WARNING: This C&C contains reckless speculation about future chapters
by the reviewer. If, by some chance, one of these speculations turns
out to be right, this could, as a result, qualify as a "spoiler".
You've been warned....
--- Jack Staik <jstaik1043@earthlink.net> wrote:
--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Ranma's Horrible Secret - Part 1
By Jack Staik
--------------------
Akane ran through the house, crying. She ran up the stairs
and slammed her bedroom door.
Nice hook. Crying women are always a good attention-getter.
Ryoga was, by this point, thoroughly confused.
So were the readers, but at least we're enjoying it.
"If I had known, I'd never - never have been so mean to him!
I'd never have hit him - never have called him a pervert -
never have accused him of flirting with all those girls! I'M
A HATEFUL, CRUEL, NASTY BITCH AND I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR
HIM!!! WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
While Akane did her Soun-imitation, Ryoga asked himself,
<What happened??>
Like father, like daughter, I guess....
"LEAVE HIM ALONE, YOU BULLY!!" Nabiki cried. "STOP PICKING
ON POOR RANMA!!"
<WHAM!!> went Nabiki's mallet over Soun's head.
Nabiki's... mallet? Heh. Hehheh. BWAHAHAHH!!
Ranma couldn't have been more surprised if someone had told
him Happosai was a member of an anti-pornography
organization.
Hmmm... this needs to be tighter, somehow, or have a more direct
impact. As currently phrased, it kind of breaks up the flow.
Akane brushed her hair carefully, trying to relax.
"I should have known, shouldn't I, P-Chan?" she said to her
pet piglet. "All the signs were there. I should have seen
it, it was so ... obvious! And it explains everything! Why
he acts like he acts, the way he treats me ... I'm never
going to forgive myself." She took a deep breath. "What do I
do now?"
Okay, at this point, I'm thinking they're thinking Ranma's gay....
<Damn,> she said to herself, <I didn't think I'd take it so
hard. I mean, I've discovered horrible things about people
before, but *this* ... poor Ranma ...>
<Maybe I shouldn't have told Akane ... no, I had to. She's
going to be his *wife*!! She deserved to know. But now she
feels as guilty as ... as I do.>
If they DON'T think Ranma's gay, this is going to have one helluva
surprise for me.....
"Kikuko? Nabiki ... I have a new project. We have to recover
every single picture of Ranma we've sold. ... Yes, *all* of
them! Buy the ones you can, trade them for the Kodachi-and-
the-cucumber pics, *steal* them if you have to! ... What are
Ko-chan... with a-a c-cu-cucumber.... *Passes out from nasal blood
loss. Recovers shortly thereafter to continue reading.*
Wioth that done, Nabiki pulled out a drawer of her desk and
pulled out some photographs and negatives. Carefully, she
put the negatives in a metal lock-box on her desk, then set
a match to them. As the negatives burned, she carefully set
each photograph of Ranma Saotome - in both forms - on fire
before dropping it into the box.
*Wince* When Nabsie finds out that whatever she's thinking isn't right,
she's gonna be seriously PISSED....
Nabiki glared at Genma. "You even think about trying to
swipe Ranma's food again, and you'll be the newest exhibit
in Tokyo Zoo. Understand, lard-ass?"
This threat is almost cliche, but it's still funny....
"Um, did you two eat some of Shampoo's drugged food or
something?" he asked in his most subtle fashion. (Subtle as
fishing with dynamite.)
Beautifully IC portrayal of Ranma, BTW.
"Tee hee. You're so funny, Ranma-kun," Akane giggled. "Why
can't I just want to do something nice for my fiancee and
best friend?" she asked, snuggling close to him.
"Tee hee"? "TEE HEE"?! Good gods, they don't think Ranma's gay, they
think he's dying....
<WHAM!!> <WHAM!!>
Akane and Nabiki's dual mallet attack drove Soun into the
floor down to his neck.
Nabsie AND Akane with mallets... Men, be afraid, be VERY afraid....
"OH GOD HE HATES ME!!" Akane yowled, her eyes fountaining
tears. "I'M SORRY!! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!!"
"WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Nabiki cried. "HE HATES ME TOO!! I NEVER
SHOULD HAVE TREATED HIM LIKE I DID!! I'M A BAD PERSON!!"
"SO AM I!!" Akane agreed. "WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
Man... when those Tendou genes kick in, they really go all out, don't
they?
He looked inside and saw the fiendish Ranma molesting both
Akane and Nabiki! Oh how the poor girls struggled and cried
to escape the pervert!
"RANMA!! HOW DARE YOU MOLEST AKANE?!? PREPARE TO DIE!!" he
cried, umbrella raised.
Having "molest" in both paragraphs is a bit repetitive. Suggest
changing the first one to "... fiendish Ranma groping both...".
<POW!!> <WHAM!!> <WHOP!!> "Don't talk to me, you thug! You
bully! How dare you attack my Ranma! I'll punish you, you
brute!" <THUD!!> <HIT!!> <KA-POWIE!!>
*Blink* When did Usagi show up?
"Why, nothing, Ranma," she said in her best 'Why-Officer-I-
Have-No-Idea-How-That-Got-There' voice. "Can't a girl want
to protect her fiancee?"
Those little asides really make this work.
Nabiki jumped back. "Oh no! I'm sorry Ranma!"
Akane came back in, dragging a throughly-beaten Ryoga behind
her. "I got him, Ranma! He'll never sneak up on you again!"
Okay, I'm back to them thinking he's gay....
By now, Ranma was wishing he drank, because he needed a
drink.
Okay, whereever you're taking this, I'm looking forward to the ride....
--Freemage
* * * * * * * * * *
(To be Continued)
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