Subject: [FFML] [fanfic] [sm] A Twisted Fate: Chapter One (revised)
From: dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
Date: 11/14/1999, 3:43 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

A Twisted Fate

By: Dreiser

Prologue:


	"Woops."

	This is not the word one wishes to hear from someone 
who is guarding over the billions of realities that exist in time and 
space.

	Then again, this word wasn't said by that person.

	It was said by their personal assistant, Vinnie.

	As Vinnie watched the remains of his extra large cherry 
Slurpee (tm) slide into one of the many reality vortexes he hoped it 
wouldn't screw things up too much.

	This was because he really didn't feel like looking for 
another job. It was such a pain and this one had great vacation 
hours when he could manage to get them.

	Yes, the last thing Vinnie wanted was to look for another 
job. But despite his worries on job employment he was confident 
that everything would work out.

	After all, how much can one little Slurpee change fate?

	Unfortunately for Vinnie, he was wrong. One little Slurpee 
can change fate by a drastic amount.

	In fact, one little Slurpee can make a gigantic mess out of 
things in the ways of time and space.

	By any chance would you like to know how?

	Then do read on. But remember, this was the work of a 
Slurpee and nothing more.

	So please, don't expect too much.


Chapter One:
Destiny Schmestiny


	Sailor Moon was in trouble.

	No matter what reality you go to this fact will never 
change. Wherever Sailor Moon was, trouble would always 
inevitably follow.

	Yes, Sailor Moon was in trouble. And she was handling 
the trouble in her usual way.

	Well, since this was her first time as Sailor Moon and in 
battling the Dark Kingdom one can hardly say usual way. It would 
be better to say the expected way.

	Expected from those who know of Sailor Moon from 
other realities and times, at least.

	Knew her in the beginning of her career, that is. Because 
the longer the girl named Usagi was Sailor Moon the more adept 
she became in her role and job.

	But anyway, right this minute Sailor Moon is involved in 
her first battle and she's not doing very well.

	In fact, one might say she was doing quite badly.

	Or perhaps even awful.

	Either way, she wasn't doing very well.

	Usually at this point in the old movies, the dashing hero 
would swoop in to rescue the helpless maiden.

	It's too bad for old movie fans that in this story we have no 
dashing heroes and we have no helpless maidens.

	We do, however, have dashing heroines and semi-helpless 
maidens in this story.

	For those of you who are asking what's a semi-helpless 
maiden, they're the girls who fake being in trouble to get some cute 
guy/gal's attention. Yeah, you know the ones. They're pretty 
charming, aren't they?

	Anyway, it was right about now that the dashing heroine 
burst onto the scene to save Sailor Moon. And so that's where 
we'll start our story.

---

	Sailor Moon was huddled in fear as she watched the gray 
arm of the youma stretching out in a long grip as it was about to 
attack her.

	Then out of nowhere, a red rose imbedded itself in the 
youma's hand to stop its attack from going any further.

	Her blue eyes widening, Sailor Moon and the youma both 
looked up to where the rose had flown from and saw a svelte 
figure hidden in the shadows from the high windowsill above.

	In an elegant movement, the figure moved forward to 
reveal an obviously female figure wearing a tuxedo and cape which 
blew in the wind. Tipping up the top hat that she wore on her 
head, the woman smiled enigmatically.

	"Greetings," she began. "I am Tuxedo Kamen."

	There was a long moment of pause as Sailor Moon and 
the youma stared up at Tuxedo Kamen who remained in her pose 
on the windowsill.

	She formed an exasperated expression and adjusting her 
sharp white mask, Tuxedo Kamen looked at the silent Sailor 
Moon and youma then said, "What?!"

	"Sorry," said Sailor Moon as she sweatdropped. "I was 
just expecting you to say something more. That's all."

	"Speeches are a waste of time," announced Tuxedo 
Kamen as she leapt down to stand in front of them.

	"And long pauses aren't?" Luna murmured sarcastically to 
herself as she'd been observing the entire scene.

	The youma looked from Moon to Tuxedo Kamen and 
decided that the one who threw the rose at it was probably the 
easier one to kill but at this point they both really seemed like 
cannon fodder to it.

	So distorting its face in a typically evil way, the youma 
leapt at Tuxedo Kamen who dodged the attack by stepping to one 
side while producing a black metal cane from out of nowhere. In a 
swift and precise movement, Tuxedo Kamen brought the cane 
down to hit the youma on the head with an unexpected strength.

	"Ouch," the youma muttered before it fell backwards and 
disappeared in a cloud of dust.

	"Well," Tuxedo Kamen drawled. "That was an easy battle. 
Now," she paused to look directly at Moon then smiled 
seductively. "I can finally get what I've come here for."

	In an easy movement, Tuxedo Kamen strolled forward to 
near a nervous Moon who backed into the glass jewelry counter.

	"Uhm, look," said Moon anxiously. "I really appreciate you 
helping me out, Miss Tuxedo Kamen, but I haven't ever been 
with... I mean it's just... I don't..."

	"Shh," Tuxedo Kamen said softly. She stood inches away 
from Moon and pressed her index finger against the blonde's lips. 
"I need to do this."

	Moon's blue eyes went wide again but this time with both 
fear and anticipation. That was when, in a swift movement, Tuxedo 
Kamen produced her black cane and sent it crashing through the 
jewelry counter before she started gathering up all the jewels in a 
large bag.

	"What are you doing?" asked Moon in shock. 

	"I'm doing my mission," replied Tuxedo Kamen. "I have to 
find the Imperium Silver Crystal and can you think of an easier 
way to do it than raiding jewelry stores?"

	"But it's wrong!" Moon said incredulously.

	"Exactly right, Sailor Moon," said Luna. "She must be a 
servant of the Dark Kingdom. You must defeat her!"

	"The Dark Kingdom," Tuxedo Kamen paused in her rash 
of jewelry stealing to look up. She blinked, then wore face of 
confusion and said, "But I don't work for Disney."

	"That's the Magical Kingdom, not the Dark Kingdom!" 
said Luna irately. Turning to Moon, she shouted, "Sailor Moon, 
stop her now! It's your duty!"

	"What an annoying cat," said Tuxedo Kamen as she 
stuffed the last of the jewels into her bag. She looked at Moon 
who remained frozen and forming a smile she said, "Why not drop 
the kitty and join me, cutie? I bet we could have some fun times 
together. And we're after the same things."

	"I don't... I mean, I'm not..." Moon stammered.

	"Heh," Tuxedo Kamen chuckled. "I do love an easily 
flustered woman. You have a lot of potential."

	With that, Tuxedo Kamen leapt back onto the open 
windowsill and in an elegant gesture, threw a red rose to Moon 
who easily caught it.

	Tipping her top hat slightly, Tuxedo Kamen offered a 
rakish smile then said, "I'll be seeing you, kid."

	Before Moon could reply, Tuxedo Kamen disappeared 
into the darkness with her long hair trailing in the wind. This left 
Moon alone with the still complaining Luna and the unconscious 
jewelry store customers.

	This first meeting would prove the start of a very 
interesting night and an even more interesting future.

---

	Things weren't going well for the Dark Kingdom and in 
particular, the ruler of the Dark Kingdom, Queen Beryl.

	Their first plan for finding the Imperium Silver Crystal had 
failed miserably but that wasn't their only problem, it seemed that 
this Tuxedo Kamen person was also after the crystal but they 
knew next to nothing about her.

	And all this just happened to occur right in the middle of, 
shall we say, one of Beryl's romantic interludes.

	To put it rather simply, Jadeite's failure had interrupted 
Beryl getting some nookie.

	The last thing that anyone, who wants to remain healthy at 
least, does is interrupt the Queen of the Dark Kingdom when she's 
getting some nookie.

	"Nooo!" wailed Jadeite as he was dragged away by 
several dark and predictably evil looking creatures. "I didn't mean 
to fail you! Please don't make me watch your collection of Disney 
tapes! Anything but that!"

	"Silence yourself, Jadeite," said Beryl. "Obviously you are 
lacking an appropriately fiendish nature and that's why you've 
failed in your task. And watching forty-eight hours of Disney 
movies nonstop will destroy any concept of goodness that you 
have left." She formed a slow smile then said to one of the 
creatures that held Jadeite, "Start him off with Mary Poppins."

	"Noooo!! Not that!" wailed Jadeite and as he was 
engulfed by darkness the sound of the dark servants softly singing 
'chim chimney charoo' was heard.

	Now left alone, if you didn't count her hundreds of 
servants that lurked in the shadows, Beryl leaned back in her 
throne and chuckled.

	"That was fun," remarked Beryl with humor. "I can't recall 
the last time I tortured one of my minions so well."

	"I think it was only ten minutes ago," a deep and charming 
voice murmured in her ear. "Or have you already forgotten about 
our romantic liaison, my Queen?"

	"Certainly not," said Beryl in a sensuous purr. She turned 
to regard the handsome features of her husband and said, "That 
would be impossible, darling. Especially since we were having 
such a very good time before being so rudely interrupted."

	Stepping into the dim light of the throne room to their 
palace, King Endymion of the Dark Kingdom formed a slow smile 
as he said smoothly, "So why don't we go back to what we were 
doing, my lovely Queen?"

	"Excellent plan," replied Beryl as she accepted Endymion's 
hand and rose to her feet.

	With another slow smile, Endymion pulled at the edge of 
the black cape that was attached to his elaborate armor and lifting 
it up, he swept it over them then in a dark cloud the couple 
disappeared into nothingness.

	There was a moment of silence before one of the hundreds 
of Dark Kingdom servants decided to speak.

	"So," the first servant said. "Any bets on how long it will 
take for Jadeite to snap under his current torture?"

	"I put five thousand yen on Aladdin!"

	"You fool! He'll surely snap under the torture that is the 
Parent Trap! It has twice as much Haley Mills!"

	"No way! It's going to be Snow White!"

	"The Wizard of Oz!"

	"Is that even Disney?"

	"Who cares? It's disgustingly wholesome!"

	"But it has drug references in it."

	"Yeah, but so do most Disney movies."

	"Good point."

	This was just another typical day in the Dark Kingdom for 
this definitely atypical reality.

	And it only gets worse from here on end.

---

	Tsukino Usagi, the girl also known as Sailor Moon, wasn't 
paying attention in class.

	This was no big chance in her usual routine but her reason 
for it was. Usagi was busy thinking about one thing and one thing 
only.

	Who was Tuxedo Kamen?

	That question had been plaguing Usagi ever since the night 
before when she encountered the woman.

	Luna insisted that Tuxedo Kamen might be with the enemy 
because she was also searching for the Imperium Silver Crystal but 
Usagi couldn't see that.

	She just didn't seem evil to Usagi. In fact, she seemed very 
nice. Very nice and very charming.

	Even though she had odd tastes in clothing. I mean, really, 
what sort of girl wears a tuxedo? Especially one that tight to show 
off their... uhm... assets.

	Still, Tuxedo Kamen was charming. And very pretty from 
what Usagi could see of her face. There was an intensity that 
lurked inside of those dark eyes.

	Yes, it was safe to say that Usagi liked Tuxedo Kamen 
despite the fact that she knew practically nothing about her. 
Perhaps that was why Usagi liked her. Because of the sheer 
mystery surrounding the woman.

	There was only one thing about Tuxedo Kamen that Usagi 
didn't like. The stealing and... well. Okay, there were only two 
things about Tuxedo Kamen that Usagi didn't like. First was the 
stealing. And the second?

	"Why did she have to call me kid?" Usagi grumbled as she 
buried her face in her arms. "It's not like I'm some sort of 
elementary school baby."

	"Talking to yourself, Usagi?"

	Poking her head up slightly, Usagi looked at the smiling 
figure of her friend Naru.

	"This is why you keep flunking your tests," Naru teased as 
she sat next to Usagi. "All your daydreaming. It's lucky for you 
Sensei didn't notice before we took a break. At least you were on 
time for class today though."

	For a reply, Usagi only grumbled because she 
remembered exactly why she was on time. Luna really could yell 
loudly when she wanted to.

	Who knew cats had such strong lungs, anyway?

	"Usagi," said Naru in tones of concern as she ducked her 
head to look into her friend's eyes. "Are you okay? You seem sad 
or something? Is it because of what I told you about my Mom's 
store being robbed?"

	"Naru," whispered Usagi.

	That was the third and unspoken thing that was bothering 
Usagi. She had allowed Tuxedo Kamen to get away with stealing 
from Naru's mother all because of the strange feelings that the 
other woman gave her.

	She failed Naru and her duty as a Sailor Senshi. The next 
time she saw Tuxedo Kamen she was definitely going to make her 
give all the jewels back.

	Not just for Naru's sake but for her own and for Tuxedo 
Kamen's as well.

	Like Luna would say, it's the right thing to do.

	"Yeah," said Usagi as came back to herself and smiled 
wanly at Naru. "It's that and something else."

	"Something else?" Naru picked up on it immediately. 
Smiling mischievously, she said, "What sort of something else? The 
romantic kind, maybe?"

	Coloring a bit, Usagi said, "Maybe."

	"I knew it!" exclaimed Naru triumphantly. "Who is he? 
Does he go to our school? Is he cute?"

	"Actually," said Usagi as she turned even redder. "I don't 
know all that much about them."

	"You don't? Then why do you like them?" asked Naru in 
obvious puzzlement.

	"I don't know," said Usagi wistfully as she looked out the 
window. "Maybe it's because of how she dresses."

	There was a long moment of pause as Naru stared at 
Usagi who was daydreaming again, and said, "She?"

---

	Queen Beryl of the Dark Kingdom wasn't happy.

	But this time it wasn't, much to her minions relief, because 
she was interrupted in the middle of getting some nookie.

	This time it was because her plan involving Jadeite had 
backfired severely.

	"I'm going to be sick," said Beryl in a low growl.

	Her eyes darkened as she watched Jadeite launch into 
singing 'It's A Small World After All' while doing the strange 
moves of the figurines from the Disney World ride.

	Apparently watching even less than twenty-four hours of 
Disney movies nonstop can affect a person's brain in ways that 
aren't useful, even for nefariously evil purposes.

	"Oh, I don't know," said Endymion thoughtfully. "I rather 
like his rendition of 'Under The Sea' and he makes a surprisingly 
convincing Ariel when wearing that wig."

	Groaning at this, Beryl rubbed her forehead and said, "I 
hate to tell you this, love, but we're not going to be able to conquer 
the Earth through the power of musicals."

	"Too bad," Endymion noted. "There's something hauntingly 
evil about them that I really enjoy."

	"I'll agree with that," said Beryl with a smile that soon 
evaporated when she looked at Jadeite who was still doing the 
Small World dance moves in front of them. "Get him out of my 
sight! Make him watch a Xena marathon or something else of 
quality and return him to normal!"

	Instantly, several dark servants appeared and dragged the 
singing and dancing Jadeite out of the room.

	"Normal," said Endymion as he chuckled. "Now that's 
really something that's up for discussion."

	"Not now, darling," said Beryl as she sighed. She turned to 
look at him then said, "But tell me... do you have any suggestions 
about who we should send in Jadeite's place to find the Imperium 
Silver Crystal?"

	Considering this, Endymion closed his eyes and wore a 
thoughtful expression that made him look almost brain dead.

	"Hmm," Endymion murmured. When his eyes opened he 
smiled then said, "Send Zoisite. He's bitchy enough to take care of 
them. Especially if we interrupt him in the middle of you know 
what like Jadeite did for us."

	"Good idea, love," Beryl purred. She then she faced 
forward to snap her fingers loudly as she shouted, "Zoisite! Come 
before me!"

	Ignoring her husband's snickers at her choice of words due 
to their former conversation, Beryl watched as the handsome and 
half-clothed figure of Zoisite appeared.

	"Majesty," said Zoisite with a grating politeness. He held a 
very crumpled bed sheet around his waist as he asked, "What is 
your command?"

	"I want you to find the Imperium Silver Crystal," Beryl 
said. "Jadeite has failed in this task and we now have another 
enemy in this Tuxedo Kamen person so be careful. She appears to 
be dangerous with a rose."

	"A rose," Endymion snorted at this. "What sort of dumbass 
throws roses for weapons?"

	Ignoring Endymion's interruption, Zoisite gave a low nod 
and said, "Yes, my Queen. I'll leave immediately and find the 
Imperium Silver Crystal for you."

	With that, Zoisite bowed and started to teleport away in 
his usual fashion when Endymion called out, "Make sure to put 
some clothes on before you go!"

	At this comment, all the gathered Dark Kingdom servants 
of evil collectively sweatdropped.

	"Darling," said Beryl in a bare whisper. "I think that he 
could have figured that out on his own."

	"Hey," Endymion said with a smile and a shrug. "You 
never know. Horny guys get real absentminded."

	"Yes, well," Beryl said as she wore a rather embarrassed 
expression. "If you say so."

	"I do," said Endymion as he wore a smug smile. "It's just 
one of the many mysteries of being a guy."

	In this particular case, perhaps it was one of the many 
mysteries Endymion should have kept to himself.

---

	"Why didn't you tell me you like girls?" Naru asked. "Or is 
this just a new thing? I know you don't like Umino chasing you 
around but this is kind of extreme."

	She and Usagi were walking home from school, headed 
for the Crown Arcade so Usagi could avoid going home since she 
flunked yet another test. Apparently Naru felt it was the perfect 
time to start drilling her friend about what she'd said earlier that 
afternoon.
	
	"It's not Umino's fault," said Usagi who still winced as she 
thought about all the various annoyances she had to deal with 
because of his crush on her.

	"Then you've always liked girls?" asked Naru. She paused 
to narrow her eyes and looked at Usagi. "Have you been sneaking 
looks at me when we change for gym class?"

	Looking horrified, Usagi said, "I'd never do that!"

	"You didn't have to answer me so fast," said Naru with a 
sniff. "I was just wondering that's all."

	"Naru," said Usagi as she sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't have 
even told you about it. I mean, I don't know her name or anything. 
Plus I never felt this way about a girl before. It's only with her. 
There's just something about her."

	Watching Usagi's eyes form heart shapes, Naru shook her 
head and said, "I guess no matter who you're in love with it has the 
same universal effect on everyone."

	"So you understand then?" asked Usagi in obvious relief. 
"You don't think I'm weird or anything like that?"

	"Sure, I understand," said Naru. "I know lots of girls who 
get crushes on other girls. Like how my friend Reika at Furinkan 
feels about her Captain. But remember," Naru said as she shook 
her finger at Usagi teasingly. "No peeking at me in gym."

	"Naru," Usagi wailed as she turned bright red and clutched 
her book bag to her chest. "I already told you that I'd never do 
that to you!"

	"I know, I know," Naru said with a smile. "I was just 
teasing you, that's all. Calm down, Usagi."

	"Good," said Usagi with a sigh. She then looked at the 
paper sticking slightly out of her book bag and sighed. "I'm going 
to be in so much trouble, Naru!"

	"Your math test, huh?" asked Naru. "Why don't you ask 
for tutoring lessons? Maybe from Umino?"

	"Umino?" asked Usagi as she made a face. "I don't think 
so. But maybe having a tutor isn't such a bad idea."

	Chuckling at this, Naru said, "Maybe Umino really is the 
reason behind you liking this mystery woman."

	"Very funny," said Usagi. "But you're still going to help me 
find a tutor for math, aren't you?"

	"And when did I say I was going to do that?" asked Naru 
in droll tones.

	"Naru!" said Usagi with exasperation.

	"All right, all right," said Naru as she waved her hands in a 
warding fashion. "I'll help you find a tutor for math! Maybe if we're 
lucky we can find some hunky guy. Or should I say some sexy girl 
in your case?"

	And as they walked down the street the sound of Naru's 
name being shouted yet again was heard.  

---

	Zoisite paused to adjust her hair as she looked at her 
ravishing complexion displayed in the glass while she gazed at the 
contents of the jewelry case.

	"Damn," Zoisite cursed. "None of these look anything like 
the Imperium Silver Crystal."

	She then paused to look at the picture Kunzite gave her. It 
was the photo of a blue diamond set in a silver necklace around 
the neck of a beautiful redhead wearing an elaborate dress. 
Somehow it just didn't look right to her. It looked like something 
out of a movie and the size of the crystal... it was titanic.

	"Sugar dumpling was out of it when he gave me this picture 
to me," mused Zoisite. "I guess I shouldn't have given him that last 
kiss and grope before I left."

	As Zoisite walked out of the jewelry store she bumped 
shoulders with a tall and elegant woman with long dark green hair 
and solemn red eyes.

	"Excuse me," said Zoisite politely before she remembered 
that as an evil person she shouldn't have any sort of manners at all.

	"No problem," said the woman with a small smile which 
set Zoisite's heart racing before the woman turned to walk into the 
jewelry store she had just exited.

	Narrowing her eyes, Zoisite ignored the strange feeling the 
woman gave her and set about her search for finding the Imperium 
Silver Crystal as Beryl ordered.

	Tokyo wasn't that big of a city.

	It had to be around here somewhere.

---

	"Usagi," hissed Luna as she hopped onto the girl's shoulder 
while she played the Sailor V game one more time. "I should have 
known this is where you'd gone off to."

	"Be quiet, Luna," said Usagi in soft but sweetly mocking 
tones. "Or do you want to give yourself away?"

	Scowling at this, Luna said, "You should get out of here. 
We have important Senshi work to do. I've been told that the 
enemy has been snooping around looking for the Imperium Silver 
Crystal. We can't allow them to find it before us! Do you 
understand me, Usagi?"

	"I understand," Usagi grumbled as she stood up.

	"Leaving so soon?"

	Usagi turned around and blushed as she saw Motoki 
smiling at her. "Yeah," said Usagi softly. "I have to go home and... 
uhm... study."

	"Really buckling down, huh?" asked Motoki. "Well, good 
luck with the studying, Usagi."

	"Thanks," said Usagi as she blushed.

	She then turned on her heel and rushed out of the arcade 
to leave Motoki alone.

	Watching her exit, Motoki murmured, "I don't know what 
but something's changed about Usagi."

	Shrugging at this, he went back to work only to blink when 
he heard a frustrated shout echo in the area.
	
	"I swear," said Motoki. "This district is getting to be just as 
weird as Tomobiki or Nerima."

---

	Stopping in front of the huge Juuban Cineplex, Zoisite let 
loose a frustrated scream of annoyance.

	After he did this, the crowd of people wanting to buy 
tickets to various movies dispersed to leave the street he was 
standing on pretty much void of people.

	He had spent countless hours searching every inch of 
Tokyo for the Imperium Silver Crystal based on what it looked 
like in the picture that Kunzite had given him.

	A picture that apparently wasn't of the Imperium Silver 
Crystal but rather a fake piece of plastic jewelry that was featured 
in some stupid American film.

	Crushing the picture in his grasp, Zoisite narrowed his eyes 
in anger. Because of Kunzite's screw up he was going to have to 
do the unthinkable.

	He was going to have to ask Beryl for help.

---

	"Usagi," hissed Luna once again into the girl's ear. "Do you 
see that woman across the street? Do you notice anything unusual 
about her?"

	Usagi paused in her walk to see the woman ranting in front 
of the Cineplex about the movie Titanic, and said, "Yeah. She 
really seems to hate American movies."

	"Not that," said Luna with exasperation. "Do you notice 
anything else about her?"

	"Uhm... no. Not really," said Usagi.

	"How about that dark aura surrounding her or the fact that 
she's wearing the uniform of the Dark Kingdom?" Luna said with 
more than a little agitation.

	"The Dark Kingdom has a uniform?" asked Usagi. "Do 
they have nametags too? Lets go see!"

	With that, Usagi dashed across the street while Luna hung 
on for dear life and shouted, "At least turn into Sailor Moon before 
you start doing idiotic things!"

	Usagi, being a bit distracted about wondering whether the 
Dark Kingdom servants have to wear nametags, didn't see the 
motorcycle coming until it was almost upon her.

	That was when a pair of warm hands grabbed her by the 
waist and pulled her out of the way.

	When Usagi tilted her head back she found herself looking 
into a pair of warm red eyes that seemed familiar to her. She 
couldn't help but sigh as she gazed at the sharp and elegant 
features of the girl who was holding her.

	"Well, now," the girl drawled in charming tones. "That was 
a pretty stupid move on your part, little lady. You and your pussy 
could have ended up as roadkill."

	Usagi was unable to respond as she lost herself in the 
depths of those magnetic red eyes and standing still she watched 
as the green haired stranger smiled once more as she turned on her 
heel and walked away.

	Pausing after a moment, the girl offered another mysterious 
smile as she said, "It's always best to look before you leap. You 
never know what scary stuff might be around the corner or even 
right in front of your face. And it would be a shame if a lovely thing 
like you ended up leaving this world before her time."

	Before Usagi could respond, the girl stepped onto a bus 
which suddenly appeared in front of her and was out of Usagi's 
sight.

	Left stunned in her rescuer's wake, Usagi stood frozen for 
several moments before Luna hissed, "Snap out of it, Usagi! You 
must change into Sailor Moon and defeat that servant of the Dark 
Kingdom before they escape!"

	"Right!" said Usagi with a nod and she turned to run into a 
nearby phone booth while Luna leapt from her shoulder and onto 
the ground.

	Seconds later a very battered Sailor Moon stepped out of 
the phone booth. Which, by the way, aren't the best choices in 
location for magical girls who often spin around during the middle 
of their transformation sequences.

	"Servant of the Dark Kingdom!" Sailor Moon pronounced 
as she went into her usual pose. "I, the pretty soldier Sailor Moon, 
am here to... uhm..."

	Blinking at Moon's sudden pause in her speech, Zoisite 
frowned and said, "Is there some sort of problem?"

	"Uhm..." began Moon rather hesitantly. "Weren't you a girl 
a few minutes ago? Or am I mistaken?"

	Looking offended, Zoisite replied, "Some may say 
otherwise but this is my true self! I'm meant to be a man!"

	"Err... okay," said Moon. "But you're still a servant of the 
Dark Kingdom, aren't you?"

	"Of course I am!" Zoisite huffed.

	"All right then," said Moon with a nod. "Then I'm here to 
destroy you and the nefarious evil you stand for."

	"Before you do that would you mind telling me if you've 
seen an Imperium Silver Crystal anywhere?" asked Zoisite with 
plaintive eyes. "Or do you happen to have it yourself? And if so, 
would you mind giving it to me?"

	Moon was about to reply when out of nowhere a rose 
went flying through the air and hit Zoisite's foot who stared at it 
with a perplexed expression on his features.

	"Was that supposed to hurt?" Zoisite pondered.

	"I know that rose!" Moon exclaimed.

	Both Moon and Zoisite looked up to see a woman clad in 
a tuxedo and a top hat smiling down at them from where she stood 
on a nearby lamp post.

	"Hola," the woman said. "I'm Tuxedo Kamen."

	"Hola?" repeated Zoisite skeptically.

	"I'm trying to be multicultural," Tuxedo Kamen replied with 
a shrug before she leapt down to the ground. "But what's this I 
hear about the Imperium Silver Crystal? Do you either of you have 
it in your possession?"

	"Uhm... no," replied Moon and Zoisite together.

	"Damn," said Tuxedo Kamen. She was about to say more 
when out of nowhere Luna jumped onto her face and started 
scratching her. Releasing a mixed scream of surprise and terror, 
Tuxedo Kamen said, "Get off me you stupid cat! What's your 
problem anyway?!"

	"Sailor Moon!" said Luna as she took a pause in 
scratching Tuxedo Kamen's face and for some reason the white 
mask that she wore managed to stay in one piece. "Attack now! 
She must be allied with the Dark Kingdom! Remember how she 
stole all of those jewels from Naru's mother yesterday?"

	Before Moon could react, Tuxedo Kamen grabbed Luna 
by the scruff of her neck and said, "You're a naughty pussy aren't 
you? I think I'll have to punish you for that."

	Luna merely hissed at this and Moon took a step forward 
then said, "Please don't hurt Luna. She was only doing what she 
thought was right. And you did steal those jewels. You have to 
know that was wrong."

	"Maybe," Tuxedo Kamen admitted as she looked at 
Moon gravely. "But I must find my Princess and to do that I need 
the Imperium Silver Crystal. And how I get my hands on it doesn't 
matter to me at all. Only the end result of finally having it in my 
possession."

	"And how would she feel?" asked Moon softly. "Wouldn't 
it matter to her that you hurt innocent people on her behalf? Would 
she really want you doing that for her sake? Or would she want 
you to be helping people instead?"

	Tuxedo Kamen seemed to pause at this as she studied 
Moon with lidded eyes. Forming a slow smile, she gave a low 
chuckle before she carelessly tossed Luna at Moon who caught 
her feline mentor with some surprise.

	"All right kid," said Tuxedo Kamen in an easy drawl. "You 
win. I'll return those jewels like you want. Only I want something 
from you in return."

	"What's that?" asked Moon nervously as she 
unconsciously hugged Luna close to her body as if for protection.

	Noting Moon's reaction, Tuxedo Kamen smirked then 
said, "I want you to keep your pussy away from me. It's more than 
a little bit dangerous to my health."

	Then with that, Tuxedo Kamen swept her long black cape 
about her figure then made a high leap onto a nearby building and 
disappeared from the general vicinity.

	Moon watched this exit with certain awe and hugged Luna 
even closer to her body, causing the cat to turn red from lack of 
oxygen.

	Several seconds later Moon remembered she still had a 
servant of the Dark Kingdom to deal with. But when she turned 
around to face Zoisite she found him (or her, depending on who 
you asked) missing.

	"Hey!" said Moon indignantly. "He left! What sort of bad 
guy is he?! They're not supposed to leave before I defeat them in 
battle and give my cool intro speech!"

	As she ranted Moon continued to squeeze Luna tightly and 
if Tuxedo Kamen was there she would've quite enjoyed the sight 
of the black cat passing out.

---

	"How could you do this?!" shouted Endymion in rage as he 
glared at the figure of Zoisite. "Don't you know that guys never ask 
for help?!"

	Trying his hardest not to sweatdrop, Zoisite said, "I'm 
sorry, King Endymion. I simply thought--"

	"Thought," Endymion interrupted with a snort. "I don't 
think you thought at all. In fact, I think it involved a serious lack of 
thought on your part. One might say..."

	The King suddenly trailed off as he studied Zoisite closer 
and narrowing his cobalt eyes, Endymion said, "Is it just me or 
weren't you a girl a few minutes ago?"

	"Pardon?" asked Zoisite in confusion.

	"Hmm," said Endymion thoughtfully. He turned to look at 
Beryl and said, "Don't you agree with me, sweetie pie? Wasn't 
Zoisite a girl a few minutes ago?"

	"Well," Beryl mused. "He certainly looked like he was a 
girl when he was investigating down on Earth."

	"And I don't know too many guys with a really nice rack 
like he just had," Endymion murmured.

	"Darling," growled Beryl. "You're talking about one of our 
minions of evil. Try to have some propriety."

	"What?" asked Endymion in nonplused tones. "You don't 
think that he had a nice rack as a girl?"

	"That's not the point, love," Beryl reasoned. "I just don't 
think it's appropriate to discuss it like--"

	"Hey! I need directions here! Can't you two talk about me 
sometime later? Maybe behind my back?"

	Beryl and Endymion turned to face the irate Zoisite who 
was back in her previously discussed female form and gaped at 
her.

	And on seeing their eyes widen, Zoisite scowled again then 
said, "What is it now?"

	Exchanging a weary and silent look, the rulers of the Dark 
Kingdom decided they would simply discuss it later.

	Because while the issue of Zoisite's gender was a mystery 
that obviously needed further discussion they did have things to do 
and a mission to send Zoisite on.

	Even the most evil of people do have their priorities.

---


To be continued...

All characters in this fanfiction are from Sailor Moon. This fanfic 
was inspired by the works of Naoko Takeuchi but the craziness 
behind it is purely my own. I'd like to thank Red Death and my 
brother Patrick for listening to my goofy ideas.

Author's note: Yup. I revised it heavily. Or at least when it comes 
to Setsuna's role in the fic so far. If you're a fan of what you saw of 
Ami in chapter one of the original draft don't worry. She'll be 
showing up next time. I hope you had a good giggle.

As always, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this project, so please 
e-mail me at: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 

Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

Next up: The introduction of Sailor Jupiter and other twisted stuff 
in this wacky new reality.

"Rival = Enemy, huh? I don't wanna be killed by Ami. My grades 
can stay where they are."
-Aino Minako; Sailor Moon-




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