At 03:32 PM 11/18/99 -0700, David Johnston wrote:
<snip>
Subject:
[FFML] [fic][Soap][revised]Cyan: Nobuyuki Muyo!
Date:
Wed, 10 Nov 1999 10:06:40 +0800
From:
TimeRunner <keiichi@i-manila.com.ph>
Description: Not very changed from the last time so far
as I can tell.
Nope, at least not in the way of plot. Only minor word and grammatical changes.
Comments:
Nobuyuki: So you made me think you were going to kill
me to cheer me up?
Ryoko: Yup! Worked too. Don't you feel a lot more
cheerful now that you aren't going to be killed?
Yes. Nothing like an intense experience to get people together.
Subject:
[FFML] [fic][Soap][revised]Yellow: All-Purpose Cultural Mecha Boy
Ryu-Kun
Date:
Wed, 10 Nov 1999 10:07:47 +0800
From:
TimeRunner <keiichi@i-manila.com.ph>
Description: Also apparently unchanged.
Ah, yes. The changes made are very subtle, mostly changes to word choice
and a few rephrasings here and there.
Comments: Kiyone's motivation is still cloudy as written.
Cloudy? Meaning inconsistent? Or undetermined? If the former, then some
major rewriting is in order. If the latter, then the explanation will come
later.
>From what you told me she doesn't have the corporate
loyalty that she expresses in this, but rather a personal
loyalty.
Ayup. More on that later.
Thanks for the comments.
=====
TimeRunner's Web Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
=====
Indeed, it seems to me, one of the most vital qualities for a writer to
have is an ability to see the potentialities for impending doom in
everything that happens.
- Dwight Swain