DISCLAIMER: The Bet is Metroanime's; Ranma and associated
concepts are Takahashi-sama's. Of course you knew that, but
some anal-retentive lawyer insists that I treat the whole
world like a pack of retarded monkeys and repeat this
idiotic and nonsensical disclaimer anyways, thereby wasting
my valuable time, as well as yours. Life's a bitch, ain't
it?

Xanthine the All-Knowing, Godling of Divination Magic,
belongs to Wizards of the Coast, Inc. Betcha didn't know
that.

--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
--------------------

"Hey!" Toltiir shouted, "No loitering, punk! The Bet's over!
No new entries!"

Xanthine lifted a hand, allowing the eye imbedded therein to
gaze at the feline deity (since his head lacked eyes). <My
apologies, Elder.> the godling's gentle telepathic "voice"
said. <I was but practicing at my craft. Your pool aids in
that.>

"Hmmm... you're new around here. What's your baliwick?"

<Divination magic.> Xanthine answered.

"Ah, and looking at the strands to see how they fit, eh?"
Toltiir wondered how he could milk this one for some fun.
Usually new godlings were good for a laugh. "Well, how about
a lesson in meta-divination?"

<Meta-Divination?>

"Sure! Pick a goal you want the timeline to head towards,
and try to make it go toward that goal. Instead of using the
prediction to create the future, you use the future to
create the prediction."

<Interesting...> Xanthine gazed over the timeline with an
array of physical, psionic, mystical, and godly senses. <The
goal... allow these two to avoid fighting - or at least, not
as much. Avoid that nasty divorce, or the worse
reconciliation.>

Toltiir nodded. Ranma and Akane's divorces were nasty
enough, the result when they re-married after a divorce was
too gruesome to think about.

<And the change should be ... here.>

"Huh? You moved Ranma's bedroll six inches?"

<Observe..>

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ranma woke up in a surly mood. Sleeping on all those sharp
rocks was bad enough.  Awakening to discover that the
morning dew had triggered his curse (Acquired less than a
week ago) was worse.

"AAAAAGGGGHHH!!!" Ranma-chan exclaimed. "I *HATE* THIS! I
HATE THIS CURSE, I HATE TRAVELLING ALL THE TIME, I HATE THE
AMAZONS, I HATE JUSENKYO, AND I HATE YOU!!"

Ranma-chan then began her morning workout with a brisk
fifteen-minute panda-pounding.

The panda sitting nearby quailed before his son - er,
daughter - for a while before Ranma-chan stomped away from
him. He knew of old how tempermental his son could get. <A
lot like his mother,> Genma thought. Of course, this morning
was the worst it had ever been

Looking at the postcard he had written, he knew that if he
sent this, in all liklihood his son would have a good excuse
to remove his spleen. And would probably do it, too. (He
hadn't been able to beat the boy consistently since he was
twelve without cheating. The thought of going against the
boy when he was in a berserker rage was ... disturbing.)

Genma took out his pen and, with a dexterity quite
remarkable for a panda, wrote a bit more on the postcard...

 * * * * * * * * * *

"That's it? Ranma wakes up on the wrong side of the
bedroll?"

<Not quite. His frustrations had been building most of his
life, and the first week post-Jusenkyo was rather stressful.
He just vented what was already there. And alarmed his
father sufficiently that a change has been wrought. Observe
the card.>

" 'Tendo. Bringing Ranma home. Don't say anything, follow my
lead. Trust me. Genma.'" Toltiir though of this. "Genma's
got an idea?"

<Indeed. He has an able brain, but it seldom makes itself
heard over his stomach.>

"Or that wet noodle he uses in place of a spine." Toltiir
agreed.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane! Come here! I have news!"

The three girls stumbled into the room. Soun briefly
wondered why Nabiki wore a formal kimono, but dismissed the
thought. As long as it wasn't those scandalous shorts she
liked so much.

"My old friend Genma Saotome is coming for a visit with his
son Ranma." He wanted to tell the girls of the engagement,
but Genma's note had been clear, Say Nothing. Genma's
schemes were usually effective, he recalled (at least when
it came to the virtues of young women. And his daughters
were young women).

"Oh great, freeloaders." Nabiki groaned.

"Oh great, some pervert boy in my house. He peeps me once, I
remove it!" Akane growled.

"Oh it will be nice to have visitors! I'll have to get the
guest room ready!" Kasumi exclaimed. Nice girls enjoy having
guests over.

"They just got back from a tour of China" Soun explained,
"where they studied ancient martial arts mysteries."

"Ooh, China!" Nabiki exclaimed. Foreign travel equals cash.

"Hmph!" Akane commented.

"What kind of boy is this Ranma anyhow?" Nabiki asked
casually.

"I wouldn't know - I never met him."

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Hmmm... interesting. Already one source of hostility is
defused."

<Yes. Now observe the rest of the plot unfold.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Um, Daddy? Are these your friends?"

Soun looked at the panda and the struggling red-haired girl.
"I don't think so."

"Oh right." Nabiki commented. "A panda kidnaps a girl; and
comes straight here. Happens all the time."

The girl works away from the panda and turns to the Tendos.
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

"A pleasure, young Saotome!" Soun said, ready to follow his
old friend's lead. "And where is your father, lad?"

"Uh, Daddy?" Nabiki commented, poking an obvious clue. "This
is not a 'lad'. This is a girl."

Soun looked puzzled. "But I'm certain that Genma told me he
had a son." Perhaps this is why he wanted Soun to keep
silent? Or did he have something else in mind?

Nabiki gripped a breast. "Does this look like a son to you?"

"Will yoiu please stop doing that?" she asked.

"Nabiki!" Akane exclaimed, shocked. "She's a guest! You
shouldn't be so rude!" Akane, relieved that she didn't have
to watch out for some degenerate boy, held out her hand.
"I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

Ranma smiled slowly. "Alright."

<WHAP!> a sign came down on hier head.

[Not now, boy! First things first!] the sign read. It
flipped over, the other side reading. [We need a kettle of
hot water, please.]

Wondering how the panda wrote so quickly and legibly, Kasumi
went for the hot water.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"So instead of - ahem - Akane's discovery, it's out in the
open. How dull. But no sparring?"

<The next portion in the dining room is familiar enough -
except that Akane hasn't had the dual embarassment of being
beaten and being seen naked by a boy.>

<Previously, the two older Tendo girls saw Ranma as an
unwanted fiance, a burden to disrupt their lives, which
clouded their perceptions.>

<Nabiki, seeing clearly, witnesses that Ranma and Genma's
conditions is proof that her rationalist materialistic view
of the world is seriously flawed. She begins examing many
things she had dismissed as superstition; astrology,
numerology, and so forth. This will eventually lead her to
True Magick, and her training as a White Sorceress.>

<Kasumi, not fettered by the concept of Ranma as a fiance,
sees a young boy victimized by an idiotic father. She will
be more outgoing toward him, not just generically nice as
she was in the original timeline. This, too, has far-
reaching consequences.>

<Now, observe...>

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Wow," Nabiki said.

The once-again male Ranma sat sullenly. Pop was going to pay
for this.

"Now as to the purpose of our visit." Genma began, sounding
important.

"Long ago, Tendo and myself decided that we would unite our
two schools of Anything-Goes Martial Arts." Soun was about
to interrupt, but Genma raised a hand to silence him. "To
that end, Ranma and I are here.

"Ranma, you will challenge Soun's heir. The victor will
become sensei to the loser, and teach all they know. Then,
in the fullness of time, the two will duel to see who will
become Master of the school."

"Um, Genma.." Soun asked, "may I speak to you for a moment?"

 * * * * * * * * * *

"HEY!! This makes sense! Who is that wearing the Genma
suit??"

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Saotome!" Soun hissed, "What happened to the plan?? To
marry our children??"

Genma sighed. "After Jusenkyo, Ranma became more
tempermental, harder to control. A forced marriage would be
too much, perhaps enough to chase him away. Acting as a
sensei may help him regain the balance he lost.

"Also, who says anything happened to the plan? The closeness
of the sensei-student relationship, combined with teenage
hormones, should do the job for us, allowing them to think
it was their own idea!"

Soun liked the notion. "Buit what if Akane wins the duel?"

"Nothing changes. Except that I give my idiot son a
pummeling for losing to a girl!" Genma smiled.


Meanwhile,...

"So," Ranma asked, "who's the heir to the school?"

Akane stood up. "I am. Akane Tendo, heir to the Tendo School
of Anything-Goes."

Ranma sized her up. Hmmm, maybe... "So, you want to wait for
the Old Men and go through with this, or just surrender
now?"

"WHAT!?!?" Akane exclaimed. "Surrender?? You never even saw
me fight!"

"Don't have to. I know you can't take me." The air of utter
certainty the - the *boy* - exuded as he said that fed the
growing fire in Akane.

"Why - because I'm a *girl*?!?" she snarled.

"Damn straight!" he said. Foolishly, he pushed the point
home. "A very girly girl, too. If you were some tomboy,
maybe, but you're way to feminine to be a *real* martial
artist!"

"AAAARRRRGH!!" she snarled. The dining room table found its
way to her hands and arced toward that smug face -

- only to be shattered by a flurry of lightning-fast blows.

Akane barely had time to register the loss of her weapon
before a leg hit the back of her knees and the sash of her
gi was relocated.

Kasumi and Nabiki watched, awestruck, as Ranma disarmed
Akane, knocked her down, then tied her wrists and ankles
together before she hit the ground.

Soun and Genma ran back to the dining room to find the table
in splinters and Akane hogtied on the floor.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Wait a minute! Ranma doesn't hit girls!"

<He didn't strike her - not even once.>

"Oh Yeah. Right. But Akane usually hits him with no
problem."

<In the original timeline, Ranma was reacting to a social
situation involving concepts almost as alien to him as I
would be - marriage and females. The unfamiliarity of the
situation disoriented him. This time, he's dealing not with
a fiancee, but a challenger and potentially his first pupil.
This is now a martial arts situation, with which he is
wholly familiar. Thus he is at his best.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

"She's slow, her defense is lousy, her reflexes could be
beaten by a dead slug, and her temper makes all these
problems worse." Ranma critiqued.

"No fair! I wasn't ready!" Akane protested.

"You attack someone when you're not ready?" Ranma replied
scornfully. "It's a wonder you're not dead."

"Well, Tendo?" Genma asked.

Soun nodded. "Akane, as of now, Ranma will be your sensei.
You are to treat him with respect, and listen to his
instruction."

Akane fumed. She was beaten - by a *boy*! It was probably
some plot to try to take advantage of her. As soon as she
proved it, he would be gone!

"Hei, otosan." she said.

<For now> she thought.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Toltiir rolled on the ground, shaking with laughter. "Ranma
teaching Akane?!?! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"

Xanthine nodded, a consciously-copied human gesture. <Yes.
Akane is a stubborn and prideful person, and Ranma is ...
less than empathetic. Also, his training techniques, while
less savage than his father's, are nonetheless brutal and
humiliating.>

"And since Akane always takes everything personally - either
interpreting it sexually or as deliberate insult -"

<Indeed. Their early relationship is ... tumultuous.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane was awakened by a splash of water to the face.

"AAAAAAGGGGHH!! WHAT DID YOU DO *THAT* FOR?!?"

"Wake up, lazybones! Dawn was almost two minutes ago!" Ranma
barked.

"DAWN?!? BAKA!!"

"C'mon! You've got training to do!"

"Training??" Akane yelled. "At this hour?? I haven't even
had a decent night's sleep!"

Ranma grabbed the edges of the mattress and yanked up,
spilling Akane onto the floor.

"No wonder you sleep like a log." he commented. "Nice, soft
bed. This will have to go!" And he hurled the mattress out
the window.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Akane demanded.

"You shouldn't dull your edge like that. You sleep too
deeply, allowing anyone to sneak up on you."

"RANMA NO BAKA!!" she cried and started swinging at him.

Not that it did any good. He dodged and sidestepped every
blow, guiding her to the window.

Akane yelled and unleashed a haymaker at his head. Ranma
grabbed her forearm, spun, and hurled her out the window,
hitting the koi pond dead center.

Ranma nimbly hopped from the upper-story window to the
ground and went over to the stunned and soaking-wet Akane.

"If you can't take a little discomfort and inconvenience for
the Art, then stop pretending to be a martial artist. Go
back to tea parties and cooking."

Akane snarled at him, then... "GAAAAHHHHH!!!"


The screams and yelling woke up Nabiki, who swore someone
was going to pay. She glanced out the window, and saw Akane
and Ranma fighting.

Or rather, Akane was fighting and Ranma was making a
complete fool out of her. She yelled and screamed and used
Very Bad Language to describe Ranma, his personal habits,
his ancestors, and his probable destination in the
afterlife, as well as her willingness to send him there.

Ranma, meanwhile, danced and jumped and flipped,
ocassionally and casually tapping her at various places
which even Nabiki recognized as vulnerable spots. All the
while, he criticized her performance and made various sexist
comments about her "pretending to be a martial artist".

Nabiki saw two things. One - Ranma was very very good. Akane
had been the best around, and his moves proved that he could
injure - or kill - her without significant effort. And Two -
Ranma was a smartass.

A very dangerous smartass could be useful.

It didn't hurt he had a killer butt, too.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Toltiir loved it. Watching Akane being tossed around like a
rag doll by Ranma was quite enjoyable. "What happened to 'no
hitting girls'?"

The eye in Xanthine's palm blinked. <He has not harmed her,
even once. He *does* take his duties as a sensei very
seriously, however. Notice that he has never struck her more
than hard enough for her to feel it, or perhaps to leave a
bruise. He will never seriously fight a woman unless it's a
matter of life or death, but he will do what is necessary to
train her.>

"Meanwhile, this Akane is *getting* what all the other
Akane's are *giving*!"

<Indeed. As her temper comes under control, she will see
Ranma's training for what it is - an attempt to bring out
all her potential as a martial artist. From that grows
respect, and from that will grow love.>

< Before that, though, she attempts to 'expose' him as a
pervert several times, always failing. Ranma misinterprets
these as attempts to flirt with him, but his own idealism
prevents him from taking advantage of a student. She also
embarasses herself publically more than once.>

<Ukyo and Shampoo will see her as a minor obstacle, not as a
serious threat. Akane will be jealous, but even with her
greater skill, will fail to abuse him, as he won't accept
from a student what he would accept from his fiancee.>

<Eventually they will marry, freely and of their own will.
They will never learn of the agreement between Soun and
Genma, nor would it matter if they did.>

"Not much change."Toltiir mused.

<On the contrary, a significant change.> Xanthine
commented.<What had been a relationship conceived in
sourness and discord, with bitterness and scars that harmed
not only their happiness and that of their children and

grandchildren, will become a supportive and loving
relationship, from which only happiness will grow.>

Toltiir looked ahead. A happy marriage, no divorces, happy
children, happy grandchildren...wait a minute... "BWA-HA-HA-
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!"

Xanthine looked up, curiously. <What is so amusing, Elder?>

"Look ahead a bit, about eighty years."

<Very well, but... oh my.>

"Oh my indeed, little godling." Toltiir smirked, "In the
original timeline, the Scarlet Jihad was destroyed in 2080
by Interpol Lieutenant Tenma Saotome - great-grandson of
Ranma and Akane. But with your altering, their offspring
grew up in a happy home without the turmoil that affected
their children and their children.

"So, instead of seeking justice with a fanatic bent that led
to a police career, Tenma became a Shinto priest. Thus the
Scarlet Jihad's attempt to kill off 99 percent of humanity
succeeded!"

<Oh my,> Xanthine repeated.

"Now, instead of a growing and prosperous world making its
first tenative steps to the stars, you have a ruined post-
apocalyptic wasteland where mutated former humans fight for
food and water! Smooth, boy! Real smooth!"

<Perhaps I should look at things in a broader perspective
next time>

Toltiir looked shocked. "Oh my, d'ya think?"

 * * * * * * * * * *

Next time: School! Balance Training! Kuno! Tofu! And Nabiki
sells pictures of Ranma's butt! (And no more godly
interludes)

--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 2
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
--------------------

SYNOPSIS: An altered timeline: Genma Saotome has brought his
son Ranma to the Tendo Dojo to challenge Tendo's heir to see
who will become Master of Anything Goes Martial Arts. Ranma
beat Tendo's heir and daughter, Akane, and is now her
sensei.

The Tendo household prepares for breakfast, and Akane has
just completed her first training session...

 * * * * * * * * * *

Kasumi had just finished setting out the miso and rice, and
Nabiki and Soun were just sitting down to eat. Ranma was
still outside, sparring with Genma, as Akane dragged herself
in.

Her favorite yellow pajamas were a mess, soaking wet and
mud-stained from the pond. Her face had an expression of
half-exhaustion and half-anger.

And her hair ... oh gods-be-merciful, her *hair* ...

Nabiki restrained her chuckle, but not her smirk. "So, baby
sister, how's your training going?"

Akane snarled. "He's a heartless, sadistic, inhuman
barbarian!"

Soun smiled idiotically. "Ah, that brings back memories.
Being hurled off cliffs into icy lakes by our old Master was
so commonplace, Saotome and I stopped waking up. Almost
drowned more than once."

Kasumi just stared at the Hair.

Akane noticed Kasumi's stare, directed at the top of her
head. "Oh no! Is my hair muddy? I'll have to wash it all
over again!" She dashed out of the room and up the stairs.

As she ran, Nabiki waited for her to get out of earshot,
then collapsed into laughter.


Akane slipped out of her pajamas, muttering something
unprintable about barbarian bakayarou transvestites. Her
body ached with assorted bruises and unfamiliar exertion.
Her old workouts with her father had been tiring, but
nothing like this.

She looked in the mirror to survey the damage that had made
Kasumi stare so ... and froze.

Akane had been growing her hair out for years, trying to
make it longer and more luxuriant than her sister Kasumi's,
so maybe Doctor Tofu would notice her. And she had always
worn it straight, with the traditional small ribbon to keep
it under control.

Now her hair was done up in two ridiculous-looking odangos
with white ribbons. She looked like a Sailor Moon otaku.

The bathroom door shattered as an angry Akane charged
through it.

"RRRAAANNNMMMAAA!!!" she cried as she charged down the
stairs and rushed into the dining room. Ranma-onna and
Genma-panda were already there, just coming inside.

Ranma-onna blushed and turned away, while Genma-panda just
stared and Soun-baka (sorry, couldn't resist :-) ) fainted.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?!?!" she asked in a reserved
manner (for someone about to commit a serious act of axe-
killing).

Ranma-onna, still looking away, commented. "Well, I was
getting bored, and since your defenses and reflexes were so
slow, I decided to pass the time -"

"BY MAKING ME LOOK STUPID?!?!"

"Don't need any help from me."

"THAT'S RIGHT!! AND LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M YELLING AT YOU!!"

Nabiki, while finding this intensely amusing, decided that
if they were to get to school on time, she'd better do
something. She tapped her sister on the shoulder. "Ah,
Akane-chan?"

Akane spun around. "WHAT??"

Nabiki pointed.

Akane looked down.

Akane had charged out of the bathroom without a robe.

Without a towel.

Without undergarments.

All there was ... was showing. The Complete Akane in vibrant
flesh-tones.

Akane screamed and dashed back out of the room. Ranma-onna
breathed a sigh of relief as Kasumi poured hot water on his
head. Genma-panda continued to stare in the direction that
Akane had departed.

Ranma noticed this and swatted Genma. "Oi! That's my
*student* you're leering at, Oyaji!"

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane fumed. This wasn't training, this was torture! When
she got back from getting ready for school (with her hair
still in those ridiculous odangos; it would take too long
for her to get her hair presentable), Ranma-youma and Genma-
baka had eaten her breakfast! And he scolded her for taking
too long!

Otosan was no help - all he did was tell stories of how
their old master had tied them to trees for several days
while cooking and eating in front of them.

Ranma reluctantly agreed to go to school. (Not really
reluctant, but he knew from long experience that anything he
was too eager about would likely be ruined by Oyaji.) He
allowed himself to be talked into it, then went along with
Akane and Nabiki.

Ranma casually hopped up onto the top of the canal fence and
motioned to Akane.

"Nani??" she inquired.

"Get up here! You need to work on your balance."

"I can't walk on that! What if somebody comes along? They'll
be able to look right up my skirt!"

"Do you think an enemy will care about your panties? While
you waste time blushing, someone could pound you into the
dirt!

"Besides, unless you master balance, you can't master aerial
techniques. And if you can't master aerial techniques, you
might as well take a vow of pacifism and become a nun,
because you'll *never* be any good at Anything Goes!"

Akane growled. "I'll show you - ANAJAKU!" She climbed up
onto the fence.

Ranma smiled; he remembered calling Oyaji that a long time
ago, back when he still respected the old bastard. It's a
pleasant sensation for a teacher, knowing that your student
respects you.

Akane stood up, swaying. She almost fell over, only to have
Ranma's hands grab her upper arms. They were rather large
hands, she noted, and very strong, and warm...

Suddenly she was shoved forward. She almost tipped over, but
Ranma kept swatting her upright again. "RUN YOU LAZY GIRL!!
RUN!!"

Akane ran, barely able to keep upright except for Ranma
forcing her, his relentless voice driving her forward.
"C'MON YOU SILLY GIRL! BALANCE! DON'T THINK, JUST DO! WHY DO
KEEP PRETENDING - YOU'RE NO MARTIAL ARTIST! YOU'RE JUST A
FRILLY LITTLE HOUSEWIFE!"

(The Saotome Motivational Technique - piss them off enough,
and they'll do *anything* to show you up.)

 * * * * * * * * * *

Tatewaki Kuno, the Shooting Star - no, Blue Thunder, yes,
that's catchy - the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High awaited
his regular challenge to the fair Akane Tendo. Soon, she
would tire of their little game and allow herself to lose,
and thus would the noble samurai claim his prize.

He briefly allowed himself to imagine his "prize" (topped
with whipped cream and marshmallows) before he noticed that
Akane Tendo approached.

What was this? She was running along the fencetop! Being
pursued by some vile deviant in foreign clothes! Who had
done something horrible to her hair!

Ignoring the challengers, he dashed out of the schoolyard,
bokuto raised to strike.

"VILE WRETCH! YOU SHALL NEVER LIVE TO TERRORIZE THE HELPLESS
AKANE WITH YOUR DISGUSTING PERVERSIONS! YAAAAHHHH!!"

Ranma looked up at the boy in the traditional kendo garb
running at them. "Who is this idiot?"

Akane found something new to be annoyed about. "Helpless?!?"

Nabiki just smirked. "*Whose* perversions?"

Kuno slashed at Ranma's feet, but Ranma casually hopped over
the blade. A downward slice was easily sidestepped, with the
wooden blade cutting through steel fence, concrete sidewalk,
and asphalt pavement without slowing down. "Not bad, pal."
Ranma commented. <Obviously some ki training.>

"Vile wretch! I, the great Tatewaki Kuno, shall deliver
justice to you and protect the fair Akane from your hentai
intentions!" Kuno roared.

"SHUT UP!!" Akane said as her fist blind-sided Kuno. "I am
NOT <thud> weak! I am NOT <POW> helpless! And I do NOT
<WHAM> need protecting by YOU!!! <KA-POW>"

The last blow, delivered to a place that males do *not* like
being hit in, silenced Kuno, allowing him to slide to the
ground and rest his eyes (of course, any observer might
swear he'd just been pummeled into unconsciousness, but Kuno
himself would be the first to dispute that - as soon as he
woke up).

Akane felt good - she finally got to pummel somebody. Then
the adrenaline from her anger and the fight ran out - and
she hadn't eaten since last night.

If Kuno had known that Akane had fallen right on top of him,
he would have passed out.

 * * * * * * * * * *

The assembled Horde of Hentai's (as the female population of
Furinkan called them) and female observers watched as Nabiki
hauled Kuno to the nurse's office in a fireman's carry, and
the strange guy carried the semi-conscious Akane (who had
acquired this really stupid hairdo) right behind her.

The female populace wondered at this handsome guy with
Akane. Was he her boyfriend? He must be - she fought Kuno to
protect him! And look how tenderly he carries her! How did
they meet? Did they have sex? And what was with that silly
hair?

The male population was incensed. Akane Tendo had leapt to
this boy's defense against Kuno! This stranger was
overstepping his bounds! How dare he win Akane without
fighting her! And what was with that silly hair?

Nabiki noted the varied reactions among the crowd. She
smirked; she should do good business today.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Kuno woke in the nurse's office (as he did with monotonous
regularity), with the fair-but-mercenary Nabiki Tendo
applying a cold compress to his forehead.

"Ha! I routed the foul fiend that did so terrorize Akane! No
doubt she waits to shower her affections upon me in reward!"

At the sight of the drooling imbecile, Nabiki walloped him
with a nearby metal bowl. "No you didn't. He practically
ignored you, and Akane beat you unconscious."

"Nani?!" Kuno gasped. "How could this be? Wait- I know! She
was but concerned for my safety, so removed me from the
battle so that I would not be injured! Oh the selfless
compassion of Akane Tendo! Truly a thing of epic poetry!"

Nabiki shook her head in amazement. "It never ceases to
amaze me. No matter how hard reality forces itself on you,
you manage to find a way to thwart it."

"A true samurai can defeat any adversary!" he proclaimed.

Nabiki's eyes rolled. Without looking, she snagged some
aspirin from the medicine cabinet (She frequently needed
aspirin after talking to Kuno for any extended period of
time). "Don't you even want to know who that boy was?"

Kuno glanced over at Nabiki. "Such knowledge would be useful
indeed ... how much?"

"Five thousand."

"Credit?"

"The moon ain't blue."

Kuno snorted. "Very well - although the heavens weep at your
extortionate ways." Pulling the bills from his pouch, they
quickly vanished (as money does near Nabiki Tendo).

"His name's Ranma Saotome. He's Akane's new sensei, and one
of the heirs to Anything-Goes Martial Arts. When she is
trained, they will duel to see who inherits the title of
Master of Anything-Goes."

"And his lecherous pursuit this morning?"

"Training."

"Ah, I see."

"Really?" Nabiki said, her eyes big in shock.

"Of course!" Kuno proclaimed. "Under the guise of training,
this perverted molester seeks to force himself upon poor
Akane! Alas, the innocent girl, to be so used by this fiend
foul and unmentionable! But fear not! I, Tatewaki Kuno, the
mighty Blue Thunder, shall vanquish this hentai fiend and
save dear Akane before he violates her!"

Nabiki exhaled in relief. If Kuno had actually understood
what was going on, it would mean the end of a profitable
cash-cow (not to mention being a Sign of the Apocalypse).

"Tendo Nabiki! I shall require your services!" Kuno said
arrogantly as he stirred the ink.

 * * * * * * * * * *

In a nearby lounge, Akane woke up to the smiling face of
Doctor Tofu.

"OH! Tofu-sensei! What are you doing here??"

"Your sensei Ranma-san called me in when you fainted-"

"I did NOT faint! I - I was tired, and I hadn't had
breakfast-"

Tofu clucked his tongue. "You should take better care of
yourself, Akane-chan."

"It's all *HIS* fault!" she snarled. "That bastard Ranma!
Waking me up at dawn! Throwing me in the koi pond! Making me
look like an idiot!"

Tofu-sensei smiled fondly. "Yes, it makes me think of my
training, too. Running through the underbrush to improve
stealth and getting scratched up with nettles, then swimming
through the sea to toughen the skin and increase the pain
threshold. Such is the path of the True Martial Artist."

"HA!" Akane commented. "Such is the path of the bakayarou
hermaphrodite!"

Tofu smiled and gently patted her head. "Don't worry, dear.
one day you'll look back on all this and laugh. Now try to
rest. I'll talk to your teachers."

As he left, Akane fumed. Patting her on the head and
patronizing her, like she was a child! She'd get her revenge
on her 'sensei'!


Ranma was waiting in the hall for Tofu. He had just met the
local doctor, but had already become impressed with the
chiropractor (anyone who was good enough to sneak up on
*him* was worthy of respect).

"How is she, sensei?" Ranma asked.

"She's tired, and hadn't eaten since last night, not to
mention her adrenalin rush wearing off." He shook his head.
"For now, she needs rest and a small meal would be good. In
the longer term, she really should learn to manage her
temper. Perhaps your training will help her in that
respect."

Ranma gave a twisted smile. "Gonna get worse before it gets
better."

Tofu nodded. "Worried about her, Ranma-kun?"

"Yeah, well ... I was worried that I might have pushed her
too much. It's just the first day, y'know. And I never
trained anyone before."

"One reason this arrangement is a good idea." Tofu
acknowledged. "You will learn to be a proper sensei, with
your fathers - and myself, if you wish - to stop you from
doing anything too harmful."

"Actually, I'd like to talk to you about ... some things
later." The Curse of Jusenkyo was too much to bring up in a
hallway, but the doctor might know something useful.

"If you like. Akane-chan can show you to my clinic." His
face got serious. "One question, Ranma-kun... concerning her
ki training."

"I haven't started it yet. She has too much of the basics to
cover."

"I noticed your aura ... that you have trained in the manner
of the Touched Soul."

Ranma's face brightened in comprehension. "Oh, don't worry.
I won't use the Touched Soul technique except as a last
resort. I know other ki-development techniques I can try
first. Slower, but less ... extreme."

Tofu let his breath out. "Domo arigato, Ranma-kun. Akane is
a strong girl, but such a thing ..." He shuddered.

"You too, huh," Ranma said sympathetically.

Around a corner, Nabiki waited until Tofu-sensei had safely
departed. "Well-well. It seems the Big Bad Sensei has a soft
spot for little Akane?"

"She *is* my student." he said. "The doctor says she needs a
bit of rest and some food."

"I can get her bento. Oh, this is for you." Nabiki handed
him an envelope.

"Ranma opened and read the letter. "Hey - a challenge! From
that idiot Kuno! That's great! I didn't get a proper chance
to beat him before. Thanks, Nabiki."

"No problem. Kuno paid me a fee as a go-between." She put an
arm around him. "I know a lot about his fighting style and
tactics. I might even tell - if someone gives me a reason."
She looked up at him, her eyes big and dewy.

"No thanks." Ranma said, missing the veiled come-on
entirely. "There are ways of doing these things, y'know. It
wouldn't be right to pay for information like that."

<Hmmm...> she thought as she pulled back. <Either Ranma's a
perfect gentleman, he's gay, or he just didn't notice. And
most guys see come-ons even if they aren't there. And I
*know* he's not gay - the way he reacted at Akane's free
show this morning proves that. So he didn't notice.> A
notion occurred to her. <He was raised on the road with his
father. Could it be he doesn't know a subtle come-on when
one's directed at him?>

She went to get Akane's bento while Ranma went to check up
on Akane.

 * * * * * * * * * *

To Be Continued

--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 3
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
--------------------

SYNOPSIS: An altered timeline: Genma Saotome has brought his
son Ranma to the Tendo Dojo to challenge Tendo's heir to see
who will become Master of Anything Goes Martial Arts. Ranma
beat Tendo's heir and daughter, Akane, and is now her
sensei.

Escorting Akane to school, Kuno attacks the boy he thinks is
terrorizing Akane. He ends up out cold at Akane's hands,
with Akane fainting from over-exertion a moment later. Kuno
challenges Ranma to a duel, while Nabiki realizes that
Ranma's ignorance of male-female relationships is worse than
naive, it borders on total ignorance.

We rejoin Our Heroes as Ranma checks up on Akane's
condition.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"And how's my favorite student?" Ranma asked, his voice all
sweetness and light.

Akane glared. "You -" and she proceeded into a vulgar,
unladylike and rather repetitive account of her personal
opinion of him that would make the average drill sergeant
blush. Nabiki showed up just as Akane was winding down.

"My oh my, if Kuno could hear his little peach blossom now!"

Ranma chuckled. "Your boyfriend really talks about you like
that?"

"KUNO IS *NOT* MY BOYFRIEND! He's a pest, an annoyance, and
a JERK! Not to mention a pervert!" She growled in
aggravation. "The degenerate made this stupid proclamation
that only someone who beat me in combat could date me, so
every morning for the past year this bunch of hentais
attacks me right in front of the school!"

"You probably noticed them coming in, Ranma-kun." Nabiki
said, smiling. "All the sport uniform types?"

Ranma nodded. "Well, we'll probably keep those -"

"NANI??" Akane exclaimed.

"- It'll be good exercise." he explained. "As for Kuno, how
often do you beat him?"

"Every day." she said, with a measure of pride.

"Really? He might be holding back - a lot of guys do when
fighting girls -"

"Grrrrr..." Akane commented, advancing on Ranma, hands
flexing in anticipation of strangling...

Ranma took the bento from Nabiki and tossed it at Akane. The
young student, starved and tired, grabbed it out of mid-air
and began doing a credible Lina-Inverse-At-Lunch imitation.

"So, if he is," Ranma continued, "I'll have to make him
stop. After all, if he holds back, you'll learn to
underestimate opponents, and that sort of bad habit a
martial artist does *not* need."

"Buh mrabu urb," Akane said through a mouthful of rice.

"Beg pardon?"

"<chew-chew-gulp> I said, Who do you think you are, saying
who I can fight?!"

"I'm the poor victim roped into trying to turn you into a
credible imitation of a martial artist." he said calmly.

"YAAAAAHHH!!" Akane yelled, her fist headed for his face.

Ranma leaned back, letting her fist slip past him, and took
her wrist in his hand.

Suddenly Akane found herself spinning around as Ranma spun
her in a graceful-but-high-speed pirouette. As Ranma let go,
Akane staggered around in a circle, almost losing her newly-
acquired breakfast.

Nabiki chuckled at her sister's humiliation, as she first
spun like a top, then staggered like a drunk.

"I've got a duel with Kuno this afternoon after school."
Ranma commented. "I'll assess him then, and let both of you
know if he's good enough to keep fighting you." He gently
nudged her forward. "Now we've got classes."


The students buzzed with gossip about the handsome young man
who had carried Akane into school this morning, as well as
Akane's horrible new hairdo.

Akane's pregnant, that's why she fainted - Akane and Ranma
are married - Ranma's a ninja - Ranma beats Akane - Akane
beats Ranma - Ranma's a gay hairdresser who did Akane's hair
- these and more unlikely, less responsible tales buzzed
around the school.

Nabiki, of course, put out accurate information, but took no
responsibility for what happened to the information
afterwards. And, of course, raked in the cash. At one point,
she actually tape-recorded her answers to the usual
questions and played the tape for a thousand yen per
customer, just to save wear and tear on her voice.

At lunch, Akane had settled down to mildly annoyed. She
flared up again with the questions that her friends fired at
her about her 'boyfriend'. She had the hardest time trying
to convince them that there was nothing even remotely
romantic between her and the tall, athletic, blue-eyed boy.

(Besides, the rumors were much juicier than the truth.)

The boys weren't any better, but after the questions got too
ecchi, Ranma expressed his disapproval by holding the worst
offender upside down from the top of the clock tower. They
became more polite after that.


After school, students gathered in the soccer field. A crowd
gathered, and bookies made book on the upcoming duel (of
course, they all had a franchise from Nabiki). Nabiki knew
that Ranma could whip Kuno easily (having seen him train
Akane), and gave hideously high odds against him to lure in
the sucker bets.

No one really paid attention to the overcast sky, nor the
rumble of thunder in the distance.

Akane and Nabiki waited outside the school doors for Ranma,
Nabiki calm and Akane snarling.

"Why do we have to wait for the baka, anyway?" she growled.
"It's his damn fight."

Nabiki shook her head. "Akane-chan, you've gotten a dirty
mouth lately, y'know?"

"It's Ranma's fault!" she said. "He keeps getting me mad and
I just want to -" and she described something she wanted to
have happen to Ranma that Doctor Mengele wouldn't touch with
a ten-foot pole.

"Ewwwwww!" Nabiki commented.

"Hi, girls! He here yet?" Ranma asked.

"No, his ego demands a big, flashy entrance." Nabiki
commented.

"You should know about big egos." Akane commented.


Ranma walked toward the Appointed Place. He wondered why
Nabiki had taken his arm to escort him to the duel, but
didn't comment on it.

>From the murmur that swept the crowd, the onlookers did
notice it, as Nabiki intended. If they associated the two
together now, that would insure fewer difficulties later on.
Ranma, as she had deduced, missed the subtle claim she had
just publicly staked on him.

This should be easy. She can subtly seal off competition
with a few minor displays of public affection and some
rumors - all of which Ranma wouldn't notice - then get to
work on wooing him gently, so as not to spook him. He should
be a reliable asset within a few weeks.

Nabiki anticipated good-sized profits from wagering on Ranma
- fights, sports, etc - not to mention the market of photos
of his female form (or his male form, for that matter - many
people drastically underestimated the female appetite for
such things).

"Do you have to do that??" Akane hissed.

"Do what?" Nabiki asked.

"Hang all over him like - like some hussy!"

Nabiki put on her best sardonic grin. "Jealous?"

"HA!" Akane sneered. "If your tastes runs to bakayarou
transvestites, go ahead!"

"Hermaphromorph."

"Huh?" Ranma asked.

"The technical term for a creature that changes genders."
Nabiki explained. "He'd only be a transvestite if he wore
girl's clothes. Which he doesn't."

"Probably just a matter of time." Akane grumbled. "Just wait
- he'll be stealing our underwear in a week."

Ranma leaned close. "Uh, Nabiki?" Ranma whispered.

"Yes?"

"What's a 'hussy'?"

Nabiki looked his face over carefully. He was serious. <How
did that idiot Genma raise this boy anyhow?> "I'll explain
later, Ranma-kun."

The crowd parted, and Tatewaki Kuno stepped forth. He
proclaimed in a commanding voice, "I, the great Tatewaki
Kuno, known as the Blue Thunder of Furnikan High -"

"Wasn't he the 'Shooting Star' last week?" someone said.

"- has come to defeat the cur Ranma Saotome in noble combat,
for the hand of the beauteous Akane Tendo!"

Akane made a loud and unladylike raspberry.

"Okay, Kuno," Ranma said. "You want me, I'm here. And if
you're good enough, I'll permit you to keep challenging my
student."

"WHAT?!?" Kuno exclaimed. "How dare you claim that the
mighty and noble Blue Thunder isn't 'good enough' to do such
a thing!?!" With a mighty battle-cry, he charged Ranma and
made a mighty slash.

Ranma sidestepped the blow, and ducked the next slash, and
the next. Kuno was swift, but he looked like he was posing
for an instruction manual. <Perfect form. That limits his
responses. But he's got a lot of speed and power.>

A light drizzle began, but everyone was too wrapped up in
the fight to notice.

With a single bound, Ranma flipped over Kuno's head, one
finger outstretched toward his opponent.

"Ha! You missed!" Kuno barked.

"Um, Kuno-chan?" Nabiki said, holding out a compact.

Kuno glanced at the tiny mirror ... and saw the bruise on
his forehead, in the form of the kanji of chaos - the first
kanji in Ranma's name.

Kuno was shocked, then was enraged. "YAAAHHH!!" he cried. He
began a series of ever-more-rapid thrusts toward his
opponent. "Strike-strike-strike-strike-strike-strike-strike-
strike-" he chanted in time with his attacks.

Ranma dodged around the strikes with a fluid grace, while
behind him a tree that had the bad luck to be in a straight-
line path with Kuno's strikes began to splinter and chip,
then to explode in a shower of wood chips and sap.

"Wow," Nabiki remarked. "By air pressure alone ..."

Akane was aghast at Kuno. All that speed and power, not to
mention that multiple-strike technique... "Ranma was right,"
she said. "Kuno was holding back." She began to snarl, her
face getting red. "All this time, he was holding back -
toying with me - PATRONIZING ME!!! Treating me like a
FRAGILE LITTLE GIRL!!"

Nabiki stepped back *real* quick.

The drizzle picked up a bit, and Ranma felt the odd
sensation he hadbecome so familiar with in the past two
weeks - the water was almost enough to trigger his curse.
<Better wind this up fast.>

With a spin and a duck, Ranma was suddenly inside Kuno's
defense, his arms on either side of Ranma. Then, a flurry of
strikes to Kuno's armpits and stomach.

Kuno gasped and grunted, dropping his bokuto and falling to
his knees.

"You lose." Ranma said, tapping Kuno's forehead. Kuno fell
backwards, staring up at the sky with a look of utter
bafflement.

"You're a good fighter, Kuno. Not the best, but not bad."
Ranma critiqued. "But if you want to challenge my pupil any
more, you must stop holding back."

"But -" Kuno protested, still on the ground. "- if I
unleashed my full prowess, Akane might be injured by my
might. I could never - YAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Akane swung the prostrate Kuno up by his ankles and slammed
him into the ground. "HOW DARE YOU!! <WHAM!!>  YOU START
THIS <WHAM!!> IDIOCY, AND THEN YOU <WHAM!!> TREAT ME LIKE
<WHAM!!> A JOKE!! <WHAM!!> BAKA!! <WHAM!!> BAKA!! <WHAM!!>
BAKA!!"

Ranma chuckled. "Well, we can wait for him to recover before
he resumes challenging you. *If* he can bring himself to
attack you properly."

Kuno, being busy examining the inside of his skull, was
unavailable for comment.

"And just think, Akane-chan," Nabiki commented, taking
Ranma's arm, "if he goes all out the next time you fight, he
might actually win, and then you'll have to date him!"

"NANI?!?"

"A good incentive to improve, na?" Ranma commented. "Um,
this drizzle is getting bad ... mebbe we should get inside
now?"

 * * * * * * * * * *

Soon, the rumors were quashed, and the announcements given.
Akane's sensei in the martial arts - who had pummelled Kuno
in front of the whole school - had not only given his
blessing to the combats for Akane's hand, but was involved
with Nabiki, and thus not a contender! The Horde O' Hentai's
rejoiced and prepared for the morrow.

The hospital called the school, getting Kuno a two-week
absence while his ribs healed. The entire school rejoiced.

 * * * * * * * * * *

The large boar in the woods was tired and hungry, as well as
suffering from a mild infection. All these things made it
ignore its instinctive impulse to avoid human habitation.

The yelling, the screaming, the honking car horns, just made
its rage and confusion worse. It charged about at random,
occasionally trampling some villager.

Then it saw the human with the umbrella. Strangely, he felt
a kinship with this one. He *knew* that this one wasn't a
screaming human or a doesn't-leave-a-boar-alone human. This
one could *help* him!! Squealing gleefully, the boar charged
toward the human boy.

The umbrella came down so quickly, the boar never figured
out that he was dead.

Soon, the umbrella wielder, armed with totally-useless
directions from the villagers, set out in the wrong
direction to find Tokyo.

"Soon, Saotome," Ryoga muttered. "Soon I will find you, and
I will destroy your happiness!"

 * * * * * * * * * *

That evening, Akane had finished putting her hair down
again, and was sneaking food out of the kitchen (although
supper had already been served, Ranma decided that Akane
needed training in Martial Arts Food-Snatching. Thus, Akane
had the unique experience of watching her food evaporate
before she could eat it.) As she assmebled a great leftover-
based meal, Nabiki walked in on her.

"How do you expect to keep your girlish figure if you eat
like that?" Nabiki chided.

"Easy. I won't starve to death." Akane replied.

"Well, if this is any indication, we know how Ranma's table
manners developed."

Akane briefly visalized herself in a red Chinese shirt and
black pants with her hair in a braided pigtail, inhaling
huge amounts of food with vulgar noises.

"Ewwwww!!" she commented.

"Well, you're the one who wants to be the Heir to the
School." Nabiki said. "So Ranma's going to train you as he
sees fit."

"Well, I am *not* going to turn into another Ranma! I'll be
the Heir and new Master, *and* I'll get that Ranma, too!
Watch my dust!" She reached for an eggroll - only to find an
empty plate.

Akane looked around, finally noticing Ranma (whom she would
have *sworn* wasn't there a few seconds ago) licking his
fingers.

"A true Martial Artist should expect an attack at any time.
<burp>" he commented.

"YAAAAHHHH!!!" Akane replied.

Nabiki left the room as Akane began her rapidly-evolving-
routine of trying to kill Ranma while saying very very
unladylike things.


Genma and Soun were cheating at shogi when the sound of
vitriolic commentary came from the kitchen, followed by a
loud girlish cry and the splash of an Akane hitting the koi
pond.

"Her training's coming along well." Soun commented.

"Growf." Genma commented.

--------------------

Next Episode: The Coming of the Lost Boy! Akane faces her
first challenge! (And Kuno returns from ICU!)

--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 4
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
--------------------

SYNOPSIS: Ranma Saotome, sensei to Akane Tendo, has defeated
the imbecilic and possibly inbred Tatewaki Kuno. Nabiki has
made a quiet public claim on the affections of Ranma Saotome
(without Ranma's knowledge). And unknown to all, a Lost Boy
approaches, seeking Ranma on a mission of vengeance...

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane was in a good mood.

She'd been in a *foul* mood since Ranma's 'training' had
begun three days ago. Her nice soft bed was gone, she was
awakened rudely at *dawn* every day and humiliated in his
'sparring', then she had to fight for every single *bite* of
breakfast!

Then there was the morning Horde of Hentai's, to whom Ranma
was giving *pointers* ('To make them give a better workout'
he said)! She'd had to fight harder than she ever did before
to get through them! Then at lunch, Ranma would show up and
they ended up dueling over her bento.

Then after school there was yet another humiliating
'sparring match'. Then they ended up dueling over supper,
too!

Then there were the insults! 'Frilly little housewife', 'too
feminine to be a martial artist', 'weak little girl' - it
was like he was *trying* to goad her into killing him! And
after she got mad, he told her that a *real* martial artist
has better control of their temper!

Along with the rest of the so-called 'training' (jumping off
the roof, running along the fence tops, running blindfolded
through obstacle courses), she was miserable.

But now she'd get rid of him and be avenged in one fell
swoop!

"Problem, Ranma?" she asked, all sweet and helpful.

"I can't seem to find any of my clean clothes."

"Oh really." she said.

"You seen any of my stuff?" he asked, still looking through
his closet.

An image of Ranma's clothes in a box and hidden under the
dojo (where she had put it) flitted through her mind. "How
would I know?" she said. "But - if you really need some help
- I suppose I can get you something to wear."

"Thanks, Akane. You're a lifesaver."

She had a clear image of how everything would unfold ...


<RAMNA-CHAN, wearing one of Akane's schooldresses, comes out
in front of Soun and Genma.>
<SOUN (shocked): What are you *WEARING*?>
<GENMA (equally shocked): There must be some mistake!>
<RANMA-CHAN: I was out of clean clothes ->
<AKANE: But you told me to throw away your guy-clothes. See?
Here they are. (Holds out bundle of Ranma-clothes)>
<GENMA (weeping): My son is a crossdresser! Oh the shame!>
<SOUN (demon-head): Hentai! Get out!>
<SOUN boots RANMA-CHAN to horizon.>
<SOUN (to Akane): I am so sorry, my daughter. Of course
we'll make you the Master and Heir to the School at once!>


Akane walked back to Ranma's room with her spare school
uniform, her head filled with the vision of Ranma out of her
life.

Only to find Nabiki handing Ranma a familiar-looking bundle.

"What - ?"

"Oh, Akane-chan!" Nabiki said cheerfully. "I found Ranma's
clean clothes! What a lucky break, don't you think?"

"Oh yes ... a lucky break ..." Akane moaned. "Excuse me ..."

Ranma looked at Akane as she left his room, her shoulders
slumped. "What's with her?" he asked.

Nabiki shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe she was hoping you'd wear
what she brought you?"

"Why would that matter?"

"Maybe she has a crush on you and wanted to give you a
present?" Nabiki said, smirking. "You *are* quite the
heartbreaker, Ranma-kun. It wouldn't surprise me if she
asked you on a date!"

A look of panic appeared on Ranma's face. "That isn't right.
I'm her sensei! I'd better do something about it."

Nabiki managed to keep from laughing. <Try to get rid of
Ranma? Not while I have use for him, Imouto-chan! Now taste
the Vengeance of Nabiki!> She frowned slightly. <Mental note
- stop hanging around Kuno.>


Akane fumed in her room. Nabiki must have done that on
purpose! How could she?!? She should be *helping* her try to
get rid of him!

A knock at the door shook Akane out of her brooding. She
answered, and found Ranma standing there, looking sheepish.

"Um, Akane?" he said diffidently. "Nabiki told me ... what
you tried to do."

"Nani?" she said. <He knows I tried to humiliate him and get
rid of him?>

"I want you to know that I don't mind -"

<Whew!>

"- and I'm flattered. Really. You *are* cute and all - "

<Huh?>

"But I *am* your sensei -"

<Here it comes. He'll tell Daddy? Start some humiliating
training as punishment?>

"- and it wouldn't be appropriate for us to be dating."

<WHAT?!?>

"So you'll have to get over this crush you have on me -"

Akane roared. "You conceited SON OF A - DIIIEEEEE!!!"


Nabiki listened to Akane attacking her sensei yet again. And
then listened to her fly screaming through the air and hit
the koi pond - yet again. <That'll teach her. Try to screw
around with *my* property, will she?>

"Everything go well, Ranma-kun?" Nabiki asked.

"I think so." he said. "I hope so. I never had to handle
that sort of thing before."

"A good-looking fellow like you? Hard to believe."

Ranma smiled. "The only girl I even knew the name of before
I came here was Shampoo -"

"Shampoo?" Nabiki giggled.

"It's a long story." Ranma said shyly.

"You can tell me while Akane's changing clothes."

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane grumbled all the way to school. She and Ranma went
slowly on top of the fence (she *had* to admit her balance
had improved the past few days) to let Nabiki keep up.

It was bad enough that she had Ranma in her life, but now
he's somehow turned Nabiki against her! When she came down
from changing, they had been talking and giggling together,
sharing some private conversation, going quiet when they saw
her. Obviously they were talking about her!

As they approached the school, the Horde of Hentais prepared
for their assault. Rather then the blind mob of the past,
the divided themselves up by their individual clubs (as per
Ranma's observation that they were helping her by being in
that huge muddle).

Today, the Sumo Club had point, with the Dance Club, the
various sports teams, and the Chemistry Club behind. The
Kendo Club withheld participation, out of respect for their
captain, not due back from the hospital until tomorrow.

Akane snarled. Their new tactics wouldn't help them today.

 * * * * * * * * * *

(Later that day...)

Akane had calmed down a bit by lunch - only to get annoyed
as Ranma stole half her food.

It was annoying for Ranma to be so much better at something
that she had felt was her True Calling (she could admit he
was better - especially since it had been rubbed in her face
for half a week!). It was embarrassing to listen to him
lecture her on the weaknesses in her fight with the Horde
this morning.

And it was especially annoying to watch Nabiki stride up to
him and hold his hand! And him acting like he didn't even
notice! Everyone in school was talking about it, asking
Akane the most embarrassing questions.

Akane was too busy brooding, and Ranma lecturing on the
holes in her defenses, that neither noticed the bandana-clad
boy approaching the school.


Ryoga looked around, not recognizing anything around him
(not that he would, but it was worth a shot). There seemed
to be a lot of young people around. Perhaps one of the would
know.

Grabbing a nearby kid, he asked, "Where is Furinkan High
School?"

The surprised youngster (being held several inches off the
ground by some stranger would surprise most people) pointed
to the sign right besides them.

Ryoga read the sign slowly. "Fu - rin - kan - High School."
A smile spread across his face. "I've finally made it!"

He turned to the student (that he's still holding off the
ground) and asked, "No mistake?"

The student grunted "uh-huh,"

"Where is Ranma Saotome?" he asked.

The student cleared his throat. "Well, Saotome - "

The sound of laughter came from behind them - including a
very familiar-sounding laugh. He turned, to see Ranma
Saotome with a brown-haired girl holding his hand, and
talking to another dark-haired girl by his side.

Ranma the Fiend, Ranma the Inflictor of Curses, who stole
his lunch, his honor, and now was apparently living the high
life as a playboy while he suffered as a wanderer!

"This is the end, Ranma!" he roared, charging toward Ranma,
his umbrella swinging.

Ranma, hearing the yell, shoved Nabiki and Akane away,
sending them flying and leapt straight up, letting the
umbrella pass underneath him, smashing a crater in the
ground. Ranma flipped in mid-air and came down gracefully a
couple of meters away.

"What's the big idea -" Akane began until she saw the hole
in the pavement. <Wow. Strong.>

"I've finally found you, Ranma Saotome!" he snarled. "You
still dodge well."

Nabiki dusted herself off. "Do you know this ... person?"
she asked, annoyed.

Ryoga hefted his umbrella. "I've been waiting for this
moment for a long time."

Akane glared at Ranma. "You know him, don't you?" <How dare
he drag his old enemies into our lives!>

Ranma had a look of confusion on his face. <He looks
familiar... c'mon memory ...>

"You still pretending you don't know me?!?" Ryoga accused.

"C'mon," Akane prompted. "You know him, right?"

Ranma shrugged.

Ryoga had a hurt, incredulous look on his face. "You really
don't remember?" <How dare he not remember me, his greatest
rival!>

"Do you know him?" Akane accused. <At last! Something to pin
on him! Probably something perverted, too!> "Hurry up and
remember!"

"Don't push me, *student*!" Ranma shook his head. "Doesn't
ring a bell."

"ENOUGH!" Ryoga yelled. "But answer this question - Why
didn't you come to fight me on that day?"

"Fight you?" Akane asked. "You miss a fight, *sensei*?" <Did
Ranma run out on a fight? Cowardice - *that* would be enough
to get him kicked out!>

Nabiki saw the way Akane was thinking. "If Ranma didn't show
up for a fight, he would have had a good reason." She looked
up at Ranma. "Right?"

A look of comprehension appeared on Ranma's face. "I've
finally remembered who you are! We were together at Junior
High School!"

"Ryoga Hibiki!" Ryoga said angrily. "At least remember my
name!"

"That's right!" Ranma said cheerfully. "Long time no see!"

"Answer my question! Why didn't you show up!?!"

Ranma looked surprised. "I waited three days for you to show
up!"

"Three days?!?" Akane said. <Damn! Can't claim cowardice
them.>

"And when I arrived on the fourth day, you were gone!" Ryoga
said accusingly.

"The fourth day?" Nabiki said. "What took you so long?"

"I wasn't taking a stroll for my health!" Ryoga retorted.
"You don't know the hardships I endured before I found the
place!"

"It was the vacant lot just behind your house!" Ranma said.

The crowd that had assembled began mumbling. "Can't he
follow directions?" "Seems not." "- no sense of direction -"

"You ran from a challenge and tried to hide in China with
your father!" Ryoga accused.

Ranma smirked. "So you've come to settle the score?" <This
should be interesting.>

Ryoga's face got even more red and angry. "Settle the
score?!  You must be joking. I've come for revenge!"

Ranma looked puzzled. "Revenge? What for? What did I do to
you?"

"Don't act so innocent!" Ryoga retorted. "I'll do whatever
it takes to ruin your happiness!"

Ranma looked even more puzzled. "My happiness?" He glanced
at Akane. "I didn't know I *had* any."

"I certainly hope not." Akane said, smirking. "What did you
do to make him so angry? I thought *I* was your first
student."

"I was wondering myself."

"Stop talking nonsense!" he bellowed. "Defend yourself!"

"Look out!" Nabiki yelled.

Ranma dodged the umbrella again and again, the various blows
damaging the schoolyard walls and the pavement. "Ryoga! What
the hell-" he began. Then a thought struck him.

"Hold on just a minute." he said. "Akane, come on!"

"Wait! What are - YIPE!" she yelled as he dragged her down
the street.

"RANMA! Are you running away again?!?" Ryoga cried.

"We'll be right back!" Ranma cried. "Don't go anywhere!"

A minute later, they came back, Akane carry a big sack.
Ranma threw something toward Ryoga, who caught it in mid-
air.

"Curry bread? What's this?

"Why not settle this with these?" Ranma said.

Ryoga was doing a great job of looking shocked today.
"You've got to be kidding!"

Ranma huffed. "Greedy, ain't'cha? Okay - here!"

He began tossing: "Yaki soba bread, croquette bread, melon
bread, katsu sandwich, meat bread, wakame bread - How's
that? That's all I can remember."

"What on earth are you thinking?!" Ryoga said. "Do you think
this can be resolved with *bread*?"

Akane nodded. "He right! What the hell is this, Ranma?"

"Well," Ranma said, "Ryoga and I were students at an all-
male junior high school. It was kind of a weird place -
every day at lunch, the teachers threw the food out and the
students fought for their lunches like they were at war. I
think Oyaji had something to do with it -"

[FLASHBACK]    

At a junior-high school, a lunch bell chimes and all the
students converge on the cafeteria.

The World's Ugliest Lunch lady takes her cigar out of her
mouth. "All right, everyone - take a good look! This is the
very last curry bread we have!"

She tosses it out amid the sea of students, laughing as the
students start grabbing and snapping like wild animals..

Young Ryoga jumped up. "Got it!"

Abruptly, Young Ryoga was shoved to the floor as Young Ranma
jumped on top of his head and grabbed it.

Ryoga looked up at his oppressor. "You - Who are you?"

"Ranma Saotome."

"Ranma Saotome, I will never forget losing that curry
bread!"

[END FLASHBACK]

Ranma chuckled. "You were so horrified at losing the curry
bread that you cried!"

"Shut up!" Ryoga barked.

Akane shook her head. "Getting that upset over a piece of
food - "

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"But that's not all, *is it* Ranma?" rebutted Ryoga.
"There's more - "

[YET ANOTHER FLASHBACK]

[A slideshow of days in the lunch room]

The Ugly Lunch Lady barked out, "Here's the very last yaki
soba bread!"
"And the very last croquette bread!"
" - last melon bread!"
"Katsu sandwich!"
"- last Meat bread!"

[END FLASHBACK]

Ryoga kept going on. " - Wakame bread, tamago bread, then
there's salad bread, and soup bread. That's all I can
remember."

Nabiki chuckled. "Pile up enough dust, you get a mountain."

"Believe me," Akane said, "I know *exactly* how you feel!
This youma has eaten almost everything in a fifty-kilometer
area! I have to fight for almost every bite!"

"That's part of your training." Ranma said importantly. "If
you want me to stop, then guard your food better."

"We are not here to talk about our fighting over bread!"
Ryoga interrupted.

Ranma looked at Ryoga curiously. "We're not?"

"No, we're not!"

"Then what *are* you here for?"

"I don't have to answer *you*!" Ryoga barked, lunging with
his umbrella like a sword. Ranma dodged to one side.

"Hey! Hold on!" he said. "If I'm going to defeat you in a
casual and humiliating fashion, can't I at least know why?"

"I've gone through hell because of you!"

"I still don't understand!"

"Even if I told you, you'd never understand!" he cried,
popping his umbrella open. With a sweep of his arm, the
umbrella spun like a top straight toward Ranma. Ranma hopped
over it, letting it strike sparks from the wall before
bouncing into the schoolyard, where it cut down a tree.

"Damn!" Ryoga snapped, "Missed him!" He looked around
frantically. "Ranma! Where are you?!"

Akane tried to point to the top of the wall, where Ranma was
perched, but Nabiki grabbed her arm. Ryoga ran toward the
school building, not even slowing down.

"Ranma! Ranma! Where are you?! Show yourself!" he cried,
eventually wandering out of sight.

Ranma hopped down. "Heh-heh-heh! One dependable thing about
Ryoga - his sense of direction. It'll take him a few days to
find his way back."

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ranma-onna, Nabiki, and Akane were still talking about it
when they got home.

"C'mon!" Akane said. "I *know* how nasty you are to *me*!
You must have done something terrible to him!"

"I keep telling you, I don't have any idea!" Ranma insisted.
"And I'm not 'nasty' to you - you would understand that if
you were a *real* martial artist and not just playing at a
hobby!"

"GRRRAARRR!!" Akane replied, swinging at him - only to find
herself hanging upside-down by her ankles, not exactly sure
how she got that way. (She thanked the kamis that she had
started wearing shorts under her skirt. Last thing she
wanted was to give a free show - again.)

"Akane, leave it alone!" Nabiki insisted. <Nabiki the Nice
Girl giving a show of support and trust, very timely -
thanks, Imouto-chan.> "You shouldn't harass your sensei like
that."

"Oh, it's all right." Ranma said, dropping Akane on her head
with a loud 'bonk'.

"ITE!!" Akane protested.

"I don't pay any attention to it." Ranma continued. "Y'know,
Oyaji's right - your student's protests begin to sound like
the buzzing of mosquitoes after a while."

Nabiki giggled. "You're so clever, Ranma-kun."

Akane felt nauseous at her sister's display. <She *does* lay
it on thick, doesn't she? And he just laps it up!>

 * * * * * * * * * *

Stumbling through the woods, Ryoga blundered upon a road.
The roadsign nearby was no help because Ryoga never learned
to read Russian.

"WHERE AM I NOW!?! RANMA THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!"

Ryoga kicked a tree, causing it to fall over.

"I've *got* to get my revenge! I'll ruin his life - I swear
it!"

--------------------

To Be Continued

--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 5
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
--------------------

"C'mon you lazy excuse for a student!" Ranma said through a
mouthful of potato chips. "Is that the best you can do?"

Akane grunted under the weight of the sofa that Ranma was
lying on as she completed her third circuit of the block.
"I've taken twelve seconds off my time!" she complained.

"And it's still not good enough! <burp>"

"*You* try this with these damn metal weights attached to
*your* ankles!"

"I *did* do it - I was only eight years old, and in half the
time, carrying Oyaji, through a swamp, *And* being chased by
wolves!"

"Pity they didn't catch you." she commented snidely.

"They did. Maybe later I'll show you my scars. Now *run*!
You have seven more laps before breakfast!"

<'Show you my scars' - I've heard *that* one before!> With a
huff, she resumed her run.

"YAAAAAHHHH!!" Genma cried, flying toward his seated son.

Ranma flipped up into the air and came down in crane
position on the armrest. Genma twisted around and came down
on the cushions. "How dare you steal the good laying-down
seat?" Genma barked around a mouthful of potato chips.

"Ugh!" Akane grunted under the suddenly-doubled weight,
desperately staggering trying to keep her balance.

"Hey I'm using that to train my student!" Ranma snapped.

"Not doing it right, boy! Where's the swamp?"

"She's *my* student, Oyaji! The swamp comes later!"

"You tell him, sensei!" Akane cheered. <Oh god, I'm cheering
*for* him! I'm losing it!>

"And there aren't any wolves!" Genma protested.

"Yeek!" Akane yeeked. <He was *serious*??>

"Wolves are hard to get in Tokyo!" Ranma argued. "The rats
are incentive enough!"

"Yeah!" said Akane. "Wait a sec ... what rats?"

"Oh I almost forgot. Look over your shoulder."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"


Nabiki watched as Akane zipped past the front gate carrying
the sofa from the den, with what looked like Genma and Ranma
fighting on it. She was running like someone had tied rats
to her hair or something.

Nabiki couldn't help but smile. She loved her little sister,
but the little princess was spoiled. Seeing her around a guy
who didn't let her get away with acting like a brat did
Nabiki no end of good.

Akane passed by the front gate again. <Damn she's fast.>
Nabiki thought. <Still screaming, too.> Nabiki turned back
to her book, tuning out her sister's screams.

Ranma was right ... it *did* begin to sound like the buzzing
of mosquitoes after a while.


After the tenth lap, Ranma undid the rats and let Akane
rest. She glared at the bane of her existence.

"What was the point of *that*!?!" she demanded. "Getting
your fun?!?"

"Nope." Ranma answered calmly. "Enhanced endurance training.
You noticed that you were running full-tilt the whole way?
Not getting tired or slowing down?"

"I ... yeah." she gasped. "But I'm exhausted now."

"Your adrenal response kicked in." Ranma explained. "Ancient
Cappadocian swordsmen could fight for days at peak
performance, not even sleeping, until they simply died from
exhaustion, never showing any weakening.

"When your training is advanced enough, you'll be able to
summon that response at will. You'll be able to fight at
peak efficiency without tiring for hours at a stretch,
putting off exhaustion and slowing down until *you* decide
it's safe."

Akane thought of this. "Wow." she commented. <It almost
makes sense.>

"Now boy," Genma said, "time for *your* training!"

"Wha- YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" <SPLASH!!>

"You're DEAD, Oyaji!!" Ranma-chan cried, leaping to the
attack.

For the first time, Akane watched her despised sensei work
out with his father. The graceful leaps, the swift flurry of
blows, the instinctive speed of blocks and parries ... too
tired to deceive herself, she had to admit that they were
both magnificent.

It would make her eventual defeat of Ranma that much
sweeter. She could see it now ...

<RANMA lay on the ground, AKANE'S foot on his head, his
limbs all twisted at unnatural angles.>
<AKANE: Well, 'sensei'?>
<RANMA: *groan* I admit defeat. You're the better martial
artist, Akane-san.>
<AKANE: Anything else?>
<RANMA: I'm sorry I called you a cute frilly little girl.
You're an macho tomboy after all ->

Akane snapped out of her daydream. <How the hells have I
gotten to the point where I'd *want* to be called a tomboy?>
she wondered. <It's all Ranma-youma's fault! His torture is
affecting my brain! I've got to take control!>

Akane stumbled to her feet and staggered inside.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ranma-chan and Genma-panda walked in, wet and tired. Kasumi
smiled as she poured the warm water over them. She'd quickly
found the optimum temperature of water to change them back
without pain or injury.

"Arigato, Kasumi-san."

"Quite all right, Ranma-kun. Oh, you have a letter from
Ryoga Hibiki." she said, handing him the note.

"From Ryoga?" Ranma said curiously. He opened it and found
it was a 'hatashi-jo' - a letter of challenge.

Nabiki peered over his shoulder, reading the note. "He's
very vindictive, Ranma-kun. It's not normal. What does he
think you did?"

Ranma shook his head. "I can't figure it out."

Nabiki looked at the note. "Ranma, according to this, you
were supposed to fight him yesterday."

Ranma nodded. "It's okay. He has no sense of direction, so
he's probably still out in the wilderness somewhere. I'll
give him until Friday."

Kasumi's eyes expanded in shock. "OH DEAR!!" she exclaimed.

Ranma and Nabiki and the two fathers turned to the door and
saw ... Akane.

With her long mass of hair - now severed - in her left hand,
scissors in her right, and a maniacal grin on her face.

"Hee-hee-hee! You can't do anything now, can you, Ranma-
youma!?! No more giving me silly hairstyles or tying rats in
my hair or making mud-castles on my head - BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-
HA-HA!!!"

Nabiki got behind Ranma. "Oh god she's finally lost it!"

"Don't worry." Ranma reassured Nabiki. "It's just exhaustion
- did something like it during my enhanced endurance
training. Something about fatigue poisoning. She'll be
alright with a nap and a hot meal."

"But she has to go to school!" Kasumi protested.

"We'll tell them Akane had a training accident, and she'll
be in late." Nabiki said. "It's even true, if you think
about it."

"Well, then, you two go to school, and I'll take care of
Akane-chan." Kasumi said with a smile. "And I'll try to do
something with her hair." <What's left of it.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ranma walked on the fence, with Nabiki on the street
alongside. She was engrossed in a book.

"Wha'cha readin', Nabiki?" he asked, curious.

"A book on folk magic," she said. "I figure if we're going
to have some people with curses around, I might as well
study up on magic."

"Oh. Makes sense." he said. "Anything about removing curses
in there?"

"Afraid not. This just talks about various folk magic
traditions." Nabiki looked thoughtful. "I wonder if Tofu-
sensei has any *real* books?"

"Be careful with that stuff, Nabiki." Ranma said. "Magic can
be dangerous - and once you get some on you, you get more
whether you want it or not. Believe me, I know."

"Yeah, you are the expert." she acknowledged. "What other
magic do you have besides the Jusenkyo curse?"

He turned toward Nabiki. "Who told you about that?" he
asked, alarmed.

"You did. You said you knew that once you get magic, more is
attracted. You said it like you had experience."

He looked around sheepishly, then hopped down besides her.
"My own big mouth. Promise you won't tell?"

"You know *me*, Ranma-kun." Nabiki said, all innocent. <Of
course, if he *did* know me, he wouldn't turn his back on me
... better not think of that.>

"Well ... okay." he said. Then he undid his braid.

Nabiki watched with astonishment as his hair *GREW*, visibly
getting longer. For a brief second Ranma allowed it to grow,
then quickly tightened the string he had in the braid,
making it stop. It was now almost down to his waist.

As he deftly re-braided it, Nabiki just stammered. "H-how?"

"Just after Jusenkyo, I accidentally got a hold of some
Dragon-Hair soup." he explained. "I was starved, and ate it
before I knew what it was. It's a magical baldness cure. On
girls it does nothing, so it doesn't affect me in girl form.
On bald guys, it gives them hair. On a guy with all his hair
... well, you saw."

"Wow." Nabiki commented.

"If I let it grow, I'd eventually 'grow out' every bit of
hair I ever could, and be as bald as Oyaji. Of course, I'd
be crushed to death by my own hair first." He pulled out a
pair of scissors. "D'you mind?"

"Oh Sure." With a quick snip, Nabiki cut Ranma's pigtail to
its original length.

"Only the Dragon Hair I use to tie it with keeps it from
growing." he explained.

"Wait a second." Nabiki said. "That string is the hair of a
*dragon*? A real *dragon*?"

"Yeah - a shin lung, I think." he commented. "One of the
chin hairs. Why?"

"Of course." she said, mostly to herself. "Magic springs
that turn people into pandas and girls, spells that make
hair grow ... why not dragons?"

"Is something wrong?" he said.

"Oh nothing much," she said. "It's just sinking in that
everything I ever knew is entirely wrong."

"Oh." Ranma said. Since he felt like that on a regular
basis, he didn't think it was too odd.


As they approached the school, Ranma and Nabiki noticed Kuno
standing near the front door. Ranma smiled. "Hey, Kuno!
Waitin' for Akane?"

Kuno looked snotty as possible (which was very) and gazed
levelly at Ranma. "Greetings, Saotome." he said.

"Gonna try to get Akane again?" he asked casually.

"Of course. Do you seek to stop me?" He raised his bokuto to
the ready position.

"Of course not. As her sensei, I encourage my students to
seek out challenges. But one thing - Remember how mad she
got when she figured out you had been holding back?"

"Yes." he sighed. "Oh the power of her righteous fury!" he
said in a low voice, a strange smile on his face.

<Oh crap,> Ranma thought. <He's one of those freaks who
likes being hit. Could be trouble.> "Well, you *did* insult
both her skill as a martial artist *and* her family, since
she is the heir to the Tendo-ryu."

"I but sought to avoid harming her -"

"Doesn't matter. She's a martial artist. You should respect
her and her abilities - and fight to the best of your
ability. She'd understand if she was injured in a challenge
- but she *won't* understand a challenger who insults her
skill."

"Yes." Kuno agreed, nodding. "You are quite correct. Then I
shall make amends to the fair Akane - by defeating her in
honorable combat, and then by dating with her!"

"That's the spirit!" Ranma said. "Good luck, pal!"

Nabiki got out a megaphone. "ATTENTION ALL YOU HENTAIS!! DUE
TO A SMALL ACCIDENT, MY SISTER AKANE WILL BE LATE ARRIVING!"

A disappointed 'Aw!' came from the assembled Horde o'
Hentais.

"HOWEVER, YOU CAN ATTACK AS USUAL WHEN SHE ARRIVES AT
LUNCHTIME!"

"Yaaay!" cheered the Horde o' Hentais.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane walked calmly up to the school. She was still
embarrassed by the little episode she had this morning, but
Tofu-sensei had said it was a reaction to lack of sleep and
adjusting to her new training regimen.

<Which all means that Ranma drove me crazy! I *will* get
him! I *will* be avenged on him! I *will* go medieval on his
ass and smear him into a thin watery paste!>

As Akane vowed vengeance upon her sensei yet again, she
almost didn't notice the assembled hentais, the Cricket Team
in the lead.

Almost.

A backhand blow knocked the cricket bat away, and with her
other hand she grabbed her assailant by the waistband and
heaved him off his feet. Charging forward with a bloody
scream, she used the cricketer as a battering ram, plowing
through the middle of the Horde.

She slammed through the Cricket Team and the Dance Club,
then bounded off the Sumo Team, their arms locked together,
forming a solid human wall. (A really *ugly* one, too.)

Taking her battering ram, she hurled it at their faces, then
dived between the legs of the Sumo Captain, using her elbow
to inflict a very unfair injury upon him as she passed.

As the Sumo Captain collapsed to the ground, he dragged the
rest of the sumo team with him. Grabbing the sumo on the end
by the ankles, she swung him in great arcs, bludgeoning
several boys with each sweep, finishing off the rest of her
challengers in a matter of seconds.

Dropping her weapon to the ground, she put up a hand and
caught the rose, crushing it in her hand.

"Truly a boorish lot." quoth Kuno. "Thinking that by such
tactics that common louts could capture the radiance of
heaven." He looked at Akane's hair. "Truly, your new
hairstyle, though mannishly short, doth highlight the
perfection of thy features."

"Yeah, yeah," Akane said. "Let's get it over with."

<THWACK!!><THWACK!!><THWACK!!><THWACK!!>

"ITE!!" Akane cried. <He ... hit me! And it *hurt*, too!>

"I have learned the error of my ways, fair Akane! Now I see
that only a true example of my great might and skill will
persuade thee! HAVE AT THEE!!"

Only one thing crossed Akane's mind before the attack began
in earnest:

<Kuso.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Hey, Ranma!" Daisuke yelled, jogging through the hall to
catch up with Ranma.

"Yo, man!" Ranma greeted.

"Hey, Ranma, can you do me a favor?"

"What kind of favor?"

"I was wondering if you could talk to Nabiki about giving me
an extension on my loan?"

Ranma looked curious. "Shouldn't you talk to Nabiki about
that?"

"Well, I figured you'd have a better chance to convince her
- you *are* her boyfriend and all-"

"What?" Ranma couldn't look more surprised if Daisuke had
sprouted an extra head. "Who told you I'm Nabiki's
boyfriend??"

The boys failed at this point to notice Nabiki approaching.

Daisuke looked confused. "Well, everyone knows it. You two
walk around holding hands and whispering together -"

"Look, Daisuke." Ranma stated. "I'm not *anyone's*
boyfriend! Got that! Nabiki and I are just friends!"

"Uh - ohayo, Nabiki-san."

Ranma turned around and saw Nabiki standing behind them.

<Chikuso!> Nabiki thought. <Blew it wide open, didn't you,
punk? Oh well, just have to use the contingency plan.>

"B-but Ranma - I thought that you - that we -
WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" And she ran away, hands over her face.

"What happened?" Ranma asked.

A girl who had been watching smacked him on the head.
"Insensitive blockhead! She was in love with you and you
broke her heart!"

Ranma was shocked. <She WHAT?? I thought she was just trying
to be nice- and she was holding my hand a lot - and - >

He sprinted after Nabiki. "Nabiki! Wait!"

By the front doors, Nabiki stopped. <I hope I judged his
reaction to tears well. Gotta make it look good.>
"WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"Nabiki!" Ranma cried out.

"I thought you *liked* me! I thought you *cared*!! How could
you?!? WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"I - I didn't know! I'm sorry!"

"How could you treat me like that? You meanie!"

Ranma, at this moment, felt like the biggest heel in the
world. <Nabiki's a friend! She's been so nice since I got
here - and I made her cry. Saotome, you're the world's
biggest baka.>

"Nabiki?"

"What?" she sniffed. <Reeling him in ...>

"Don't cry. I didn't know I was your boyfriend. I was so
wrapped up in training Akane, I didn't see you - but you're
a nice person - and you *are* really cute - and I wouldn't
mind - I mean, I -"

"Apology accepted." And she hugged him.

Ranma still wasn't sure what had just happened. "Uh, Nabiki?
Does this mean I'm your boyfriend?"

"Yup." <Gawd, wotta sucker.>

"And you're my girlfriend?"

"Yeah." <Say, this hugging thing feels really nice - focus,
girl.>

"What does that *mean*, really?"

Coming from anyone else, Nabiki would have considered that a
deep philosophical question. But she knew that with Ranma,
raised for all practical intents and purposes with no female
contact, it meant exactly that. He was totally ignorant.

"I'll explain it tonight when we're alone." she said coyly.

"Oh. Okay." said the naive Saotome.

Nabiki smiled. She'd already experienced a forty percent
increase in revenue since his arrival - selling pictures of
hi (male and female) to various parties, biographies of him
to various girls (and certain guys), even some kickbacks
from the coaches who were expecting him to try out for the
school gymnastics and karate teams.

She figured she could cement control over this asset and
have a bit of fun, too. After tonight, he'd be hers.

So why did she have this sudden hollow feeling in her
stomach?

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane blocked the bokuto again and again, sending shooting
pains through her forearms. All her previous tactics that
had worked against Kuno were useless. He really had been
holding back. A *lot*! And her alleged sensei hadn't taught
her one new move or technique!

Akane found herself giving ground before Kuno. Panic struck
her. <If he wins ... he'll try to take me on a date!!> The
nausea this thought induced made her stomach churn. Combined
with her physical state and the exertion she had been
undergoing ...

<BLEAURGH!!!>

Kuno stared down in shock at the vile, rancid, hideous stain
on his clothes. "EEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!" he commented.

Akane took advantage of his shock and delivered a piledriver
that, while weaker than normal, still sent Kuno to
dreamland.

"That, Kuno-sempai," Akane commented to the carcass, "is why
it's called 'Anything-Goes'." Picking up Kuno's bokuto, she
unsteadily rose to her feet and sought out her sensei.

Easy enough to find - there he was, walking out the front
door, holding hands with her sister.

"SAOTOME!!" she cried, raising the bokuto.

"Hi, Akane." he said casually. "How'd the fight with Kuno
go?"

"Nabiki! Get away from him so I can kill him!" Akane barked.

"What? Did you lose?" Nabiki asked.

"No, I won - but only because I barfed on him!"

Nabiki's eyes got big in surprise, then a highly-amused grin
covered her face. "I have *got* to see this! I wonder if
Kikuko got it on the tape?"

As Nabiki trotted off, Akane began swinging.

And swinging. And swinging. And swinging. And swinging.

And for some reason, never connected.

"Hey, I like the way Kasumi fixed your hair. Really cute."
he remarked.

"Sit still so I can kill you!"

Ranma suddenly twisted and was inside her guard, then was
tickling her.

She tried to keep control, then couldn't help it. She
dropped the weapon, then started doubling over and laughing.

"Stop!!" she shrieked. "StopitStopitStopitStopit!!"

"Okay." he said. As he stopped, he nudged her slightly,
causing her to fall. She windmilled her arms, but lost her

balance and fell on her butt.

 * * * * * * * * * *

(Later that day)

Ryoga stumbled through the diabolically clever maze (a
straight alleyway), finally accidentally locating the
entrance and stumbling into the street.

He noticed a boy nearby wearing the Furinken School uniform.
Grabbing the boy, he asked, "Where's Furinken High School?"

"Hey, you're that nut that tried to beat up Saotome the
other day!", the not-bright boy stated.

"Yeah, and this time he won't escape me!" Then Ryoga figured
out that this boy had just called him a nut. "HEY!!"

"And when he won, I lost five hundred yen!" the boy
complained. "Not to mention he's made the life of the woman
I love a living hell! I want revenge!"

"Me too!!" Ryoga agreed. "Now where's the school?"

"School's over today - won't be open until Monday." He
smiled slyly. "But I can take you to where he lives."

"Lead the way, pal!" Ryoga agreed.

"Right this way. Oh, I'm Hikaru Gosunkugi."

"Ryoga Hibiki. Glad to meetcha."

 * * * * * * * * * *

(Later that night)

Ranma went through the videotape with Akane, pointing out
the flaws in her technique, making her fume. Her whole
family watching, with her father and Uncle Genma laughing at
the part where she ralfed on Kuno, wasn't helping her ego,
either.

"And a fat lot of good your 'training' was, O Mighty
Sensei!" she growled.

"Oh yes it was." Ranma insisted.

"How??"

"Kuno went all out, but he hardly penetrated your defense."
Ranma explained. "When I arrived, your defense was pathetic.
That initial strike would have penetrated your defense back
then. If he had gone full-tilt from the first time he met
you, you'd be 'Mrs Akane Kuno' already."

The thought made Akane shudder.

"By the way, that 'Anything-Goes Breakfast-Exposure Defense'
was a good improvisation -"

"Gee, thanks." Akane sarcasmed.

"- but I don't think it'll work a second time." he
continued. "I think you're ready to learn the Ja Jinku no
Apache."

[Author's Note: I don't speak Japanese, so let me know if I
botched it.]

Akane couldn't remember any maneuver of that name. "What is
the Apache's Lively Dance of the Snake?"

"That's the defense maneuver I use - the one you can't hit."

Akane's eyes got wide. <At last! I'm getting something
useful out of this baka!> "Okay! Let's go to the dojo -"

"Tomorrow, teishi. I have to get the ... teaching aids
first."

"But-" <Calm, Akane, calm. Use him, learn his techniques,
and then crush him like a bug.> "Hei, sensei." She thought
about it. "What's an 'Apache'?"

"A tribe of the American Ainu." Ranma explained. "I learned
the technique from an ancient red-skinned man in the Nevada-
ken of America when I was about eleven."

Nabiki looked at Ranma sideways. "You studied martial arts
in *America*?"

Ranma shrugged. "America, Canada, Korea, China, Vietnam,
Russia, Mexico, wherever Oyaji found a new technique."

"Hmph." Akane said, unsuccessfully hiding her envy at
someone who got hauled over half the planet learning martial
arts.

Nabiki snuggled close. "You've *got* to tell us about it,
Ranma-kun."

Ranma flushed at the attention Nabiki was giving him. Akane,
however, was nauseated.

"Oh yes, Ranma-kun," Akane squealed in imitation of Nabiki,
"Babble on like an idiot while my hormones rot my brain, you
manly man you!"

"Akane!" chided Kasumi. "You should be happy that your
sister finally has a boyfriend, not jealous!"

"I am not jealous of Nabiki and that creep!" she protested.

"So you're over that crush you had on me?" Ranma asked.

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean ... AAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!" Akane
clenched her fists in frustration.

"Personally, I'm glad that Nabiki has a boyfriend." Kasumi
said cheerfully. "Not to mention glad that Daddy was wrong
about her being a lesbian."

Nabiki glared death at her father, who tried to look
innocent.

"I'll deal with *you* later." Nabiki promised her father,
making him cringe. "Right now, I want time alone with my
boyfriend."

"But-" Ranma said nervously.

"Talk later. Come." Nabiki insisted, hauling Ranma to the
porch.

"Hmph." Akane commented.

The two fathers looked at each other and smiled.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"At last" Ryoga crowed, "We've found it!"

"We would have been here hours ago if you hadn't gotten us
lost!" Gosunkugi protested.

"Hey! It's not easy to find this place, y'know!"

"It's less than half a kilometer from the school! In a
straight line! You can see the clock tower!"

Ryoga shrugged it off. "That doesn't matter now. Ranma is
*here*! I'll avenge my honor and free your girlfriend at a
single stroke!"

"She's not exactly my -" Gosunkugi began, but a scenario
entered his mind ...

<AKANE answers her front door, to find GOSUNKUGI standing
there with an urn in his hand.>
<AKANE (blushing and fluttering her eyelashes): Why Hikaru-
kun! Whatever are *you* doing here?>
<GOSUNKUGI: I helped get rid of Ranma! You can live in
peace! Here's his body! (He hands AKANE the urn)>
<AKANE: I love you, Hikaru-kun!>
<AKANE and GOSUNKUGI kiss.>

"What are you waiting for!?!" Gosunkugi protested. "Go get
him! Sic 'im!! Charge!!"

Ryoga unholstered his combat umbrella and charged into the
Tendo yard ... and promptly got lost.

--------------------
To Be Continued


--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 6
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
--------------------

SYNOPSIS: Ryoga Hibiki has allied himself with Hikaru
Gosunkugi, and they have come to the Tendo Dojo to do in
Ranma. However, Gosunkugi had no way of knowing about the
Hibiki Curse...

 * * * * * * * * * *

Gosunkugi noted Hibiki wandering past the front gate for the
fifth time. <How can anyone have such a lousy sense of
direction?> he wondered. <Does he have a gypsy curse or
something?>

"What are you doing, you idiot?" Gosunkugi barked.

"Trying to find the house!" Ryoga protested. "They can't
hide it from me forever!"

Gosunkugi pointed to the house.

Ryoga looked over and almost jumped out of his skin. "Where
did *that* come from?!?" he asked in shock.

Gosunkugi shook his head. "Do you need a guide dog or
something?"

"No thanks," Ryoga answered. "I've got a guide dog." He
looked sad. "Or I used to. But I lost him."

"Why doesn't this surprise me?" He turned Ryoga toward the
house and nudged him in the proper direction. "There! Go!"

Ryoga grumbled and started walking.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Okay," Ranma said, reading the notes he had taken, "I'm
supposed to - as your boyfriend - take you to meals, get you
presents, protect you from violence, shake down delinquent
debtors, and try out for all the sports teams that you hold
betting concessions on."

"You're a good listener, Ranma-kun," Nabiki agreed. <This is
like shooting fish in a barrel.>

"And what do you do? Being a girlfriend, an' all?"

Nabiki smiled, eased herself into his lap, put her arms
around his neck, and kissed him.

Ranma's lips ... did nothing. Nabiki broke the kiss and
looked at him; his pig-tail was standing straight up, his
eyes were huge, and he was sweating like he was being
roasted.

<Interesting reaction,> she noted. "Did you like that?" she
whispered.

"Eep," he squeaked.

<Hmmm... might have to use stronger measures to get him to
fall.>

 * * * * * * * ** * * *

Kasumi took the tea set back to the kitchen, a pleasant
smile on her face (gee, big surprise). She contemplated
innocently going out on the porch to ask Nabiki and Ranma if
they wanted some tea (and to keep ... improprieties from
taking place; teenagers require chaperonage, after all).

It turned out not to be necessary.

Ranma and Nabiki were in the kitchen - rather, Nabiki was
trying to talk Ranma off the top of the refrigerator.

"Please come down, Ranma!"

"Eeep!"

"Is there a problem?" Kasumi asked in a sweet tone of voice.

Nabiki flinched as she heard the unexpected voice. "K-k-
kasumi-oneechan! No! Nothing's the matter!" <Damn, this is
embarassing.>

Kasumi looked at the martial artist cowering atop the
refrigerator. "Did something scare you, Ranma-kun?"

"I - er, I - that is -" Ranma explained clearly.

"Did Nabiki ... surprise you?" she asked tactfully.

"Yeah!" Ranma agreed, grabbing the face-saving
interpretation. "She surprised me!"

Kasumi turned to her sister. "Nabiki-chan, you shouldn't
surprise him like that. He *is* a martial artist, and his
trained reflexes make being surprised a dangerous thing."

"Hai, Oneechan." Nabiki said, nodding.

"Now, don't you think you should apologize for alarming
Ranma-kun?"

Nabiki nodded. "Ranma, I'm sorry for surprising you."

"And?" Kasumi said.

"And ... I promise that I won't stick my tongue in your
mouth anymore."

"Oh my." Kasumi commented.

Ranma stayed where he was.

"And I won't touch you ... there any more," Nabiki added.

<It looks like I was right to be worried,> Kasumi thought,
<Just not the way I expected.>

Ranma climbed down. "I wasn't scared or nothin'," he said
arrogantly. "It's just ... uh ... "

"It wouldn't be proper so soon," Kasumi said helpfully.

"Yeah! That's it!" he agreed heartily. "We've been boyfriend
and girlfriend just a day! It wouldn't be right for me to
... to take advantage an' all."

"I suppose not," Nabiki said. <Wuss.>

As Ranma and Kasumi got a fresh pot of tea ready, Nabiki
shook her head, annoyed and shocked at how badly she had
miscalculated. <This is ridiculous! I know he was raised
isolated from females, but he's got to have urges!>

A notion hit her. <Child athletes often have delays in
maturity due to the stress of constant exercise. Could
Ranma's unique childhood have ... delayed his sexual
development somehow? I'll have to ask Tofu-sensei.>


Kasumi looked at Ranma as he prepared the tea set. Such
integrity in a young boy (a young man, she corrected
herself) was quite rare. True, his manners were atrocious,
but he had other admirable qualities. Nabiki could have done
worse.

Perhaps with a bit of coaching, he could shape up nicely. If
Nabiki married, then she could take over as the mistress of
the house, and Kasumi could go somewhere else. *Anywhere*
else. And abandon this madhouse to live her own life!

"Um, did I do something wrong, Kasumi?" Ranma asked.

Kasumi shook herself out of her reverie. "Nothing, Ranma-
kun, just thinking."

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane heard the footsteps coming up the stairs.

Since Ranma did the most sweating (except for herself and
Kasumi), he usually took a bath first.

She had everything ready. This time it would be perfect.
Nabiki wouldn't spoil *this* plan!

She could see it now...

<RANMA comes to the bathroom door and sees that the
'Occupied' sign is off. He undresses and goes to have a
bath. Inside, AKANE is stepping from the furo.>
<AKANE (very loudly): Ranma! Whatever are you doing here??>
<RANMA: But I->
<AKANE: EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!>
<SOUN (charging in, demon-head): HENTAI!! HOW DARE YOU TRY
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AKANE!!>
<SOUN kicks RANMA out the window.>

<Heh-heh-heh,> she chuckled to herself. <This can't miss! No
way Tousan would let him stay if he tried something with
me!>

She heard the door open behind her. "Ranma!" she said in a
very loud, unconvincing voice, "Whatever are you doing in
here??"

"I came in to wash up," Soun said.

"DADDY!!" Akane shouted, whirling around. "Where's Ranma?!?"

"I believe he's still with your sister," Soun replied.
"Were you expecting him?"

"Ah - ah - y'see -"

"Akane-chan," Soun said gravely, "while having affection for
your sensei is a good thing, trying to tempt your sensei
sexually is simply not appropriate. Especially when he's in
a relationship with your sister."

"But - but -" Akane sputtered.

"Now put up the 'Occupied' sign, finish your bath, and let's
hear no more of this."


As he shut the door, Soun couldn't help smiling. Not one but
*two* of his daughters were interested in the boy!

Genma was right, now that he thought of it - in all
likelihood, all three would have rejected him if they had
tried to force the boy on them. Now, it seems that without
any effort on the part of the fathers, the boy was drawing
them in like a magnet!

Nabiki zipped past him in the hallway. "'Scuse me, Daddy,"
she mumbled in passing.


Akane growled, foamed at the mouth, and ripped up bathroom
fixtures. Her own *father* thought that *she* had a crush on
that bastard Saotome!

"I'll get you, Ranma! No matter what, I'll get you!"

"Ah, Akane-chan?"

Akane turned toward Nabiki, who was standing in the door.

"I thought you got over this silly crush. I know Ranma's
really cute, but he's your sensei, not to mention my
boyfriend."

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!"

 * * * * * * * * * *

(Several hours later...)

Gosunkugi tapped Ryoga on the shoulder.

"Gosunkugi? How did you manage to find me?"

"This way," he sighed, leading Ryoga by hand to the Tendo
house.

"Now, Ranma's room is there -" <pointing> "- on the second
floor."

Ryoga looked curiously at Gosunkugi. "How do you know where
he sleeps?"

<Because I was photographing Akane getting ready for bed -
no, don't tell him that -> "I was trying to make sure ...
Ranma didn't try to take advantage of Akane! Yeah, that's
plausible."

Ryoga, being gullible and unobservant, fell for the blatant
lie. He nodded and hopped up to the eaves before the window.

"I'll get him while he's asleep! He won't escape my
vengeance this time!"

Ryoga climbed into the dark room, umbrella at the ready. He
noted the panda sleeping nearby. <Aha! Proof of his guilt!
The dumb beast is his accomplice!>

Carefully creeping up to the sleeping martial artist, he
raised his umbrella and struck!

Ranma's arm swung as he turned over, deflecting the
umbrella.

Ryoga raised the umbrella and swung again.

Ranma rolled over, the umbrella striking the place where his
head had been a second before.

He swung the umbrella again and again. Again and again,
Ranma casually shifted, dodging, deflecting and blocking
every blow.

<He *CAN'T* be this good! He will *NOT* beat me in his
sleep!> Raising his foot, Ryoga attempted to stomp on
Ranma's sleeping head.

Ranma rolled over again, his elbow catching Ryoga in the
descending ankle, sending the Lost Boy tumbling onto the
panda.

<WHOMP!> went the panda-sign.


Gosunkugi waited outside for the Lost Boy to eliminate his
nemesis, he who was making Akane miserable (and who had lost
him money, too!). He wondered what was taking Hibiki so
long.

<Could he have gotten lost crossing the room?> Gosunkugi
wondered.

Then a screaming figure flew out of the window, followed by
another figure. A splash was heard.

The panda leaned out the window, snarling angrily. The sign
he waved read, [Keep it quiet! People are trying to sleep!].

A cute (and *really* well-built) girl wearing boxers and a
t-shirt stomped out of the pond. "What the hell is going on
here?!?" she demanded.

Gosunkugi just stared (even in the half-light from the moon
and streetlights, the girl's body in those wet clothes ...
he could feel his complexion clearing). It was the Mystery
Girl in those photos that Nabiki had been selling.

"So, Ranma, you change into a girl now," Ryoga sneered. "A
fitting curse, since you fight like a girl. And final proof
of your guilt!"

<'CURSE'?> Gosunkugi's mind reeled. For years, he'd tried to
tap into the power of voodoo, attempting to invoke spirits
to curse his enemies, but at some level, he really didn't
*believe*.

Ranma-chan and Ryoga circled each other warily, seeking an
opening.

"Why the hell are you after me, Ryoga?" Ranma-chan demanded.

"You put me through hell, Saotome!"

"What the hell are you *talking* about!?!"

Ryoga scowled. "After you ran out on our duel, I followed
you to get my revenge! I followed you all the way to China!"

A look of comprehension crossed Ranma-chan's face. "You fell
in Jusenkyo, didn't you?"

"And it was all your fault!"

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Akane!" Kasumi said fearfully, shaking her sleeping sister.

"Damn it Ranma, lemme sleep ..." Akane mumbled.

"It's me - Kasumi!" she whispered urgently.

"Whaddaya wan'?" Akane incoherently said.

"There's a prowler in the house!"

Akane snapped awake. "Are you sure?"

"I heard a crash from out back! I think he's in the yard
now!"

Akane went to the window. "Hey, there *is* someone there!"

"I knew it!" Kasumi hissed. "A prowler - with a backpack for
his stolen goods!"

"I'll get him!" Akane stated, climbing out the window. <At
last - a chance to beat on someone without that damn Ranma
getting in the way!>

"No, Akane! Don't go out there!"

"YAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Akane cried, leaping toward the intruder,
her body aligned with her leg and foot, aiming for his head.

He barely had time to turn before forty-five kilos of
extremely well-muscled girl slammed into his face.

"HAH! Got you, bastard!" Akane crowed. "Rob our place, will
you?"

"Got him good, too," Ranma-chan commented.

Akane jumped. "What are you doing here, Ranma?" she said.

"I *was* fighting Ryoga here - before you jumped in."

Akane lifted up the unconscious head. "You're right. What
was he doing here?"

"Throwing me from my bedroom window, apparently."

Nabiki came charging out, "Don't you people have any respect
for a girl's beauty sleep??"

"Don't yell at us, Oneechan," Akane protested. "This goon
attacked Ranma -" a nasty smile passed across her face, "-
and *I* had to save him!"

Ranma-chan came up with a bucket of pond-water. "Not
exactly, Akane. You interrupted a fight, but you didn't
'save' me."

"Same thing. What's the bucket for?"

"This." <SPLOOSH!>

"BWEEEE!!!"

Nabiki and Akane (and Gosunkugi, lurking in the shadows)
looked on in shock at the piglet that had been Ryoga. "He
said he followed me to China - and that he fell in Jusenkyo.
He thinks it's my fault."

Ryoga-buta looked around, shivering. His secret exposed, his
shame revealed to his worse enemy and his friends! Trapped,
helpless, before the evil Saotome!

"What should we do with him?" Nabiki asked.

"Maybe we can keep him as a pet?" Ranma suggested.

Akane shook her head. "That's stupid, Ranma! Who'd be silly
enough to keep a pig as a pet?"

Kasumi came out in her bathrobe, a fresh kettle of heated
water in one hand. "I thought you might need this, Ranma-
kun."

"Arigato, Kasumi," she said, pouring the water on herself.

Gosunkugi watched from the shadows (not ninja skills, just a
natural talent for not being noticed) as the red-haired girl
became Ranma again. <I need more information if I'm to use
this.>

Ranma poured the water on the piglet, changing him back.

As Ryoga pulled his clothes on (to Akane and Nabiki's
applause and whistles, and Kasumi's embarrassment), he
looked at his nemesis. "Well, Ranma? Going to say anything?
Make a few comments about the 'pig-boy'??"

"Nope."

Ryoga looked at Ranma in surprise. He knew Ranma well, and
Ranma wouldn't hesitate to pick on him.

"Y'see, Ryoga-kun," he said in a somewhat-sad voice, "I
considered you my rival, my equal in the Art. But you were
just defeated by my student. If a mere beginner could defeat
you, you can't possibly be my equal."

"I am *not* a beginner!" Akane yelled. "I'm a trained
martial artist!"

"And I'm your *better*!" Ryoga protested.

"Is that so? Then why did my student defeat you?"

"Because she hit me from behind with a lucky shot!"

<WHAM!!>

Nabiki and Kasumi looked on in amazement. "That's the
biggest mallet I've ever seen you use, Imouto-chan!"

"Oh my. Do you think he's all right?"

Ranma shook his head sadly. "That's twice - in less than ten
minutes. Pathetic, Ryoga. It's clear you're simply not as
good as she is. And if you're not capable of defeating my
student, I can't, in all good conscience, fight you. That
would be picking on a weakling."

"<groan> Call me a weakling, will you?" Ryoga snarled.

"If you can't even defeat my student -"

"We'll see about that!" Ryoga snapped. He turned to Akane,
"I - what is your name?"

"Akane Tendo."

"Akane Tendo, I challenge you! I shall defeat you, then your
sensei! And none of your underhanded tricks!"

Akane's temper flared. "My WHAT?? You break into a person's
house in the middle of the night, attack someone in their
sleep, and you say *I'm* underhanded?!? I accept your
challenge, Pig-Boy! Time and place!"

"Tomorrow noon in the schoolyard, so everyone can see your
defeat!" He turned to Ranma. "Then, I'm going to get *you*,
Saotome!"

"<yawn> Yeah, right." Ranma commented.

Ryoga stomped out of the yard, fuming.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Where are you going?" Gosunkugi asked.

"YOW! I - hi, Gosunkugi. Didn't see you. I was going to the
park to sleep, so I could get to the schoolyard in the
morning."

Gosunkugi pointed. "The park's *that* way."

Ryoga looked the direction the smaller boy pointed. "Oh.
Thanks."

And started out in the opposite direction.

Gosunkugi grabbed Ryoga's bandana and pulled. "You can stay
in my garage tonight. I'll escort you to the school."

<Wow. Showing up the same day as the duel? They'll *never*
expect that!> "Arigato, Gosunkugi-kun."

"No problem. Now why don't you tell me about this curse you
two have?"

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane jumped around the kitchen, doing katas.

"C'mon, Akane, let's get to bed," Nabiki whined.

"Yah! Yah! I've got a challenge tomorrow! Gotta train!"

"Don't sweat it, teishi," Ranma said. "This is Ryoga Hibiki
we're talking about. He'll get lost, and you'll have at
least three days, maybe a week. "

Akane objected. "But-"

"Besides, you gotta be rested if you want to start on the Ja
Jinku no Apache in the morning."

<Damn! He's got a point. A new technique would be useful.>
"Hai, sensei," she nodded and headed for bed.

"G'night, teishi," he called out after her.

"Um, Ranma-kun?" Nabiki asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you do that?"

"What?"

"Foisting your old enemy off on Akane. Won't she get hurt?"

Ranma shook his head. "Nah. Ryoga won't hurt a girl. She'll
get a good fight, but he'll hold back."

"So this is more training?" Kasumi asked.

Ranma shook his head. "Not really. Me and Kuno and the Horde
gives her all the workout she needs for now."

"They why?" Nabiki asked again.

Ranma looked sad. "Because Ryoga was my friend once. Maybe
if we don't fight, maybe I can talk to him. I - I don't have
a lot of friends. I don't want to lose one."

Kasumi and Nabiki both felt the loneliness in his voice.
Without really thinking, Nabiki put her arms around Ranma
and hugged him. Ranma, not noticing, found himself hugging
her back.

-------------------

Next Episode: The Duel of Akane and Ryoga! The Treachery of
Gosunkugi! And Kuno!

--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 7
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
--------------------

SYNOPSIS: Ryoga Hibiki has been defeated by Akane Tendo, and
seeks a rematch to prove his worth to challenge Ranma
Saotome. Meanwhile, Nabiki Tendo, seeking to control Ranma
for her own purposes, has run into an unexpected stumbling
block ...

 * * * * * * * * * *

Nabiki entered the Clinic quietly. "Hello? Am I early?"

"Ohayo, Nabiki-chan!" Doctor Tofu said from behind her.

"YOW!!" Nabiki cried, almost jumping out of her skin. "Don't
you ever get tired of that trick?"

"No," he said, smiling. "Never do. What brings you by so
early, Nabiki-chan?"

"I wanted to consult with you. I need some medical advice."

Tofu instantly became serious. "Have a seat and tell me
about it."

Nabiki went into a description of her observations of
Ranma's behavior, up to her attempted loveplay of last
night. Tofu, with great professionalism, didn't laugh at the
last part.

"Well, Nabiki," he answered, "I examined him recently - in
both forms - and he seems perfectly normal. Aside from his
hermaphomorphic condition, of course."

"He's not gay. I was sitting on his lap - I saw him when
Akane was walking around naked - he's *not* gay. And I can't
imagine a sixteen-year-old boy resisting that much
temptation. So I figure it's some kind of medical problem."

Tofu chuckled. "In all liklihood, he just hasn't reached
that point in his development yet."

"But he's sixteen! You're telling me he hasn't noticed girls
yet??"

"He may have noticed girls, but that doesn't mean he'll jump
at the first one he sees. He may not feel ready to explore
that part of himself."

"So what do I do?" Nabiki asked.

"You're really attracted to him, aren't you?"

<No, you dip, I'm just trying to control him.> Nabiki gave
her best Nervous Fidget (pat.pend.). "I - I -"

"Then I suggest being patient. Don't try to rush things.
When he's ready, he'll notice."

Nabiki nodded. "Hai. Arigato, Tofu-sensei."

"Anytime, Nabiki-chan."

As Nabiki walked home, she thought about what the doctor had
said.

<I'm not attracted to him. He's a year younger than me, he's
uneducated, he's got terrible manners, he's a dumb jock.
Sure, he's cute and nice and strong and fun to be with, but
I'm just trying to maximize my profits. That's all.>

So why did that thought give her that strange hollow feeling
in her stomach?

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ranma and Akane moved together through the complex katas,
gliding with sinuous grace, their arching and twisting
looking more like interpretive dance than a martial arts
exercise.

At least, Ranma glided. Akane's motions, while not without
some grace, were much slower and jerkier.

"Feel, don't think," he told her. "Don't try to follow the
form, just let it happen."

Ranma twisted backward in a serpentine arc. Akane attempted
to copy him, then began windmilling her arms wildly.

<THUD>

Ranma sighed. "You're overcompensating again."

Akane rubbed her bruised bottom as she got back to her feet.
"I'm trying, but these forms are tricky."

"Form isn't the point!" Ranma insisted. "That's the whole
point of Anything-Goes! Moves, techniques, maneuvers - they
aren't ends in themselves, they're a means to an end."

"And what 'end' is that?" she asked.

"Kicking ass, of course." he answered. "Which is why you
have to internalize the moves, use them without thought. If
you're concentrating on the moves, you *can't* concentrate
on the fight. Let the moves flow without thought, and you
can concentrate on victory."

Akane huffed. "I *said* I'm trying!"

"That's your problem, teishi," Ranma stated. "Don't keep
trying - just *do*!"

"Hey, give me a break! If you weren't throwing all this
stuff at me at once - endurance training, blind-fighting,
balance training -"

"Perhaps you should try something simpler than martial arts,
then? Cooking, perhaps?" He grinned. "I could use a bit of
breakfast about now."

"HA! Hell will freeze before I cook for *you*!" Akane
snapped. "And aren't we supposed to be working on this
technique?!"

Ranma snapped his fingers. "Perhaps you just need a bit of
inspiration. I'll fetch the training aids."

"Hmph!" she muttered to herself. "Smug bastard, I am really
going to show him - EEEEEEEE!!!!"

"This," Ranma said calmly, "is the North American
Diamondback Rattlesnake. He's only medium size, about three
meters. Notice the rattles - that's how he warns you away."

He held the snake closer to Akane's bugged-out eyes. "Notice
the fangs? They're about three centimeters, hinged to fit in
the mouth. Notice how the fangs are hollow tubes? That's so
it can inject a deadly nerve toxin."

Ranma put the snake on the floor. "Now remember, the
rattlesnake is a very aggressive and excitable creature."

At which point he pulled out a blow-tickler and started
blowing it in the snake's face.

The clicking-rattling sound began as the reptile drew itself
up, hissing.

"Eeep," Akane squeaked, edging backwards.

Suddenly, Ranma grabbed up a box and jumped, landing
delicately on Akane's head. He then began pulling snakes
out, tossing them to the floor. Soon the room was filled
with hisses and rattles.

"Now you'll learn why it's called a *dance*!"

Akane's head swung wildly, looking with terror at all of the
reptiles clicking and hissing around her. She only had a
second to look before the blindfold covered her eyes.

Ranma flipped off her head, landing well away from the
snakes. "Now listen for the rattles - they stop just an
instant before the snake strikes."

"Um, Ranma?" Akane asked nervously. "When you said they were
poisonous, you meant that the bite made you sick, right?"

"Nope. Fatal. Horribly so," Ranma commented. "Luckily, when
I was bitten, I got to a hospital in time." Ranma paused for
effect. "Of course, that was in America. I don't think
there's a drop of rattlesnake antivenin in all of Japan."

Akane sweatdropped more massively than she ever had in her
life.

She *heard*, clearly and distinctly, for the first time in
her life, every sound in her vicinity, from the rattles of
the snakes to the movement of the air to the beating of her
own heart.(Amazing how having adrenalin flow through you to
the exclusion of blood sharpens the senses, ain't it?)

A rattle stopped.

Akane could *feel* the path the strike followed.
Desperately, she twisted. She felt the scales of the snake
brush against her gi.

Akane windmilled her arms desperately, trying to regain her
balance. She heard another rattle stop behind her, and
hurled her weight to one side, barely missing another
strike.

She checked her fall with her forearms, crying out as the
bruises from her last fight with Kuno were hit. Two more
rattles stopped, and Akane desperately pushed herself up and
away.

Conscious thought soon ceased, as Akane moved not by cues,
but by instinct. Ranma looked on approvingly as what had
been a series of distinct moves and poses became a smooth,
effortless gliding, her body twisting and writhing in a
sensual dance.

<Not bad,> he thought. <It took me longer to get this far.
Of course, I was a lot harder to scare.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

The Gosunkugis were overjoyed. Their little Hikaru had been
so isolated, and now he had a friend to sleep over! (A male
friend, but they had their suspicions about *that* for a
long time.)

"Have some more miso, Ryoga?" Mrs Gosunkugi asked.

"Arigato, Gosunkugi-san," he said politely.

"How do you know our son, Ryoga? Did you meet at school?"

"No, ma'am. I was trying to find the school, but Hikaru took
me to a Dojo instead."

Mr Gosunkugi looked thrilled. "Our son is interested in
martial arts?? Oh happy day!"

Mrs Gosunkugi smiled. "And to think his grandmother said
he'd grow up to be a psychotic stalker!"

"Actually, his girlfriend is a student there," Ryoga said.

"HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND?!?" both parents cried at once. They
began dancing around, throwing confetti and playing
instruments.

Mrs Gosunkugi stopped. "Wait a second! If Hikaru has a
girlfriend, then that means ..."

The Gosunkugis broke into tears.

"We could live with him being one or the other, but *both*?
We'll be humiliated!"

Gosunkugi came into the dining room. "What's going on?" he
asked.

Mr Gosunkugi hugged his son. "Oh my boy! Why didn't you tell
us you had all these romantic problems?"

"uh... well ..." he said coherently. "Akane and I -"

"AKANE??" Ryoga blurted. "The girl I have a duel with
today?? She's your girlfriend?"

"I was trying to tell you -" Gosunkugi began.

The parents began crying. "Our son's boyfriend is fighting
his girlfriend! How will we live this down?" they wailed.

"What are they talking about?" Ryoga asked.

"Never mind, just ignore them - I do." Gosunkugi answered.
"Now we have to plan how we're going to defeat our *real*
enemy."

 * * * * * * * * * *

Arriving home, Nabiki went straight to the dining room,
where the family was eating breakfast.

Akane was perched over her food like a mother bird
protecting her chicks, while Ranma casually stole food from
her. They both ate like they haden't eaten in weeks,
shovelling food into their mouths with noisy gulps and
slurps.

Nearby, half of a panda was sticking out of a hole in the
wall. His plate was empty.

"Did your training go well today, Ranma-kun?" Nabiki asked,
wearing her best sincere smile. <Try to relax him ... get
his trust slowly.>

"Actually, it was great. Watch." He pulled out a whip and
snapped it at Akane.

Akane twitched aside, contorting and curving her body to
avoid each strike of the whip.

"YAAAHH!!! Stop that, you [CENSORED CENSORED]!!!"

"Oh my!" Kasumi said. "That isn't a proper thing to say at
the breakfast table, Akane-chan."

"Hey, Akane, you're really good!" Nabiki exclaimed.

"GRRRRRR!!!" Akane commented.

"What's with her?" Nabiki asked Ranma.

"Oh, nothing. That's normal. By the way, thanks for your
help."

Nabiki smiled. "Oh, it was nothing."

"Where did you get sixteen Diamondback Rattlesnakes in Tokyo
on just a day's notice?" he asked.

Nabiki smiled playfully. "You keep the secrets of your Art,
Ranma-kun, and I'll keep the secrets of mine."

Akane stared at her older sister. "You *helped* him?!? Those
snakes could have killed me!!"

"Don't be silly, Imouto-chan. They were sterile - no poison
glands."

"Hush!" Ranma hissed.

Nabiki looked from her shocked sister to her mildly-annoyed
boyfriend. "You didn't tell her?"

"I thought those things were going to *kill* me!" Akane
squeaked in her rage.

"And you dodged them, didn't you?" Ranma said.

"Barely," Akane retorted. "Why didn't you just dump me in a
pit of them?"

Ranma flinched. (References to dumping people in a pit of
animals make him uncomfortable.)

"You've got the first part," he said, ignoring the comment,
"the moves are part of you. In just a few hours, too. Now
you have to achieve mastery."

"And how am I supposed to do *that*?" Akane whined.

"Stop whining, for one thing," Ranma said.

"I don't -" Akane started whining, then checked herself. "I
do not whine." she repeated evenly.

"Remember how you learned the Stone-breaking Blow?" Ranma
asked, apparently changing the subject.

"Huh?" Akane cxommented. "Yeah, I remember."

"Rememebr how, after you did it right the first time, you
couldn't remeber how you did it?"

"Yeah," Akane replied, smiling at a happy childhood memory.
"Otosan told me that I had to feel the technique, not just
know it, and my -"

Insight hit Akane in the head like an anvil dropped on her
head.

"- and my body would follow," she finished meekly. "It's the
same thing?"

Ranma nodded. "Martial arts isn't just a string of unrelated
tricks - it's an entire method. A true master knows more
than just the moves - he knows how to add, extend, modify,
and adapt. Every move you've ever learned will help you
learn more."

Akane nodded dumbly.

 * * * * * * * * * *

(At the Kuno Estate...)

"Hey, Kuno-sempai," Gosunkugi whispered.

"Greetings," Kuno said arrogantly (does he ever do anything
not-arrogantly?). "How did you get here? I didn't hear
Sasuke announce you."

"You heard about the girl who likes you?" Gosunkugi asked,
ignoring the question.

"You of course refer to the beauteous Akane Tendo," Kuno
stated.

"Nope. Another one. The 'Mystery Girl'," he replied.

"Who?" Kuno asked.

Gosunkugi took out some photographs and handed them to Kuno.

Kuno made incoherent noises at the images of the red-haired
girl sleeping, posing in fight-like poses with a panda,
peeling off her shirt...

"Who is she??" Kuno demanded.

"No one knows. Nabiki started selling these pictures
recently. She says that she lives nearby, but that's all."

"And you say she's interested in *me*?"

"I saw her just last night," Gosunkugi half-truthed, "and
she's really curious about you," he lied.

"Of course she would be," Kuno stated. "Am I not the
magnificent Blue Thunder of Furnikan High? Matchless
exemplar of the samurai virtues? Dream of a thousand young
maidens?"

<And I'm the Emperor.> "Of course, oh Mighty One," Gosunkugi
said, the sarcasm content of his comment completely missing
the target.

"Pray reveal, Gosunkugi, how I may meet with this delicate
flower."

<Oh, this is too easy,> "She will be present at noon today
at the schoolyard - no doubt to bask in your radiance."

"Of course. She shall come to me, then I shall reward her
for her devotion!"

Gosunkugi smiled a smile that would have sent sane people
scampering for cover. <Stage One - completed.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

(Later that day, at the soccer field...)

Ranma and Nabiki sat together on the side of the field while
Akane did katas nearby. Occasionally, Ranma would throw
something at her (food, rocks, a small dog), making her
twist out of the way. He tried to not look at Nabiki.

Ever since last night, Ranma had been having some ...
difficulty sorting out his feelings for Nabiki. Equal mixes
of friendship, naked terror, and the urge to see Nabiki in a
bikini blended inside him. Rather than deal with it, he
decided to avoid it.

"I don't get it," Akane said. "If he won't even show for two
or three days - or more - then why are we here now?"

Ranma shook his head at the thick-headedness of his pupil.
"Because you were issued a challenge for this day and place.
You'll wait a reasonable amount of time, then consider it a
forefit. Since you were present, your honor is intact."

"'Reasonable' time?" Nabiki commented. "Like waiting three
days in someone's back yard?"

"Hey! With Ryoga's tendency to get lost, that's reasonable!"
Ranma protested.

"Doesn't seem so reasonable," she commented.

"Just because something's inconvenient doesn't mean you
shouldn't do it," Ranma stated. "The Path of the Martial
Artist is fraught with challenges."

"You sound like your father," Akane commented.

Ranma glared at her. "That was a nasty thing to say, Akane,"
he said in a low, angry voice.

"Eep," Akane squeaked, freezing in place. "Gomen nasai,
sensei," she whispered quickly.

Kikuko ran up to the pair. "Hey, Akane! Ranma! I just -
what's with her?"

"Nothing, just thinking," Akane said hastily, slightly
ashamed of herself. "What's the matter?"

"Ryoga showed up. He's headed this way."

"What??" Ranma and Akane said together.

"That's impossible!" Ranma protested. "He'd get lost in a
windowless room with one door! How'd he find the school so
fast?"

"I heard that one of the other students helped him," Kikuko
said dismissively. "The point is, Akane's got a fight."

"Ohmigod!" Nabiki cried, "I haven't got my bookies set up!
Odds have to be posted! C'mon, Kikuko!" And the two dashed
off.

Ranma chuckled as Nabiki left. "She's really hung up on
money, isn't she?"

Akane shrugged. "She's Nabiki."

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ryoga marched up to the soccer field, with Gosunkugi right
behind him correcting his course.

"Remember," Gosunkugi whispered, "let the crowd gather
first. Then, when Kuno arrives, I'll throw the water
balloons. When everyone sees him change - and Kuno being
romantic with him - he'll be so humiliated that he'll run
off.

"Ranma's happiness will be destroyed, I'll have Akane,
everyone will be happy."

Ryoga nodded. He was uncomfortable with this plan - he'd
much rather just pound on Ranma - but he had to admit, the
humiliation of his enemy, seeing Ranma degraded publically,
was just too tempting to pass up.

Gosunkugi stopped Ryoga in the proper place, then dashed off
to watch for Kuno.

He didn't have long to wait. Kuno strode toward the field,
looking as arrogantly self-assured as only an idiot like him
could be.

Ranma had his back to Gosunkugi, giving Akane a last-minute
pep-talk.

Casually, Gosunkugi hefted a water-balloon and tossed it.
The slow, reasonably harmless projectile failed to trigger
the distracted Ranma's danger sense.

"HEY EVERYBODY! LOOK!" he shouted.

<SPLASH!!>

"WHO DID THAT?!?" Ranma-onna yelled, spinning around.

"OH LOVELY ONE!" shouted Kuno, glomping onto the buxom
redhead from behind. "I have heard of your beauty and your
devotion to My Greatness, and I shall reward you by allowing
you to date with me!"

"GET OFF OF ME, PERVERT!!" Ranma-onna shouted, her elbows
swinging, slamming into Kuno's head repeatedly faster than
the untrained eye could follow.

"Bleeee..." Kuno commented, before falling unconscious, his
hands still gripping Ranma-onna's breasts.

Akane fought the urge to chuckle, and pried the kendoist's
hands off her sensei. "Now you know what I have to put up
with."

"Gah," she commented. "How do girls *stand* being groped
like that? It makes me feel ... slimy."

"We *don't*," Akane stated. "We get mad and kick ass."

As Ranma got up, Gosunkugi looked around at the reaction in
the people around them.

And no one had noticed.

(Of course, virtually no one ever noticed Gosunkugi anyhow,
no matter what.)

"TENDO!!" came the cry from the soccer field.

"Can't worry about this now," Akane snarled, a feral grin on
her face. "I've got an ass-kicking to deliver."

As the two girls walked up to the place of challenge, Ranma
offered some last-minute tips. "Remember, his style is
primarily boar-style Bando, concentrating on raw strength.
Don't let him close with you - those powerhouse blows can be
lethal in a clench."

"Ha!" Akane laughed. "With the Ja Jinku, he'll never lay a
trotter on me!"

"Be careful!" Ranma cautioned. "You just learned it - you
haven't mastered it yet!"

"Even without it, I can beat *him*!" Akane said scornfully.
"He carries a *weapon*! I learned as a kid that weapons
limit responses, and a good martial artist doesn't need
them!"

"True," Ranma-onna agreed, "but don't underestimate him.
That umbrella gives him extra reach and leverage. In order
to avoid it, you'll have to make mosquito attacks, striking
fast and retreating almost immediately."

Akane nodded.

Meanwhile, boys all around were whispering to each other,
pointing to the petite-but-well-shaped redhead, comparing
her to photographs in their posession.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ryoga waited in the middle of the soccer yard, watching the
sparse crowd gather (on a non-school day, not that many were
present.) He noticed Ranma's girlfriend (how *dare* he have
a girlfriend?!?) moving through the crowd. Gosunkugi had
said she was the local bookie, so she was probably taking
bets.

He watched Akane Tendo in her yellow gi approach, with Ranma
in his girl form giving her pointers. <Where's that Kuno guy
Hikaru mentioned? For that matter, where's Hikaru?>

Gosunkugi ran up to Ryoga, panting. "It didn't work! Ranma
laid him out in seconds! And nobody noticed the change!"

Ryoga shrugged. "I didn't really like that plan anyway." He
hefted his combat umbrella. "I'll just lay out the Tendo
girl, then beat Ranma into the ground."

"Hey! I don't want Akane hurt!"

"Don't worry. I'll go easy on her." <I'll punch her out
quickly.>

Akane and Ryoga stood just a couple of meters apart, staring
into each other's eyes.

"You can't protect Ranma forever," Ryoga said. "I'll defeat
you, then crush Ranma."

"Nobody crushes Ranma but *me*, jerk!" Akane retorted.

Ranma-onna stood nearby, raising her hand. Then she brought
it down in a quick chop.

"FIGHT!"

-------------------
To Be Continued



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