You know, this fic wouldn't be so bad if you actually put some effort into
making it halfway presentable. Your concept is good, and your plot line works
pretty well, but if you don't bother to research little things like proper
names(Jem'hadar and Musabetsu Kakotu Ryu come to mind) how can you expect it to
be taken seriously? Your sentence structure is atrocious, your dialogue OOC(this
can even be changed without affecting the storyline), and you misspell many many
words. I could go on and on. I doubt you get many C&C's on this, simply because
no one is willing to waste the time criticising a piece of work that the author
obviously doesn't give a damn about. If you want to be taken seriously, take
your work seriously! I suggest you go back to chapter 1 and proofread your own
work and fix every obvious mistake you find. Get a couple of pre-readers as
well(not me, I'm too busy writing my own fic. I was turned off by your poor
writing anyway).
Just so you don't get me wrong, your idea is GOOD. Your writing is BAD.
Thomas Hood
thood3@hotmail.com