Subject: [FFML] Re: [FFML][fic][Soap][revised]Black: Neon Chronicle Evangelion 0:1
From: TimeRunner
Date: 11/12/1999, 8:55 AM
To: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
CC: ffml@fanfic.com

At 09:23 PM 11/12/99 -0500, you wrote:

Shinji here?"
       Shinji snorted. "We don't live at the NERV tenements. We have a 
house in Nerima."

meaing you're better off living at NERV tenements. ^_^

Ah... that remains to be seen.

       "See what I mean? We have to wait hand and foot on Golden Boy 
here 

No. I think 'Golden Boy' just passed by. ^_^

Oh! Someone noticed!

       Outside Gendo's office the 

office, the (I think)

You're right there.

       Kaji was sweating visibly. "Sir, I assure you, not one of these 
cans were consumed. I fought long and hard to save them, sir."

yeah. Knowing Misato I'm sure he had to.

Yeah, but what was the nature of the fighting? ^^;

       Gendo sat down and placed his feet on his desk as he opened one 
can and tossed another to Fuyutsuki. He chuckled as he raised his can 
in mock-toast. "To world domination."

Heh. interesting variation. 

Ah, yes. I like that bit.

and flooding that so ravaged our city was gone the next morning. 
However, the next morning, as everyone knows, the space alien Lum 
arrived, starting the fateful ten-day race to determine whether or not 
the planet would be subjugated or left alone. The man responsible for 
our freedom today was Moroboshi Ataru..."

Heh. Interesting way to mix that in.

Yup. Don't worry, though; the stories will stick as much as possible to the
main animes involved.
Oh, and Ranma will not save NERV. Just thought I'd clear that up before
anyone asked about him.

       "Gee, you think so?" class rep Yagami Ibuki said, snorting. 

Heh. Nice to see her here too. 

Yup. The fourteen-year-olds are an interesting mix, I think.

       "How does the man do it?" Kensuke wondered out loud.
       "I dunno," Ibuki said, "but if it weren't for him Miss Germany 
here would a lot more unbearable."

I think it's the opposite. His provoking her would make her worse.

Well, I suppose you could see it that way, but compare this Asuka to the
one in the anime, who was left virtually unchallenged. That Asuka annoyed
everyone (except maybe Hikari). This one is simply comedic, I'd like to
think, because Shinji is there to knock her off her high horse. But I'm
explaining the story again ^^;


       "Trust me mom. They're hopelessly in love with each other." 
[Benchmark Test: Failed.]
       "Well, good for them. But, really, Ritsuko! When do you plan on 
giving me grandchildren? Why, when I was your age you where... what? 
Eight? I remember when..."
       Ritsuko sighed and attempted to sleep through the rest of her 
mother's speech. [Extracting files from archive.]

hehehehehe. I love the [commands] you put in there. 

Thanks. Everyone seems to like the Ritsuko bits.

inspire so much distrust in you, my beloved?" He took his glasses off 
and threw them on top of his desk in one single motion, with a 
flourish, openly 'weeping' into his other hand. "How could I possibly 
even look at other women while I have you, my dearest? It pains me so 
to hear you say such." He said this while pretending to faint.

Scary seeing him act so human.

Yeah, and can you imagine him sticking his tongue out?

nice work

I really appreciate your comments, especially since it's so thorough. I'm
going to have to revise the work again, though, and I'm not sure the list
could stand another reposting ^^; Thanks again!

=====
TimeRunner's Web Page:

http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
=====

"A little naive? Was that what you were going to say? A little naive?"
"I was going to say a little clueless, but yeah, that about covers it."

				- Skuld and Keiichi, "What Wish?"


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