It�s coming right at us!

Afura Mann The Magnificent Babe
A n El-Hazard Lemon
By Shinji The 10 �o clock Assassin
MSTed by Rob �Suzaku Soldier� Kelly

Pre-MST Notes: Sorry for the long time, I was at school for a fortnight.
===========================================================================================

Cue Mystery Lemon Theatre Opening� Now.

When life gives your fights, start a Fight Club.

In the not too distant future,
Somewhere in time and space,
Four anime boys in their Queen of Hearts,
Are caught in an endless chase.
Nakago and Tomo are aboard a ship,
Piloted by fangirls who made 'em sick.
They found a teen that was dumb, they deemed,
So they took him by force to carry out their schemes!

(Rob) GET... ME... DOWN!
(Nakago) We'll send them crappy lemons,
The worst we can find. (Lalala)
(Tomo) The boys will sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor their minds! (Lalala)
(Rob) Now keep in mind I must control,
Where the lemons begin or end, (lalala)
The guys have got to keep their sanity,
Or they'll be used on our friends!

RIFFER ROLL CALL:
Ranma! (Say bye to freedom!)
Yaten! (Does your TV have a remote?)
Tamahome! (Miaka!)
Heerooo! (I�m different...)

(Rob) And if you're wondering how we eat or breathe
And other science fact, (lalala)
Repeat to yourself "It's just a file, I should really just relax",
For Mystery Lemon Theatre 3000!

*Guitar twangs*

(Door 6)
(Door 5)
(Door 4)
(Door 3)
(Door 2)
(Door 1)
(QoH)

�Listen, man, it was me or you, and I decided that I was the benefactor!� Ranma yelled at Tamahome.
Tamahome was still pissed when they both lost a fight in the Holocabana to avoid a kiss from Nakago� Ranma escaped. �Have you ever heard of dignity?! Honour?!� he said.
Yaten thought that this was a good time to point something out. �It runs in the blood; when ever Genma makes a promise that has some dangerous prospects, or if he loses a fight and has to do something that saps his ego, he heads for the hills. Like Ranma did�
Ranma stared at Yaten. He walked over and then slapped him. �You SOB! How dare you think I�m like my pop!� �Y-Yaten-chan, daijobu?!� Heero panicked. �I�m fine.� He said, rubbing his cheek. �If I didn�t see it coming, I would have hurt him myself.�  �Just like I can kick his ass,� Tamahome boasted. Ranma heard this and was burning like a rod of iron in a furnace.
�Yeah? Take your best shot!� he said. Tamahome simply raised his fist�
And hit his ear.
�GYAAAH! Muthaf�ker!  He hit me in the ear!�
Ranma took a glass of water and poured it over himself turning himself into a girl.
�Why the ear, man, can�t think you�ll win fair?!� Ranma sent a right hook straight into Tamahome�s stomach. She followed it up with a few punches to the chest, and a roundhouse kick at his head, reeling him into the Holocabana.
Ranma followed him in, and the door closed�

Heero and Yaten looked at the Holocabana door. �You think this thing has gone on for too long?� Heero asked Yaten. �Oh, sure.� He replied. �I wonder what�s going on in there?� Heero opened the door�

�Looks like Holocabana fighting� again.� Heero muttered as he watched Ranma and Tamahome fight in a giant car park, surrounded by large men shouting and cheering.

Yaten stared and blinked a few times. �I think Fight Club had an effect on him. How are gonna get them out?� Heero looked at one of the supports. �I think the attendants won�t mind one of the supports missing.� he said, ripping it out of the floor. He twirled it for a second or two and flung it at the fighters.

Later, on Slick�

�You know something?� Nakago asked Tomo. �When I kissed Tamahome� I scared him.� Tomo looked at him. �You did? Maybe it�s because you�re an evil westerner and he�s a good guy, and they usually don�t mix. Maybe I can help you�� Suddenly, Rob�s voice came up over the intercom. �Should we sent them the fic now?� he asked. �Ah, that.� Nakago realised. �Teach me later Tomo, I have to sent our latest torture to the Queen.� Nakago walked over to the console and contacted the QOH.

[QOH]
�Hold up, the fire maidens of Olympus are calling.� Ranma said, holding an ice pack to his head as he pushed the button.

[Slick]
�Hello, my little brain-dead friends,� Nakago said. �Are you ready for the latest mutation of anime, erotic prose, and fanfiction?�

[QOH]
�Oh, sure,� Ranma said in his own sarky manner. �We�re still intact after your little Haruna/Usagi lemon _and_ you kissing Tama-chan, so don�t keep your hopes up.�

[Slick]
�I _live_ in hope, Ranma�� Nakago boasted, before noticing the wounded Tamahome. �Tama-chan! What happened?!�

[SCR]
Rob, over the intercom, answered that question. �Ranma and Tamahome were fighting in the Holocabana after a dispute on honour and that. Listen, I�ll just send the post�� Rob placed the CD in the drive�

[Slick]
�Wait! Let me say this before you do!� Nakago said. �Boys, I�ll let you go� if you let Tama-chan be with me.�

[QOH] Everyone stood silent for half a minute then burst out laughing!

[Slick]
�Ooh, fine! Rob, sent them the post!� Rob pulled the lever and�

[QOH}
�GYAAAH! WE�VE GOT LEMON SI-IGN!!�

******************************(Shake your bon-bon)*******************************

DOOR SEQUENCE!

~ Door 1: A shower cubicle. You pull back the curtain to reveal Beans and Ophelia kissing. You facefault, then barge your way past.
~ Door 2: A giant TV. You dodge a hail of terrified octopuses that crash into the TV, blowing it up. You then make your way through.
~ Door 3: The �clown door� has a �Closed for Repairs� sign on it this time. You cheer, then make your way through.
~ Door 4: The MST3K Drawbridge, which misses your feet by inches.
~ Door 5: A bowling lane. You slide down the lane, knocking the pins out the way, through the opening towards Door 6.
~ Door 6: Four separate tubes, with each of the kanji for each of the riffers' names. They each jump into their own tube.
~ Door 1/4577: A large entryway opens before you. You enter the opening (Well, _da_ no da!).
~ QoH Theatre: The tubes spit out each riffer into their seats, in order from left to right: Heero, Ranma, Tamahome and Yaten.

Tamahome: There was something about that fight club simulator that makes me want to reconcile with Ranma.
Ranma: So we�re even now?
Tamahome: Yeah.
Yaten: Thank Kami-sama.
Heero: Roll the lemon!

Shinji Ikari The 10 o�clock Assassin

Heero: Shinji? An assassin?
Ranma: Don�t ask me!

tyree3@pacbell.net WARNING!!! This fanfic contains SEX!!

All: Da DAAAAAAAAAAA!
Ranma: No da!
[Everyone else groans]
Yaten: That was lame Ranma�

Viewer's discretion is adviced.

Tamahome (Shinji): As well as your parents, grandparents, cousins, local senator, state senator, and national president�
Ranma: Y�know� Maybe that would be plausible�
Tamahome: Whoa, the Lewinsky affair gags are wearing thin�
Ranma: What about Ken Starr?
Others: @_@

The characters portrayed herein are 18 years or older. And if that doesn't work for you, then you might as well >throw all logic out of the window now!

Ranma: Hold up. [Leaves the room for a second. Flushing is heard, the enters again]
Heero: Where were you?
Ranma: Flushing logic down the toilet�

The great people at AIC/Pioneer copyright El Hazard.

Yaten: Who are crying into their Pretty Sammy plushies right now�
Tamahome: Oro?

* * * * * * * * * * Taken from the pages of "Makoto's Harem," removing all the drugs and hierarchy,

Heero: To avoid those damn censors getting to him�
Ranma: Aw, jeez, they wrecked Fight Club, now they want Shinji�s ass too!
Heero: You liked Fight Club?
Tamahome: Well it�s obvious! Look at him, he�d be at home at a fight club!

I bring to you...

Heero: A smutty atrocity passing itself off as �art�.

AFURA MANN THE MAGNIFICENT BABE * * * * * * * * * * Miz: OH YESS! AH GOD!! OH FUJIS-AAAAAAHHH! AH!

Yaten: Miz no baka! It�s Fujisawa! Not Fujisah-ah!

Fatora: Goddammit! Miz and Fujisawa picked a fine time to fuck themselves silly!

Ranma (Fatora): I mean, at 12 in the afternoon?!

Indeed. On Earth it would be around 10:00 p.m.

Heero: At that time, According to my Accurist Multi-Dimension Region watch, it would be 7:00pm�
Ranma: Fine cut.
Yaten (Fujisawa): Miz, it�s too early for this� Oh, alright then�

And that time was agreed upon by Miz and Fujisawa as the perfect time to make continuous love >until morning (when they usually fall face first into their food).

Yaten: Sounds like that film, The Last Supper.
Heero: Without the deaths.
Tamahome: I dunno, I�d like to see Fujisawa�s corpse cultivate tomatoes�
Ranma: Where do they get all that energy? Must have drunk too much Lucozade!
Tamahome: Ouchie�

This upsets Princess Fatora terribly because her room is right under theirs.

Alielle: Don't be so angry, Fatora. Why don't we get our thing on whilst they get theirs on.

Ranma: Get it on, get it on, and on and on and on and on [repeat to fade]
Tamahome (Mills Lane): Let�s get it on!
�

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