At 01:22 PM 11/18/99 -0500, DB Sommer wrote:
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The Sum of All Parts : Magenta
Maison Otonashi
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[snip]
room burst open and Misato's fourteen-year-old red-haired quarter-
German ward Soryu Asuka Langley burst in,
ward, Soryu...Langley, burst
I guess that sentence is a bit unwieldy.
[snip]
"I'll say. I sure as hell know he's not proud of MY grades,"
Godai whispered back.
"Hey, you passed, didn't you? Don't complain," rebutted
Kobayashi.
Is Kobayashi from anything? The name doesn't sound like it was from any of
these series, like the others.
Yes, he's the friend with glasses in the earlier parts of Maison Ikkoku.
He's forgettable, so I don't blame you for not remembering. I used him
because I liked his deadpan sense of humor.
[snip]
Kyoko did not mind the many inclines
'inclines' seems a poor choice of word. 'hills' or something would be
better, I think.
Hmm. I guess...
He turned away and looked at the Nerima skyline traced by the
light of the fast-setting sun. "When are you coming home?" he asked.
"Don't you get tired of this? You've been doing this forever, it
seems."
"Four years," she corrected.
Yikes! And she hasn't divorced him yet?
Well, there's the Japanese sense of 'propriety'...
[snip]
Nice work. Interesting variations, and it's always nice to see some MI
material. Given the nature of the series, it's not surprising much isn't
written about it. Prose flowed well, as usual
D.B. Sommer
Thanks. I think the reason why not many MI fanfics have been written is
because the series is complete as it is, although I was really surprised to
find out that the angle I took for Maison Otonashi had never been written
about before.
Thanks again!
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TimeRunner's Web Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
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Indeed, it seems to me, one of the most vital qualities for a writer to
have is an ability to see the potentialities for impending doom in
everything that happens.
- Dwight Swain