Under the soft light of the Earth hanging in the sky,
the beauty of the palace was enhanced. Each curve of a
pillar, or carving in a wall was made softer, yet more
refined in a way. The many fountains that dotted the
courtyard gurgled pleasantly, and the tinkling of the
leaves from the silverknife tree gave the place an
ethereal quality... witch was not a far off
description of the utopia, otherwise known as the Moon
Kingdom.
That last bit (after the ...) sounds awkward. Otherwise, that was an
excellent descriptive opener.
An inhabitant of the kingdom, a well known one at
that, was lying on top of the wall of a large
fountain. Nearby, a giggling child was building
castles with the sparkling gravel of the paths witch
snaked through the courtyard.
That's two witches in two paragraphs. Let me take a wild guess what
you dressed as for Halloween....
It was a nice thing that Serenity IV had done,
altering the fountains so that the water in them was
breathable. Luna suspected, though, that it had
something to do with falling into one as a child and
nearly drowning.
Nice use of magic.
Entering her chambers (via the kitty door), she went
to find a nice warm towel to curl up in and dry off.
Unfortunately, there were none left, for the laundry
was to be taken tomorrow, and Luna had already used up
the others.
I'm wondering what kind of apartment a cat would have. Is the cats'
shape-changeing ability going to come into play here (I don't know much
about it, having only read about it once or twice)?
Sparing no time, she burst through her kitty-door and
skidded on the stone floor, her wet feet making
traction difficult. She steadied herself and took off
at an amazing pace, dodging servants and nobles alike,
and getting quite a few wet. As she neared the
entrance to the Throne Room, she tried to slow down,
but again, her wet feet caused a problem. Sliding
(rather quickly, too) down the hallway, the guards at
the massive entrance opened the door in time to
prevent a Luna-pancake, and the soaked cat slid to a
not-so-graceful stop at the Queen's feet.
Haha! Beautiful.
Luna turned around and was greeted by a nice surprise.
That rude white cat that had bumped into her earlier
entered the room and bowed before the Queen. Then he
sat up and gave a sly wink to Luna.
Luna slumped her shoulders and cursed this unlucky
day, yet was thankful for her wet fur. It did wonders
for hiding her tears.
All in all: an excellent start. Nice writing, graceful but not
ostentatious. And Luna & Artemis make for an excellent pair to write about.
Is this going to be solely a Silver Millenium story, though, or will you tie
it in with the present?
-waiting for more,
Patrick