At 05:09 PM 11/17/99 -0500, DB Sommer wrote:
TimeRunner wrote:
The Sum of All Parts: Cyan
Nobuyuki Muyo!
[snip]
Achika stood up. "I can't stay here, Nobuyuki. I'm too free-
spirited, I guess." She laughed softly. "My father used to say that
the only thing that would keep me here is if I got too sick to leave."
Oh bitter irony.
Ayup. Sucks, huh?
Nobuyuki snorted. "Come on, Nobuyuki,
The two uses of 'Nobuyuki' are too close together. I'd drop the second one.
Ah, yes. I see what you mean.
[snip]
"I'll bet it's some other guy," Sakamoto said, nodding. "That's
usually the reason why girls give the 'I want to be free' speech.
Good ole's Sakamoto knows what the real deal is. ^_^
Yeah. He knows from personal experience. ^^;
[snip]
"All right! All right!" He
he
Damned auto-capitalization...
Katsuhito Masaki walked alone from his temple. His daughter had
left for the city rather hurriedly that afternoon, and with no one to
talk to he
to, he
Oh. I missed that one. Thanks.
decided to catch up with his exercise. Not that he wasn't
used to being alone,
You have two 'not's in the sentence. I'd reword that as 'He was used to
being alone,'
Hmm. I'll think about it.
Well, again, another thorough piece of C&C. I really appreciate this.
Thanks again!
=====
TimeRunner's Web Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
=====
"A little naive? Was that what you were going to say? A little naive?"
"I was going to say a little clueless, but yeah, that about covers it."
- Skuld and Keiichi, "What Wish?"