Please Note: Sailor Moon: November Rain is property of Lohengrin,
and believe me she/he can keep it. SailorMoon is copy righted a hell
of a lot of people none of which are me. Wil Wheaton's name used
without permission, though I'm sure he'd get a laugh out of this.
MST3K Created by: Joel Hodgson
MiSTing Done By: Kevin Callahan
Special thanks to: Corvus... just because.
In the not too distant future,
Up in the S.O.L.,
Kev and his fanfic pals,
have been condemned to Hell.
Their friendly local lunatics,
The Professor and his poodle, Lace,
Have decided to do an experiment on Kevin,
So they shot him into space.
(Leeeeettttt Meeeee Dooooown)
We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst that we can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and read them all,
While we monitor his mind (la la la)
Now keep in mind, Kev can't control,
Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity,
with the help of his fanfic friends.
FANFIC ROLL CALL!
Ami! (I should be studying.)
Wil Wheaton! (What the hell am I STILL doing here?)
Kathrine! (It's all Corvus's fault.)
Nagikoooooooo! (Damn Straight!)
If you're wondering how they eat
Or breathe,
And other science facts (la la la)
Repeat to your self, "Nod and smile,
It's a MiSTing, incomprehensible to the max!,
Now for Mystery Science Theater 3100 (v. 2.0)!"
[SOL is covered in spare parts. Everything from tom servo type heads to ford
engine parts lie scattered about.]
* Kevin gets up from behind a corvette hood.
<Kevin> Oh hi, welcome again to the SOL. The group's trying to create android
duplicates so we can sneak out of here. The professor threatened to subject
us to Sean Gaffney's Complete Control. I'm not sticking around.
<Kathrine> You've read the entire series...
<Kevin> Yea, but Sean's a psychopath he may have added stuff.
<Ami> So who's going to rif this time?
-Professor- You, Kevin, and Wil.
-Professor- Now get in there, I know about your android plan. Here's your
fanfic, it's called November Rain by Lohengrin.
[[[[[FANFIC]]]]]
[Door 6 - an amusment park tunnel.]
[Door 5 - a MIR airlock door.]
[Door 4 - a MIRC window.]
[Door 3 - draw bridge.]
[Door 2 - a pagoda.]
[Door 1 - vault.]
* All file in and sit down.
November Rain
By Lohengrin
Hi! It's me again.
<All> Hi Me!
I've just had an urge to write this little story, even
<Kathrine> if it is terrible.
-Professor- Hey, get out of the theatre.
<Kathrine> Are you sure it's wise to leave those three together?
-Professor- OUT!
<Kathrine> ...
though it's not really a story.
<WilWheaton> It's a piece of fire kindling.
It's more like a little thoughtful
speculation with no plot whatsoever.
<Kevin> Well, people, at least she admits it...
I'm going to use the Japanese names
because I think they're sweeter. It takes place when they're slightly
older, perhaps when Serena is about eighteen.
<Ami> What happened to the Japanese names?
<WilWheaton> No continuity in her own author notes...
It's in the 1st person, which
is something I'm not very fond of,
<Kevin> Ick. First person sucks.
but I figured that it would be most
effective.
<Ami> to make you sick...
What's more is that it's written in the present tense. Okay,
you've been warned. Keep reading at your own risk! ^_^
-Professor- Risk is part of experiment.
Disclaimer: You know what goes here. I'm sick of writing these things.
<Kevin> Good, because we're sick of reading it.
* * *
November Rain
It's raining.
<Ami> No it isn't. *points out window*
<WilWheaton> I think she's refering to the setting in the fic.
<Ami> Oh.
Very unusual, considering the time of year. It should be
snow. I like rain when I'm inside and dry, but not when I'm outside.
I'm out on a walk with Usako, who had enough foresight to bring out an
umbrella. Then again, maybe I'm grateful for the rain. Usako and I get to
huddle under the one umbrella we have. It gives me an excuse to be as close
to her as possible, not that I really need one. I have my hand around her
slender shoulders, holding her close to me, and she has her arm around my
waist. I wish she would gain some weight. Funny; she says the same thing
to me all the time but when I say it out loud to her, she smacks me.
<Kevin> So that's why Serenity doesn't allow men to be senshi, she would
abuse them.
Lightly, of course.
<Ami> *nodds knowingly* Of course, no need to damage a boytoy...
* Kevin looks strangely at Ami.
<Ami> Just trying to fit in with you people.
<Kevin> You're doing it too well.
She's so slight; it makes me afraid that the wind will
blow her away. Or that she'll be crushed by those youmas she's always
having to fight.
<WilWheaton> Was I talking to youma?
<Kevin> That was the stupidist riff I have ever--
<WilWheaton> Shush, I'm still learning.
I know she's been Sailor Moon for years now, and that she
can handle herself, but
<Kevin> I prefer to handle her.
it doesn't keep me from worrying whenever she gets
into a battle. I never tell her how much I worry, though. She needs faith
>from me, not doubt. Still, sometimes faith alone doesn't but it.
<Kevin> Uhm.. I won't touch that one.
I know
that I can't afford to lose her. I seriously wish that she was not Sailor
Moon. It's too dangerous, and finding true love twice is not something that
happens, ever. Finding it even once is at rare.
Usako sighs and leans her head on my arm.
I can smell her perfume from her.
<Kevin> This isn't a Lemon, this isn't a Lemon, this isn't a Lemon..
It suits her perfectly; delicate, sweet,
slightly fruity.
<Ami> Are you calling Serenity gay? How dare you!
That's what I love about her the most, I think.
<Kevin> Hmm, I never knew Mamoru had a lesbian fetish...
She's so
wonderfully balanced.
<Kevin> We can reach every single Kama Sutra position without help...
She's delicate, but strong. Sweet, but within
reason. I can't stand those overly sweet girls. It makes me feel like I'm
going into sugar shock whenever I'm around them. She's also one of the
silliest girls I've met, but in a way that's endearing, not annoying.
Perhaps that's love that's talking;
<Ami> Or perhaps you're schizophrenic.
I don't really know.
<WilWheaton> And we don't want to.
Whatever it is, I
hope she never changes. To me, everything about her is perfect, from the
very tips of her odangos to the lithe
<Kevin> Lithe? Are we sure we're not OOC here?
body hidden by the bulky sweater she's
wearing to the very tips of her small toes.
Even after all this time, whenever I'm with her, I'm still amazed at how I
managed to get this angel to love me.
<Kevin> It's all Naoko-sama's fault, blame her.
She saved me; I know that much is
true. Not from any great physical or mental danger, but from the dullness
of a life that is only mediocre, with no great delight to brighten the
days.
<Ami> How philisophical.
<WilWheaton> Translation: "How Boring"
I would have lived a completely normal life if it hadn't been for
her. One that would have been completely oblivious to the joys that even
little things can bring: the first songbird of spring; the first break in
winter ice; a rain dripping gently off of leaves; the sound of your loved
one's quiet breathing. Usako has turned me into a complete romantic, I
think.
<Kevin> We think you're just overdoing it on the LSD...
I never even used to give such things thought. Someone once told me
that I was the most realistic person on the planet, that I was a completely
dogmatic person.
I'm still realistic, but now I can see the subtle shades
of gray that exist in the world. I wasn't cold towards women because I was
a misogynist;
<WilWheaton> A whatywhoo?
<Kevin> I thought you were a genius.
<Ami> No, he's an actor, I'm the genius.
I just thought that they had nothing to offer me. Wasn't I
wrong!
<Kevin> Uhm yea, I mean her being Queen and all offers you quite a bit...
Usako had the entire world to offer me. I'm still enchanted by her,
by everything about her. I want to spend the rest of my life with the
beautiful woman that has brought me such happiness.
<WilWheaton> Unfortunately, she's not here and I'll have to settle for Usagi.
I reach into my pocket, handing control of the umbrella over to Usako for
the moment. I can feel the little box that rests there; a small velvety box
<Kevin> That holds my condoms.
that could hold the symbol of my future happiness.
<WilWheaton> Condoms.
I bought the ring a
couple of weeks ago, but something is holding me back from asking Usako to
be my wife. I love her with all my heart and soul, and I'm still looking
for the right moment to ask. Still, that's not what's holding me back.
Usako would make the perfect bride, I'm sure of it. But what about me?
Will I be all that Usako hopes for? Am I worthy enough for her?
<Ami> You? No. The real Mamoru? Yes.
I want to
fulfill her dreams so badly (and I know that one she cherishes is to be a
bride; my bride, hopefully)
<WilWheaton> Duh.
but I don't know if I'll be good enough to.
Apparently Usako thinks I am, otherwise I doubt she would have stayed with
me. She's a good judge of character, and I trust her in everything. Still,
I think I have to find the confidence in myself. All I have to do is try.
I can do that, if nothing else.
<Ami> You can also save her from certain destruction and make cheesy pep talks.
Usako trips and nearly falls. I catch her by the elbow and smile. She's a
graceful creature, and becoming more so everyday, but she still trips over
inconvenient things like stones and her own feet. She looks up at me, the
blue of her eyes so clear. She smiles, and says "Thank you" breathlessly.
We walk in silence for a bit longer, and Usako looks up at me.
"Mamo-chan?"
"Yes?"
"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" I look up at the gray sky, still weeping
<Kevin> Because it's in this fic.
rain.
"Yes, Usako, it is."
* * *
Mamo-chan is deep in thought, I can tell.
<Kevin> Because when he thinks he gets a bulge in his pants...
He has that little crease in
<WilWheaton> His pants. Great call by the way.
<Kevin> Thanks.
between his eyebrows that appears whenever he's trying to straighten
something out in his head.
<Kevin> Or his pants.
<Ami> Ok.. that riff is going way to far.
I sigh, and I hold his waist closer and
tighter. We're sharing an umbrella, which is something that I don't mind at
all. It's been raining since this morning, when Mamo-chan came over and
asked if I wanted to go out on a walk with him. We're walking along a
street that lines the park that overlooks the river.
<Kevin> Mommy, mommy, that run-on hurts my head.
The rain softly plops
on the top of the umbrella, and I sigh. I love my Mamo-chan more than
anyone can imagine. The very fact that he is close to me and loves me makes
my life complete. I sigh and lean my head on his strong arm. He's perfect.
<Kevin> No, that would be Wil.
<WilWheaton> No comment.
<Ami> Ditto.
I know that things haven't been perfect. Our relationship was rocky to
begin with, but that's to expected of any relationship. For a while, it
seemed like everyone was trying to tear us apart. Our age difference didn't
help either, as well as the fact that my father disapproves of Mamo-chan.
<Kevin> Your father is long since dead.
<Ami> She means Kenji.
<Kevin> Ooooh.
Very strongly. Still, I couldn't imagine life without him. He is my other
half, my true love.
<WilWheaton> Just what is the half life of a radioactive love?
If it ever came down to it, I know I would choose
Mamo-chan over anything else the world has to offer. He is the only one
that can ever make me feel complete. I'd be lost without him. I know that
I'm not very strong; enough people tell me so. But Mamo-chan gives me
strength. He is strong enough for the both of us.
<Kevin> There should be a riff here...
I think that is what attracted me to him in the first place. His
<Kevin> Ere--
<Ami> Don't say it.
pensiveness, his quiet strength, the aura of mysteriousness around him and
his looks were what drew me to him. I know that in the beginning that we
teased each other mercilessly, and Mamo-chan certainly made me angry. Even
then, however, I think that I somehow knew that he was the one. That's
probably why his teasing always made me so upset. Deep down I already loved
him, but he didn't reciprocate it. Wow, reciprocate, huh? That's a pretty
big word. Mamo-chan would be so impressed!
<Ami> I'm certainly impressed.
<Kevin> o/~ ooooohwwwoooo I'm impressed o/~
<WilWheaton> Kevin, you can't sing.
<Kevin> ...
I close my eyes for a little while, trusting him to guide me
<Ami> Ok time to leave, it's a lemon.
down the
street.
<Ami> Oh, n/m.
In my mind's eye, I can see him perfectly;
<Kevin> Naked.
<WilWheaton> You really are gay, aren't you?
<Kevin> --;;;;;
his image burned into my
mind forever. His dark, dark hair and the way it falls perfectly over his
brow; his dark, endless blue eyes; his brilliant smile, and the way that he
<Kevin> f**k's--
<Ami> Shush.
holds his head when he listens to me. His body is as beautiful as the rest
of him. It's sleek and efficient, athletic and graceful.
<Kevin> Sure you aren't talking about something else?
<Ami> Why do I even bother?
<WilWheaton> Resistance is futile.
<Ami> ...
I love the way his
<Ami> Kevin, make a comment and I go OOC and hurt you.
<Kevin> *weakly* yes ma'am.
hand rests at the base of my neck when we're sitting together, and how he
always knows exactly how to hold me when we hug. We are a perfect pair, and
I think Mamo-chan thinks the same. How lucky I am! It's not often that one
is able to find true love, in more than lifetime, at that.
I open my eyes a little and glance up at his face. He has a little smile
on his lips, one that endearingly raises the corners of his mouth. His hand
tightens around my waist. I hope he is thinking of me.
<Kevin> Parts of you anyway...
I know that Mamo-chan disapproves of my being Sailor Moon. He has told me
often. Still, I can't help it, any more than the rest of the Sailor
Scouts.
<WilWheaton> [Wesley Crusher] Sir, I've just detected a universe meshing, shall I
continue to riff it?
<Kevin> [Picard] Make it so!
<WilWheaton> Aye, Sir.
<Ami> ...
I don't exactly like him being Tuxedo Kamen either. At least I
have powers to keep me safe, and I can get rid of my enemies at a distance,
using my various tools.
<Kevin> Nah, way to easy.
Tuxedo Kamen has no powers, only the roses that he
throws and his cane.
<Kevin> Such a wimp, I don't know what you see in him.
<Ami> No comment.
<WilWheaton> That's my line...
If he wants to get rid of someone (or something) he
has to do it directly, using his own physical abilities. It frightens me
that he has to do that, and I hate it when he fights. I know that he feels
that he has to protect me, and I love him for that, but if anything happened
to him while he's protecting me, I think I'd die. From grief and guilt. I
need him with me. A life without him would not be worth living. I just
hope that I'm good enough for him. I know that I'm a crybaby, and that I'm
one the klutziest
<WilWheaton> Let's go with the Nazi spelling shall we...
people on the planet, but I try so hard to improve
everyday. Mamo-chan never says anything; he just smiles in that patient way
that he has. He never makes me feel bad about myself; rather, he makes me
feel special. He makes me feel worthy of him.
<Kevin> Mamoru's Harem
<Ami> Let's see the audience get that one.
<WilWheaton> I know I don't...
Mamo-chan lets go of the umbrella for a second and hands it over to me. I
accept it and I see his hand go into his pocket.
<Ami> Kevin, don't do it.
* Kevin grumbles.
I wonder what he has
hidden there?
* Kevin turns colors...
<Kevin> Resolve failing... hentai...comment...imminent.
<WilWheaton> Wow.. sounds just like Majel...
I like to think that it's a ring. For me. My favorite
daydream is when Mamo-chan asks me to marry him. I want nothing more than
for Mamo-chan to ask me to be his bride. I pray for it every night,
<WilWheaton> o/~ Her hands are small we know, they are not ours, they are her
own o/~
and I
blush, thinking that I'm being too bold about it, but sometimes, a girl has
to take matters into her own hands. I want to make my Mamo-chan happy, for
I already know that he makes me happy.
I trip over something (who knows, it's probably over my own feet) and
Mamo-chan catches me. I feel so awkward, but that feeling disappears as he
smiles at me. Mamo-chan has a habit of making me feel like a swan.
<Kevin> Oh yes, Mamo-chan and his bird fetish.
<Ami> ...
I say
thanks and he nods, still smiling. I walk a little way, and then I look up
into his face. God, this man is beautiful.
"Mamo-chan?"
"Yes?" I love to hear him speak.
"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" He looks up into the sky, as if
contemplating something.
"Yes, Usako, it is."
> * * *
Ahh, there we go. A bit more difficult to write than I thought it would
be. Oh well. It's done.
* All cheer.
If you want to send comments, questions, moans,
groans, or even (I'm cringing) flames, send them to
Lohengrin27@worldnet.att.net, okay? Thanks a bunch!
<All> YOU'RE WELCOME.
* All leave.
[1]
[2]
[3]
[4]
[5]
[6]
[SOL has five metal approximations of our heros. No one has yet noticed our
heros have gone to Hawaii.]
<Kevinbot> Wil Wheaton rules, Wil Wheaton rules...
<Wilbot> Aye sir, Aye sir, Aye sir...
<Amibot> Study, Study, Study...
<NagikoBot> Damn Straight, Damn Straight, Damn Straight....
<KathBot> In the Name of Terra you are punished, in the name of...
[Our heroes stealthily creep behind the approximations wearing hawaii shirts,
hula skirts, and those flower necklaces. Wil tips one over and the professor
viewing the SOL awakens.]
-Professor- AHA, thought you could fool me??? Lemon for you next time, naughty
fanfic characters.... and author... and actor...
<Kevin> Dammit anyway....
***
"God, this man is beautiful."