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Ranma 1/2: Ranma's Horrible Secret - Part 1
By Jack Staik
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Akane ran through the house, crying. She ran up the stairs
and slammed her bedroom door.
P-Chan trotted up to his mistress, nuzzling her, trying to
give her comfort.
Akane grabbed the piglet up and squeezed him close. "Oh P-
Chan, it's so - so horrible!"
<What has that bastard Ranma done to you now?> P-Chan
thought. No one else could make Akane this miserable. He'd
have to change back to human and stomp on Saotome.
"Poor Ranma!" she wailed. "My poor Ranma! I never knew - oh
it's so terrible! My poor Ranma!"
<Poor *RANMA*?!?> he thought.
"I've been so cruel to him! I've accused him - I've beaten
him - he must hate me!!" she cried, pouring her heart out to
P-Chan. "And all this time - I never - never knew - <sob!!>"
Ryoga was, by this point, thoroughly confused.
"If I had known, I'd never - never have been so mean to him!
I'd never have hit him - never have called him a pervert -
never have accused him of flirting with all those girls! I'M
A HATEFUL, CRUEL, NASTY BITCH AND I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR
HIM!!! WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
While Akane did her Soun-imitation, Ryoga asked himself,
<What happened??>
* * * * * * * * * *
Nabiki looked up as Ranma came in. Before he had set both
feet inside, Soun had grabbed him.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LITTLE GIRL, RANMA?!?" he roared.
"What are you talking about, Tendo??"
"Akane started crying, ran upstairs, and locked herself in
her room! Now go and apologize to her!"
"Daddy, NO!" Nabiki snapped.
"eh?" Soun turned toward his middle daughter in confusion.
"Ranma ... didn't do anything to Akane. He's innocent."
Ranma was confused. *Nabiki* sticking up for *him*? <She'll
probably want something later,> he thought.
"Well, then," Soun replied, "WHY AREN'T YOU UPSTAIRS
COMFORTING MY LITTLE GIRL, RANMA?!?"
"Hey!" Ranma cried. <Can't win for losing.>
"LEAVE HIM ALONE, YOU BULLY!!" Nabiki cried. "STOP PICKING
ON POOR RANMA!!"
<WHAM!!> went Nabiki's mallet over Soun's head.
Ranma couldn't have been more surprised if someone had told
him Happosai was a member of an anti-pornography
organization.
"Huh??" he commented with his usual wit.
Nabiki looked at him, sorrow and - pity? - in her eyes. Then
she turned and dashed upstairs, only a faint sob escaping
her lips.
Ranma looked at the unconscious Soun. "What the heck was
*that* about?" he asked.
Soun declined to reply.
* * * * * * * * * *
Akane brushed her hair carefully, trying to relax.
"I should have known, shouldn't I, P-Chan?" she said to her
pet piglet. "All the signs were there. I should have seen
it, it was so ... obvious! And it explains everything! Why
he acts like he acts, the way he treats me ... I'm never
going to forgive myself." She took a deep breath. "What do I
do now?"
<Who cares? Dump him!> "Bwee!!"
"You're right, P-Chan!" she said firmly. "I'll make it up to
him! I'll be nice and friendly and trusting and stick up for
him and make sure those nasty girls never touch him again!
I'll become the best fiancee he could have! Why, soon, we'll
become best friends!"
<No no no!> "Bwee!!"
"Thanks, P-Chan," she said. "Talking to you always helps."
Getting up and going to the door, she whistled, now cheerful
and happy.
As she left, Ryoga-buta wondered what evil plot Saotome had
hatched, to trick Akane like that. Due to whatever sinister
lies he had told, Akane was ready to practically throw
herself at him! He had to save her!
First, he had to find the door.
* * * * * * * * * *
In her room, Nabiki wept freely for the first time since she
was a child.
Soon, her crying jag had run it's course, and she calmed
down.
<Damn,> she said to herself, <I didn't think I'd take it so
hard. I mean, I've discovered horrible things about people
before, but *this* ... poor Ranma ...>
<Maybe I shouldn't have told Akane ... no, I had to. She's
going to be his *wife*!! She deserved to know. But now she
feels as guilty as ... as I do.>
Nabiki pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number.
"Kikuko? Nabiki ... I have a new project. We have to recover
every single picture of Ranma we've sold. ... Yes, *all* of
them! Buy the ones you can, trade them for the Kodachi-and-
the-cucumber pics, *steal* them if you have to! ... What are
we going to do with them? We're going to destroy them. ...
Don't question my orders, girl!" <click>
Wioth that done, Nabiki pulled out a drawer of her desk and
pulled out some photographs and negatives. Carefully, she
put the negatives in a metal lock-box on her desk, then set
a match to them. As the negatives burned, she carefully set
each photograph of Ranma Saotome - in both forms - on fire
before dropping it into the box.
"Not enough," she said to herself. "I shouldn't have done
taken them in the first place ... I've got a long way before
I can make it up to you, Ranma. But now I know some things
are more important than profit. Thank you for that."
* * * * * * * * * *
"Dinnertime!" Kasumi called.
Akane and Nabiki were the last to come to the table. RAnma
and Genma were already eating (as usual), and Genma was
stealing Ranma's food.
As Genma reached over to grab a pickle, Akane's foot came
down on his hand.
"CUT THAT OUT, YOU SLOB!!" she barked. "HOW *DARE* YOU?!?"
"Wha-??" quoth both Saotomes.
Nabiki hit Genma several times with a plate. "How *dare* you
steal Ranma's food, you - you panda!"
"Here, Ranma-kun," said Akane in a cheerful voice, "have
some of my stir-fry."
Nabiki glared at Genma. "You even think about trying to
swipe Ranma's food again, and you'll be the newest exhibit
in Tokyo Zoo. Understand, lard-ass?"
Genma quailed before Nabiki's threat. "I was just trying to
train the boy's reflexes. Heh heh."
Ranma looked at the gently-smiling Akane, the fiercely-
protective Nabiki, and decided that they must have gotten
dosed by one of Shampoo's potions.
"Um, did you two eat some of Shampoo's drugged food or
something?" he asked in his most subtle fashion. (Subtle as
fishing with dynamite.)
"Tee hee. You're so funny, Ranma-kun," Akane giggled. "Why
can't I just want to do something nice for my fiancee and
best friend?" she asked, snuggling close to him.
Ranma's eyes bugged out and his pig-tail stood straight up.
"Oh joy!" Soun cried. "She wants to be his fiancee! We must
take advantage of this! We can get a priest over right away
- Kasumi, you go downtown and get the marriage license -"
<WHAM!!> <WHAM!!>
Akane and Nabiki's dual mallet attack drove Soun into the
floor down to his neck.
"Damn it, Daddy!" Nabiki yelled, "Can't you stop harassing
Ranma?"
"I'll marry Ranma when *he* asks me, not before!" Akane
agreed. "Now stop bullying my Ranma!"
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?" Ranma demanded.
Nabiki and Akane looked at Ranma, their eyes all big and
dewy and innocent. "Why, whatever do you mean, Ranma-kun?"
asked Nabiki.
"Why are you two acting so weird?"
Akane looked horrified. "Oh no! I did something wrong! I'm
sorry, Ranma! Please forgive me!" she cried, glomping onto
him and sobbing.
"Akane? Please don't - don't cry -" Ranma mumbled before
surrendering to the inevitable, putting his arms around her
and giving her comfort.
"We're sorry, Ranma," Nabiki said, her eyes downcast. "We
just wanted to be nice to you."
"Why?" he asked. "Neither one of you ever wanted to be nice
to me before."
"OH GOD HE HATES ME!!" Akane yowled, her eyes fountaining
tears. "I'M SORRY!! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!!"
"WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Nabiki cried. "HE HATES ME TOO!! I NEVER
SHOULD HAVE TREATED HIM LIKE I DID!! I'M A BAD PERSON!!"
"SO AM I!!" Akane agreed. "WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
"I don't hate either of you! Please stop!" Ranma begged. "I
don't hate you! I like you both! Really! You're two of the
nicest girls I know!"
<GLOMP!!><GLOMP!!>
"Thank you, Ranma-kun!" the two girls sang out in tandem.
"Thank you!! Thank you!!" They showered Ranma's cheeks with
kisses.
"HEY!!" Ranma cried. "Cut that out!"
While this happened, Soun, Genma, and Kasumi exchanged gazes
of total confusion.
* * * * * * * * * *
While all this went on, Ryoga had found the bathroom (while
somehow having avoided the hallway), changed back to human,
put on his spare clothes, and jumped out the window. In just
a few minutes (by keeping one hand on the wall), he found
the back porch.
He looked inside and saw the fiendish Ranma molesting both
Akane and Nabiki! Oh how the poor girls struggled and cried
to escape the pervert!
"RANMA!! HOW DARE YOU MOLEST AKANE?!? PREPARE TO DIE!!" he
cried, umbrella raised.
"NOOO!!!" Akane yelled. "I'LL SAVE YOU, RANMA!!" she cried,
leaping toward Ryoga and tackling him.
"Akane?!? What are you doing?!?" Ryoga demanded.
<POW!!> <WHAM!!> <WHOP!!> "Don't talk to me, you thug! You
bully! How dare you attack my Ranma! I'll punish you, you
brute!" <THUD!!> <HIT!!> <KA-POWIE!!>
Ranma looked on as Ryoga was beaten into unconsciousness,
totally confused. "Nabiki, what's going on?"
"Why, nothing, Ranma," she said in her best 'Why-Officer-I-
Have-No-Idea-How-That-Got-There' voice. "Can't a girl want
to protect her fiancee?"
"But I beat up Ryoga all the time. I don't need protection
from him. And please stop hugging me!"
Nabiki jumped back. "Oh no! I'm sorry Ranma!"
Akane came back in, dragging a throughly-beaten Ryoga behind
her. "I got him, Ranma! He'll never sneak up on you again!"
"But I don't want to eat brussel sprouts, mommy," Ryoga
mumbled.
"Shut up!" Akane barked, slamming his head into the floor.
By now, Ranma was wishing he drank, because he needed a
drink.
* * * * * * * * * *
(To be Continued)