Jeanne Hedge wrote:
<comments as I read>
And thank you for them!
Nene smirked. "Trust me, you'll love it. Especially the live
show. I know *I'm* looking forward to it -- it's been months
since the last time I came here. Now, do we have everything?"
you didn't...
Didn't what? <grin>
stuff? What all do you have in here, anyway?" She cautiously
pawed through its contents, as if expecting something might leap
out and bite her.
you did! <bg>
Maybe... it depends... <grin>
Nene pouted. "Well, I *did* call to see if she wanted to go, but
Mackie said she had plans for the evening and was already out."
oh no! She's not.....
Yes. She's out canvassing a neighborhood for "The Young Republicans
for GENOM".
mascara and eyeshadow. Linna had to admit that right now, next
to Nene, she felt rather plain and frumpy in her designer sweats
and headband.
Nene should have gotten Linna to bring her tap shoes
That's next Friday at midnight... <grin>
about the time that Nene yanked her into the aisle to dance the
"Time Warp"; and by the time the song was done, she had
surrendered completely to the atmosphere and mood.
aw, gee, I thought Sylia was going to turn up as either Janet or one of the
cast members for "Time Warp". unless......
<evil grin>
and Linna suddenly had the
strangest sense of deja vu; there was something disturbingly
familiar about this bizarre, androgynous figure in the black and
purple sequined merry widow and fishnet stockings.
YES!!! You DID! (you *are* going to cross post this to afbgc, aren't you?)
Hadn't thought of it, but, yeah, I suppose I could.
under her breath, and together the two of them quietly stepped
out of the cinema as twin Rockys carried the corpses of their
creators while a pair of Riff-Raffs fired useless antimatter
lasers at them.
gee, good thing for them that she show's over. Could have made for a *very*
interesting performance otherwise
Oh? What did you envision?
"I'm on my way down now. Go upstairs and get me the spare myomer
actuator control unit."
excuses excuses. I guess Mackie doesn't know what she's been up to tonight,
huh?
Apparently not...
Very good, I loved Linna's reactions to it all. I think the final pay-off
is a little weak (I don't like the last line, with the laugh),
I agree, to tell you the truth, but I didn't like anything else I (or my
prereaders) had come up with.
but a little
tweaking of the last 2 paragraphs could take care of it. Maybe something like:
She whipped off the trench coat and threw it over the chair, picked up the
gym bag, and Nene and Linna stared wide-eyed as Sylia, clad only in a
black-and-purple sequined merry widow and fishnet stockings strutted into
the changing room.
Hmmm. I suppose...
I sure hope you send this to alt.fan.bgcrisis some time. People there will
love it :)
I may well do that after I tweak it a bit more.
Thanks!
-- Bob
--
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Robert M. Schroeck
rms@eclipse.net http://www.eclipse.net/~rms
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I belong to the Aluminum Bavarati.
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