Jenny Chan wrote:
On the outside, she was everything a well brought up
princess ought to be (unlike her sister, Fatora), but on the
inside, she was just as unruly.
Heh. An interesting thought.
away.
Rune sighed. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched
Mr. Fujisawa glug down another bottle of wine, while trying to
stuff a piece of meat down his throat at the same time. The
new girl, Nanami was laughing happily with Fatora's friend,
Allielle.
Heh. The polite way to refert to her bedwarmer. ^_^
On Rune's other side, the priestesses of Muldoon sat and
eat
ate
But Rune knew that, even
don't think you need the comma
if she DID decided to break
the protocol, she wouldn't be able to be casual in the slightest.
The fact that both Ifurita AND The Eye were up and ready to go
had the first princess of El Hazard very worried and uptight.
'apprehensive' would sound better than 'uptight'
Rune Venus
Don't really think you need her last name there.
Gallus at all. It's not that she WASN'T doing what was best for her
country...it was just that Gallus was very handsome and romantic
when he wanted to be.
When he wants to use you, sure.
"No way," Fatora replied. "I'm hot, my legs are cramped
and my butt is sore. There is NO way you're getting me back
onto that cushion."
"Have you ever heard of fratricide?" Rune asked.
"My bottom isn't really that sore." Fatora sat back on the cushion.
Rune sighed. Almost. "Very well," Rune replied. She had
to agree with her sister. It WAS hot in the room. The company
was very boring, and they had been sitting for a very long time.
Order someone's head lopped off. What's the sense in being a ruler if you
can't go around having head's chopped off anyway?
Suddenly, the door opened. All the guests looked up, Rune
and Fatora included, and saw Gallus walk in.
The royal prince smiled handsomely and bowed.
You know, they never say what kingdom he's supposed to be from. What, did
he kill the real prince and substitute himself? That doesn't seem likely
since his real form looked so much like his illusion one. Makes you wonder.
Rune's hand. "And you're doing a magnificent job keeping it
that way."
"Oh, Gallus. You do as much work as I do and you know
it."
Gallus grunted. "A pity that the Bugrum
Bugrom
Gallus smiled and kissed Rune again. "We will be married
soon. We haven't even kissed each other before. Now is as good
a time as any to begin."
They kissed each other a few more times, and Rune grew to
like
'enjoy' sounds a little better to me
Rune's blush deepened while Gallus and Fatora laughed.
"Is that so, princess?" Gallus teased, "you deny me a
more spectacular view of El Hazard?"
Smooth. Heh.
*****************************************************************
A deep blush stretched across Rune's face as she recalled
that night's activities. The delegates were... unpleased when the
soon to be bride and groom were not to be found anywhere. Fatora
had giving
given
Rune smiled. "You."
They talked a little bit more when suddenly, Nanami's
voice cut through the air.
"Oh, how cute! A marriage between the Royal house and the
Phantom Tribe!"
Hehehe. What a way to ruin the moment.
During the next few months, a potentially devastating
scandal rocked the inner circle of friends to the crown princess of
Rhoshtaria, but thankfully the general public of the country never
heard about it.
I'd drop this last bit. It detracts from the ending, which was fine without
it.
nice work.
D.B. Sommer