Subject: [FFML] Re: [C&C/MST] [Pretty Sammy] A Pretty Sammy Story Part 1
From: "Leaf Chan" <leaf_chan@excite.com>
Date: 11/6/1999, 8:26 PM
To: DRGDevil@aol.com, ffml@fanfic.com

Note: If anyone has Sasami's mother's name from either the OAVs or Magical

Project S, please e-mail it to me.

It is Chihiro Kawai.

Until then, she is Ikkuko.

Um, no, she's not. ^^


-----------------------------------

"I'm gonna be laaaaaaaaaaate," moaned Kawai Sasami, as she hastily shoved
off 
her night clothes, while eying her alarm clock. The damned thing 

I doubt Sasami's train of thought would include "damned". This is
pseudologue, and inappropriate at that. (Not even Sasami from Samy^3 would
think "damned"...)

never seemed 
to wake her up in time. After putting on the everyday essentials,

This sounds like she's gotten dressed already.

she moved 
on to her closet.

"Hmmmm, which outfit to wear today," she thought. All of a sudden, a
little 
voice she had never heard before spoke up from the dark recesses of her 
infrequently used mind, "Why choose? They're all the same anyway! Hurry up
or 
Sunano-sensei will be really pissed. You'll get more than the hallway this

time."

That's... a rather abrupt though.


"Crap," thought Sasami,

"Crap"? "Darn", or "gee", but "crap"?

"what is my subconscious doing, suddenly talking to 
me? It's right though, about the clothes."

[snip]


Taking a look in the mirror, she readjusted her hair to have two blue, 
perfectly-shaped streams, curving up after the red ball tie, and dropping

down to her knees. Everything was perfect, she realized. Still, there was
the 
problem of time, as Sasami peered at her clock and decided to call in a
dust 
cloud to follow her to school.

Those past paragraphs were dry, dull descriptions. They had no reason to be
there. People who've seen Pretty Samy are probably the only ones to avidly
read this fic, and if they've seen Samy, they damn well know how Sasami
looks like. Plus, the "dust cloud" sentence wasn't overly humorous. More
confusing, actually.

She was halfway out the door when she heard her mother. "Sasami," Mrs.
Kawai 

Is this OAV or TV continuity? OAVs never explicitly state if Sasami had a
father, while TVs show him all over the place.

stated calmly. Sasami stopped mid-stride, and she coughed in agony as her

conjured dust cloud filled her lungs.

... hah. Ha hah. Hah.

"Good luck on the test, Sasami. 
Tomorrow, maybe you'll even wake up in time to go to school and get your 
grades back up."

Sasami nodded, while responding with a quick "Hai,"

I can not stand the use of "otaku-ese" in fanfiction; at most, honorifics.
It's distracting, it's not always clear to the audience what the hell it
means, and to a student of Japanese such as myself it just becomes
irritating.

and a puppy-dog look that 
would make the stingiest man in the world buy her ice cream.

An unnecessary hyperbole here, and why would she give this look to her mom
anyways?

 Sasami coughed 
out the last bit of dust left in her system, and ran like crazy. She had
10 
minutes to make is

Typo.

inside school grounds, or else.

Or else what? Rumiya shows up and smacks her in the face with a cherry pie?

Sasami shuddered at the 
thought of her teacher and the punishment she would receive,

......

I'm.. not going there. ;)


if she was 
caught outside the looked school gates, again.

Sasami's mother had definitely gotten the message through to her daughter.


Awkward. "Daughter" isn't necessary.

Sleeping late was definitely 

Repetitive use of "definitely".

causing Sasami to get on Sunano-sensei's nerves. 
The message stuck, for the next several minutes, anyway. 

... um, okay. That was very awkward and unnecessary.

Almost at the school 
gate, Sasami saw her close companion, Amano Misao.

I'm pretty sure you went "first name-last name" earlier, and if you did, you
want to remain consistent.
 
"Oi, Sasami. slow down," Misao said in a voice that sounded almost load 

YOU CAN'T STOP THE BATTERY!!!! ... er, wait, that was a typo, wasn't it?
^^;

enough to be a pin dropping. Almost.

Sasami obliged, much to Misao's discontent as she experienced a coughing 
routine that had already been performed that day, for the same reason. 

Dude, that's not even funny now, it's just retarded.

"Gomen 
ne, Misao. 

_< Otaku-ese.

Well, if you're not in school already, I won't be late."

Misao thought deeply to herself, "How nice, dependable little me, an
example 
of excellence. Never late, never missing a class, never doing anything
wrong. 
Dream on, Sasami. I wish I were more like you, athletic, popular, cute."
The 
list went on and on.

Wow, this is plausible, but deeply OOC for the OAVs. ^^

"You seem preoccupied, Misao. Something bothering you?"

"Hmm? Oh, no, nothing at all, just thinking."

Once again, this is plausible, that Misao is silently jealous (X-Japan be
damned) of Sasami. However, you never specify what continuity you draw off
of, and OAV hardly had enough to work on this...

"Come on, if we walk at this pace, sensei will have our heads, or at least

mine." With that said, the girls ran inside, unwilling to be late for
class.

Sasami was amazed at herself. She wasn't late for school.

YAY! =D Ganbatte ne, Sasami-chan! </otakuese>

This would put a 
funny face on Sunano-sensei's face.


The school day went by, and Sasami blinked in and out of her math,
english, 
and science classes.  She didn't really caring

Wrong word to use. S'posed to be "care".

about what her sensei was 
saying or what was being taught. The first break came, and Misao, Sasami,
and 
a group of five other girls went to talk and eat. They talked about life
in 
general, which was a discussion that Misao left herself out of. Then the 
topic of boys came up. All of a sudden Misao snapped into a fit of 
uncharacteristic giggles and gasps, as the latest teenager's magazine was

passed around. All of the girls were confused.

"What," asked Misao, "I'm not allowed to have crushes on guys seven years

older than me, twice my weight, with huge lumps of built-up muscle, and
hair 
so dreamy you could just die running your fingers through?"

... I sense Pixy Misa's influence. But once more, Misao knows nothing about
Misa, although the vice versa is not true. The personas don't "leak" into
each other, either.

Needless to say, Sasami and the other five girls had their faces covered
with 
a huge sweat drop that slowly trickled down their faces. 

Weird, it's usually on the back of their heads, not their faces. That must
look odd.

The bell rang before 
anyone could, or would say anything to a very perky Misao, as they headed
in 
to take their kanji test.

Sasami had a bad feeling about this one. She knew that she was done for
when 
she picked up the paper. Leave it to Sunano-sensei to give her the hardest

kanji in today's group of words.

Those sentences were choppy. Very. Choppy. You know. What I mean?
 
The day was soon over, and Misao walked with Sasami out of the school.
Sasami 
spoke up, "By the way, Misao, where did that sudden burst of energy come 
from? Are you taking something I should know about? Also, there are plenty
of 
hunks right in our class. Why Trunks?"

GAH! Gratuitous DBZ reference! (I hope to hell it's just a reference).
 
"Besides his great body, cool purple hair, and rich background," she
muttered 
to herself, "and, he's going to be MY sempai."

Misao was shocked at her friend. "Sasami," she replied with bitterness in
her 
tone, "Why can't I just be a little crazy sometimes? I know that I have no

chance at those guys. But why is it so strange for me to act that way? You

and the others do it all the time.It's hard enough on me to live with my 
mother, who is never at home. I can't always be Little Miss Perfect, and I

don't want to be!"
 
Where *did* this burst of energy and confidence come from anyways?

Misao proceeded to run off in a fit of tears and coughs, as she ran away
from 
her best friend for the first time in her life. "Misao, gomen nasai,"

_< Stopitstopitstopit.

said a 
pale Sasami, too softly and too late for Misao to hear.

<Megumi-sama> It's too late.. modo ren`ai...

From the top of a wall near the sidewalk, a small, furry creature tried to

hide itself. "That's her!" she thought, "The one I've been searching for.

Kawai Sasami. I still can't believe how much she looks like the Queen's 
daughter."

Mmm... hm. So Ryo-Ohki hasn't come around yet.

The creature then revealed herself to the world. 

That may be good, but who the hell is watching here?

She was

Ryo-Ohki was a male in the OAVs.

a strange looking 
rabbit, with light brown fur and a bushy, white tail and long, floppy
ears. 
Embedded in her forehead was a red jewel. Her eyes were sparkling like the

sun as she stared at her future pupil.

Pun not intended, I hope.

[snip]
 
As Ryo-Ohki's thought concluded, she looked up. To find a street devoid of

Sasami. The person in question was nowhere in sight, but thankfully, there

was a trail of coughing people

That dust trail joke is really wearing thin.

[snip]

The mother was a very stunning woman, probably in her 30's but hiding 10 
years behind masses of make-up. 

That's about right.

Her wavy pink hair was held by a black 
headband, and travelled down her back to stop around the shoulder blades.

... I'm guessing this is TV continuity, which I haven't seen, because
Chihiro was a brown-haired woman in the OAVs.

She 
was wearing a blue sweatshirt with a rainbow and microphone on it, in 
addition to a tan skirt.

Chihiro usually wears pants. ^_^ But that's cute!

Sasami's father appeared a very casual man, sporting 
a loose T-shirt and khakis. His hair wasn't combed, or at least the style

didn't appear to be from Ryo-Ohki's vantage. Still, there was something
about 
him that Ryo-Ohki couldn't but her paws on, perhaps it was the fact that
the 
man constantly was looking around at the very spot she was peeping from.

DUN DUN DUN!!!! *ominous music plays*

Fearing discovery, Ryo-Ohki jumped off the windowsill to the second floor.

She opened the window to a room that looked like it belonged to a 
preadolescent girl,

What about Sasami? =b

and walked inside. "Terrible," Ryo-Ohki thought to 
herself, "How could ANYONE be so messy? Magazines everywhere, artwork and

manga flung about like rubbish. This will definately be one of the first 
things she does upon becoming Juraihelm's champion." 

Um... what will she do? Her room? --;

After her briek 

<Charlie> Sonic BRIEK!

monologue, Ryo-Ohki cleared a small area on the bed, and dozed off.
 
"Ginji, what are you saying?" The pink haired matron stated as she stood
up, 
kareoke microphone in hand, with well-timed music "Dancin' With a Demon"
from 
Phantom Quest Corp. playing in the background from the stereo system.

I hate gratuitous references like that. It breaks the fourth wall and adds
nothing more to the story than a statement of "look, I'm a rabid fanboy and
I have in-jokes that you won't understand, HAH HAH!"

"A 60 
is means something is wrong! It's really nothing to kid about. A barely 
passing grade reflects...That the parents have the quality of negligece."

The music stopped abruptly, as the high-tech stereo equipment printed out
a 
paper reading "No kareokeing for the purpose of pity." Mrs. Kawai clenched

her fists, muttering, "Damn that Biff Standard!"

Mixing continuities... bad.

And they never bought any of Bill... er, Biff's crap! ^^

"Ikkuko, we've been bad parents, haven't we?" Ginji rushed over to his
wife 
with tears falling down his face. She shared his emotional state, and they

embraced each other, while Sasami sweatdropped.

"She shared his emotional state". Golly gee, how traumatic.

The weeping session continued, until a lightbulb appeared over Sasami
head, 

What is this, a Looney Tunes flick?

"If I don't say something, they're going to keep doing this. I'll flatter

them, even if I know they're faking it." She tried her best to produce
tears 
on command, but only a few dribbled out. Sasami moved over to her parents
and 
said as convincingly as she could, "Mom, Dad, you haven't been bad
parents. 
It's me, I'm to blame! I'll do better, I swear!" She polished her act off
by 
running up the stairs to her room, sniffling all the way.

"Yes!" The two parents whispered in unison, while slapping each other a
quiet 
high five.

... god, the Kawais are as dysfunctional as the Masakis. ^_^
 
A red haired woman clutching a crystal ball sat in the middle of a dark, 
gloomy cavern. Her extravagent garments consisted of a green undershirt
and 
yellow dress, with an occasional red stripe. The woman's eyes were golen

Typo.

yellow, as were the marks on her forrehead. She was surrounded by an 
immeasurable number of shadows. "Ramiya!" she screamed at the top of her 
lungs, "Get over her this instant. I've finally pierced the
trans-dimensional 
vortex.

Be gentle... it's his first time...

Operation: Destroy Tsunami and her stupid Juraihelm can now begin."

Not affiliated with Operation: Moon Crash (TM)!

A black hole appeard in front of the woman, and a green bird fluttered in

through it. The bird's eyes glowed for a second, then it transmorphed into
a 
young, brown haired boy wearing a pink shirt, green cape, and gray pants.

"Sis, I mean Queen Ramia, wasn't our plan to take over Juraihelm and us it
as 
a base to conquer the universe?"

"Shut up, little boy," a voice that came out of nowhere said. A number of

cherry blossoms popped into existance, and as they swirled around, two 
figures appeared. The first was a very tan blonde who had a very
na&iuml;ve 

... the hell?

face. The second was caucasian 

Anime Law #13: The bad guys are always white dudes. ^^

and had straight, jet black hair held back by 
a red ribbon, and which came down to the small of her back. Both were
wearing 
black pants and a black full length shirt that clung to their bodies. Over

the shirt was a blue vest with a number of red and yellow achievement
blacks 
signifying the 1st Class Detective rank. The black haired one spoke,
"There 
is no need for Juraihelm anymore. The Galaxy Police HQ can provide us with
a 
better arsenal, and people all over this galaxy trust them, the fools. Not
to 
mention the whole police system as already been infiltrated by Mihoshi and

myself."

Whoo boy. This is a *big* crossover.
 
"That's right Rumiya," Mihoshi said with a smile on her face, "Juraihelm
is 
completely, um, what's the word, Kiyone?"

"Useless, you idiot, just like you!" The other responded, as the whole
cavern 
grew a sweatdrop.

"Yeah, Juraihelm is useless."

I don't think Kiyone'd honestly believe that. And which Mihoshi is this?
Pretty Samy OAV Mihoshi acted much like the TV one (i.e. completely inane).
 
"Honestly, Mihoshi, what was going through your head when you forgot that

word?"

"I'm hungry," Mihoshi said as she rubbed her stomach.

Ok. TV Mihoshi.

"Enough, you two," Ramia shouted. "Rumiya, they are correct. Juraihelm is
no 
longer of use to me. All I need now is the power to obliterate it, for
good. 
Which is where you come in."

Curious here. Why would Ramiya collaborate with the GP, of all people? GP
would have files on Ramiya if their universes were mixed, and Kiyone
wouldn't be that stupid. They'd have to be forced into it through Ramiya's
magic, and Kiyone wouldn't be as gung-ho about it as she seems here.

[snip]

BTW, that previous scene was cliched to all hell. RPG Cliche #whatever: The
villains always explain themselves completely before setting about their
quest.

[snip]

Still feeling depressed from her escapade with Sasami that afternoon,
Misao 
walked out onto the balcony overlooking all of Tokyo. "Truly, Sasami," she

whispered, "I really want to be like you." A tear formed in Misao's eyes,
and 
it traveled in a glittering path down her cheeks thanks to the city
lights. 

Man, Forrest Gump's feather comes to mind.

"A normal life with normal parents, well, maybe yours aren't quite normal,

but it's better than not having any to speak of. Not a care in the world."

The tears came more rapidly now, and soon a small pullde

I'm assuming this meant "pool". And teardrops in anime don't work like...
er, juice. They don't pool, they drift away to spark of light in the wind.
For further reference, look at Maison Ikkoku. ^_^;

formed on the 
balcony edge where Misao stood.

"Kaa, kaa," a noise came from behind Misao,forcing her to turn rapidly. It

came from a strangely colored bird.

"Just a bird," Misao thought. She took a closer look at said bird, with
its 
green feathers, red marked forehear

Forehead.

and stripped wings.

<Rumiya> AGH! MY WINGS! They've been stripped and used as buffalo wings!!!
AGH!!!!!

(It's supposed to be "striped", BTW.)

"Strange, your eyes 
almost look human," she said so

To.

it.

The birds blue eyes glowed red, and a strange sensation passed over Misao,
as 
she clutched her head as if experiencing a migraine. A bright, yellow
flash 
of light englufed the immediate area, and in Misao's place was a blonde, 
orange eyed, smirking girl wearing black skimpy clothing.

Guuhh... =P~~~

She held a metal 
object that appeared to be a knife merged with a boomerang.

"Pixy Misa, welcome back," the bird said.

"Welcome back"?

What the hell sort of timeline is this? Why is nothing explained? Argh!

"Ah, Ruyima! Thank God. You have no idea how annoying being in that 
depressing girl's head is. But now, I'm out," Pixy Misa sain in a 
psuedo-French accent,

Bon soir, mes ames, for ah em, how do you zey, "outie".

(No offense to either the French or "Clueless".)

and raised her weapon above her head and let out an ear 
piercing laugh.

So Pixy Misa is suddenly Karin Kanzuki?

"You are to gather energy from the people of Tokyo," Rumiya noted.

"Not a problem!

Twice on Sundays, and daily specials for the month of April!

Let's go, Mystic'a'rang!" 

"I choose you!"

She brought her weapon above her 
head and spun around, green light spewing from it's edges. "Calling
Mystics!" 
she cried, as a 50 foot tall, female shaped, gelatenous blob appeared on
the 
street below. Misa jumped onto it's shoulder, and immediately began to
sink 
into it. "Jello Girl! Don't suck on me!"

Oh, ew. If I have to give you credit for anything it'd be the number of
innuendos you've worked in already. ;)
 
"Ah, sorry, Miss Pixy Misa," Jello Girl apologized, as Misa began rising
out 
of the blob.

Love-Love Monsters don't exactly speak. They rumble.

After regaining her balance, Misa pointed her Mystic'a'rang forward with 
commanding, "Let's get energy!"

o/` We gotta power... o/`

"Cat!" Sasami shrieked. Ryo-Ohki rose off of her sleeping position on 
Sasami's bed, rubbing her eyes from the short nap. "No," Sasami said after

more thought, "You're a rabbit, aren't you?"

"No, I'm a cabbit, rabbit-cat crossbreed," Ryo-Ohki claimed. Sasami turned

pale, while Ryo-Ohki's paws jumped over her mouth. "Damn," she thought,
"Way 
to go, stupid. Last hope of Juraihelm, and you go and screw up! No use
hiding 
it now, i suppose."

"That's right, Sasami! I can talk. You have been chosed

Chosen.

by a monarch one 
millennium ago to rid the universe of Queen Ramia and her evil forces!"

This sounds like Power Rangers: LOST GALAXY.

"Let me get this straight," Sasami stated, "You know my name?"

Ryo-Ohki fell face first to the floor, 

Ew.

thinking, "This could take a while."

One lengthy question and answer session later, finally understood that the

cabbit could talk,

Bad wording.

Try "One lengthy question and answer session later, during which Ryo-Ohki
made it clear to Sasami that he could talk..."

knew her name, and that she was chosen by some dead queen 
to protect innocent people.

Ugh, maybe not. This needs major rewording.

Well, sort of understood. "That's a good one, 
Ryo-Ohki!" Sasami giggled, "Save the world. Me with magic powers! Ha!"

"Um, Sasami, I'm not kidding, I thought I said that five times already."

"But it's too funny!"

Ryo-Ohki sighed, "This could take a long time. Again."

But it was not to be explained, as Ikkuko called up to Sasami, "Sasami!
The 
TV report said that some green thing is tearing up downtown Tokyo and
sucking 
people's energy. Want to come with Daddy and I to go take a peek?"

Lovely family, really.

[snip]

"Ginji! There it is! You have the camera, right?" Ikkuko yelled as she ran
to 
the base of Jello Girl. "What kind of song fits this situation? I know, 
"Monster Mash!"

Yet another pop culture reference.

Immediately Ikkuko was in a spotlight with chosed 

Chosen.

song 
playing in the background while she sang lead vocals. Or she would have,
if 
the green blob hadn't sucked her into it, and began absorbing her energy.

"There will be NO singing," Misa shouted to the helpless woman.

Awwwwww. No karaoke? ;_;
 
"Ikkuko!" Ginji yelled out to his wife. "Don't panic, Ginji. Someone will

help. Someone always does." 

He knows more than he lets on, doesn't he?

[snip]

"You are Migical

Magical. =b

Girl Pretty Sammy," Ryo-Ohki commented, "Now, beat that 
monster with the baton!"

Eh? Ryo-Ohki'd know better than that.

"I have to make a speech first."

"A what?"

"A speech, it's magical girl standard."

And she'd know this how? Oh, wait, I get it, her Sailor Moon manga. Yes,
fourth-wall breach.

"I'm putting you on a manga rehabilitation program when we get home, but 
hurry up with it."

"You villain," she began, pointing her cute baton menacingly at the blob,

"You've taken on more than you can chew if you think you can harm my city.
I 
am Juraihelm's Pretty Sammy, protector of all that is good!"

Evil whose dark deeds are obscured by even the moon...
Now behold the radiance of love!
We, since the time of the ancient ones, have been your destroyers...
Now, the time has come--
For the 109th Generation Mahou Shoujo--Sasami KAWAI!!!
Has returned!

That's a rather funky crossover idea...

The blob kept on it's path of destruction, not paying any attention.

"No fair, not paying attention to me. I need to teach that thing a
lesson," 
Sammy complained. "What's my spell?"

"Make something up! The stupider, the more powerful."

Ok, that's stretching the parody a bit.

"Okay, Ryo-Ohki, if you say so," Sammy grinned, as she raised the baton
over 
her head, twirling it around, "Blossomic Cherry Sucker Implosive Magic!"
she 
uttered.

"Cherry Sucker"?

*falls over from the chair*

Dude, just write a lemon or not. =b

[snip parody scene] 

"Right," Sasami nodded as she raised to baton above her head. "Pretty,"
she 
intoned, and the heart glowed pink once more, surrounding the entire block

with light, and majestic wings erupted from the baton. "Coquettish
Bomber!"

Right away? No, no... Anime Law #43: The most powerful attack that could
wipe out the enemy in one blow is never used until the very, very end.

[snip]

"Good job, Sammy," Ryo-Ohki congradulated

Congratulated.

Sammy as she released the baton 
into her subspace pocket, and detransformed into Sasami. "Wow, mastered 
subspace, too. You're definately the one."

Subspace? Man, another ref.

And "the one" sounds like Matrix or something.

"Think so, Ryo-Ohki? You'll need to tell me more about this Juraihelm, if
I'm 
supposed tobe

Put a space.

it's protector."

"Let's go home, okay, Sasami?"

"What about Daddy?"

"He'll make it back on his own."

How nice.
 
[snip]

On top of the building where Sammy had her battle with Jello Girl, an
obscure 
figure appeared from the stairwell to the roof. "Thanks for waiting, 
everyone!" The black and yellow spandex clad man said. From the few
openings 
in the full body costume, the man apparently had tan skin. He also had a 
rather typical adult male superhero physique, and messy, short black hair
and 
no mask on. He looked a lot like Kawai Ginji. "Tokyo Knight is here to
save 
the day," he trailed off. "I've got to get into this stuff faster. I knew

someone would beat me to the punch. But who?" He looked down onto the
street. 
"And I thought I told Sasami to stay where she was."

... HAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's good for a spoof. If this is meant as "serious" fic, though, it would
not work. Then again, Pretty Samy isn't exactly serious... ^^;

Anyways, this is a decent story. Better than the most Samy fics out there,
anyways... although the Sailor Moon influence is rather obvious after a
while. Also, the spoofs are kind of "ehn". Writing style is okay, if
somewhat fragmented and typo'ed at times.

And Sasami's mother's name is Chihiro. =b




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