Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Ore no Inochi ga Kirai Yo=85
A Fushigi Yuugi fanfic by Kei Masaki (keiichi-dono@geocities.com)
FY and its characters belong to Yu Watase, TV Tokyo, Studio Pierrot, =
Yomiuri Advertising, and some publishing company (don't remember which =
one). Currently, theAnime is being released in the West by Pioneer and =
the manga in Viz's Animerica Extra.
Notes: this takes place in the setting of Jodi "Kourika" Scaffe's Suzaku =
no Saiai fanfic series, after chapter 8.
"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
That's a quote from Miaka's world.
When she told it to me, she wore a wry expression, as if she had a few =
choice responses to it.
Come to think of it, so do I.
After all, every time I've loved someone--really loved someone--my heart =
has been broken. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but that's not supposed =
to happen every time, is it?
First was Kourin.=20
I was easily closer to her than to anyone else in my family. That was =
the first time my heart have ever been broken, and I'm afraid I didn't =
handle it well. We were closer than many married couples, and when she =
died--oh, hell, everyone knows what my reaction was. If I'd known I =
would have been trapping her spirit along with me=85. gods, Kourin-chan, =
I'm sorry=85
Still, I think my parents may have been somewhat relieved when she died. =
If we were so close when we were children, what about when we were old =
enough to marry? And, I'm sorry to say, I think they may have had some =
justification=85=20
Gomen nasai, Kourin-chan. I guess I've dragged you through hell with me, =
ne? At least now you're in heaven, where you can rest.
Hotohori was next.=20
By this time, I was as much a woman in mindset as I was in appearance. =
Yes, that can happen to a man. I was initially drawn to his beauty, but =
also to the person he was--is. Vain, yes, but with an overriding sense =
of honor and duty, and fierce loyalty to those he calls friend. A woman =
OR man could do far worse.=20
Even though I had become a concubine of the royal court, I had gone =
largely unnoticed. If not for Miaka's arrival, we probably never would =
have crossed paths. Of course, then I would have been able to hide my =
"secret" indefinitely=85 but then, nothing would have changed, and =
Kourin's soul would still be chained to mine. I suppose things have =
turned out as well as could be expected there.
Miaka.
That exasperating, annoying, adorable girl. The first time I laid eyes =
on her, my first thought was "THIS is the Suzaku no Miko?!" She was =
flighty, gluttonous, nothing like a proper lady--I should know. It was =
beyond me what was so special about her; she was cute, but not =
overwhelmingly so, she wasn't that bright, and she needed to be rescued =
at every turn.
Still, it wasn't long before I started seeing exactly what everyone else =
did. Even after I had been cruel to her, she was kind to me, even trying =
to bring Hotohori and I together. She treated me as her friend, even as =
family. Whatever she lacks, she makes up for in heart. Clich=E9, I know, =
but true. Her innocence, her belief in the innate goodness in people, =
her determination to win her friend back from Kutou, these are as much =
Miaka as is her trademark bottomless stomach. I guess I saw a little of =
Kourin in her. Yet, past experience taught me not to expect anything to =
come of it. No, she loves Tamahome, and he loves her=85
And now=85 Kourin. A different Kourin, but a Kourin nonetheless.
We didn't even like each other at first. I suppose I was a little =
resentful at nearly dying and then having to set out on yet another =
quest immediately thereafter. She was nothing like Kourin, or Hotohori, =
or even Miaka.
Yet=85 here I am again, in love with yet another person I can't reach. =
No, she's the destined beloved of Suzaku himself, and once again good =
old Ryuuen's left all alone in the cold.=20
Taitsukun's voice still rings in my ears, telling me that this is my =
role in life. Cold comfort, that.
This isn't over yet, though. If by some miracle I survive this, I have a =
couple of things I want to say to Suzaku. Surely protecting a god's =
beloved is worth something=85 like a love of my own?
One thing's for sure:if I ever get over to Miaka's world, I'm gonna go =
to town on the guy who came up with that saying.=20
"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
What a crock=85
This is for anyone who's ever felt that the goddess of love was using =
them as a plaything (or some such analogy; I'm kinda off tonight ^^).
And yes, that WAS Tennyson. Don't tell Nuriko that he's dead, though. It =
would just upset him.
Keiichi Masaki, High Priest of the Temple
of the Teal-tressed Goddess
http://listen.to/kiyone
Fanfic writer, otaku, FFAN member
"A person's own truth is so simple that most=20
ignore it to concentrate on deeper truths."
--Ryouji Kaji
"Dum spiro, spero...."
"While I am breathing, I am hoping...."
-- Binary/unsupported file stripped by Listar --
-- Err : No filename to use for decode, file stripped.
-- Type: image/gif