This is my first post. Some language and violence.
Kagome stared nervously at the white envelope in
her hands.
"Is that it?" her mother asked.
"This is it," she replied.
"Oh! Then... Does it? Did you?"
One formatting note: Double spacing between the paragraphs makes the
story easier to read. I know books don't do it that way, but they have to
pay for the extra pages to hold those extra lines. Online, the extra line
is not a problem.
"Kagome got her letter from UOT!"
"Did ëja get excepted, Sis?
Okay two formatting notes: I'm assuming that's a single quote in front of
ja. You should turn off smart quotes in whatever editor you're using to
write.
"Ugh," Kagome sweat dropped. "I don't know!! It's
really not that big of a deal. If I don't get in, I'll
just . . . oh, fuck it!" She ripped open the letter.
Um... that's way to strong for Kagome. Inuyasha I can see using it, or
Kagome when she's REALLY upset or pissed at Inuyasha, but here? Seems out
of place.
"Kagome! Language!"
"Eh, sorry Mom" ëToo much time with Inu-Yasha.'
Smart quote again...
I know you want her mom to scold her, but fuck is really too strong. Try
damn or 'oh, screw it...'
"In the dorms... Hey, Gramps, look, the
University is built by a haunted lake."
"The dorms? Does that mean you're gonna take
Inu-Yasha with you?"
*SCREECH* Kagome's brain slammed to a halt and
the stupid grin was washed from her face.
"Ah, CRAP! MOTHER F***ING SON OF A *****!!!"
"Kagome!"
Here again, her swearing seems way out of place. She usually only gets
this excited when she's talking to Inuyasha and not about him.
College Bound
by Michelle Biggs
minako97@yahoo.com
It had been three and a half years since Kagome
was first pulled into the Bone Eaters well by Mistress
Centipede. She was now seventeen, graduated from high
school a week ago, and had been accepted to the
University of Tokyo. Her life was finally beginning.
Eighteen would be more accurate if three years have passed. She's 15 in
the manga preparing for High School.
In the past year I've spent more time in the feudal
ages then I have in my own zip code! What am I talking
about? You don't even know what a zip code is!"
I doubt Kagome would either... I don't know what codes the Japanese use
to route mail, but I doubt they are called zip codes.
Kagome nodded. "I will."
The perhaps one time sisters shared a glance
toward Inu-Yasha and understanding passed between
them. "I will guard it with my life, just as before."
Is that Inuyasha or Kagome speaking? The paragraph is unclear about who
speaks at the end.
***UOT -- Anyone know what the actual abbreviation for
'University of Tokyo' is? I'd really like to know
since I have no idea! Thanks!
Hard to say. They really don't use abbreviations in Japanese unless they
are using roman characters. Since University of Tokyo would probably only
be a few Kanji/Kana characters, there isn't as much need to use
abbreviations.
Interesting. The haunted lake near the dorms is a clear setup for
trouble. It seemed a bit out of place for Kagome to mention it so
casually. She might be more likely to not mention it to her family (so as
not to worry them) and just think about it. Maybe:
"Where are you gonna live?"
"In the dorms." Kagome decided not to mention the haunted lake that
was near the dorms. 'No use worrying them.'
"The dorms? Does that mean you're gonna live with
Inu-Yasha there?" Sota asked, innocently
"Maybe." Kagome blushed suddenly. "No! I mean... I'm not seeing him
like that! It's just to protect the Jewel!! I'd never let that jackass
share my bed!"
"Kagome!"
-=-
Jim Lazar
E-Mail - mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net
FanFiction - http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime
-=-
"Unit 01, Angel at eleven o'clock."
"But it's only seven o'clock," Shinji quipped.
The computer-controlled voice didn't find Shinji's joke funny, so the
AI program inserted ten Angels around Shinji's Unit 01. It didn't take
long for his Eva to be reduced to a pile of scrap metal and flesh.
-=-
Excerpt from Garden of EVA 0:3