_^
<SNIP>
"" Willow's japanese
had come back fast.
"" Ranma replied,
shrugging.
"What's he saying, Wil?"
"Hold on Buffy, this is neat.
""
""
""
""
##:( I don't like this bit at all. I esp. find the
,,,, annoying in the extreme.
On the plus side it's the first time I HAVEN'T liked
what you're doing.
IMO go back and re-do this WITHOUT the ,,,,
<SNIP>
"Oh, sorry, Buffy... Just a second. I think I
have a spell
here for languages, just let me dig it out..."
"That's my little Sabrina!"
##???At first I thought Buffy had named the
spell-book. ^_^
<SNIP>
"It's not so bad... At least you make a cute
girl..."
"That's the worst part! I don't know how american
high
school guys are, but japanese ones are animals!
There's this one
jerk, Kuno, tries to jump my bones every time he sees
me in
girl-form. I've been sexually harrassed, fondled,
groped and
molested, not to mention becoming the favorite victim
of a dirty
old panty-stealing man... I've even had nude pictures
of me sold
to half the school! Believe me, It's a relief to get
out of that
nuthouse... Even if it's only for the summer."
##Just a little too smooth for Ranma. Unless the
"spell"
taught him grammar as well? (and that would be a
shame. Now
he speaks English better than he does Japanese)
<SNIP>
"Your dad sounds like a total weenie..." Willow
commented.
"Definitely."
"I think your dad and my dad should get together and
go
bowling..." Buffy murmured.
##^_^
<SNIP>
The two american girls left, closing the door
quietly behind
them. Akane turned to Ranma, speaking in japanese.
""
""
""
""
""
* * *
##<eeeeep> there's that ,,,, thing again. IMO you can
delete it
w/o losing anything.
<SNIP>
They met down at the waterfront, where the
fog and the canal provided plenty of escape routes
should The
Slayer pay a visit...
"Awright, youse mooks!
##<groan> Excellent work until this. You might want to
do a little
research on dialects. ^_^ {i think it's the "youse"
that really got me.}
Other than this you're doing an EXCELLENT
job. I'm enjoying this story very much.
<SNIP>
. Think about it..." A murmur of agreement passed
through the crowd. Big Paulie had a rep as a stand-up
guy, for a
vampire... Charlie Finster, a Chaos demon from the
fifteenth
host of the Abyss, raised his hand.
##<VBG> Roberts Rules of Order for the Undead. I love
it.
"<SNIP>
The male was tall,
at least six feet, with long straight black hair
swirling around
his shoulders. Moonlight glinted off the round
sunglasses he
wore. His hands were hidden in the wide sleeves of his
black silk
shirt crossed across his chest. His companion was no
less exotic.
Much shorter than the man, she wore a matching black
silk outfit,
gathered at the waist and ankles. She held a pair of
spiked maces
in her hands, and her shockingly-purple hair was
elaborately
styled, held in place with silver combs and ornaments.
Her
oriental eyes flashed with a red vampiric light. Once
all eyes
were upon him, the man spoke again.
##<eeeeep> Now THIS is a surprise.
Hmmm. Darn, and I LIKE Shan Pu. (Mu Tsu you can slay
all you want.
And Kuno would be improved by a good staking. And
Happosai. And
Taro. And . . .)
<SNIP>
.
"C'mon, ya dumb chink! I pass scrawny little
geeks like you
in my stool !!"
##ewwwww. Vivid imagery. I think I'll go lie down in a
dark
room until I can forget.
The tall asian man chuckled, and leapt straight
up. For a
moment, he was silhouetted against the fog-shrouded
moon.
Throwing his arms out, his wide sleeves billowed open,
and a
flurry of bio-mechanic...things...
##???bio-mechanic...things seems odd. I'd try another
description.
shot out, pinning the american
vampire to the bulkhead of the tanker. Paulie was
stuck like a
bug, the metallic, cord-like tendrils of metamorphic
flesh
pulsing before growing barbs and knife-like edges. He
screamed as
the blades tore through his undead flesh, causing
excruciating
pain.
##errrr, I think we already KNOW it's painful. I'd
delete that line
as redundant. IMO you should keep it short and sharp.
Good other than that.
The other ends remained attached up the oriental
vampire's
sleeves, writhing as through each tentacle was
independently
alive.
"Hyaargg! D'ya... this'll finish me...punk?
You're...
dumber'n y'look..." Paulie flexed his corded,
screaming muscles
hard, ripping away from the bulkhead and falling to
the ground.
Unsteadily, he rose to his feet, ropy pseudopods still
piercing
his body.
"Heh-heh... I am not done yet, round-eye..."
##I thought this was still Paulie speaking. :(
<SNIP>
"My dear? Would you take care of this? I've grown
bored..."
"Yes, my Airen... "
##???Now THIS is strange. I'll assume that Mu Tsu
became a vampire first
in order to get Shan Pu.
<SNIP>
The crowd gasped in horror and glee.
##gleeful horror? The crowd doesn't seem to have a
wide range
of emotions.
<SNIP>
"Know then, that I am Mu-tsu. My beloved is
Xian-pu. By
tomorrow night, we shall be your lords..."
##Hmmm. Know then thaat Kleppe-sama is going to get
you for
the naming conventions. (I should know. ^_^ I NEVER
manage to get the names right.) I am un-dying to know
exactly how THIS little turn of events came about.
{And darn it I LIKE Shan Pu. :( OTOH I suppose
Kodachi is too obvious. And a vampire that only
drinks okonomyaki sauce isn't too scary. ^_^ }
* * *
<SNIP>
. I have watched
as two young girls died in that capacity, and seen a
third's life
turned upside down. I am *quite* tired of my duties,
and have
been looking forward to a vacation. So I must ask
again, sir; Why
have you come?"
"Ah... Well..." The younger man
##???Hmmm. I wouldn't have thought Toufu that much
younger.
sat on the edge of the bed.
<SNIP>
"He attempted to conjure a minor demon to grant
him power
enough to defeat Xian-Pu so that she would accept his
suit as
legitimate, but he made a mistake during some part of
the
incantation. The demon possessed him, and-"
"Made him a vampire. Oh dear..." Giles mopped his
forehead
nervously.
"Yes. With the powers granted him by his vampiric
state, as
well as his existing skill in the martial arts, he was
easily
able to defeat Xian-Pu. By her own law, she was his to
do with as
he pleased. He promptly made her his vampiric consort,
and
together they went after his only rival, Ranma
Saotome."
##^_^OK, that takes care of THAT question. And
reasonably
neatly too.
"Akane's iinazuke."
"Exactly. Her powers as a Slayer were activated
during Mu-
Tsu and Xian-Pu's attack on her family's Dojo. She and
Ranma
managed to fight them off, but there were casualties.
The Dojo's
founder, Happousai, was slain by Xian-Pu after he
unwisely
attempted to commit a mischief on her person. His
death was not
greatly mourned. Kuh-Lohn, Xian-Pu's great-grandmother
and
matriarch of her village, fell to Mu-Tsu in an act of
vengeance.
We lost a valuable and powerful ally in her. But the
greatest
tragedy was the loss of Kasumi, the eldest of the
three Tendou
sisters. She f-fell to Mu-Tsu's fangs... She was so
very kind and
gentle, she had no chance against him... We were t-too
late to
save her..." Tears began to run down Tofu's face as
the memory
washed over him. "I-I loved her, very much... I drove
the stake
into her heart myself when she arose... I could at
least grant
her soul rest..."
##???Hmmmm. Akane, Toufu and Ranma seem a little too
composed
at the beginning if all this went on. I'd think a
little more emotion, perhaps
more rage from Akane with Ranma trying to restrain
her. And I'm surprised
Kuh-Lohn was defeated. Or Happy for that matter.
They've both dealt
with demons and such before.
<SNIP>
"I see... Well. this *is* quite a predicament
Doctor... I'm
sure Buffy would be willing to help, but... If these
two vampires
are this powerful..." He sighed. "Only a week ago we
faced a
Demon Ascension, and Buffy is still reeling from the
fight... I'm
not sure that they *can* be defeated, not now..."
##Stakes, sunlight, holy-water, anti-tank rocket
. . .I'm sure Akane will think of something. ^_^
************************************
<SNIP>
STYLE KEY: Words in square brackets [example] are
unspoken
thoughts. Words bracketed by asterisks *example* are
emphasized
for effect. Words in triangular brackets are in a
foreign
language, usually chinese or japanese.
##<EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE> There is nothing worse than
a KEY to explain things. If you need one, don't do it.
(Besides, you DON'T need it. VERY good writing thus
far)
<SNIP>
"All I'm saying, Buffy, is that you should have
shown a
little more consideration for *my* schedule. I *told*
you the museum was bringing in a shipment of rare
chinese artifacts today.
##dramatic music of doom in the background. ^)^
Not rare Egyptian artifacts, not rare Mayan artifacts
. . .rare CHINESE artifacts. ^_^
<SNIP>
"One of them's a Slayer like me, Mom. We're tough
stuff..."
"Please don't get me started on that, Buffy. Half
the time I
don't know what Mr. Giles is thinking, letting you
face things
like that... graduation day still gives me the
shivers... at any rate,
I'm happy to put Akane and Ranma up, but I just wish
there was
some way you could have given me more notice, that's
all."
##^_^ "Mom" has a great set of lungs.
<SNIP>
* * *
Upstairs, the Summers' two houseguests were
bickering in
rapid-fire japanese.
"" Girl-Ranma held a pretty yellow sundress at
arm's
length. "" Akane fumed.
"" Ranma pulled a face at Akane's back. She
snatched up her red top, giving the armpits a quick
sniff.
##ewwwww. Did you REALLY have to put that in. :(
"" She quickly shimmied into
the dress, only getting tangled up in the straps once.
"" Akane asked, having already dressed
herself in a pair of cutoff jean shorts and a comfy
baggy cotton
top.
""
Ranma answered, tugging distastefully at the material.
"" Akane advanced on Ranma
threateningly, a 20-lb glowing wooden sledgehammer
manifesting in
her hands.
"" She stepped closer. ""
##Still hate ""
also, IMO this scene could use some dialogue. there is
no reason NOT to
have dialogue. (And the hammer bit is a fanfic
cliche. EVERY body
uses hammers in the manga/anime. Akane usually uses
whatever is at hand.)
IMO this is the worst bit so far. Excellent story to
this point. and while this is
not a ruinous scene it isn't up to the level of the
rest. Try again with some dialogue.
(OK, having finished the fic NOW I know it's a "spirit
weapon". Still, needs dialogue and explanation)
<SNIP>
"I get the idea, thanks... Now, If Akane'd just
dress this
well, maybe she wouldn't look like such a tomboy all
the time...
It's no wonder I get all the guys..."
"Are you sure you're really straight? 'Cause that
last
statement was mondo weird..."
"'Course I'm straight!! Geez !"
##^_^
* * *
<SNIP>
I worry about Buffy sometimes. All the time, actually.
What you
girls do, I understand it has to be done, but... It's
so very
dangerous. I suppose it's sort of like being a police
officer's
mother. You know your child is doing good work,
important work,
but you still can't help but wish..." She shook her
head, clearing
her throat. "Well, anyway, I imagine your parents feel
much the same
way."
"Actually, Mrs. Summers, my father encourages me.
He's very
big on duty. I know he must worry, though..."
##???? Are we talking about Tendou SOUN???
Joyce nodded, her
gaze growing distant.
##Akane seems very . . .cool . . .about her sisters
death.
I would expect more emotion from her. Esp. as this
conversation
would tend to bring back memories.
[A change of subject might be a good idea here,]
Akane
thought.
##get rid of the [ ]. You do NOT need them.
"Er, these are very good waffles, Mrs. Summers."
"Hmm? Oh, I can't take credit for these, Akane.
The toaster
does all the work... Speaking of work, I really have
to get
going. Will you tell Buffy and Ranma when they get
down that I won't be
back for dinner? There's pizza in the fridge..." She
gathered up
her plates, taking them to the dishwasher. She grabbed
her
briefcase, almost shyly giving Akane a quick peck on
the top of
her head. "You take care, Akane." She hurried out the
door.
Akane sat stunned for a moment at Joyce's
unexpected display
of affection. [Wow. She's really nice. Buffy's lucky
to have a
mom who cares that much... Heck, she's lucky she's
*got* a mom...]
## again, I'd expect more emotion. Kasumi WAS Akane's
mother in
many ways. Akane's acting as if nothing happened. In
fact, other than
Toufu's brief description they are ALL acting as if
nothing happened.
THIS is, IMO, a major flaw in the story.
<SNIP>
"Well, maybe Willow'll want to come. I'm not much
for musty
old things. I live in the now..."
##Except for the musty old boy-friend of two. ^_^
Ummmm, wouldn't it be a nice idea to . . .mention . .
.to Buffy
that she might have some more guests showing up?
CHINESE guests?
<SNIP>
"Yes, well... all sarcasm aside, Buffy, we may be in
serious
trouble. Dr. Tofu has answered some questions I had
about this
whole affair, and I must say I am quite concerned...."
Akane looked away. Ranma froze, a bagel to her
lips.
"He told you what happened in Nerima?" Ranma
whispered.
"What happened in Nerima?" Buffy queried.
Giles explained to Buffy about the battle at the
Tendou
Dojo. When he got to the casualty list, Akane broke
down in sobs. Ranma
rushed to comfort her, hugging Akane close, her own
eyes moistening.
##???Nope, doesn't work. The "break down" is too
contrived.
Akane et. al should have been showing more emotion up
to this point.
IMO, go back and re-write. Build UP to this point.
This reads as if
you suddenly remembered a terrible tragedy . . .
"Oh my gosh Ranma, I just remembered my home has been
destroyed and my
older sister, who raised me after my mother died, was
slaughtered like an animal.
I'm so distressed."
"Oh my god, guys... I'm so sorry..." Buffy looked
over at
the couple, then up at Giles. "So, uh, what about
these two vamps,
whatchacallem, Mousse and Shampoo?" Ranma looked up.
"Mu-Tsu. Xian-Pu. They'll follow us. You can bet
money on
it." She said in a voice as cold as the grave. "I'll
kill him myself
for what he did to Kasumi..."
"Get in line..." Akane whispered.
##Ummmm. Not your best dialogue to date. Again, you
need to build
up to this. Not add it like a plug-n-play device.
"At any rate, Buffy... These two vampires... They
are
creatures of a very different stripe than our domestic
breed...
The Oriental Vampire is unaffected by crosses, for
example. They are
metamorphs, and possess many other abilities that can
only truly
be described as magical in nature. The techniques that
must be used
to fight them... Well, it may necessitate retraining
you almost
completely."
##OK, no crosses. But Shinto and Buddhism has it's own
esoterica for
dealing with vampires. They have �cross' equivalents.
^_^
<SNIP>
Akane, you will teach the Manou
style, including spirit-weapon manifestation and the
use of
tesseracts.
##Hmmm. OK, mallet is "spirit weapon".
As long as you have a GOOD reason. ^_^
<SNIP>
"Buffy..." Akane said quietly. "It's really for
the best.
Mu-Tsu and Xian-Pu are extremely dangerous opponents.
Anything
you can teach us would help..." Ranma nodded in
agreement.
"Okay, whatever you guys want... There goes
another sunny
summer day..."
##In Sunnydale.
* * *
<SNIP>
"" She bowed,
showing off her japanese. Tofu smiled in response.
""
""
##<deep breath>
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Please, please<whimper> NO MORE ""
for the love of GOD!!! NO MORE!!!!!!!!
<SNIP>
So as long as
you have faith in your own abilities, you're able to
use it."
"Jinkies... All that from just thinking happy
thoughts?"
Willow whispered breathlessly. Akane laughed softly
in return.
"The Mokou Takabisha is great, so long as you
have no
self-doubt. Only the very competent or the extremely
stupid can
use it, since any fear you feel diminishes the power."
Ranma looked
miffed.
##Ummm, and Ranma is which, again? ^_^ <VVBG>
I'd leave out the next lines and go straight to
Ranma pulled a face. IMO it's funnier if you leave the
dialogue
unspoken. the reader KNOWS what Akane and Ranma are
thinking.
Don't beat them over the head.
"So which am I supposed to be then? Competent or
stupid?"
"You tell me, Ranma..." Ranma pulled a face.
Akane responded
with a deliberately sweet smile. "The good thing is,
if she
can't get a handle on this one, there's an equivalent
technique she can
learn that's fuelled by fear and insecurities, the Shi
Shi Hodoukan. But I don't think we should worry about
that right now, guys. We should take a break, try
things again tomorrow..."
<SNIP> some reasonably entertaining stuff. ^_^
* * *
In the basement of a deserted warehouse near the
waterfront,
##Awwww. It's ALWAYS a deserted warehouse. Why not a
penthouse at the Ritz?
Or at least a nice split level ranch house in the
suburbs. ^_^
the latest overlords of Sunnydale's vampire underworld
were
waiting out the day in a room furnished with the
rescued set pieces from Sunnydale U's production of
The King and I. Mu-Tsu reclined in a
sedan chair while Xian-Pu curled up in a pile of
silk-covered
pillows. Mu-Tsu grumbled irritably in Mandarin
chinese.
""
## "" !!!! :( :( :( :(
Morphing his hand into a a bird-like claw, he
stabbed a
talon into a tattered copy of the 1999 Sunnydale High
Yearbook,
impaling the photo of Buffy Summers on the tip. He
slumped down into his cushioned chair, flinging the
hardbound book across the candlelit
room. Xian-Pu strode languorously up behind him, ran a
tapered
finger down his neck. Spinning around, she draped
herself across
his lap. Purring quietly, she kissed his chest before
looking up
into the night-black lenses that hid his eyes.
"" He smiled down on her, a hint of fang showing
in the grin.
"" He lifted her chin to look into her eyes. Her
gaze was distracted. "" She looked away.
"" She curled
up tighter against him, sliding her barely-covered
chest across his
with special emphasis. "" She gestured at the
unconcious girl dressed in the tattered remnants of a
MacDonalds staff uniform lying on the floor.
##fast food is bad for you.
I'm not going to comment on the #$&%^$ "" anymore.
Other than saying: AAAAAAAAAA,
nonononononononononono!!!!
"" He stood, gently depositing Xian-Pu
on his vacated seat. ""
"" Xian-Pu prompted.
"<*And* The Slayer, I wouldn't set foot in this
backward
country...>" He sighed. "" Xian-Pu slid over to him,
rubbed his shoulders. He leaned back into the caress,
a fanged smile
crossing his lips.
"" Shrugging out of her robe,
she wrapped herself around him, purring contentedly.
""
##Ok, I lied. the "" ruin this bit. give us some
dialogue.
* * *
"Man. I'm hungry. Anyone for chinese?" Xander
asked the rest
of the group. Everyone except for Ranma shrugged
noncomittaly.
"Yeah, I could go for some. You've got chinese
food here?"
##Errrrr, Chinese vampires slaughtered Akane's sister
and they're
going to order CHINESE food??? Ummmm, I don't think
so.
<SNIP> Ranma/Xander at the mall.
##^_^
<BG>
* * *
<SNIP>
"Isn't that the exhibit Mom's working on?" Buffy
asked.
"More moldy oldies..."
"I don't see anything... Oh... My... God... Is
that...?"
"Happousai's magic mirror... The Naniban, you
bet..."
Ranma's eyes bugged.
##???? Mirror was broken in the manga.
"How the heck did an American museum get ahold of
that?!"
##Good question.
<SNIP>
.
"Wait a minute. I've seen Star Trek...under
protest, but
I've seen it... Isn't it impossible to change the
past? I mean, what
happened, happened, right?"
"No, it's possible... just really, *really*
dangerous. Who
knows what could happen... "
## "You'd have to be incredibly stupid to attempt such
a thing." Akane added.
"Hey, why's everyone lookin' at ME?" Ranma asked.
^)^
<SNIP>
"Hey, Ranma?"
"Yeah?"
"If you need to go before you change back, don't
forget to
put the seat down... Mom almost fell in this
morning... That sort of thing could make her
suspicious, y'know?"
"Oops..."
<VVBG>
* * *
<SNIP>
"Mmm-hmm... " Kodachi reached up and gently
stroked the
curve of Willow's cheek. Wil started, uncertain about
what was going
on. "Tell, me, Willow, if I take you properly, will
you relieve my
pain...?"
##Ummm, couldn't resist Kodachi-vampire? Oh well.
<SNIP>
"Ranma-Darling... So nice to see you... Do you
know this
little Amerika-jin? Answer truthfully..."
"She's nobody. It's me you want..."
"Actually... no. We were just looking for a nice
light
snack, and a coffee crisp didn't quite hit the spot.
##<BG>
<SNIP>
* * *
"This totally sucks, Akane. Mom's being way to
uptight about
this..." Buffy grumbled to her partner as they
strolled casually
through Sunnydale Memorial cemetary. The grounds were
quiet, the
dead apparently staying dead, for a change.
"I understand her reasoning, Buffy... It's only
two weeks to
wait. Providing nothing happens to the mirror, we
should be
fine." Akane said, her attempt at optimism defeated by
the sigh in her
voice.
##And of course Akane has NO reason to believe
anything could go wrong. ^_^
This doesn't ring true. The mirror is a chance to save
her sister. She would have
take the museum apart to get it. You need a much
better reason for Akane to wait.
=====
When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
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