Upperclassman Ranma

A fan-fiction by Ranmania

Disclaimer: All right. You�ve probably all heard this before. All characters (save any new ones) are
property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am not doing this for any profit other than the satisfaction gained from
writing. (However, any donations would be very welcome.?)
Well, according to what I�ve read and watched (not very much), the series seems to take place while
Ranma is doing junior high. Generally, I�m just trying to add another �episode� to the series. So, sit back,
and enjoy. (Or curse and swear, depending on how you find my writing.) BTW, if someone else already
uses the alias of Ranmania, please tell me. This is my first fan fiction so please bear with me.

Key: [ ] : Indicates what a character is doing/feeling. ** : Usually on sound-words to show emphasis. { }:
Shows background action in a scene. �C� : Indicates the person is in Cursed form.

<Chapter I: Upperclassman Ranma >

Act One: Why ME?

{Scene opens up to another bright sunny day in Nerima, a small district in Japan. The sun is shining, the
birds are singing- �RANMA YOU JERK!!� -and Ranma is flying� again.}

Ranma: [Very bored] Wonder where I�ll be landing this time.

{Ranma crash lands in a well known Okonomiyaki restaurant, managed by a certain enterprising young
woman.}

Ranma: [Brushing aside concrete and as usual unscathed.] Hi Ucchan! [Looks around and finds no one
there.] Ucchan? Strange, it�s evening and usually the place is booming�

{Groaning and moaning sounds are heard from upstairs. Curious, Ranma tiptoes upstairs in that way only
animated characters can.}

Ukyo�s voice: OH YES!!!

Ranma: [Thinking] ???

Male voice: Oh Ucchan�

{Thumping sounds are heard. The groaning and moaning intensifies.}

Ranma: [Getting mad and thinking.] Hey! What earth�s happenin� in there?! [Flings open door�]

{Camera shifts to Ukyo�s bedroom, where a very scantily clad Ukyo is hugging�}

Ranma: [Eyes bugging out.] R�Ryo�RYOGA?!

Ryoga: [Peeved.] Can�t you see we�re busy Ranma?

Ranma: What� Who� When�?

Ukyo: Ranma, I know you�ll never love me the way I loved you�

Ryoga: And you�ve caused us both a fair share of hell�

Ukyo: We just realised how much in common we have�

Ranma: But� I mean, you can�t-

Ukyo and Ryoga: GET OUT! NOW THAT WE�RE TOGETHER, NO-ONE WILL BREAK US APART!

{Dual uppercut sends Ranma out into the sky again.}

Ranma: This can�t be happening! This-ack!

{A HUGE orange fireball clips Ranma, sending him spiralling down. In front of him is a tall, inhumanly
handsome man wearing clothing that one would only find in a very bad fighting game. A tight fitting affair
that�s basically a stylised Gi, arm guards and leg guards too. And lets not forget the exceptionally well-
placed-and-stylish scar on his face.}

Annoyingly perfect character: Ranma! I challenge you!

Ranma: [Blinks] who are you? [Brushes himself off.]

APC: My name is Dan Daring. I�m basically a very good guy, but for to satisfy my ego, macho instinct and
need to just simply show off, I am afraid I will have to pound you into the ground.

Ranma: [Smirking and cracking his knuckles.] Feh. Come on! [Assumes kempo fighting stance.]

APC: [Grins, does a very showy, involved hand movement] Ostentatiously-Named-Fireball!

{Ranma is engulfed by another HUGE orange fireball.}

Ranma: AAAAAAAAaaaaaahhh�!

*WHAP!*

{Scene changes to the guest room at the Tendo residence. Ranma lies sprawled on his futon, drenched in
sweat. It turns out that the entire escapade was a horrific nightmare. Genma is in panda form and is covered
in Ranma�s foot and fist prints.}

Genma C: [Pulls sign off Ranma�s face] What are you doing? [Whaps Ranma on the head with the sign,
then turns it around.] Fool!

Ranma: [Way too tired to make an issue of it all.] Too many midnight snacks again pop.

Genma C: [Whips out another sign with �Sigh� on it, then turns it around.] The one about Akane and you
getting all gushy over each other again? Or was it the one where that Kuno-boy and Nabiki get together?

Ranma: [Shuddering] No WAY, pop. This one was much worse though.

Genma C: [Another sign. (Where�s he get all those?)] Well, it�ll have to wait for tomorrow. I�m beat�

{Ranma just sits there, thinking and taking deep breaths.}

Genma C: [Big-sweat] It was supposed to be a joke.

Ranma: Uh-huh, yeah pop. See ya �morrow. [Flops onto futon, and falls asleep with typical Saotome
speed.]

Genma C: [Thinking] It�s been almost two years since we got here. Soun�s starting to get impatient� I
wonder whether what I did was a mistake. [Flashback to Ukyo and Ranma�s engagement, and to them
running away from various other crime scenes.] Of course not. [Follows Ranma�s lead.]

{The following morning.}
{Akane walks into the room and squats by Ranma�s side}
Akane: Ranma! Get up! I don�t want to be late again.

Ranma: [Tosses and turns] Mumble-mumble� Five more minuteszzz�

Akane: [Annoyed.] You said that half an hour ago. Now get up!

Ranma: Mumble-mumble� Tomboy�zzz� stop botherin� me�

Akane: [Stress marks appear on her head. Smiles ominously.]�

*SPLASH!*

Ranma C: [Waking up with a start.] Yow! C-c-cold! [Turns to Akane who is holding a bucket.] What�d ya
do that for?

Akane: [Ignoring Ranma�s question as usual.] Hurry up. It�s already seven-forty. [Walks away.]

{Ranma gets up and dashes to the bathroom. Minutes later, a freshened, male Ranma dashes down to the
dining room.}

Genma: Alright son, today we are going to-

Ranma: Sorry pop, no time for that! [Rushes to table and speed-eats his breakfast.]

Genma: [Big-sweats, frozen in same position, i.e. facing away from table.] �

Ranma: [Plonks empty bowl onto table.] Ah, Kasumi, that hit the spot!

Kasumi: [Smiling as usual.] Thank you, Ranma.

Genma: [Whips around, in righteously-angry mode, the background showing waves about to splash onto a
shore.] Insolent boy! I�ll teach you some respect for your elders! HAIIIII-YAH! [Flying-kicks Ranma out
into garden.]

{The two spar for a few seconds, Ranma wolfing down his second bowl of rice and generally just dodging
Genma.}

Genma: [Really mad now.] WILL YOU TAKE NOTHING SERIOUSLY?! [Flying-kicks towards Ranma
again.]

Ranma: [Finishes bowl.] Sorry pop, but I really got no time now! If I�m late again, its detention classes for
the rest of the month! [Ducks and uses a finger to nudge Genma� who veers slightly off course and
splashes into the pond.]

Genma C:� [Splashes about in pond, trying to get up with a waterlogged fur coat.]

{The rest of the family doesn�t seem to take much notice as Genma finally gets his bearings and plonks
himself down by the table and eats. By the time Akane has finished her second bowl, Ranma has wolfed
down his usual six.}

Akane and Ranma: Bye! [Blink and look at each other, surprised that they actually said it at the same time.]
We�re going off now!

{They both dash out to school, Ranma finally having to wear a proper uniform, but adamantly keeping his
pigtail. He still runs along the fence as he always has.}

Ranma: [Just talking to break the silence.] Y�know, ever since Kuno and Nabiki went to university, its been
quieter here.

Akane: [A little surprised at Ranma not insulting her.] I guess so� [grins] Is the �Pigtailed Girl� longing
for her dashing samurai to save her from the �Vile Sorcerer Saotome�?

Ranma: [Sour face, then grins too.] I guess, in a way.

Akane: [Face-faults]

Ranma:[Continuing his sentence.] I mean, it was kinda fun mucking around with the stooge.

{For the first time in a LONG while, it seems that the two are going to have a normal conversation� Fat
chance� According to the laws of the universal narrative, something bad ALWAYS happens at this time.
Unfortunately, this is Nerima, so THREE something�s happened. All at the same time.}

{A crowd of young women/girls chases after a small, fast form carrying a bag of� unmentionables larger
than himself� Heading towards Ranma and Akane.}

Happosai: [Grinning lecherously. (As if he can grin any other way?)] What a haul! What a haul!

{A certain lost boy was wandering Japan, and everywhere else too, in search of a certain flirtatious jerk to
kill, a certain girl to confess his undying love to at last (again), or at least, somewhere where he can find a
nice hot bath and something to eat. Slowly but surely, he meandered towards Ranma�}

Ryoga: [In his usual cloud of depression] Dearest� Akane� will I ever claim your heart?

{Myopically scouring the area, another angst-filled boy leapt from roof to roof INTO lamppost. A lamppost
along the way Ranma and Akane were heading.}

*MMMSH!*

Mousse: [Sliding off lamppost] Ranma� Today you will PAY for your crimes! And then I will wed
Shampoo!

{The following scene was best described in the following way.}

One: Happosai encountered Ranma. Ranma tried to berate Happy. Happy dropped said underwear into
Ranma�s arms and scooted.

Two: Mob of women found the �accomplice� and pounded him into the ground.

Three: Ryoga chanced upon Ranma just as Akane was helping him out of the Ranma-shaped crater. (For
once.) Just as Akane was thumping Ranma on the back to knock off the dust, he saw them. Finally
believing that Akane was lost to him, he fell into TOTAL depression.

Ryoga: [Glowing�] RAAAAN�MAAAA! How DARE you!

*SHI-SHI HOKOOOUDAN!*

Four: Mousse found Ranma just as Akane was trying to pull him out from the wall of a house.

Mousse: [Flaring up.] RANMA! You� you already have Akane! Must you seduce my Shampoo too?!
KEI-RAN-KEN!

*BOM-BOM-BADOOM*

{A little later.}

Ranma: [Wobbling, bashed up and mad.] HEY! YOU UP THERE! [Pointing to sky, sarcastically]
ANYTHING ELSE YA WANNA THROW AT ME?!

*Rumble� Rumble� SSSSSSHHHH*

{It begins to pour like the Great Flood.}

Ranma C: [Hysterical] WHY ME?!

Akane: [Observing Ranma, holding an umbrella over her head] �

Act Two: Is this a dagger I see before me?

{Later on in the day. As the lunch bell rings, Ranma, Hiroshi and Daisuke  lounge around the tuck-shop,
basically just eating. Akane and her friends sit at their usual table, chatting about basically everything and
anything.}

Ranma: Man, I can�t believe how much work we got!

Hiroshi: [Eating] Yeah? Well you ain�t seen nothing yet.

Daisuke: You thought senior high was going to be a breeze? Guess again pal, here�s where they weed out
those who ain�t gonna get into colleges.

Ranma: [Sighs and goes back to his bento.] Yeah, I guess�

{Scene change to Akane�s table.}

Akane: [Excitedly, continuing from another topic.] Oh yeah! The theatre club�s putting up a new rendition
of Macbeth!

Sayuri: Aw, Macbeth�s all blood and gore, it�s no fun!

Yuki: Yeah, I like Romeo and Juliet MUCH more. [Dreamy look in her eyes.]

Sayuri: [Mischievous smile.] Hey, is lover-boy going to be in Macbeth too?

Akane: [Face darkening.] THAT jerk? He can�t act worth a yen.

Ranma: [Chopsticks in mouth, looking up at forehead, thinking] Hmm� My eyebrow�s twitchin�.
Someone must be talking about me.

Sayuri: [Teasing] But he certainly can kiss, huh?

Yuki: [Getting into the mood.] Yup, I still remember the look on your face when he did it. [Puts on
exaggerated expression of ecstasy, palms on cheeks, eyes raised upwards, a small smile on her face.] And
he�s such a hunk too.

Akane: [Blushing] HEY!

Sayuri: Come to think of it, you two don�t fight so often anymore, do you?

Yuki: [Breaking her tirade.] Yeah, what�s going on?

Sayuri and Yuki: [Looking at each other solemnly.] Could it be?

Akane: [Shrinking away in dread.]�

Sayuri and Yuki: [Turning super-Kawaii, with huge starry eyes and confetti and coloured light flying
everywhere. ] THEY�RE FINALLY FALLING IN LOVE?!

{At the last exclamation, the tuck-shop goes quiet.}
*HWOOOOO�*

{Everyone stares at Sayuri and Yuki for a while, then converge like vultures on a corpse.}

Anonymous students: What?� Falling in love?� Ranma and Akane?� Did you hear?� Yeah, just last
night even!

*CHATTER-CHATTER BZZZBZZZ�.*

Ranma: [Sauntering over at last, idly curious.] Hey, whassup? [Continues eating from bento.]

Male Student: [Envious grin] Ranma! You made love to Akane last night?

Male Student #2: Yeah, wasn�t the first time too! Their parents finally found out about it.

Ranma: [Eyes bugging out, food and chopsticks flying from mouth.] PFFFFFH! [Coughs and chokes.]

Akane: [Flaring up her aura.] WHAT?! [Clears a path to the recumbent Ranma.]

Ranma: Gasp�choke� [Looks up and sees Akane.] WHAT DID YOU-gack.

Akane: [Grabs Ranma by the collar.] YOU JERK! WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM?!

Male Student #3: Woo, they must be into SM.

{Everyone starts chattering again�. Suddenly, a single girl strikes a proud pose in front of them. She is
taller than most of the other girls, with hair dyed a neon-blue.}

Female student: [Disdainfully] Come ON! These two are like oil and water! Can you SERIOUSLY believe
that they�d even get along?

Male Student: Hmm� yeah, makes sense, they argue all the time.

Female Student #2: Insult each other�

Male Student #2: Every time they try to do something together it blows up in their faces.

Students Chorus: THEY�RE LIKE A PAIR OF BICKERING KIDS. HELL, THEY HATE EACH
OTHER�S GUTS!

Female Student: [Pats Akane on the shoulder.] Nice try, girl, but your sister was MUCH better at starting
rumours.

Female Students: Tee-hee-hee�

Akane: [Calm-before-the-storm mode, small smile.] Done yet?

Ranma: [Still dazed and confused, and not a little insulted.] �Yeah, done yet?

Akane: [Fire in eyes, one foot upon bench.] I vow that Ranma and I will not only act in �Macbeth�, WE
WILL MAKE IT A ROARING SUCCESS!

Ranma: [Caught up in the emotions.] Right, we�ll- WHAT?!

Female Student: [Sneering] Oh really? And what if you don�t?

Ranma: [Trying to control the damage already done.] Then we don�t! �S gonna be bad enough for us
already without anythin� else.

Female Student: [Still sneering] OK then, if you pull it off�[Turns and gestures to the entire mob.] I�ll
treat everyone here to a dinner at the Nekohaten!

Ranma: [Matching sneer for sneer.] Big words, without a name, anyone can be brave.

Female Student: [Flourish.] Fine! Never let it be said that I, [Foot on bench, finger pointed high.] REIKO
YAGAMI, broke my word. [Turns to her clique.] Come, we�ll await the downfall of these two [Turns to
Ranma and Akane.] children.

{The troupe of around eight or nine girls rush out.}

Akane: [Fuming] How dare she� how DARE SHE?! [Whips to Ranma.] And YOU! THIS IS-

{Ranma is standing on a table. He is yelling at the top of his voice, waving a sheet of paper about.}

Ranma: �K GUYS! YOU ALL HEARD THAT?! GOOD! THEN PUT YOUR NAMES ON THIS
PAPER! PRETTY SOON, WE�RE ALL GONNA BE EATIN� IN STYLE AT THE NEKOHATEN!
WE�RE GONNA MILK THAT REIKO CHICK DRY!

{Everyone swarms to Ranma, and the paper circulates faster than the �flu.}

Akane: [Big-sweats and face-faults]�

Ranma: [Cracks his knuckles.] Ranma Saotome NEVER loses a fight. Reiko-baby, you�re gonna fall hard
and you�re gonna fall fast. [Turns to Akane.] Say when is this Mac-Bath anyhow?

Akane: [Determined.] This Friday.

*CLUNK*

Ranma: [From the floor, face-fault and groaning.] We�re doomed.

Act Three: Stage-fright or stage-fright?

{Time passes fast. Pictures of Ranma and Akane rehearsing are shown: Ranma talking to the three witches,
Akane and Ranma acting as the leading couple, Akane getting mad at Ranma as he totals �Macduff� instead
of losing to him. Time passes fast, soon it is just and hour or so before the play. At the stage in the High
school. Ranma is dressed up in furs and a cape. Akane is wearing a simple white gown. Both are holding
small scripts. Around them is the cast of Macbeth.}
Akane: [Not looking up from her script.] Don�t worry �Macbeth�. There�re no kissing scenes in here, and
there�s a bit of fighting at the end.

Ranma: [Shifting in his costume, fidgeting.] But it�s not REAL fighting. Besides, why do I have to play the
bad guy? [Thinking] Aw man, I already got three outstanding assignments�. [Looks outside window] And
to think, it only gets harder�

Akane: [Getting annoyed.] Because I said that we�d make the drama a success. If you played someone else,
that Reiko bimbo would just weasel out of it somehow.

�Donalbain�: Yeah, knowing old �Razor� Reiko, she would.

�Witch�: You know, I hear that when she wants something, she gets it done no matter what.

{Banging and clanging sounds are heard in the background.}

�Witch�#2: Yeah, even Nabiki wasn�t so unscrupulous.

�Duncan�: But old Nabiki was a lot smarter than Reiko.

{More banging and screams are heard. Only Akane seems to notice anything out of the ordinary.}

�Lenox�: Yep, you�d never catch Nabiki even on her worse day.

Akane: [Looks around.] Say, where�s everyone else?

Ranma: [Looks up from script, practising how to die, and looking quite absurd.] Yeah, the show�s in an
hour, so where�s everyone?

{Scene change to the �dressing room�, which is actually a small room used for storing old junk and
cleaning equipment. �Banquo�, �Lead Witch�, �Macduff�, and �Lady Macduff� are lying on the ground,
beaten to gibbering insensibility. A note is left on the floor nearby.}

Ranma: [Reading from note, getting madder by the minute.] �Hey, pervert! Just wondering how you�ll pull
a play off without half the leading cast? When you mess with the Razor, you�re gonna get cut.� [Crumpling
up note.] Why that�

Akane: [Thinking hard, trying to fight off her rage.] This is my last play as a high-school student, I WON�T
let some egotistical floozy ruin it. Keep calm, keep calm, keep I�m gonna pound her into- NO!

{Just as Ranma and Akane are about to succumb to their rages, a cracking boom is heard, and from below
Ranma, a familiar bandanna wearing head pops up from the water pipe below. Guess who?}

Ryoga: [Turning to Duncan] Excuse me, but am I still in Shanghai?

Ranma & Akane: [Preoccupied.] Not now, Ryoga�

Ryoga: [Whipping around and glaring at Ranma] YOU! [Grabs Ranma and begins to shake him, although
the latter simply stays in his �thinker�s pose�, deep in thought.] RANMA SAOTOME! YOU HAVE
CAUSED ME ENDLESS GRIEF, DRAGGED ME THROUGH ALL THE HELLS, NOW YOU DIE!

{As Ryoga rants, everyone sans Akane looks at him and grins evilly, ideas forming in their heads.}

�Duncan�: Someone who can really show hatred and loss, especially involving Macbeth.

Akane: [Preoccupied.] Yeah, someone who could do that would have little problem playing Macduff.

Ryoga: [Screaming at a still preoccupied Ranma] DAMN YOU! NOW YOU WILL EVEN INSULT ME
BY FEIGNING IGNORANCE OF YOUR CRIMES?!

Akane: [The penny drops, the light-bulb turns on.] Ryoga!

Ryoga: [Not noticing.] CRIMES TO ME AND TO- Akane?

Akane: [Very excited.] Have you ever read Macbeth?

Ryoga: [Brain starting to overheat.] Uh, yeah, once or twice�

Akane: Good! Then you�ll do just fine for the part of Macduff!

Ryoga: [Thoughts have wandered so far that they�ve left the country.] Uh� Okay. Whatever you say,
Akane.
Akane: [Nudging Ranma] Ranma! Listen, go get people to play all the other roles! Hurry! I�ll stay here and
run them through their lines!

Ranma: [Blinks and wakes up.] Find substitute actors? Where?

Akane: [Excited and a little annoyed.] I don�t know! I don�t CARE! ANYONE! JUST GO! [Pushes Ranma
towards the door� a little too enthusiastically.]

Ranma: [Sailing across the air.] NO NEED TO PUUUUUUSH�

Ranma: [Landing next to the Nekohaten.] �you tomboy�

Shampoo: [Just about to close shop.] Ranma! [Glomps] Nihao, Ranma! What Shampoo do for you today?

Ranma: Huh? Shampoo!

Mousse: [From door.] RANMA! GRRR! [Charges at prone Ranma, a long sabre extended.]

*SSSSSHLICK!*

Ranma: AAAARGH!

Mousse: [Twisting sabre.] HAH! Now, you will DIE!

Ranma: [Feebly] M-m-mousse�

Mousse: [Grinning evilly] What is it Ranma? Dying wish?

Ranma: GET OFFA MY STOMACH! [Pushes Mousse into the telephone post he just impaled.]

Mousse:� Owwee�

Cologne: [Hopping from window to land on Mousse�s head.] What is it now son-in-law?

Ranma: [Groaning.] Man, now it�s the old� ghoul� again� [Looks at Cologne, then Shampoo, then
Mousse and grins evilly.] Hey, there IS something I need�

{Later, back at the stage. Everyone is rattling off their lines like machine gun fire. Mousse now wears the
armour of a knight and squints at his script, Shampoo is clothed in an exquisite Chinese gown, and Cologne
is just wearing make-up and a black coloured version of her robe.}

Akane: [Wiping sweat off her brow.] Phew! I thought we wouldn�t make it. [To Ranma.] How�d you get
THEM to help you?

Ranma: [Big-sweats and forces a smile.] Heh-heh, it was nothing.

Akane: [Suspicious, sidelong look at Ranma.] Never mind, let�s just concentrate on getting the play right
now. [Thinking] If I find out what that jerk did, I�d probably hospitalise him, and I need a Macbeth right
now.

{Everyone rushes back behind stage. As the theatre club president gives the foreword, everyone makes sure
they�ve got their lines down pat.}

Ranma: Oh well, at least I�ll be a good guy at the start.

Akane: [Sotto voce] Ranma?

Ranma: [Slightly off guard.] Huh?

Akane: I just wanted to say� thank you. For� for� doing all this�

Ranma: [Softening] Akane�

{Their hands clasp, and they are about to kiss�}

Cologne: [Hanging upside down, in between Ranma and Akane] What am I supposed to do again?

Ranma: [Opening his eyes, lips still puckered.] AAAAGH! The old ghoul!

*WHACK!*

{The president concludes and there is a general applause. The opening scene unfolds� An eerie glow
suffuses the stage, courtesy of Cologne�s battle aura as she drops from the girders above to land perfectly
on her staff, her icy aura causing a breeze ruffle her hair. The other witches appear.}

Cologne: [Thinking] I feel that I�m pandering to a stereotype� but a promise made must be honoured.
[Clears throat.] When shall we three meet again�

{The play continues until Act Three Scene Three, Banquo�s Murder. Mousse enters from the left,
accompanied by �Fleance�. The first part is acted out.}

Mousse: O, treachery! Fly, good Fleance, fly, fly, fly!  Avenge me!

�Murderer�: [Hits Mousse lightly over the head with a �club�.]

Mousse: [Woodenly] AAAGH.

�Murderer #2�: [Hits Mousse in the face with a �mace�.] RRRAAAGH!

Mousse: [Spectacles shatter.] THAT�S IT! SHEEE-AAH!

{Mousse�s armour flips open, as chains and weapons hurl out, knocking the �murderers� out. Camera pans
to the left, just offstage.}

Ranma: [Slapping head.] That IDIOT! [Thinks quickly.] MOUKO� TAKABISHA!

{A burst of energy incinerates Mousse, who blinks, then walks into a �pole-axe� which flips up and hits him
like a rake.}

Mousse: [Groggily] O slave! [Slumps to the floor.]

Ranma: [Trying to mimic the theatre head�s voice] Oh, vilest sorcery! Who knows what evil forces connive
with Macbeth?! To strike down such a [Grimace] valiant warrior with a single blow!

Audience: [Cheering] WOOHOO! Great special effects!

{The play continues to move on, until Act Four Scene Two, the deaths of Macduff�s family. Shampoo has
just received the messenger who bears the news that her family is about to be murdered.}

Shampoo: Where Shamp-I fly? I done no harm. But I remember now I in earthly world, where harm often
laud�laud� praised, and good sometime folly: What use I say: I hurt no one?
{The �murderers� enter and �kill� Shampoo�s �son�, who dies realistically, fake blood pouring from his
mouth. (The part was played by a younger brother of a club member.)}

Shampoo: [Horrified] You� you kill poor boy! Why you hurt him?! [Enters battle rage.] I make you PAY!

Murderers: [Clutch each other.] Oh NO! Not again! Mummy!

{Shampoo chases the �murderers� off stage. There, Mousse, Ukyo and Akane restrain her as she cries her
heart out.}

Shampoo: [Tears falling freely] WHY? Why you kill poor boy? He no hurt you! He nice boy! SHAMPOO
KILL! KILL-KILL-KILL-KILL-KIIILLLL!

Ranma: [Hurriedly in theatre club president�s voice.] Ah� Alas for poor Shamp (damn) Lady Macduff, her
prowess was no match for the thirty foul murderers who overcame her and slew her most foully�

Audience: [Sniffing and blowing noses.] Poor girl� so young�brave too�

{Finally, the climax of the play: Macduff and Macbeth�s duel to the death. Amid a cloud of utter
depression, Ryoga enters.}

Audience: [Cheering] GO GET�IM! GO FOR IT!

Akane: [Offstage] Wow, Ryoga really showed loss when he learnt that Macduff�s family was killed.

Ryoga: [Really MAD] I have no words; my voice is in my fist: you VILLAIN bloodier than words can
even begin to describe!

Ranma:[Thinking to himself as Ryoga runs through his lines.] Hoo boy� Ryoga�s looking really furious. I
hope he doesn�t forget himself an-

Ryoga: BAKUSAI TENKETSU! [Blows plaster wall to fragments which shower Ranma]

Ranma: What?!

Ryoga:[Glowing] I can�t take it any longer. DIE!

{Ranma ducks and dodges, with Ryoga demolishing stage, set and anything that is in his way as he fights
like a man possessed.}

Ryoga: [Eyes beginning to tear.] YOU KILLED THEM ALL! YOU! YOU! YOU!!!

Ranma: [Whispering] Ryoga! It�s just a play! No one died!

{Ranma is cornered and rattles off a slew of punches which slam into Ryoga�s chest with no effect.
Another wild swing and Ranma vaults over Ryoga�s head, giving him a boot to the back with even poorer
results.}

Ryoga: [Tears streaming.] ALL OF THEM! WHY? YOU MONSTER!

Ranma: [Whispering frantically.] Help!

Ryoga: [Aura dominating the stage] FACE THE WRATH OF GOD! SHI-SHI HOKOOUDAN!

Ranma: Oh $hit�

{A beam of greenish-white energy strikes Ranma a glancing blow.}

Audience: YEAH! WOOHOO!

Ranma:[Wobbling weakly, thinking] Thank God he wasn�t focused enough to put the extra UMPH into
that. Gotta finish this before he wrecks the place![Shouting hoarsely] AAGH! I die! But, I go not to Death�s
chill embrace alone! Evil spirits, heed my final call! Evil Emanations! BLAST!

{Another pulse of energy arcs across the stage, hitting an exhausted Ryoga, who is K-O-ed.}

Ranma: The deed is done! Now, I leave this land. [Crumples.]

Theatre president: A final tragedy! Valiant Macduff unable to savour his victory, giving his life for the sake
of Scotland!

Audience: [Applause] Great show!� loved it!�

*Chatter-chatter Clap-clap*

{The curtain closes. Everyone goes and hugs each other, while Akane and some others help Ryoga to the
Dr Tofu�s clinic.}

Shampoo: [Back to her bouncing self again.] Ranma! You good actor! [Stands over Ranma with an adoring
look, hands clasped together on her cheek.]

Ranma: [Not moving.]�

Shampoo: [Peering down.] Ranma? [Pulls Ranma�s head up by the pigtail.]

Ranma:[Face like a squashed bug] � �lp me�

{Later, at the Nekohaten, the cast and everyone else enjoys a very welcome dinner. Shampoo, Mousse and
Cologne seem unusually happy and are all smiles as bowls and dishes zip over and across tables. Reiko is
seated happily at a table, telling her chauffeur to wait outside}

Ranma: [Putting down chopsticks, looks at Reiko] Humph, should�ve known that she�d be prepared to do
this. Acting like its all her treat� [Goes back to eating with a vengeance.]

Akane: Ranma?

Ranma: Mm?

Akane: Just what did you do to make them help out at the play?

Ranma: [Puts down bowl] Well, I promised Mousse that I�d get him a date with Shampoo.

Akane: [Smiling] Ranma� that�s so sweet. [Suddenly suspicious] But what about Shampoo and Cologne?

Ranma: �

Akane: Well?

Ranma: ipromisedtogooutwithshampoo�.

Akane: What? [Thinks she�s heard wrong.]

Ranma: I� promised to go out with Shampoo�

Akane: [Calm-before-the-storm mode] What� did� you.. do?

Shampoo: [Bouncing over by Ranma�s table] Wei (kinda like hey in Chinese), Ranma, tomorrow go on
date, yes? [Pecks Ranma on the cheek and bounces away humming happily.]

Ranma: [Sweating] Uh� uhm� gee, I think I need to go to the gents�

Akane: [BOOM�] RANMA YOU JERK!

{The scene shifts to a starry sky above the Nekohaten.}

*BOOM*

{Ranma goes flying out of the Nekohaten�s roof.}

Ranma: [Bored and resigned] Wonder where I�ll be landing this time?

END� for now.

Phew! That�s the first chapter done! Comments? Criticisms? Suggestions? Death Threats? Anything at all?
Heh, I�m sure many people can relate to the �Dan Daring� character. You know, those overblown,
annoyingly overpowered and picture perfect characters who dominate their fics and basically make Ranma
look bad. And no, there won�t be anyone called Dan Daring appearing. ? I think� Depending on the
feedback I get, I may add more chapters. But Chapter 2 is definitely in the works� Why the lack of
Japanese expressions? Well, cause I�m not Japanese, so I prefer not to worry about syntax and stuff.
Please mail me at ranmania@hotmail.com!

Ranmania, November �99.

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